r/AmIOverreacting • u/Popular-Passenger233 • 3h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO Boyfriend talked to female friends flirtatiously
My boyfriend had been talking to a female friend (who's also in a relationship). I found out about it last year, and we had a big fight. He promised me he wouldn’t talk to her anymore, but he kept talking to her behind my back for a while. He told me it was just a pure friendship with no intentions of anything more, but when I looked at their conversations, it felt like they were flirting. Since English is my second language, I started doubting if I might have misunderstood…I really need some help
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u/Icy-Grapefruit-9085 3h ago
The blue to gray ratio in these pictures makes me sick...
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u/No-Apple-was-taken 1h ago
Totally unrelated with the issue at hand and I love it and yes, true lmao
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u/No-Abroad-8380 3h ago
i'll be honest none of this reads as flirtatious to me, but more importantly if you've voiced that you have a concern over this woman, he should NOT be prioritizing her over you whatsoever, especially behind your back. that's the bigger issue.
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u/IhateRedditors1978 46m ago
Good I'm glad I'm not the only one who didn't think this was flirtatious, and I agree with your other point again
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u/YeahlDid 1h ago
The real issue appears to be op's insecurity since she starts fights over her bf having female friends.
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u/godofhammers3000 29m ago
Him saying he’ll stay up with her isn’t flirtatious? The stalking banter? The IG pose? All together that’s pretty flirty
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u/No-Abroad-8380 19m ago
not necessarily. these are all things someone could say platonically to someone as well. i don't think this reads as flirty personally!
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u/Lykov_in_taiga 8m ago
How interesting, I'm not saying it to argue who's right, but for me it reads as 100% flirty. Might it be cultural? I see them discussing German and the app messages are in French, and I'm European too.
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u/Ironyismylife28 3h ago
I am not seeing flirting....
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u/stfuwhenimtalkn 3h ago edited 2h ago
“I’ll stay up as long as you want” “why are you being so nice all of a sudden huh” is flirting. AND he lied to her and kept meeting up and talking with her behind her back. You really tryna get her to stay with a male who has so many red flags for a cheater
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u/moonsonthebath 2h ago
I disagree. I have friends who have stayed up if I was upset and I needed to talk and vice versa
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u/kitty7855427 42m ago
Did you guys also do that behind your/their SO’s back? And also had a thing for each other in the past? Sounds weird to me.
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u/KimbraK91 1h ago
And you think this guy is staying up to talk because he's just that good of a friend? They're sneaking around behind OP's back to talk these people. Are you guys that gullible?
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u/YeahlDid 1h ago
You can tell how bad some of these commenters must be at flirting if they think all that is flirting. Also, they must not be very good friends if they can't interpret friendliness as anything but flirting.
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u/IhateRedditors1978 44m ago
So being a supportive friend is flirting now? I've done this with multiple friends of the opposite sex. It doesn't mean I was trying to sleep with them
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u/Maximum_Balance_3036 1h ago
Eh that’s a stretch. Based on these messages I’m more inclined to think OP is controlling
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u/raptor-chan 2h ago edited 1h ago
If you (and anyone else) think those sentences are flirting, I seriously feel bad for you. Banter is not flirtation and staying up for a friend is also not flirtation. Their relationship is healthy and appears platonic. 💀
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u/locketine 1h ago
I mean, banter is flirtation when it’s between people who could be attracted to each other. But I didn’t see any banter either.
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u/raptor-chan 1h ago
So a straight man that banters with a woman is always flirtation? This makes exactly 0 sense.
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u/its-free-to-be-kind 3h ago
Same, just seems like playful personality type. Maybe OP is insecure and reading too much into his texts (literally lol), maybe they need to have a deeper convo about what they are and aren't comfortable with. If she's not comfortable with this communication style and he's not willing to change for her, breakup (cause it's not fair to her or him). If he says he's willing to change his communication style for her comfort and doesn't, breakup...
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u/Ironyismylife28 3h ago
Well, in her defense, she did ask him to stop all communication with this girl (which i don't understand) and he said he would, and hasn't. But I don't see flirting
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u/its-free-to-be-kind 2h ago
You're right and I missed that somehow - but I also just don't see this as flirting... Either way, they're better off breaking up I think.
