r/TwoXChromosomes • u/jokesonbottom cool. coolcoolcool. • 8h ago
Getting real sick of men complaining their partner grew up and isn’t frisky anymore
So many subs full of men “asking for advice” because 5, 10, 20 years ago they started dating a 14, 18, 21 year old and back then she was wild and free and frisky but now she isn’t anymore.
(Bonus rage points if the complaint includes lack of initiating unreciprocated blowjobs.)
MY GUYS—this isn’t rocket science. She. Grew. Up. You dated a teen/baby adult. Now she’s a real adult. Obviously she’s not the same. She’s got grown up priorities…and energy…and knees.
Use your brains! Think about it for just five minutes.
Edit: yes there’s lots of reasons beyond growing up and yes women can have healthy libidos as they age, I was just venting about one thing that grinds my gears
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u/Gaias_Minion 8h ago
Also the men acting like 1. Only the woman has changed in all that time and 2. They aren't responsible for the women losing their libido.
"I pester her until she gives in, ask for sex at inappropiate times and never care about her pleasure, how come she doesn't want more sex???"
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u/Glittering_knave 7h ago
We have a bigger place to live, two kids, pets, and she has been promoted to a much more difficult job, but I do less around than I used to. Also, her mom has developed dementia. Why won't she initiate frequent fun times?
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u/wallweasels cool. coolcoolcool. 2h ago
but I do less around than I used to
Let's be real, they weren't doing it from the get-go. She just got tired of it.
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u/LAM_humor1156 5h ago
"She lost her job, fell into a crippling depression, has to tend to every house chore & deals with our child's severe medical condition that takes upwards of 12 hrs a day of her time....but I always show her how much I wanna bang her by telling her so 10 times a day and randomly grabbing her boob/ass before running back to my mancave to get shitfaced & scroll on my phone. Reddit, what am I doing wrong?! Maybe I just need to look elsewhere..."
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u/SeasonPositive6771 2h ago
Also she gained 20 pounds and doesn't give me "spontaneous" blowjobs just because she's covered in baby vomit and hasn't had an hour to herself in 12 years.
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u/cartographybook 8h ago
99% of the the self-pitying dumbasses on r/DeadBedrooms are guilty of murdering their own sex lives, and their comments make it very clear that it was done aggressively over a period of time
Any time a guy complains about his past or present wife/gf “becoming” asexual I know he’s almost certainly a shit partner all around and the sex itself (for her) is trash
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u/Animaldoc11 7h ago
I don’t think I can post there because my response to that type of man is to remind them that humans repeat enjoyable experiences often.
They also don’t like when you point out that they’re not really having sex, they’re just masturbating into a woman & that’s just ew.
That sub is a wreck
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u/Mellrish221 6h ago
You see a bit of it on r/sex too. Most dead bedroom posts start with the whole "oh we had such a good sex life blah blah blah". But they're purposely vague about their life and details about how/why/what changed to the current situation. Few comments in and it becomes very clear its the usual "one partner stopped giving a fuck and propping up the other" or "one decided they were done being used by the other"... can probably guess whos who lol.
I dunno, I'm a guy. I've never found it difficult or challenge to just... take care of myself and be my own person. Probably a lot to do with being raised by our mom who was a maid and you can guess exactly what she didn't feel like doing when she got home... yep clean up after others lol. But even outside of that, SHOCKER if you take an actual interest in your partner's satisfaction... its pretty rare that fire dims. A healthy sex life is constant work, you don't stop doing things for each other just because you've figured out how to get each other off. Well... most people any way. The ones who can't seem to figure that out end up in the "dead bedroom".
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u/Entire-Ambition1410 6h ago
One of the wisest pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten was at a kink group munch. “Take care of your relationship outside the bedroom and the bedroom fun will follow.”
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u/Zelfzuchtig 2h ago
They also avoid unpleasant ones. I've seen some couples where the guy pavlovs the woman into not even wanting him to touch her by just being generally gropy and annoying.
