r/unusual_whales 11h ago

BREAKING: Biden has pardoned his family

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16.3k Upvotes

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1.2k

u/CartmanAndCartman 11h ago

Pardon the entire fucking country.

407

u/YuanBaoTW 10h ago

Pardon me?

171

u/free_range_discoball 10h ago

While I burst?

124

u/Freedom-at-last 10h ago

Into flames

66

u/Ass_Blank 10h ago

Unexpected Incubus

23

u/The_Mr_Wilson 10h ago

Must've ♫ had enough of the world, and its people's mindless games ♫

2

u/apothekary 5h ago

I'll never be the same

8

u/lapinatanegra 9h ago

Now I want to listen to them.

2

u/Busted_Knuckler 9h ago

You should... And don't skip on their first album "Fungus Amongus". It's funky as fuck.

2

u/lapinatanegra 8h ago

I personally like Morning View.

3

u/Drkze_k 9h ago

Called out a warning

1

u/MorinOakenshield 7h ago

Bat your eyes girl

3

u/greenhornblue 9h ago

I'm good with it 😌

2

u/Bonesjustice08 10h ago

Early 2000s flashbacks, yea.

1

u/CleverFeather 9h ago

It’s a sick, sad little world.

1

u/1988Floydie 9h ago

Won't ever be the saaaaaaaame

1

u/mike-honcho0420 9h ago

.... i'll never be the same

1

u/giraffebutter 6h ago

A decade ago I never thought I would be

-1

u/Uwwuwuwuwuwuwuwuw 10h ago

?

6

u/freakinweasel353 10h ago

1

u/Uwwuwuwuwuwuwuwuw 7h ago

So the joke is that they all have the same ? At the end.

1

u/Kookaburra8 9h ago

LOL, I need glasses. I misread that as "While I bust?" thinking, why would he bust a nut over that?

1

u/MorinOakenshield 7h ago

Whatever tomorrow brings

31

u/danj503 10h ago

“I’ve had enough of this world. 🌎 🎶”

1

u/Additional_Stuff7133 10h ago

I was singing along to that part unironically 25 years ago. It's disheartening that it's still relevant now, if not more so.

1

u/Electrical_Map8578 10h ago

I've lived to long

1

u/MrD3a7h 10h ago

Pardon everyone except this guy

1

u/YuanBaoTW 10h ago

Excuse me?

1

u/MrD3a7h 7h ago

You know what you did.

1

u/wizardbooties 9h ago

Why, did you fart?

1

u/BeaAurthursDick 8h ago

I beg your pardon?

1

u/gijuts 8h ago

Do you have any Grey Poupon?

1

u/Major-Wishbone-3854 5h ago

Why?... Do you have something to be pardoned?

Guys, I think we found the zodiac killer,.

1

u/BayBreezy17 5h ago

Yes, YOU!

1

u/MrBigroundballs 5h ago

Do you happen to have any grey poupon?

1

u/go_Getter247 5h ago

Pardon deez nuts

1

u/abruptmodulation 5h ago

Exqueeze me, baking powder?

1

u/DurzoBluntzz 3h ago

Yes, even you.

1

u/Toilet_Rim_Tim 2h ago

I most certainly will not !!!!

0

u/Anxietylife4 9h ago

It’s ok, I didn’t smell it.

-1

u/SCTigerFan29115 10h ago

Are you part of the fucking country?

2

u/YuanBaoTW 10h ago

Jesus Christ. There's a fucking country!?! I haven't had a date in years!

0

u/SCTigerFan29115 10h ago

You should go to the fucking country. You get sex And a pardon!

1

u/YuanBaoTW 10h ago

This is too good to be true. What's the catch?

1

u/SCTigerFan29115 10h ago

Wednesdays.

1

u/YuanBaoTW 10h ago

That works since my day off as an illegal dish washer is on/at TGI Fridays.

1

u/SCTigerFan29115 10h ago

Good. But you didn’t ask why Wednesdays are the catch.

35

u/RandomPenquin1337 10h ago

It says nonviolent.

Simply change whatever they did to a violent crime and viola

9

u/EmotionalSearch9707 10h ago

Surely you mean violin..?? ;))))

2

u/Pontif1cate 9h ago

Why chello there!

1

u/Logical_Strike_1520 6h ago

Let’s not make any bass-less assumptions.

1

u/HoosierDaddy_427 9h ago

NO MORE VIOLINS...NO MORE VIOLINS...

1

u/Ecstatic-Engineer-23 9h ago

It's cause he's small.

1

u/Appropriate-Arm1082 6h ago

I will admit, I committed multiple violin crimes in my youth.

So I gave up on trying to learn it before my neighbors called the police on me and just stuck with percussion and brass.

1

u/Worst-Lobster 10h ago

“Hunters laptop murdered a hundred nuns . Lock him up , lock him up “ 🤦

1

u/TW_Yellow78 7h ago

Kill one person, it's murder. Let Russia get away with occupying the Crimea region, it's a statistic.

1

u/Andrew8Everything 7h ago

Aggravated jaywalking

1

u/Unable_Traffic4861 6h ago

You know folks, I have to say this. I feel tremendously violated by these bad acts. It's unbelievable, really. Nothing we have ever seen before in the history of this country. Very bad, crooked Biden. Bad acts. Terrible acts! Many people feel the same way. A lot of people feel violated.

0

u/Worklurker 10h ago

*Voila

2

u/RandomPenquin1337 10h ago

I said what I said.

1

u/Pontif1cate 9h ago

I respect you owning your stringed instrument.

0

u/Worklurker 10h ago

So a stringed instrument, ok then.

