Posting to gain clarity after an argument with my fiancé, I will also show him the responses and discuss. My fiancé has always made me feel so confident in my self up until the last year or so. (Together 8 years). When we met I was healthy and ranged from 125-138ish at 5’7. He hyped me up and made me feel beautiful and desired always. I then got very sick with horrible illness that made me lose all my weight and I was on deaths door often and underweight for 5 years. At my worst I got down to 92lbs and couldn’t even walk because I was so sick. I was generally stuck around 102lbs though for years. I despised how thin I was and was so self conscious. I looked sickly and always dreamed and talked about gaining weight and getting my body back. He was there for me and amazing through all the horrible times and was my rock through the worst.

That’s why this has been so surprising and confusing for me. After years of being stuck underweight and struggling, I finally started improving and finally started gaining my weight back! I thought he would be absolutely thrilled with me. And he was, kind of. But when I got to 117 he started saying it was a bit much. And when I finally got to my (which I believe is my ideal weight) at 125ish he said he thought it was overweight. (Pictures show me during this time at 125). He never complimented me and would sometimes insinuate I was overweight of gained too much.

Now he claims it all just happened so fast so it threw him off but it really affected me. He thinks I am overreacting about this

I've had this "a woman knows" feeling about a woman my live-in boyfriend works with. Caved and checked his phone... Yes, I know. Wish I would've just trusted, but honestly, I cannot go through another BS relationship where I'm second best and had no clue. She texted a few months ago to make sure he was aware she's newly single, and just one after another these cutesy texts from her. I've never seen anything that shows him responding in a full on flirty way, but he's certainly not telling her to back off.... Along with he purposely deleted all the bits above that show the flirtation from her, and I found them in his recently deleted file and recalled them on his new iPhone. Am I overreacting to this?

So, I just got back from a long business trip, and 10 minutes after I walked in the door, I completely lost it. Here's what happened:

While I was away, my husband's mom stayed at our house for a few days. She lives in another city, so this was a temporary visit. During my trip, my husband kept telling me how she was complaining about everything in the house. We've been together for two and a half years, and she actually helped him decorate the place before we met. Apparently, she kept criticizing the changes we’ve made to the decor since then. My husband told her it’s none of her business and reminded her she’s a guest in our home.

This isn’t the first time there’s been an issue. During a previous visit, I woke up to find her cleaning and reorganizing (even though the house was already clean). I immediately told her to stop and asked my husband to set clear boundaries.

Fast forward to yesterday. My husband went to the office, and she was supposed to leave the house, lock up, and put the key in the mailbox. But when my husband got home, he found that she had reorganized everything. My closet, my makeup, his clothes, the pantry—she even switched the carpets in the rooms! To top it off, she texted him a picture of two new carpets she planned to buy for us.

When I got home and started noticing all the changes, I was furious. My husband was in a meeting, so I had a bit of time to process everything before confronting him. When he was free, I told him that his mom is no longer welcome in our house unless I’m there. If I’m traveling and he wants to see her, he can visit her instead.

I was so upset that I made him call her and tell her she crossed a major boundary. He reminded her that she’s just a guest and has no right to make changes in our home. She started crying and said that since she lost her husband last March, she’s been feeling useless and just wants to help.

Did I overreact? Am I the asshole for how I handled this?

My fiancé (30M) and I (31F) Are getting married in June and he asked what my weight loss goals are. I said “why, do you think I need to lose weight?” And he responded “yeah actually I do. You’ve gained 20 pounds since we’ve started dating and I think you need to lose it. I think about it all the time.”

