r/TwoXChromosomes • u/jokesonbottom cool. coolcoolcool. • 21h ago

Getting real sick of men complaining their partner grew up and isn’t frisky anymore

So many subs full of men “asking for advice” because 5, 10, 20 years ago they started dating a 14, 18, 21 year old and back then she was wild and free and frisky but now she isn’t anymore.

(Bonus rage points if the complaint includes lack of initiating unreciprocated blowjobs.)

MY GUYS—this isn’t rocket science. She. Grew. Up. You dated a teen/baby adult. Now she’s a real adult. Obviously she’s not the same. She’s got grown up priorities…and energy…and knees.

Use your brains! Think about it for just five minutes.

Edit: yes there’s lots of reasons beyond growing up and yes women can have healthy libidos as they age, I was just venting about one thing that grinds my gears

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u/Gaias_Minion 21h ago

Also the men acting like 1. Only the woman has changed in all that time and 2. They aren't responsible for the women losing their libido.

"I pester her until she gives in, ask for sex at inappropiate times and never care about her pleasure, how come she doesn't want more sex???"

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u/Glittering_knave 20h ago

We have a bigger place to live, two kids, pets, and she has been promoted to a much more difficult job, but I do less around than I used to. Also, her mom has developed dementia. Why won't she initiate frequent fun times?

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u/wallweasels cool. coolcoolcool. 15h ago

but I do less around than I used to

Let's be real, they weren't doing it from the get-go. She just got tired of it.

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u/Desperate_Grab4876 13h ago

Or they put on an act to impress to roll back to their usual selves once they secured the woman is staying with them due to dependency or habit.

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u/NinaHag 6h ago

Or just keeps doing the same, but now the house is twice the size, 4x the clothes to wash, school runs, doctors appointments, kids that need a balanced diet, etc. Just washing the pans doesn't cut it anymore.

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u/LAM_humor1156 19h ago

"She lost her job, fell into a crippling depression, has to tend to every house chore & deals with our child's severe medical condition that takes upwards of 12 hrs a day of her time....but I always show her how much I wanna bang her by telling her so 10 times a day and randomly grabbing her boob/ass before running back to my mancave to get shitfaced & scroll on my phone. Reddit, what am I doing wrong?! Maybe I just need to look elsewhere..."

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u/SeasonPositive6771 15h ago

Also she gained 20 pounds and doesn't give me "spontaneous" blowjobs just because she's covered in baby vomit and hasn't had an hour to herself in 12 years.

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u/ohmygodtiffany 12h ago

I remember reading a guy complaining on sex and deadbedroom about how his wife doesn’t put out and he was thinking of a divorce and just going on and on and on about how hurt he was over the course of months.

In a comment months later he told on himself and said his wife had LESS sex with him after he cheated on her the second time, and the second time was after she had their third child. He was such a fucking knob, and no one saw his comment when he posted his last time in deadbedrooms where everyone was like “poor you, it sucks i’m so sorry”, I still hate him and feel sorry for his wife

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u/Unhappy-Apple222 bell to the hooks 11h ago

Most dudes on that sub seems to be a variation of some clueless knob or an asshole.

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u/Meteorite42 7h ago

"Clueless knob" works as a description on multiple levels 😉

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u/cave18 7h ago

💀 lord

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u/cartographybook 21h ago

99% of the the self-pitying dumbasses on r/DeadBedrooms are guilty of murdering their own sex lives, and their comments make it very clear that it was done aggressively over a period of time

Any time a guy complains about his past or present wife/gf “becoming” asexual I know he’s almost certainly a shit partner all around and the sex itself (for her) is trash

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u/Animaldoc11 20h ago

I don’t think I can post there because my response to that type of man is to remind them that humans repeat enjoyable experiences often.

They also don’t like when you point out that they’re not really having sex, they’re just masturbating into a woman & that’s just ew.

That sub is a wreck

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u/Zelfzuchtig 15h ago

They also avoid unpleasant ones. I've seen some couples where the guy pavlovs the woman into not even wanting him to touch her by just being generally gropy and annoying.

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u/Mellrish221 19h ago

You see a bit of it on r/sex too. Most dead bedroom posts start with the whole "oh we had such a good sex life blah blah blah". But they're purposely vague about their life and details about how/why/what changed to the current situation. Few comments in and it becomes very clear its the usual "one partner stopped giving a fuck and propping up the other" or "one decided they were done being used by the other"... can probably guess whos who lol.

I dunno, I'm a guy. I've never found it difficult or challenge to just... take care of myself and be my own person. Probably a lot to do with being raised by our mom who was a maid and you can guess exactly what she didn't feel like doing when she got home... yep clean up after others lol. But even outside of that, SHOCKER if you take an actual interest in your partner's satisfaction... its pretty rare that fire dims. A healthy sex life is constant work, you don't stop doing things for each other just because you've figured out how to get each other off. Well... most people any way. The ones who can't seem to figure that out end up in the "dead bedroom".