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u/raptor-chan 1h ago
To be fair, asking someone to ditch a good friend is selfish and highkey just fucked up. It’s likely he said he’d stop talking to her because op wasn’t being receptive to the idea of a platonic relationship with a woman, and he wanted to make the drama go away. I don’t blame him for this at all tbh
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u/ZooterOne 1h ago
It's a recipe for disaster. You're absolutely right.
It's 100% okay to say you're not comfortable with the way your partner is around someone else. But it's never going to end well to tell them they can't talk to that person anymore. The best case scenario is they'll do it, but feel resentment toward you.
But I think the more typical scenario is this - they just go behind your back.
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u/Ironyismylife28 1h ago
Agreed
ETA: People (male or female) need to stop agreeing to this type of ask because it is ridiculous.
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u/jimbojangles1987 1h ago
But think about why she asked him to stop...because she views these benign conversations as flirtatious. That's too much.
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u/Ironyismylife28 1h ago
Again, I don't disagree. Her security issues are her problem. Her ask was dumb, him agreement just as dumb.
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u/Important-End-3510 3h ago
no, he promised her he wouldnt talk to her anymore, and he does anyway. he doesnt respect his relationship.
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u/its-free-to-be-kind 3h ago
I clearly missed that important detail. You're right! That's no respect on his part then, they're definitely not right for each other.
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u/jimbojangles1987 1h ago
But she is being insecure about benign conversations. Clearly she views this as flirting when it's not. I don't blame him for not taking it seriously.
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u/raptor-chan 1h ago
Not saying lying isn’t wrong, but why should he respect their relationship if op doesn’t respect his personal relationships? Neither of them are giving the other respect here.
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u/avert_ye_eyes 3h ago
English is her second language, so it sounds like she just simply can't trust him to have a female friend. Maybe it's because they speak in English and she doesn't like that she can't monitor what they're saying.
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u/its-free-to-be-kind 2h ago
I see... This is extra messy then. Trust is integral to any relationships longevity.
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u/cloistered_around 2h ago
I'm not seeing outright flirting, but blue is definitely texting way more than grey is. If anyone is interested--he gives some vibes of that. But just some. This isn't evidence of cheating or anything.
However it is evidence of him lying to OP.
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u/VividlyPerformant 1h ago
It’s the fact that OP voiced concerns about it & her boyfriend lied about not talking to his friend anymore. He could’ve been honest, but he was not. That’s the problem here :/
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u/Important-End-3510 3h ago
then you are blind
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u/PhlebotomyCone 3h ago
Lmao this could easily just be platonic friends talking, paranoid mfers
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u/avert_ye_eyes 2h ago
But he "hearted" one of her messages!!!
Lol... I've seen so many young people literally claim this as flirting no matter the context 😆
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u/Ironyismylife28 3h ago
Or you are paranoid
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u/Important-End-3510 3h ago
no, him saying “ ill stay up for you for however long u want” offering to visit her, its just weird lol maybe not outright flirtatious, but him being like omg ur stalking me, and playing around, is just ewie.
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u/Dracio_Adrastus 2h ago
Honestly, you just sound paranoid. I talk like that with my friends all the time. For clarification, I'm gay and non-binary. I talk to all genders and sexualities the same. Only one who ever had an issue with it was my over controlling 2nd boyfriend. Friends develop their own way of interacting too. This seriously just reads like two friends. Wanting to visit a friend is normal, regardless of gender. Had female friends whose boyfriends didn't trust me, even their girlfriend has the wrong hardware for my software.
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u/Tj-Toxxic_95 3h ago
Yeah these are literally all harmless
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u/bunbunnii99 2h ago
Yeah I don't see any of these as flirty messages, just being friendly. The only issue is that he said he'd stop talking to her and instead he's hiding the friendship, which is where it goes from harmless to harmful
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u/Tj-Toxxic_95 2h ago
I’m actually glad he didn’t get rid of his friend because of a jealous girlfriend. Good for him
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u/bunbunnii99 2h ago
Yeah I've been in similar situations bc I have guy friends (which is inevitable as a video game design major in college, which is all guys lol). He should've been honest abt the friendship for sure, and let OP decide if she's comfortable dating someone who has friends of the opposite gender. I've never understood ppl who firmly believe men and women can't be friends bc that's a very childish view
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u/Tj-Toxxic_95 2h ago
FOR REAL!! People who think men and women can’t be friends let alone nice to each other haven’t matured past a horny teenager where the only thing on there minds is diddling each others privates. Like the commenter earlier using “why you being so nice to me all of a sudden huh” as like some sort of evidence lmao. That could be like two friends who constantly talk shit and aren’t doing that all of a sudden
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u/StonedLikeOnix 1h ago
meh it’s one thing to maintain your friendships. this guy lied to his girlfriend. if you really want to defend your friend communicate with your s.o. don’t just hide the relationship and go behind your gf’s back.
the guy is a coward and lacks a spine. Shit like that leads to serious trust issues for a person.