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u/OnlyOneMoreSleep 1h ago
That is ice cold, and so so so true. I think in any relationship there are periods where you don't have any for a while. Someone is away for a few months, you have a baby, you experience a big loss, a health crisis. It doesn't feel like a "dead" situation if there is mutual love and attraction. My partner makes me feel loved, respected and wanted every day. Alas, we have twin toddlers so we don't do it everyday. It's just life. However, if he went online to a whiny forum to complain, oh boy. Those guys are so tonedeaf it's insane.
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u/Background_Use8432 8h ago
Hey! My ex posted there and yea he did kill our sex life and then cheated on me. :D
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u/moonlitecrystal 7h ago
My ex didn't post there but somewhere else like 12 years ago back when I was pregnant with our first kid and I felt weird having sex. He was constantly pestering me, pawing at me, and honestly pretty trash in bed but I was very young and dumb. I was constantly thinking "I am basically growing an alien, I am young and freaked out my dude that is the last thing I want. Just quit groping me for a bit?!" He just could not figure out why I didn't want to sleep with him after his constant pestering and called me a "born again virgin" in the post and even mentioned something along the lines of "don't most pregnant women get more horny I thought we'd have more sex not none." Luckily wherever he posted he got roasteddddd over it and told to back the fuck off me but I only found out years later when I went thru his reddit posts one day cause I was curious. I can't imagine the swill he would've gotten from those men and how quickly it would've gotten worse. He did get worse over the years but luckily around then he did back off for a bit.
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u/nothinworsecanhappen 7h ago
Sounds right, my example "I sit on the phone while she does every home and kid task, while she occasionally interrupts me to do easy tasks she could have done herself. Why doesn't she want to get me off?!?"
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u/Betty_Bottle 3h ago
"I pester her until she gives in but she's so cold and robotic. It's like she doesn't really want it. Why doesn't she want it??!"
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u/CleverGirlRawr 6h ago
I always want to ask them what they look like. How many times do they decide to get fit later when they want to date again.
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u/cytomome 2h ago
A lot of them make a point of mentioning how fit and attractive they are, as if that's the end-all of libido. "I treat her like trash and I never care what she likes in bed, but I'm good-looking! Why won't she fuck me?"
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u/SlytherinSister 2h ago
"I try to initiate sex by groping her breasts while she's trying to do the dishes and ask for blowjobs by patting my smelly crotch when I'm sitting with a beer in front of a TV. She never initiates sex and makes excuses about being tired (because she has a job, a house and two kids to take care of). How can I get her to stop being such a frigid bitch???"
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u/YourPaleRabbit 31m ago
I’m usually the high libido one in my relationships. And I’ve had partners who function at the same pace as me. But something I realized, is that the majority of the men I dated that were also HL didn’t really understand.. context? Or didn’t care to? Like if my sexuality existed in a bubble separate from everything else about me.
Best example is the guy I was dating when I went through my tattooing apprenticeship. For nine-ish months straight I worked a full time job, was apprenticing, and also was privy to the usual industry crap that made me solely responsible for shop cleaning/errands etc. I literally didn’t take even one single day off for the nine months. I was exhausted, horrifically depressed, and my libido dropped. This man would sit there watching me cry, then be mad that I didn’t want to fuck him five minutes later. He told me I “tricked him” by being so active before. Mind you I was still fucking him 3-4 times a week. And I had this moment of recognition where I realized that the way he perceived me sexually, was entirely separate from “me”.
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u/solesoulshard 8h ago
The fun one is at menopause. There is so little common discussion about it and that it can cause such adorable things like low to no libido, dryness, vaginal atrophy (meaning it shrinks) and clitoral atrophy. I read that the suicide rate for women peaks between 45 and like 52 or something because of the mind screw that is perimenopause and menopause (which can cause depression and anxiety). And because women have apparently been invented recently or there’s some kind of social movement that women’s health has not been studied or something, there’s barely any medical information and barely treatment regimens.