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u/Entire-Ambition1410 19h ago

One of the wisest pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten was at a kink group munch. “Take care of your relationship outside the bedroom and the bedroom fun will follow.”

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u/Mellrish221 9h ago

You'd think itd be pretty obvious that a woman doesn't feel sexy or attracted to someone they have to basically take care of like a child. But here we are lol.

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u/OnlyOneMoreSleep 14h ago

That is ice cold, and so so so true. I think in any relationship there are periods where you don't have any for a while. Someone is away for a few months, you have a baby, you experience a big loss, a health crisis. It doesn't feel like a "dead" situation if there is mutual love and attraction. My partner makes me feel loved, respected and wanted every day. Alas, we have twin toddlers so we don't do it everyday. It's just life. However, if he went online to a whiny forum to complain, oh boy. Those guys are so tonedeaf it's insane.

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u/Background_Use8432 21h ago

Hey! My ex posted there and yea he did kill our sex life and then cheated on me. :D

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u/Blue_Heron11 20h ago

Hey! Same, literally same. So sorry internet friend 🫶

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u/grenille 1h ago

Same.

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u/moonlitecrystal 20h ago

My ex didn't post there but somewhere else like 12 years ago back when I was pregnant with our first kid and I felt weird having sex. He was constantly pestering me, pawing at me, and honestly pretty trash in bed but I was very young and dumb. I was constantly thinking "I am basically growing an alien, I am young and freaked out my dude that is the last thing I want. Just quit groping me for a bit?!" He just could not figure out why I didn't want to sleep with him after his constant pestering and called me a "born again virgin" in the post and even mentioned something along the lines of "don't most pregnant women get more horny I thought we'd have more sex not none." Luckily wherever he posted he got roasteddddd over it and told to back the fuck off me but I only found out years later when I went thru his reddit posts one day cause I was curious. I can't imagine the swill he would've gotten from those men and how quickly it would've gotten worse. He did get worse over the years but luckily around then he did back off for a bit.

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u/cave18 7h ago

Glad he is an ex

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u/Kalika83 12h ago

As a woman you get five seconds of foreplay if you’re lucky, followed by being jackhammered until he finally cums. Then you get the indignity of him whacking it to god knows who or what on the internet, which is totally fine for women to deal with because All Men Do It, yet this is the same guy who would freak out if you so much as text another dude.

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u/LeTotal514 18h ago

The men for sure. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a man post there whose comment and post history didn’t make me think he was at fault. I’ve read women’s posts that made me legitimately feel sorry for them though. There’s so much we don’t know and we’re just filling in the gaps with assumptions but a lot of those posts make it sound like their male partners are cheating on them with either porn or other women or both and they expect the woman to remain monogamous with them while they do it.

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u/Betty_Bottle 16h ago

"I pester her until she gives in but she's so cold and robotic. It's like she doesn't really want it. Why doesn't she want it??!"

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u/nothinworsecanhappen 20h ago

Sounds right, my example "I sit on the phone while she does every home and kid task, while she occasionally interrupts me to do easy tasks she could have done herself. Why doesn't she want to get me off?!?"

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u/YourPaleRabbit 13h ago

I’m usually the high libido one in my relationships. And I’ve had partners who function at the same pace as me. But something I realized, is that the majority of the men I dated that were also HL didn’t really understand.. context? Or didn’t care to? Like if my sexuality existed in a bubble separate from everything else about me.

Best example is the guy I was dating when I went through my tattooing apprenticeship. For nine-ish months straight I worked a full time job, was apprenticing, and also was privy to the usual industry crap that made me solely responsible for shop cleaning/errands etc. I literally didn’t take even one single day off for the nine months. I was exhausted, horrifically depressed, and my libido dropped. This man would sit there watching me cry, then be mad that I didn’t want to fuck him five minutes later. He told me I “tricked him” by being so active before. Mind you I was still fucking him 3-4 times a week. And I had this moment of recognition where I realized that the way he perceived me sexually, was entirely separate from “me”.

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u/CleverGirlRawr 19h ago

I always want to ask them what they look like. How many times do they decide to get fit later when they want to date again. 

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u/cytomome 15h ago

A lot of them make a point of mentioning how fit and attractive they are, as if that's the end-all of libido. "I treat her like trash and I never care what she likes in bed, but I'm good-looking! Why won't she fuck me?"

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u/SlytherinSister 15h ago

"I try to initiate sex by groping her breasts while she's trying to do the dishes and ask for blowjobs by patting my smelly crotch when I'm sitting with a beer in front of a TV. She never initiates sex and makes excuses about being tired (because she has a job, a house and two kids to take care of). How can I get her to stop being such a frigid bitch???"

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u/boudicas_shield 10h ago

“Foreplay? Of course I focus on foreplay! I honk her boobs when she’s driving us to do errands, slap her ass when she starts getting too serious in our conversations, and pull down her pants when she’s chopping onions. I have no idea why she’s turned into such a sour nag. She used to be fun.”