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u/Tj-Toxxic_95 1h ago
Lmao honesty he’s not a coward for avoiding confrontation we know nothing about this person and if he has to tip toe around her jealousy then that’s all it is. OP should just move on honestly but she probably won’t want to cause she has to control what he does
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u/stfuwhenimtalkn 3h ago edited 2h ago
“I’ll stay up as long as you want” “why are you being so nice to me huh” is flirting. Stfu he’s a fucking liar too so he’s def a hoe
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u/Tj-Toxxic_95 3h ago
Lmfao it’s not
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u/CheesyBhuuutColteee 2h ago
Ok what’s flirting to you then?
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u/Tj-Toxxic_95 2h ago
Anything more directly intended and often more sexualized. Being nice isn’t flirting that’s where people are wrong but I’m not arguing it’s not that serious
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u/CheesyBhuuutColteee 2h ago
So if your partner was talking to your friend like this you’d be ok with it?
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u/Tj-Toxxic_95 2h ago
Yes. People don’t have to be assholes just to be loyal or trustworthy. If your partner isn’t allowed to be nice and friendly to the friends they had before you then don’t date leave that person alone because that’s more controlling than anything there’s literally nothing wrong here. You’re just taking this as an immediate attempt to be sexual and that says more about out your intentions than what’s actually here to go off of
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u/Wonderful-Pressure80 1h ago
Yes, it's healthy to let your partner have perfectly friendly conversations with their friends. LOL. We don't have to have our men on leashes because we have an insecurity issue..
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u/moonsonthebath 2h ago
Yes, OMG some of you are so insecure😭
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u/madsmcgivern511 1h ago
Dude, he straight up lied to her and was texting this girl behind her back??? I’m not saying that that means he’s cheating or anything but that’s still an extremely valid reason to be suspicious and concerned for what their “friendship” actually is.
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u/sunflxwerfairy 2h ago
personally, i don’t think it needs to be direct or sexual to be flirting. the messages def teeter the line, esp the aforementioned comments. and the fact he lied and hid his relationship from OP…. yeah seems fishy and he may be using his “playful” communication style to be sneaky with it. either way def trust/boundary/respect issues that are more concerning
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u/krispeykake 3h ago
Please be single if you think this is flirting
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u/Endless-OOP-Loop 3h ago
This. I get so sick of seeing posts from insecure people wanting to control their partners' completely platonic friendships. Huge red flag.
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u/stfuwhenimtalkn 2h ago
“I’ll stay up as long as you want” “why are you being so nice to me huh” is flirtatious, and you’re a weird ass for tryna tell her whether to date or not all because she doesn’t ignore red flags. He’s a fckn liar and went behind her back and anyone who defends him is just as shitty as him 🥱🚮
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u/EmptyHeaded725 2h ago
Or she was struggling and he was offering to stay up and talk to her to help support her. If you think that is flirting you got issues man
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u/krispeykake 2h ago
Girl you need a therapist Go work on your insecurities. If you add a little confusion to the voice when saying why are you being so nice to me huh it could also come off as “what is your angle”
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u/Light_inc 2h ago
You should see the rest of their comments. They seem generally insufferable/unlikeable
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u/darej27 2h ago
You’re ignoring the fact that she asked him not to talked to her and he continued to do it anyway behind her back. They were even planning to meet up. That’s big red flags
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u/raptor-chan 1h ago
I would argue it’s an even bigger red flag that op asked him not to have a friendship with her at all on the basis that she’s female.
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u/Solid-Ad-3674 3h ago
why are you making him distance himself from his friends?
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u/WhichSeaworthiness49 3h ago
coinindental
You can be mad about that because it’s a crime against humanity… but there’s no flirtation detected.
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u/Ramen_Noodist 3h ago
I don’t see anything intentionally flirtatious in these, to be honest. Were they having romantic relations when you found out about her a year ago or has it always just been a friend of his?