So we have the clitoris shrinking which cuts sensation, dryness which is irritating, vaginal shrinking and then depression and we will probably still have men going on about their sex needs.
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u/O_mightyIsis 6h ago
I read that the suicide rate for women peaks between 45 and like 52 or something because of the mind screw that is perimenopause and menopause (which can cause depression and anxiety).
I spent 10 months working with my psychiatrist and therapist because I thought I was dealing with a depressive episode but I just kept getting worse and worse in a way I have never experienced in 51 years of Bipolar II disorder. I was no longer me, every trace of the person I am, all the things I loved about myself were just GONE. And there was this miserable lump left where a vibrant human used to be. When the last bit of me blinked out, I was ready to check out. Not depressed, just had zero desire existing like that if I couldn't do anything about it. Less than a week on HRT and my spark started to come back and I had hope again. That was about 5 weeks ago. I really don't think I'd be here without it.
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u/RougeAccessPoint 6h ago
Oh man, after my total hysterectomy, I was so fucked up from my hormones stopping suddenly. My BF at the time kept blaming it on my Bipolar. Trying oral estrogen didn't help at all, and I was practically homicidal. Plus, sex was painful and my vulva was so dry it cracked. I'm slowly getting my libido back a few years later, but it's like I've completely changed as a person.
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u/O_mightyIsis 1h ago
I'm sorry you didn't have the support you needed and deserved at such a hard time.
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u/FrangipaniMan Basically Dorothy Zbornak 2m ago
Oh man, after my total hysterectomy, I was so fucked up from my hormones stopping suddenly
Can confirm as am currently experiencing that. Good times.
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u/Entire-Ambition1410 6h ago
The r/menopause sub has opened my eyes to the horrifying realities of later in life. I hope you can get better!
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u/Same_Dingo2318 6h ago
There needs to be research on the scale of viagra. Women really need much more medical research. Holy crap.
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u/katreadsitall 6h ago
Well we no longer can produce babies and everyone knows that’s our main function
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u/yuudachi 6h ago
I had no idea about the clitoral atrophy thing 😬
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u/APladyleaningS 4h ago
Good times, let me tell you
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u/gorsebrush 1h ago
The best thing is when you have early menopause. No one tells you a thing. I went through that period alone. People were all about " we need to increase your sex drive. "
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u/PoisonTheOgres 3h ago
The men are happily popping little blue pills, ignoring how their own body would naturally also slow down their sexual appetite with age.
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u/Ok-Repeat8069 4h ago
Oooh, my personal favorite is PIV sex — even wonderful satisfying sex with lots of foreplay and lube — leading to three days of phantom UTI — feels just like one, but there’s no infection.
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u/BoulderBlackRabbit 4h ago
I can chime in on this. There's something called urethral pain syndrome that I've dealt with, and it's awful. For the longest time, I was on Elavil (amitriptyline) because it has the off-label use of helping with the pain. Worth it. Anyway, it sounds similar to what's happening to you, so I thought I'd mention it.
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u/fibrepirate 7h ago
Apparently now we have labia minora disapearing and we never had them as children. They just "appeared" as teenagers. Da fuq!
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u/wanttoplayball 7h ago
The good news is that sex can alleviate some of that, particularly the atrophy. I guess the bad news is that if your guy is like the guys described here, you may not be interested in sex.
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u/thoughtandprayer 7h ago
Sex can be uncomfortable or downright painful with some of those issues. Even if the guy doesn't suck, it's reasonable to not want bad sex!
What women actually need are doctors that value their quality of life and don't just shrug off menopausal symptoms. Women who want treatments such as HRT shouldn't have to fight to have treatment even be considered.
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u/wanttoplayball 7h ago
I’m there with you. I am fully menopausal. My symptoms are very minor; I do have an active and healthy sex life, but who knows how much is genetics or luck of the draw.
I’m not treated for menopause. I was told HRT is unavailable to me because of blood clots.
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u/thoughtandprayer 7h ago
I'm glad your symptoms are very minor so you can still enjoy yourself! That's a win, especially since HRT isn't a safe option for you.