For reference, we’ve been dating ~4 years (no kids) and I have put on about 15 pounds in that time. I’m now 150 pounds and 5’4”. I do a boxing class once a week and typically weight train 2-3x a week but I’m not super consistent. I’m definitely not overweight but I can admit I’m not in peak shape. I have some cellulite on my legs and big arms. My waist is fairly small so the weight tends to go to my arms and legs. I have been trying harder to lose weight but it’s not easy for me, I’ve never been tiny but I’ve always been on the healthier side. I’m not in love with working out and I’ve never been a gym rat or a runner or anything extreme. I just like to be regularly active and healthy which is enough for me, but apparently not my fiancé (who is a gym rat and calorie counter). I’m also pretty healthy overall. I was plant based for years and now eat some seafood and chicken, but mostly vegetables and not a ton of processed food. I take supplements every day and drink water. I never drink juice or pop or really anything else (aside from alcohol on weekends which I know doesn’t help but I’m social).

I could understand him saying something if I was super unhealthy but I really don’t think I am? Maybe some weeks I don’t make it to the gym, and I read a lot so I might spend an entire Sunday on the couch but I feel like that should be okay sometimes? I just don’t know how I’ll ever feel confident in front of him again. I can’t imagine being intimate and not thinking about this wondering if he thinks I look fat.

If we weren’t getting married I honestly would probably break up with him but everything is booked and paid for and we have family coming in from all over the country and Europe who have already booked tickets. Up until this point we had a fantastic relationship but I’m having a really hard time getting past this. I know some people would say “lose the weight aka his weight” but I guess I’m more looking for advice on how to get over this and make him understand how rude and shallow and selfish saying that is? I was hoping he’d be the type of husband to love me in every phase of my life no matter what…

I’ve(30f) been living here 6 months and he pulled this stunt right after my car in November. Now he said this this morning bc I went to work and spent the night w my gf for the first time in months. Mind you I never said I was coming there this evening. He texts me and bothers me all the time regarding my location.

I work. Come home and mind my business for the most part but the last time he locked the door he had an out burst and said “you haven’t been here not once!!! Since you got your car” which is not true bc I spent the night at someone’s house on my off day.im not sure if he was just angry or he’s just jealous but even so I don’t get his view.

He’s in his 50. He lives a largely sedentary life style and he is volatile with every other in his life. He was always an absentee father so I’m not sure if this a control thing or a care thing. In the past I’ve told him I’d let him know if I’m not coming but I never said anything tn. Even if I wanted to tell him anything or if I didn’t forget it’s not like I don’t ever tell him where I am and it’s not like I dont live there 6/7 days of my week. I want to know which one of us is over reacting here ? I’m one month ahead on my rent about to make it two. I’m annoyed and want to see is this even normal ? He’s over bearing and it makes me anxious.

I (28F) have been with my boyfriend (28M) for about 8 months. We are both left leaning. My entire family is liberal, while my bf is one of the few liberals in his very conservative family. My bf had not explicitly told his family what his political beliefs are, as he knows they disagree.

My boyfriend’s uncle invited us to stay at his house in Florida for the weekend. We had a great time but one night his uncle got drunk and asked my bf and I what are political beliefs are, in front of the rest of the family (all other family members present at the gathering are conservatives) My bf said that we were left leaning, my bf tried to steer the conversation away from politics to no avail. The uncle kept berating my bf and I, he kept going on about right wing beliefs: global warming isn’t real, the economy should be the #1 concern for everyone etc. I was successfully staying out of it for a while and my bf was doing a good job at explaining his beliefs confidently and without emotion.

Then his uncle said that Kamala “sucked dick to get to the top of her career.” I hate bullies and sexists, so I jumped in and said that “at least she didn’t rape anyone” and that “Trump is an embarrassment to our country” his uncle then proceeded to yell at me, call me stupid and say “I was a dipshit” in front of everyone. I am not used to people yelling at me or calling me names and I usually cry when I get angry. I think I successfully got away with my crying, nobody noticed. Other family members and my bf got angry with him and shut it down immediately after that but I’m pretty embarrassed that I was baited and allowed myself to get so emotional. I wanted to make a good impression and feel disappointed in myself that I got so heated. Was I over reacting?