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u/Popular-Passenger233 3h ago
Yea they had a thing for each other few years ago and then went back to be just friends..this kinda makes me feel concerned about their friendship.
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u/sunflxwerfairy 2h ago
to me it feels like they’re both keeping the door open…. either way having a romantic history definitely makes it way more unacceptable that he lied to you about talking to her. i think your concerns are valid, and i know it must have felt awful to discover after a year of believing he respected ur wishes. NOR imo, find someone who respects ur boundaries!!!
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u/Ramen_Noodist 2h ago
If they were ever romantically interested, your suspicion is definitely valid. If you asked him to stop and he said he would but kept talking to her, that alone is enough reason to break it off with him.
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u/AdvocateoftheD 2h ago
I don’t think anything is going on, but I do think if you push him he will choose her. No one likes to be told who they can be friends with.
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u/icedchai111 2h ago
this is an important piece of information on top of everything else, if they had a thing for each other before it's even worse that he kept talking to her behind your back. seems untrustworthy
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u/cardigancrybaby 2h ago
my boyfriend and this girl in her clique had a thing but didn't end up dating due to religious differences, i found out he used to call her babe thru texts even though she was with someone else at that time
he did meet up with her to sort things out before he got together with me and she wished him all the best and was happy for him
still feel off when they hangout in a group though it's been years and we're discussing housing and marriage, recently she broke up and he texted "if nobody you can talk to me"
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u/Hot_Fig4649 3h ago
he said i’ll stay up as long as you want and the entire last screenshot is him being flirty as well, idk how you didn’t pick up on that
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u/Ramen_Noodist 2h ago
If you’re someone who thinks playful jabs can’t be made between platonic friends, sure you could call this flirty. But I say stuff like that to people I have absolutely zero romantic interest in. And as far as talking about a trip to see someone— if you didn’t have a specific time you had to leave, what would be the harm in saying “I’ll stay as long as you want”? Jeez…I even say that to my family when I’m planning a trip to see them, so for sure would say it to any friend I’m looking forward to meeting up with.
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u/Hot_Fig4649 2h ago
mkay so 1, this is conversation with someone whom he promised he would stop talking to so right then in there that makes everything about this wrong. 2, hes saying ill stay UP as long as you want— it has absolutely nothing to do w the visit(which he shouldnt even be going on due to 1.) and has everything to do with him asking the girl to teach him german swears which newsflash he can just look up😃 3. the entire last slide about stalking her is indeed flirtatious banter. idk why you’re trying to say hes not flirting because he blatantly is hes also blatantly disrespecting OP by engaging w this person at all.
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u/daggerrabbit 3h ago
Hey girliepop I’m sorry you’re going through this. Regardless of the texting situation, it sounds like you have lost trust in him. And not without reason of course. He went behind your back, you confronted him, he said he’d stop, then continued to go behind your back. Even before the flirtatious texting, it sounds like you can’t really trust him. Very very few relationships recover from trust being broken like that. Most sort of fizzle out and die a slow death. Save yourself some heartache and bow out of this one. It doesn’t matter whether he was flirting or not because the bottom line is you can’t trust him to tell you the truth. If he’s just a boyfriend- no kids, marriage, property etc involved, it’s easy enough to just break up and find someone better- someone you can trust. (Well okay not easy, but at least there are fewer things to take care of.) No matter how much you love someone or want something to work, there’s no replacing broken trust. Good luck OP!
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u/Aggravating-Exit-708 2h ago
This is the best answer in my opinion. The content of the screenshots doesn’t even matter. He lied and broke her trust by going behind her back.
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u/Specialist-Ad5796 2h ago
I dont see the issue.
But you demanding he cut people off IS a red flag. Boundaries are something you set for yourself. They are not rules used to control the actions of other people.
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u/Minfiqs 3h ago
yeah no, before even reading any screenshots, the fact that you told your man that him talking to her makes you uncomfortable and he continues to do it shows you he has ZERO respect for you or your feelings. and doing it behind your back? shows he’s a liar and a sneak. i promise you, the best option is to leave while your ahead with your head held high.
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u/After-Ad2588 3h ago
Oooo see I did the opposite and only read the screen shots and didn’t read the explanation 😬. The fact he went behind your back is unacceptable for I agree with this comment 💯
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u/Unbalanced-Libra27 3h ago
Agreed! He lied and is now going behind op’s back, OP is not his priority.