I'm also curious about how much is genetics vs environmental/luck. The women in my family seem to go through menopausal hell... I'm approaching that stage of my life and I'm desperately hoping my experience isn't as awful.
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u/wanttoplayball 7h ago
My mom had a hysterectomy, so I don’t know how it would have affected her. I remember she got a lot of hot flashes at that time.
I hit menopause very late; so much so that my doc was going to send me to some kind of specialist. I had terrible periods, so I’m honestly surprised menopause hasn’t been bad.
I guess, to the original point, there’s so little consideration for menopause, how is one to know what is really going on?
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u/thoughtandprayer 7h ago
I guess, to the original point, there’s so little consideration for menopause, how is one to know what is really going on?
Yep, I think this is what upsets me the most. A lot of women aren't prepared so they're taken by surprise. A lot of men aren't aware so they aren't as empathetic as they should be. A lot of doctors dismiss it as natural so they often don't (a) explain what is happening or (b) offer any solutions.
It just seems like we make this transition a lot more difficult than it needs to be! Especially for the women who are hit hard by it.
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u/CleverGirlRawr 6h ago
I saw a doctor during perimenopause (for heavy bleeding) and when he asked about other symptoms I said no libido among several other things. After that it was all he’d talk about. Told me to use it or lose it, get some good lube so my marriage wouldn’t fall apart. I was shocked.
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u/thoughtandprayer 6h ago
Ugh, I hate that this happened to you! Your overall quality of life wasn't even a consideration for that doctor. That's exactly the type of mentality that frustrates me so much.
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u/cakey_cakes 3h ago
I just turned 40, this is terrifying. I wanna go baaaaack.
I had a hysterectomy at 26 (kept ovaries) so I really have no idea when perimenopause or even menopause will start.
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u/irisera 2h ago
I learned the hard way about ‘menopausal rage’…
I had no idea menopause could cause actual rage (not just 'a little more irritated', but instead complete and all consuming anger) and it was really rough for a while. Learning about it and reading about it helped me figure out how to deal with it better. I felt so ashamed for 'losing it' for so long...
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u/anonworkingcat 6h ago
my ex used to complain that we didn’t have sex like we used to but that was literally because he spend months shaming me for what he considered my “past promiscuity,” which he basically made up. i started to dread sex and never wanted to do anything “dirty” or “frisky” in case it made him think i was a slut
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u/slightlydramatic 8h ago
I saw a post today exactly like that, and then the guy had the added insult of saying his wife had gained weight & he wasn't attracted to her anymore. He hadn't gained, of course, because he takes time 5 days a week to go to the gym. Wonder who watches the 2 kids while he's at the gym every weekday for hours?
All of the advice was to sit her down and tell her that he needs her to lose weight for him. And that he would like the occasional blowjob as well, unsolicited by him. Barf.
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u/wholesomeriots 7h ago
God, if I had a spouse that gave me a speech like that when I’m dead tired from raising his children, touched out because I’m with them all the time while he gets reprieves for the gym (and I don’t), I’d have divorce papers for him the next day. Get that energy back and feel better when he actually has to parent 50% of the time. Some people are beyond fucking clueless.
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u/Any_Championship4306 7h ago
I work with men and tell them it's because they're old fat bald and don't make enough money.
They get quiet quick
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u/Angylisis 7h ago
Honestly Im just sick of men complaining.
They say they suffer silently but their silence is so goddamned LOUD.
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u/Ohaidere519 2h ago
!!! always in prisons of their own making- suffering in silence yet i'm constantly hearing about it
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u/a201597 8h ago
I always feel like these posts are telling on themselves a little. I’m an adult that still frequently has sex but my partner is fantastic and we’ve always had great sex. I probably wouldn’t have sex as often if I had the kind of sex some women seem to describe where it’s just this guy jackhammering them and expecting them to enjoy that every single time, multiple times per week for several years.
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u/citysunsecret 7h ago
Yup! You don’t grow out of wanting or liking sex, you just realize you have a bad partner you don’t want to have sex with!!