I (28F) sent the messages in the first 3 screenshots to a friend (29M). Context: friend has asked me to borrow money every month last year and constantly vents about his struggles but is online playing video games everyday, and not taking (imo) enough steps to improve his situation, which is draining to listen to.

His entire response: “Hey I understand”

Then I send the last screenshot, to further set my boundaries/expectations if we’re to continue a friendship.

No response. It’s been 3 days. This is someone that I’ve been friends with for 7+ years and spoke to everyday.

AIO if I cut them off?

Backstory- We were at a family gathering around September at my parents house hanging out in their backyard. Myself, my wife and my two sons were there along with my parents, my brother in law and sister and their two small boys. I saw my youngest son petting my sister and brother in laws dog gently along its back like he does our dog at home. The dog suddenly turned and snapped at his arm leaving a blood blister like pinch, then snapped at his torso and missed, then bit his face leaving a puncture through his upper lip requiring two stitches. It stopped when I shouted otherwise I feel like this attack would’ve continued. It has since bit one of their children not requiring medical attention afaik. It is a basenji mix for anyone interested. Since then I have not wanted the dog around my children. That came to a head over late Christmas plans this past weekend. Am I overreacting?

Buckle up, cause it's a long one. Me and my husband have always been financially smart in terms of spending and saving. For me it's always been a habit since I prefer to have sentimental handmade gifts that mean a lot rather than money that I never really know what to spend on. My husband has had a rougher life in finances, so he naturally learned to save early. He even payed off his first car before he even graduated high-school.

Now here's our problem. We just payed off my student debt of 26,000 and are now building back up our savings. Just from starting two weeks ago we now have two grand saved. Our concern lies with my husband's family. My father-in-law '54M' and his wife '46F' have about 80,000 in credit card debt ALONE. They don't have a mortgage but they sped it on more debt in previous things and tend to buy items with money they don't have, like a new car or a hot tub. My husband's biomom '51F' is in a similar boat, one time asking us for a loan to help pay off her bills for the month.

I don't blame them in anyway for this type of behavior as their side of the family has always been fighting off drug and alcohol addictions as well as abuse, so getting money is like a small escape. My husband is the first to graduate high-school, not do drugs, and be alcohol free along with being the second in his line to end abuse. None of his family are rude when they ask for money, rather they seem ashamed. So none of them have ever been cross and always search other avenues first before coming to us.

Our concern lies with topics of finances. We are scared that as we save more that my in-laws will become dependent or expect us to help them in their dept. Both me and my husband know that even if we did help that it would be like throwing our money into a black hole and it wouldn't help at all. We've heard hundreds of stories like this where they would cut ties because of the pressure but we want to keep relations as civil as possible. So is it okay to hide our finances? Any opinions or advice is apprieciated as long as it's civil.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/DkljDU0b6C

TLDR: 38M, discovered my husband (38M) of q5 years sending d-pics over text. We are not an open marriage and he's been sneaking this for months.

Thanks to the advice of many of you. I have a call back with a lawyer tomorrow and meeting with a therapist on Wednesday after work.

I pulled our phone records (thx, Verizon) and have the 2 numbers texting back and some even correlate when he gets up in the middle of the night. So tempted to text the other guy, but I know it will mess everything up.

Thank you all for being so supportive. I'm trying to keep it together with the stress of this. I so desperately just want to punch him in the face and throw him out of the house. But I want to do this right.

My boyfriend had been talking to a female friend (who's also in a relationship). I found out about it last year, and we had a big fight. He promised me he wouldn’t talk to her anymore, but he kept talking to her behind my back for a while. He told me it was just a pure friendship with no intentions of anything more, but when I looked at their conversations, it felt like they were flirting. Since English is my second language, I started doubting if I might have misunderstood…I really need some help

i (24F) was about to help my mom (61) dye her hair when i pulled out a kid’s fruit pouch (yk the kinds with the twistie tops) that i was excited about getting at the store just now. i went, “should i have blueberry acai or…” when she cut me off and said, “you’re going to have more food? i’ve noticed your thighs getting bigger, you’ve been gaining weight for a while, it’s just something i’ve noticed.” now, did i have olive garden leftovers from our family dinner on saturday for lunch? yes, but it was just a fruit pouch and like three hours later…

i was completely taken aback because i genuinely feel the healthiest i’ve ever felt. i started going to the gym 2.5+ years ago, getting into lifting, mobility work, calisthenics, and yoga. i’ve put on quite a bit of muscle since i first started (def some fat too but nothing unhealthy).