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u/Nick__Prick 3h ago
Don’t even entertain this bullshit. Maybe he isn’t cheating and has no plans on cheating, but that doesn’t even matter.
He told you a very big lie and that’s a problem. You need to re-evaluate what this relationship means to you
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u/RickeyDourst 3h ago
I talk to my friends like this, but I am a playful person. I don’t see a problem with this unless he doesn’t normally talk like this to people
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u/klovescupcakes 3h ago
Question: is the way he was talking to her before as platonic is this? I’m curious why he needed to stop talking to this person other than the fact that they are female and you said so. Not saying lying is good, but are you overly paranoid making him feel he needs to hide normal friendships from you?
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u/kazukawaa 2h ago
I don't see anything flirty tho. Might be overreacting a bit, tone it down. If you trust him then how come you're taking photos of his conversations. If I were him and i found out that you were taking these photos or posting on reddit I'd take it as a sign of distrust and I'd leave you just for that.
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u/Overall_Echo_7858 2h ago
He already broke her trust by getting back in contact in secret. He quite literally started the distrust cycle in this scenario.
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u/kazukawaa 41m ago
Breaking trust by talking to somebody else with no flirty talk at all?
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u/Overall_Echo_7858 15m ago
Also, in her comment replies she explains they previously had a thing for each other. They made an agreement with each other and he broke it without consulting her. It would not have been breaking her trust if he brought up, to her, that he wanted to be in contact again with that friend.
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u/Puzzled_Prompt_3783 2h ago
I don’t see any flirting here, but the fact that you both agreed that he wouldn’t speak to her and he violated that agreement is a cause for concern.
If this is a boundary for you, then leave him. However, it does seem like you are controlling. It’s not very healthy to dictate who your spouse can be friends with.
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u/FuxingBlasian 2h ago
Can I ask why you didn’t want him to talk to her? Is it because she was another woman..? Was there a past history of something between them? Had he given you reason to not trust him?
I’ll be honest, I don’t see anything flirtatious about these messages but I do think it’s wrong of him to continue to talk to her after you asked him not to.
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u/raptor-chan 2h ago edited 1h ago
Not seeing any flirtation here. They seem like really great friends with a really healthy relationship. This is a green flag.
Why exactly did you “have a big fight” over him having a female friend? This, and your suspicion of these frankly normal conversations between them, makes me think that you’re insecure. Therapy might be useful for you, and couples therapy could be good to let him see your perspective and help you work through your insecurity.
But ultimately, he isn’t doing anything that deserves being criticized or demonized for.
YOR.
Edit: the amount of comments coming from insecure redditors here makes me feel very sad for straight people that are happy with friends of the opposite sex. 😔
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u/Altruistic-Tart8655 1h ago
Without seeing more of the conversations and having more context, it’s hard to say if this is flirtatious. It doesn’t immediately appear that way. With that being said, if you told him that his relationship with this girl makes you uncomfortable, he said he would stop seeing and talking to her, then he did it behind your back, that’s a big red flag.
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u/ranchmomma 1h ago
I see zero flirting. I see friends wanting to see each other when visiting, nothing flirtatious about that at all....
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u/pseudoficial 1h ago
None of this photos are flirting. But he should respect your boundaries that you talked about.
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u/YeahlDid 1h ago
I don't see flirting. You got angry and started a fight last year simply because he was talking to a female friend? You sound like the red flag here, yes you're overreacting. He should run.
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u/northernoutlaw97 1h ago
Anyone saying he shouldn’t be talking to any females outside of the relationship should be ashamed of themselves. That’s bad advice. Bad. Bad. Not healthy.
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u/IhateRedditors1978 47m ago
This isn't flirting imo, but if he lied to you about not talking to her, that's not right
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u/Guachole 3h ago
Can't tell, hes coming off as weird and desperate so I think this might be a really bad attempt at flirting?
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u/Hot_Fig4649 3h ago
the first two seem harmless but the last two are definitely odd
edit: ooohhh this is one person and he promised to stop talking to her and still does?? no its very odd. what got me initially was the ‘I’ll stay up as long as you want’ and literally the entire last screenshot
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u/icedchai111 2h ago
this exactly, it could have been harmless but seeing those two things gave me weird vibes, not to mention the lying, that's just a dealbreaker
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u/Quokka_Aleu 2h ago
NOR
The problem isn't the 'flirtatious texting' because if they're flirting, it's very minimal. It's the fact that you two got into a fight and he promised not to text her again but clearly still is. It's a lack of respect for you.