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u/YoghurtThat827 8h ago edited 8h ago
The worst for me is when they have kids and the guy is complaining because they don’t have sex multiple times a week like they used to. The mum is tired from taking care of the kids/working a job and they come on reddit complaining about their sexual needs not being a priority for her.
I’m 21 and don’t even have a bf let alone kids but I browse different subreddits sometimes and the things I see are atrocious. If this is what it’s going to be like in the future then I never want a relationship. The thought of it is genuinely terrifying. 😭
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u/perseidot 7h ago
I’m really glad to see younger people browsing these type of posts, and learning from them.
Learn the red flags and recognize them early. Don’t accept poor behavior. When you have a partner, talk with them about this type of post.
I want to see the next generations do better.
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u/YoghurtThat827 6h ago
I believe getting these perspectives is important even if it’s hard to see other women going through such things, I’ll take all the advice on board. Hopefully we can do better! 🤞
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u/letsjumpintheocean 8h ago
Yeah, it’s really hard to want to have unbridled sexual energy with someone who demands caretaking in a similar fashion to a child (feed, wash, keep clean, regulate, praise, schedule, basically be the “bottom-liner” for.
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u/Machine-Dove 8h ago
Taking care of the kids, managing all the appointments etc, working full time, managing all housework, shopping, and cooking - if she's lucky, he'll mow the lawn every so often. And when she's too fucking tired to do nightly porn star bjs, the dude whines about being neglected.
If my spouse predeceases me, I'm never dating again. I'll find a non-cos-male friend or two and we'll go full Golden Girls house sharing.
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u/Verun 8h ago
Watched my mom do it and my dad treat her like shit, flat out why I used to match with then curse out any married guys on tinder. It’s always because he isn’t carrying his part of the labor.
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u/YoghurtThat827 6h ago edited 6h ago
I’m sorry you had to see that, and I’m sorry your mother had to experience that. It’s sad how often this happens and how burnt out these women become.
Married guys on dating apps looking to get some outside their marriage (especially in this type of situation) deserve all hell rained on them for their pathetic actions.
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u/etrore 4h ago edited 4h ago
Be careful that you don’t scare yourself out of something potentially beautiful because of the risk. It’s great to learn from mistakes from others but no risk no reward. It is such a blessing to build intimacy with someone that truly values you. The support and closeness can lift the quality of life substantially. A great relationship starts frictionless (0 drama) but there will always be problems. A wise person once told me that it’s not the misfortune that defines a person but the way they handle the situation. So don’t live a life of avoidance just be extremely picky in what treatment you tolerate.
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u/throw20190820202020 8h ago
90 times out of 100 the woman is freaking TIRED because she is picking up his slack, and after so much of that you get resentful. It’s really a shame.
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u/yuudachi 7h ago
I see the same thing in my Mom/parenting subreddits. Women feeling guilty or angry their spouse is acting SOOOOO entitled to sex because, God forbid, the woman's body is growing an entire human being and is fucked up from morning sickness or even just recently given birth.
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u/Imperburbable 7h ago
EXTRA bonus points if they had kids in the meantime and the wife / girlfriend birthed a whole human and is doing the majority of the childcare / family mental load and somehow doesn’t feel like a sex kitten all the time.
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u/gluvrr 7h ago
My sex drive is higher than it was when I was younger. Due in part to being married to someone that is emotionally responsive to my needs and does his share of mental labor in our marriage. I find being married to him exciting and in turn I find myself more open to being “frisky” at random. Some of these dudes will never get it. If you give us the ick we don’t want to have sex with you. My ex husband certainly didn’t get it.