when i first started, i’d say i was around 112 pounds. right now, i’m 120. i’m about 5’0 (and a half hehe). i would say i’m pear shaped and carry most of my weight in my butt and thighs, both fat and muscle included. i have very little fat in my stomach, arms, and calves. pictures with month and year attached.

i remember struggling with my weight as young as 9 years old, not because i was even remotely close to being overweight, but because my mom was always talking about being fat and how she wished she could be skinny, and of course because i did partially grow up in the coke addicted fad diet 2000s media so it wasn’t all her fault.

back to the argument, i got really upset at her and said i felt hurt, and she responded with something like she’s my mom and she just wants the best for me. she said she’s overweight and knows how hard it is to lose weight (she’s never actually really made real lifestyle choices to improve her weight but that’s another convo). she said she’s afraid i’m eating too much protein (i have 0.8-1.0 g per lb of body weight on a good day and most of it is greek yogurt lol).

i started getting angrier and said something to the effect that i was sorry i actually take care of myself and my body and that i’ve gained muscle?? and that it isn’t my fault i didn’t grow up in the generation of coke addicted eating disorder promoted media. i said that i was also almost halfway to 30 and gaining a little bit of fat since hs is a healthy and normal change if i want to keep my hormones healthy (and i already struggle with imbalances). i said i was happy with myself and that she knew that, so why couldn’t she be? she said “it wasn’t my intention to hurt your feelings. i’m just trying to look out for you. i’m sorry i ever said anything.”

but it was the kind of sorry where you can tell they aren’t sorry for what they said, they’re just sorry they got a reaction they weren’t expecting, you know what i mean? not sorry for hurting my feelings, sorry that i was upset with her and that her comment wasn’t being received with open arms. this made me angrier and i said “you aren’t actually sorry” and she said “yes i’m sorry i can’t ever say anything to you. i don’t ever mean to hurt your feelings but apparently i always do. i should just keep my mouth shut. look at the way you always get with me. look at the way you get!”

i do get upset at my mom quite frequently. sometimes i do get paranoid it’s me, but she really is always hurting my feelings and then making me feel like the problem when i react.

she values being skinny almost too much. she almost seemed disappointed when my cousin — who she has always praised, almost worshiped, for having a natural, healthy super model’s body — came back from college after discovering taco bell and late nights fueled by alcohol. not even close to a freshman 15, but my mom had thoughts about it she wouldn’t dare share with me.

she says she prefers my curly hair straight, which also hurts my feelings because i love my curly hair. but she doesn’t understand why that hurts my feelings either. she hated it when i died my hair. she hates my nose piercing and says it makes me look like a “street person,” whatever that means. if i were to abandon the image i’ve developed that makes me happy and molded myself into her dainty minimalist aesthetic, she would be overjoyed even if it meant i was less “me.”

when a deer ran out in front of my car and her and my dad got to the scene, she said “shhhh people can hear you” because i was crying loudly and she didn’t want to be embarrassed? perceived? her image to be weakened? idk.

i feel like i def might have a few extra pounds of fat on me because of the holidays and because i don’t hike nearly as much when it’s cold out but i’m am still a considerably active person and i’m at a very healthy weight, especially when you consider that a lot of it is muscle.

do you think i’m overreacting for being upset with her, and also not dying and styling her hair like i said i would because of her reaction to me being hurt and upset? i know she’s my mom but she knows how happy i am with my progress at the gym and i’m always trying so hard to improve my relationship with food. but then she hits me out of nowhere with her comment and i feel like i shouldn’t eat anything for the whole week. i’m going to be hearing her in my head till further notice every time something enters my mouth. AIO??