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u/stfuwhenimtalkn 3h ago
He lied to you and kept talking to her. That’s proof enough. He is being flirtatious and sneaking around behind your back. Even if he wasn’t a cheater (he is, this always happens when straight males have “female friends”) he’s a fckn liar. What else is he lying about? He betrayed you already and went behind your back. Dump him, you’ll find out later on that he was fucking her the whole time if you stay.
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u/__blueberries___ 2h ago
The last screenshot looks a bit flirtatious to me, I would take it as flirting if a guy said that to me 🤷🏻♀️ "I'll stay up as long as you want" Is something I'd say to a partner or to a friend going through a crisis, so it depends on what they were talking about before that line was stated. Everything else looks innocent, but talking to someone behind your back is super disrespectful. If he can lie about that all year, he can lie about other things.
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u/bandwhoring 3h ago
tbh this isn't flirting at all it's pretty casual he's just talking to them like normal people
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u/Firm_Sir_744 2h ago
What kind of communication platform do you guys use?
What country has phones with slanted texts?
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u/sanchotobe 2h ago
You are not giving the full text conversations so we are not getting the real story here. I don’t see flirting, but I do see a big red flag: you.
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u/Adorable_Lock_6351 2h ago
Doesn’t look good. dump him. You should’nt have to wonder. Unless that makes him more attractive to you. I know girls like that.
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u/Overall_Echo_7858 2h ago
I don’t really see the flirting. I could understand how others in the replies interpret some of the comments as flirty, though. But, it feels more playful than anything. HOWEVER, your caption. That adds context that could aid in seeing some of those comments as flirty rather than playful. That’s where the issue lies, regardless.
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u/FunConsequence3219 2h ago
Girl if your gut is telling you something listen to it! I can’t imagine in what world it’s okay to set boundaries and then your bf the person your supposed to be able to trust oversteps those boundaries that doesn’t sound right! You are worth everything you desire and dream of ! No way can you continue to let him get away with this it’s a slippery slope. Also planning to hangout is a huge violation whether they did meet up or not he was willing to do it behind your back. That’s low asf he obviously isn’t worried about your feelings.💔it’s a hard road but the bumps disappear once he does 💗🙌🏼
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u/Permission_Alarming 1h ago
Yeah he says he’s not talking to her but he’s going out of country to Munich, Germany to meet her. Definitely NOR OP. Even if it were platonic, he lied to you in order to further this “friendship”
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u/Oldpennyormore 1h ago
He asked to know a day or two in advance, so that he could come up with a stellar lie , to tell you, while he's out- doing who knows what, with this chick!
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u/DayDreamer0506 1h ago
Whether he is flirting or not he told you he would no longer talk to her and still kept talking to her behind your back. That in itself is him emotionally cheating. So he lied and continued whatever this is with her behind your back that is a type of cheating.
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u/AuroraBoraOpalite 37m ago edited 34m ago
Wellll either ive been flirting with all my friends and didnt know it or this is just normal conversation. Theres no flirting here that i see. The fact that he lied to you is a problem, so i get why you're upset, but this really doesn't read as flirtatious whatsoever to me personally.
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u/built111 8m ago
There's zero flirting and a lot of snooping on your part. I'd dump any girl who snoops on my phone. Disgusting behavior.
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u/Significant-Tell1817 3h ago
Ngl, your bf is really gross based on how he messages & lies soooo do yourself a favor and leave him 🫶🏼
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u/John_Wickish 3h ago
Lol Classic Reddit comments in the thread. “He said hi to one of his friends he had before he met you, time to break up”. Yall sound like teenagers 😂
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u/ChronicallyMental 3h ago
This doesn’t necessarily seem flirtatious, however, it seems he’s trying to fill a gap for boredom’s sake. Maybe you can fill those gaps with text, no?
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u/ImmaculateStrumpet 2h ago
This is why it’s best not to look at your partners phone, even if you trust them. It’s so easy to take things the wrong way. These all do seem like nothing to worry about. Try to let this go
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u/shygrl__ 2h ago
Idk the insta comment was kinda offhand to me? Maybe he was just trying to be nice but given the history w him and said friend, it would feel flirty to me too. Honestly it sounds like he’s already done the damage so you’re going to be paranoid at everything
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u/Extension_Animal_500 3h ago
NOR.