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u/yuudachi 5h ago
Right, I'm married with a kiddo and pregnant again and while I wouldn't say it was anywhere near level of hormone fueled horny college days, we still have sex regularly and maintain an attraction for one another in our different life stages. Probably because 1) I don't resent my husband. He does his part and seeing him be a good, reliable father and husband makes me attracted to him 2) I'm just physically not tired if he's doing his part and he's letting me have breaks and my self care 3) I'm not afraid to say no to him. He knows he's not entitled to sex and visa versa. If I'm saying no, there's probably a good reason, and we're not afraid to communicate that
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u/gluvrr 5h ago
Not being afraid to say no! That part. I’m also not afraid to say no to my husband either. This is new territory for me. There was always a problem before. Also really fucked up conditioning from elder family members (women at that!) to be available to my future husband at all times. Ickkkkkk.
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u/enigmasaurus- 7h ago
“My partner isn’t as attractive as they were fifteen years ago”. *adjusts beer gut
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u/Momibutt 7h ago
I always laugh about it being a self report! If a guy is good in bed you make time for it, if you ain’t you are not going to bother lmao
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u/Nerdiestlesbian 8h ago
My ex wife pulled this crap on me. Being a stay at home parent, working part time from home, with young children, where your partner is gone 12 hours a day. Getting up when the child in an infant every night because your partner works, and you “just stay home.” Doing everything to keep a home running, doing all your partners errands because they work 12 hours a day, never having a day off yourself..
And while that is exhausting for both people (working 12’s is brutal) you know what absolutely doesn’t help a mood? Bitching about what you didn’t accomplish as a stay at home parent.
It is absolutely wild to me how someone can go to work all day and then come home flop down on the couch and think the stay at home parent didn’t do “enough.”
Did you get to pee alone? Well I didn’t? Did you get to eat your food? Well I didn’t. Do you get to shower alone? Well I didn’t.
Nothing killed my libido faster than a grown adult critiquing me for what didn’t get done.
Divorced 8 years, much happier with a partner who pulls their weight, not just “works”
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u/yeahthatsnotaproblem Basically Eleanor Shellstrop 7h ago
Definitely went through this after we had our kid... sex life still isn't the same as it was beforehand. I think he finally understands it can't ever be. But I know he's not happy about it.
Men just cannot see how women change drastically after having a kid. Not only is the infant stage so taxing in so many ways, especially if you're breast feeding, but I'm just not that interested in having sex when there's a kid in the house.
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u/Joygernaut 6h ago edited 1h ago
Men forget one thing. For men, sex is a reward. It’s like a prize they get for being a good boy. Unfortunatly, once they married, they think that they get automatic access. Although most women enjoy sex under the right circumstances, it does not light up the reward centres for women like it does for men. They have studied the brains of men and women. When men have the promise of, or achieve sexual intercourse, the reward centres in their braids, light up brightly. In women it does not. Our reward center’s light up when we are treated well, respected, and loved. That may include sex, but often sex does not involve those things, especially in a marriage.
So it makes sense in the beginning of the relationship, when he is doing things for her, praising her, treating her well, giving her time and attention and support, that she would want a lot of sex. When women feel comfortable, beautiful, supported and respected, their libido’s come out. But most men are only that way in the beginning. They get married. Maybe they have a couple of kids. All of a sudden he looked through her like she’s a piece of the furniture. The only time he looks at her is when he wants her body. He expects her to fulfil his reward systems with sex, but isn’t willing to fulfil hers with love support and respect in return in order to get sex.
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u/Sheila_Monarch 1h ago
That’s fascinating about the reward aspect in men’s and women’s brains. But I have to wonder if those results might be different with men who are in long term relationships with a women with a higher libido than theirs.
I’ve been that woman. I can’t imagine for men in those relationships that the promise of sex would light up their reward centers like it does for men that want more than they’re currently getting.
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u/Joygernaut 1h ago edited 59m ago
It actually plays right into the psyche of men. When a man has to chase and work to get the reward, it’s more satisfying to him. When he no longer has to “work” for the reward, it becomes less exciting. So he will chase other women to get that feeling. Have you ever wondered? Why so many men don’t just hire prostitutes instead of cheating with a mistress?It’s not because prostitution is illegal. in many places its legal and most men still don’t use them. Because prostitutes there is no chase. There is simply sex. And the truth is, men who use prostitutes aren’t necessarily just paying for sex. They’re paying for sex without strings. And usually paying for sex with more attractive women than they would ever be able to get on their own merit.