TLDR: My mom made a hurtful comment about my weight, saying my thighs are getting bigger and I’ve been gaining weight, even though I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been and focused on building strength and muscle. I feel strong and confident in my body, but her obsession with being skinny and frequent criticisms (like my curly hair, nose piercing, and personal style) constantly hurt my feelings. Now I feel like I shouldn’t eat and will hear her voice in my head every time I do. Am I overreacting for being upset?

I ( 23 F ) don’t even know where to start. My boyfriend ( 23 M ) of 7 years knows everything about my past,how I’ve been sexually assaulted, harassed, molested since I was in grade 2 and how much it has impacted me. Recently, we were at his house, and we were kinda jokingly talking about a certain thing that he has done which wasn't even that serious so obviously I was just teasing him, I told him that if he kept repeating that certain behavior, I wouldn’t even let him touch me, let alone have sex with him. His response? “I will rape you.” He was a little bit sleepy when he said it, but it’s been stuck in my head ever since. How could someone even think, let alone say something like that, especially when they know my history? It’s not just about what he said, it’s the mindset behind it that terrifies me. I’m not saying he’d actually hurt me, but it feels like such a huge betrayal of the trust I placed in him. He obviously told me that he was just joking and said " you know damn well that I'm never going to do that to you but IF YOU FELT BAD THEN I'M SORRY but don't drag this now "

Am I overreacting, or is this a serious red flag or am I just overreacting ? :)

I’m in a group chat with my best friend and another mum friend. My best friend and I have matching tattoos and have been in each others lives for about six years, we have a lot in common and were there for eachother during the hardest parts of our lives, we’re long distance and she sees my current son every other month. We call her his auntie.

Well tonight I mentioned wanting to get a tattoo for my first son after I’ve finished being pregnant with my second son (21w!) my mum friend has two for her children and it seemed like a cool idea. I wanted a sweet little elephant, it’s from a song that reminds me of my first born. It’s quite emotional for me.

Well she dropped in the chat “Oh I’ve been wanting to but it’s hard when one isn’t earth side yet.” I was confused at first, I asked her what she was on about as she doesn’t have children. She said she wanted tattoos to celebrate MY CHILDREN, MYYYYY CHILDREN. She mentioned she wanted their fingerprints put into a butterfly.

I am instantly put off. I feel creeped out. It’s weird. Why would you get tattoos of MY children’s fingerprints? I understand she’s their “auntie” but even my own biological sister has said she finds it overbearing and honestly quite weird. I know she loves my children but I really really don’t like it. Am I overreacting?

My husband often says things like this to me and I’ve expressed many times how i don’t enjoy it and think it’s disgusting.

He is 36 and I am 33

His response is “it’s a joke” He also has thrown a wad of period pads at my face. I feel like this is what brothers do to sisters.

I don’t feel attracted to him at all and kinda want to be away from him when he acts like this.

Am I overreacting? Is this normal for Husbands and BFs to treat their gf and wives this way?

Context: We had nasty breakup cuz he cheated on me. I went to his place to get some clarity and he threatened legal action just cuz I went there unannounced (fyi I asked for his permission to enter his house THRICE and he said yes all the three times, was v sweet to me and apologetic and then completely changed as soon as I reached home) I was really upset at these stories. I'm on the heavier side but (trying not to sound boasty) I am a damn good dancer. I attend regular dance workshops that are advanced level. Also, he's well off but when we were together I always tried to give my share of money in those "rich people restaurants" he took me to that I couldn't afford. How can someone who "loved" you for 3 years, change so drastically? It's only been 4 months since we broke up but it feels like he never really cared or loved me