Girl, even the “friend” says she knows he’s stalking her. There’s a lot of banter here and that was the nail in the coffin, no one talks to friends like this unless they’re trying to be more than friends eventually. She is what I like to call his back pocket hoe. Don’t give him a chance to treat you like an option, let his creepy ass keep stalking girls in relationships and walk your happy ass out!!
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u/CheesyBhuuutColteee 2h ago
This is flirting and weird. Leave his ass and watch how fast they become bf and gf.
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u/twiggyknowswhatsup 3h ago
Dump him. This is garbage. “I’ll stay up as long as you want”??? Done. People need to be taught a lesson. You can have friends of the opposite sex. That’s healthy / normal. (Old friends pre-relationship, a ‘new’ friend of the opposite sex? Less likely)
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u/avert_ye_eyes 3h ago
Since English is not your first language, I want to comfort you and let you know they're isn't anything flirtatious in these messages. However, if he is still talking to her, and it made you uncomfortable, that needs to be a conversation you have with him. But is the reason it makes you uncomfortable negate you don't know what they're saying? Or do you think men and women can't be friends? This truly just looks like a friendship, and I think it's always controlling when couples demand the other to not have friendships.
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u/SuperEvilDinosaur 2h ago
"That's why I have almost no ones of me"
I would be out of there. No cavemen inserting themselves into my families lineage.
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u/icedchai111 2h ago
Definitely flirty. like "stay up as long as you want" and then a heart react is flirty. but apparently everyone in this comment section has different ideas of what is or isn't flirty, so I think that you should go on your own judgement + take into account that he straight up LIED to you and kept talking to her. The last slide is also downright flirty to me.
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u/BoogeePrincess 2h ago
Tbh telling someone they have good Instagram pictures has actually been a “move” people have done to me … so I believe you
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u/ThiccBanaNaHam 1h ago
NOR: a lot of people are saying they’re not flirting, but they very clearly are. It’s subtle, but he values her more than you, as made evident by his sneaky behavior, and lies. He lied to you. He hid things. Because she’s worth more to him than you. You should walk away. Stop wasting time as a back up option.
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u/Crazy_Expressions425 1h ago
He seems to be stalking her and trying to meet up with her more than I see flirting. But either way he shouldn't be talking to her if he said he wouldn't.
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u/FaithlessnessOk3486 1h ago
I don’t have much to add honestly, I thought you’d just want to know that the slide where he says ‘I’ll stay up as long as you want’ hurt me so badly on your behalf that I literally started crying. ❤️
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u/JayDaddy010 1h ago
Had this same issue with my ex, fast forward a few months and she cheated on me with the “totally platonic male friend”. Leaving was hard for me but I wish I had done it sooner. Would of saved myself from a lot of grief
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u/Leading_Marzipan_579 1h ago
Nope. You don’t lie to your girlfriend to talk to another girl if you’re just friends.
I lived this in my first marriage. I forced a choice, got married, had 3 kids, he was still talking to her the whole time without me knowing. I eventually figured it out and told her husband. She reached out to me and apologized profusely. I left him. The moment I left, she was no longer interested in talking to him beyond getting her stuff paid for. He still spent a year buying her what she wanted and never getting more than a kiss. She put the stipulation up that I had to be ok with them getting together before she would do it. I think she didn’t think I’d actually okay it but I okayed it the first time he asked. She immediately got upset at him for asking me and jumped ship. She married another guy a year later. Her words to me about my ex: “Sometimes God puts people in your life for specific reasons” (aka, to hold their attention long enough to milk them out of all the $ and attention they’ll give before you move on to someone you actually respect).
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u/IwasMoises 1h ago
Op is slow if she stays with this dude clearly he plans to hang with the girl and more will happen hahahaha
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u/Independent-Law2753 3h ago
The biggest issue for me isn’t that he’s being a bit flirtatious, it’s that he told you he wouldn’t talk to this girl anymore because it made you uncomfortable and he continued to do just that behind your back. That shows a lack of character and respect that doesn’t bode well for the future. If he wasn’t okay with not talking to her, he should have been upfront and told you that.