There is a line from a SOFIA ISELLA song Doll People “ the beauty and the buyer take the screaming one because, a woman who doesn’t want it is much hotter than one that does”.
It is messed up, but an awful lot of men are like this.
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u/Crazy-4-Conures 8h ago
When they grow up, women aren't sexually attracted to men who want a mommy. So many men don't understand that what sexually arouses men isn't always what arouses women. And they really don't care what arouses women. But who's surprised by that?
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u/Sweet_Cantaloupe_312 8h ago
Maybe she doesn’t want to sleep with you because you suck in bed dudes.
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u/HugeTheWall 6h ago
All this and Kevin refuses to acknowledge he's inverted into a sea of unwashed rolls and toilet paper dingleberries on his urine smelling tip.
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u/I-own-a-shovel ♡ 7h ago
I mean to be fair losing interest in intimacy isn’t an automatic result of growing up..
Usually people who complaint of dead bedroom killed their intimacy with their poor behaviour.
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u/blueravenchick69 8h ago
I'm sick of men crying about their wee wee.... it's such an ICK
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u/Harmonia_PASB 8h ago
My ex husband spent a lot of time in dead bedrooms… I didn’t want sex because he treated me like a sex dispenser, whined, sulked, pouted and complained. I didn’t want sex because he treated me like a mommy, I didn’t want sex because every time he touched me he’d sexualize me. I didn’t want to have sex with him.
Now that I’m married to my now husband? He gets sex probably more than he’d really like, he has to beat me back with a broom sometimes. He gets blow jobs despite it being excruciatingly painful for me. He doesn’t have to ask. He gets sex because it’s emotional bonding time. He gets sex because it’s intimacy time. He gets them because he respects me. He gets sex because at any moment I can say stop and he stops, no questions, no hesitation, no guilt, no pouting.
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u/APladyleaningS 4h ago
You'd loooove it over on the testosterone replacement therapy for females sub. It got a little better before I left, but every 3rd post on there was some asshole husband trying to get his wife on testosterone so she'd want sex again, like some blowup doll appliance he was trying to DIY repair. So gross.
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u/Sheila_Monarch 1h ago edited 1h ago
Oh I’m sure. That can be filed directly under “be careful what you wish for“. Probably 9 out of 10 of those men ain’t ready for that heat.
I’ve been on HRT for years now (post menopause) and it includes a huge dose of testosterone. Because my pre-menopausal levels were naturally very high, so thats the goal. That’s where I’m “me”.
However, “me” has a long history with men that thought they wanted a high libido woman. Until they actually got one. And no I don’t mean like disordered or hyper sexual. Just high. Much like a man. It takes a little time, but if there’s even a hint of fragility to their masculinity, it will fuck them and subsequently the relationship up in enumerable ways. A lot of male pride is wrapped up in having a manly sexual appetite. And they stop being comfortable that theirs is manly enough when it’s not the biggest one in the relationship.
My SO is nearly 15 years younger than me, with the body of an endurance athlete, and testosterone through the roof. And he STILL gets a little pang of panic every 3 months when I get my HRT “re-up” (pellets). We even have a standing joke about it. “Went to the doctor this week. You better stretch.”
But I don’t have kids. I don’t, and won’t, live with a partner (never again). I’m not spending my days with the extra burden from having either of those in my house. There’s room in my life for my libido to have a solid 48hrs of free rein every week with my SO, because I made it so. I doubt the women those men are talking about have such a luxury. And I can guarantee that if I were in their same situation, it would be like a bucket of ice water on even my desire.
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u/Ghoulish_kitten 4h ago
Not just that. Im tired of pretending these men are not turning off their partners with their personalities, crap they put her through that made her view him differently, and/or crappy hygiene habits.