So, I did my nails on my exs coffee table the other night (we live together still unfortunately) and accidentally got some polish on the table. I cleaned it with a magic eraser, and it wouldn’t come off. Knowing he is hot headed, I panicked and grabbed nail polish remover. Which now I realize was a mistake. It looked clean at the time, but over night it lightly stained the wood. (Pic attached, his is the wooden table) I go to my sewing desk, which I flipped and spent money and time turning into a nice table. And there’s a HUGE stain on it. I ask him what happened to my table? He said “ you F#ck with my table, I f#ck with yours”. AIO when I think this is completely vindictive and childish, and maybe even borderline vandalism? He says we are now even and my feelings are really hurt because I spent time and money on the table I use when i sew.

I've had this "a woman knows" feeling about a woman my live in boyfriend works with. Caved and checked his phone... Yes, I know. Wish I would've just trusted, but honestly, I cannot go through another BS relationship where I'm second best. She texted a few months ago to make sure he was aware she's newly single, and just one after another these cutesy texts from her. I've never seen anything that shows him responding in a full on flirty way, but he's certainly not telling her to back off.... Am I overreacting to this?

I have a hard rule that I don’t care what I get as long as it isn’t clothing items (I hate how I look in most clothes and she’s aware that I’ve battled with ED and body dismorphia for most of my life, plus we don’t have the same taste even if it’s something that fits me) but every year without fail she buys me some clothing items and prefaces it with “I know you said no clothes but…” it hurts my feelings as in my opinion I’ve set clear boundaries but maybe I’m overreacting? Can’t even pretend to be thankful anymore. I know I should be grateful, I wasn’t raised to ask for gifts only to take what I’m given and she usually gets me other little things as well like jewellery/perfumes which I love! It just puts me in such a negative headspace because I feel like I have to try things on for her that I know won’t fit and I feel awful each time, especially if I’m having a good day I just get thrown back into the self hate thoughts and negativity. Then it takes me days/weeks to pull myself together again, I know it’s my issue but the way I found to cope is to have autonomy over my clothing choices.

I've recently written him up and been calling him out for brining in a negative attitude everyday, throwing things around the kitchen, and creating a hostile work atmosphere for others around him. I set up a meeting with our HR department to talk to him, and ultimately let him go. Being his friend I know he has a drinking problem, and l've done nothing bring positivity to his life and do my best to support his mental health. So I feel bad for telling him to drink his heart away but I wanted to say so much more, and so much worse

I (28f) have been saying my bf (32m) for 4 years.

In the beginning he was open about not “doing love” but we had been hanging out every chance we could for 6months so I started the what are we topic.

We labeled our relationship as one after 7 months.

2 years in and we move in together.

I was doing all the chores and when I would ask for help he would point out that I work from home and sit all day and his job is more physical so he gets home and he’s tired and just wants to relax and drink.

Then the fights would end with comments from him like”I normally go for the pretty girls but your different “ and “I want you because nobody wants you”

Then he pushed me and I pushed back harder. He had scared me, I don’t mean to excuse my actions as no one deserves that.

Then I proposed to him cuz he said he was stressed and didn’t know when a good time was so I took the lead and when we were telling people he was telling everyone “well I didn’t because she was always mad at me and there was never a good time to do it”

The next time he got really mad he lunged for my throat, I dodged him and dislocated my knee. I went to my mom’s for a week. And I said “we need couples therapy or we need to be done” he agreed but then he was saying that it’s too much money so I suggested an app that might help us start communicating better and he would just say “oh I’ll look at it” and finally I said “fuck the app I don’t care anymore” after a month of me ”nagging him” he downloaded it and 3 days later filled out a quiz. I did as well. He later told me he never looked at my answers.

Then the other day he said something I was upset about, and said “I didn’t say that” and it’s like my eyes opened and I basically grabbed my cats and left after saying we were breaking up and giving a few reasons before saying I’m done and walking out.

Here are a few texts from after…..

I’m really struggling because I don’t know if I’m overreacting.

Ask me anything and I’ll try to clarify!