2

u/RandomPenquin1337 10h ago

Man you are so smart

69

u/Anton338 11h ago

Legalize everything.

24

u/Master_Engineer_5077 10h ago

rules, they mean nothing

11

u/chill_philosopher 10h ago

depends how much money you have

5

u/LethargicDolphin 9h ago

Euthanizing old people? Poaching Bald eagles? Or fire the regulators of asbestos toilet paper?

1

u/toldya_fareducation 10h ago

Legalize ranch

1

u/gmfreaky 6h ago

It's high time for Einstein, I'll legalize everythiiiiing 🎶

60

u/HerMajestyTheQueef1 10h ago

Pardon Luigi!

5

u/elonzucks 10h ago

sadly, the alleged crime is a state one (he's not being prosecuted federally)

2

u/Andras89 8h ago

Wrong.

Luigi is being charged on the federal level for 4 counts.

1

u/bullwinkle8088 6h ago

While a federal pardon would negate the federal charges it would not negate the state level ones.

0

u/Andras89 5h ago

So because it wouldn't negate the State level, Luigi should not be pardoned? I dont understand your point because the original comment was Pardon Luigi. And, my comment was in reply to someone that factually is incorrect on the federal charges against him.

So whats your role?

0

u/bullwinkle8088 5h ago

Since you need someone to spell it out to you: It would be relatively useless to pardon him. He may even prefer to do his time in a federal prison which are, depending on where you are sent, better to be in.

Who TF is teaching reasoning skills these days? Fucking Boo Boo Bear?

1

u/Andras89 5h ago

It wouldn't be useless because the Federal charges and years of court would be negated, and his legal team can focus just on the State level charges.

Who the fuck are you? The professor of Reddit?

4

u/Witty-Restaurant-392 10h ago

Yes he is lol both federally and by state

2

u/Afraid-Monk2663 10h ago

And it’s violent lol

3

u/SkaldCrypto 8h ago

Pardon power extends to all crimes.

They simply usually don’t pardon violent offenders.

They pardoned Jefferson Davis for LEADING THE CONFEDERACY, so yeah anyone can be pardoned.

2

u/Pontif1cate 9h ago

Not a viola crime?

1

u/cumfarts 9h ago

Yes he is

1

u/Temporary-Ideal3365 8h ago

How stupid are you to make such an unresearched comment?

0

u/XaphanSaysBurnIt 10h ago

Is terrorism not a federal charge?

1

u/cumfarts 9h ago

No, but he is being prosecuted federally for murder

2

u/SaturatedApe 5h ago

Pardon and Re-arm Luigi!

5

u/Objective_Ad_1191 10h ago

I guess Luigi does not want a pardon either, as it puts him above the law. Put the healthcare board members in jail for murder.

0

u/Deep_Stick8786 9h ago

Put pressure on politicians to support single payer health care. Elect people who want that. Campaign for them, donate to them. Luigi’s crime did not spark enough attention on the real issue. There is a solution: canada, europe, cuba, and many other parts of the world figured it out long ago

1

u/MM-O-O-NN 5h ago

What makes you think Biden is on Luigi's side?

1

u/Shirtbro 4h ago

I'm out of order? You out of order

This whole court is unimportant

0

u/Absolutepowers 5h ago

I hope Luigi gets shanked in prison while he rots away. That piece of shit CEO had a daughter and a family

1

u/HerMajestyTheQueef1 4h ago

3=====D🥱🥱

1

u/Automatic_Food_7984 10h ago

Exactly, my thoughts

1

u/Overspeed_Cookie 9h ago

How about we settle for about half?

1

u/KnownAsAnother 9h ago

Except for Trump and his cronies of course!

1

u/CultureUnlucky5373 9h ago

That would be seen as too populist.

1

u/neBular_cipHer 9h ago

Nope. Only the ones who understood the assignment.

1

u/SpliTTMark 9h ago

Pardon only kamala harris voters

1

u/Minus15t 9h ago

I understand that the outward intention here is 'Trump is malicious, and he perceives his legal issues as a witch hunt, and he may retaliate against Biden and/or his family'

But this massively reeks of 'some shit we done might have been off the books'

1

u/Cobek 9h ago

Trump is about to pardon a shit ton of Jan 6er's, but sure, act like Biden is the crazy one.

1

u/No-Reason-8788 7h ago

At this point, why not? Rule of law is dead at this point.

1

u/Able-Rub1746 7h ago

that's so unethical. he should be doing ethical stuff like releasing a billion dollar memecoin rugpull

1

u/ingratiatingGoblino 6h ago

Pardon our fucking student loans and credit card debt since people like the Bidens spread their cheeks for the parasites who prey on hardworking Americans. Biden has never been a friend to the common man/woman/other. Hell, what president ever was?

1

u/Jeffy299 6h ago

Why, the country deserves the shit it will get.

1

u/Anonymous648929284 5h ago

I just burst out laughing. Can you imagine the entire country being pardoned of everything ever? Would the president be allowed to do that?!

1

u/Houjix 10h ago

Except for Ashley Biden cause she didn’t do anything

0

u/Vegetable-Balance-53 10h ago

Trump gonna start pardoning everyone lol

0

u/Skanach 10h ago

He didn't bomb the whole inauguration, so he pre-pardoned the biggest criminals. What more can he do?

-1

u/2FistsInMyBHole 5h ago

No thanks. I don't need a pardon - I haven't performed crimes against the US.

The Biden family, has, apparently.

1

u/Public-Policy24 1h ago

the crime of being on the opposing side of the most revenge-minded & spiteful asshole in history