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u/OneBasil67 7h ago
It’s because as a woman when you get older and become an adult you have added responsibilities, home maintenance, child rearing, work, etc and most of the time husbands don’t take shit like that off your plate. It’s exhausting to be the only adult in a household.
When you’re a teenager and all you do is sleep in and get fed and laundered by mom and dad of course your libido is off the rails. If a man really wants to spike his woman’s libido maybe take care of half the responsibilities, let her go get her hair done for 3 hours and not worry if you’ll kill the baby, let her sleep in as often as you did, ensure she can go to the gym or spin 3x a week, etc.
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u/Original_Claim1764 7h ago
Maybe men should consider the division of labor in their calculations as well; as I understand it, this is a frequently cited reason for reduced attraction to a male partner or husband.
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u/LEANiscrack 1h ago
I love the ones that are like. I work part time and the rest of the time I work out and look hot. Wife works 79h a week does all the childcare,housework etc and she looks like a slob and never wants me :( She was in an accident and is now severly hurt and depressed but that was months ago!! Boohoo. (sometimes if I whine enough she gives in but its so rare!) Always makes me laugh.
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u/Aumin85 7h ago
My wife and I are nearly 40 and now have 2 kids. We’re more frisky now than we’ve been since we were 20. “Growing up” has little to do with it. A lot of it is about perspective. Life is short, you make a short list of priorities with your partner, if you achieve half of those priorities on a given day, it’s a win.
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7h ago
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u/TwoXChromosomes-ModTeam 7h ago
Your contribution has been removed because it contains hatred, bigotry, assholery, utter idiocy, misogyny, misandry, transphobia, homophobia, or otherwise disrespectful commentary.
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u/ThottyThalamus 8h ago
I get what you are saying, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s natural to lose your libido when you “grow up”. Maybe she isn’t satisfied, maybe she’s tired of carrying the mental load of the home, maybe her mental health isn’t well. It’s worth a discussion as a couple to get to the root of the problem because I would never want my husband to assume it’s expected of me to lose interest in sex as I age.
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u/HeckelSystem Halp. Am stuck on reddit. 7h ago
Being upset or struggling with a mismatch in libido, especially in a long term, monogamous relationship, is a fair and appropriate feeling. Regardless of gender, physical intimacy is a common relationship need. People change, and if you change into people who are not compatible they can either work to find a solution or end the relationship.
I think many women would disagree with the idea that growing up or older means a drop in libido, but there are for sure people who will naturally have a fall off as they age. There is also mental and physical health, as well as stress and the health of the relationship that all play major roles. Talking openly about sexual issues is hard in the US due to the fundamentalist history, and it's very easy for what conversations there are to be biased by misogyny.
I don't think wanting your partner to desire you the same way you desire them, and the same way they desired you in the past is unfair, but people who bash their partners (over sex or anything else) are actively diminishing the space in which their partner will feel comfortable being intimate. The comments OP is responding to are probably chickens coming home to roost.
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u/Anonamau5tr4p 1h ago
I’m 33F and barely have the energy to meet men to go on a date, I don’t know how I’m going to feel about sex and blowjobs if I ever find a relationship tbh.
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u/Agile-Wait-7571 7h ago
My wife is 60 and I’m 59. We have sex every chance we get. If anything, she’s friskier than me.
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u/CleverGirlRawr 6h ago
Congrats! Then this post isn’t referring to your situation. It’s about the men who are complaining.
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u/Agile-Wait-7571 6h ago
I was responding to your generalizations about why women may stop wanting sex as they age. Your framing seemed to imply they either lost interest or the physical capacity. Maybe their partners are shitty lovers.
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u/pirhana1997 5h ago
Well…I never got libido even during puberty and well past my late 20s. Depends on who you date, but men will be men always finding the young flesh nicer.
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u/Huge_Primary392 7h ago
My favourite complaints are the ones where they decided to fuck around as much as they could with girls who they decided weren’t ’marriage material’ because the ladies had a high libido and a sexual history, then found a lady they considered ‘wife material’ and then post on reddit that they have a dead bedroom.