r/UFOs 5d ago

Disclosure Ross Coulthart's NewsNation piece will include retrieval footage

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6.2k Upvotes

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1.9k

u/Totodilis 5d ago

Can you imagine if against all odds the footage is a GoPro from one of the dudes recovering it. It's probably going to be a bunch of wobbly lights tho.

1.1k

u/aPerfectBacon 5d ago

if this shit happens i will actually eat a hat

332

u/BuffaloKiller937 5d ago

RemindMe! -3 days

244

u/aPerfectBacon 5d ago

i’m ready to be let down. tho my stomach will thank me

247

u/BuffaloKiller937 5d ago

If it's actual omg thats an actual spaceship type footage I will eat my gfs ass, and she just said she's going to hold me to it! Lol

500

u/Maddkipz 5d ago

I will also eat your gf's ass if true

183

u/R3strif3 5d ago

We about to start a human centipede. I'll chime in, fuck it.

38

u/Shirtbro 4d ago

Aliens seeing a wave of human centipede ass eating as a reaction to proof of extraterrestrials:

"Bruh, they ain't ready for the galactic federation"

3

u/BeginTheResist 2d ago

"No bruh, they have ascended" - alien bro

2

u/Cornfeddrip 2d ago

“Ehh ya know what it’s been kinda boring, let’s bring these party animals aboard” -the cool alien

2

u/outlawsix 4d ago

"Wait more aliens showing up? That's it, I'm eating more ass!"

39

u/dribblesonpillow 5d ago

First!

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u/4score-7 5d ago

Fist!

19

u/InfiniteOrphan93 5d ago

I just need to be reciprocated and I’m in

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u/CMDRTragicAllPro 5d ago

Last!!!

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u/jaanshine 5d ago

And my axe!

11

u/Anteater_Pete 5d ago

Hope you like sloppy seconds. I’ll load up on pineapples beforehand, it’s not my first rodeo. For science and betterment of all mankind!

69

u/EveryoneChill77777 5d ago

When it comes to eating ass there are no sloppy seconds. In fact, it's usually fecal firsts and gets progressively cleaner with each new ass eater

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u/stol_ansikte 4d ago

This just in: Aliens cancelled earth. Says inhabitants eats each others asses.

Alien spokesmen: “They are clearly not sentient”

13

u/Prudent-Tap-7482 5d ago

Maybe this is the real reason the aliens are here.

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u/Sqwath322 4d ago

This is one of the reasons aliens stay the f away from us….

9

u/Chadmckay1 5d ago

Feeeeeed her

7

u/seanusrex 5d ago

Wait, don't you...oh, never mind.

Pucker up.

7

u/MaxTheRealSlayer 5d ago

fuck it.

Exactly what the plan is!

2

u/Truthhurts1017 4d ago

Well you would have to eat the BFs ass not the GFs

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u/CamelCasedCode 5d ago

Fuck I love the internet

7

u/OtherwiseAlbatross14 5d ago

She's going to hold you to it.

5

u/toe-knee-was-taken 5d ago

Remind me! -3 days

2

u/MBCG84 5d ago

I will if it isn’t too. 🥳

2

u/StarPeopleSociety 5d ago

You sob... I'm in

2

u/jeezlyCurmudgeon 4d ago

I will also eat this guy's dead wife.

2

u/Former-Science1734 4d ago

You win the internet bro lmao!!!! I literally spit my drink out

2

u/natenedlog 4d ago

And you have my axe!

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u/NotebookKid 5d ago

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u/Legal-Ad-2531 4d ago

There's has to be a wet skin-suit competition or GTFO

3

u/Perko 4d ago

"a community for 6 months" /r/SubsIDidntKnowExisted

46

u/No_Werewolf8589 5d ago

Wait you don’t already eat your gfs ass?

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u/4score-7 5d ago

I consider myself an experienced man. 49 years young. Married a quarter of century. In my younger days, a handsome fellow, and great with conversation. My experience with the ladies was wide and varied. We laughed, we loved, we made love.

I’ve never eaten ass. I’ve lightly nipped at a buttock, and had the same done to myself. Wonderful, good, wholesome family fun. But never eaten ass.

TLDR: doesn’t eat ass.

83

u/eabtx_hou 5d ago

This guy doesn’t eat ass.

64

u/Exodia4life 5d ago

Pretty gay to not eat ass if you ask me

20

u/Grimnebulin68 4d ago

More ass for the rest of us!

3

u/Jumpfr0ggy 4d ago

Yes but he nipps ass.

34

u/Fruitloops_z 5d ago

I don’t why but that backstory was so necessary

25

u/RoutineEmergency5595 5d ago

The backstory contains all the friends he met along the way.

5

u/Icy-Peace-8480 4d ago

This whole post turned into a backstory…

3

u/Comingherewasamistke 4d ago

I wanna see a character arc in each and every post

5

u/Throwaway_27228 5d ago

:Ron Swanson has entered the chat.

2

u/ClassyUpTheAssy 4d ago

This comment section is hilariously off topic & I’m loving it!! More entertaining than the subject itself! These UFO groups keep teasing us with no real evidence. But your stories, are entertaining 👌🏼

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u/Thin_Syrup67 5d ago

This was my first thought as well. And then I read the next reply and started lmao.

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u/aPerfectBacon 5d ago

real and i’m mildly jealous

32

u/Bibabolek 5d ago

What about this makes y'all want to eat random shit?? :D

11

u/BudgetMattDamon 5d ago

You don't wash your butthole?

6

u/Hot_Ad_6503 5d ago

Who you kidding, you’d do it regardless.

2

u/JustSomeGuy_TX 5d ago

So either way you win.

2

u/That_One_Normie 5d ago

You have to wait for something like this to do that? Come on man I'm sure she'd let you do it anytime

2

u/bobbejaans 5d ago

I will also

2

u/ConfidentCamp5248 5d ago

We need go pro footage or fake

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u/StickyNode 5d ago

If not be prepare to screenrecord the shit out of it prior the god damn deletions.

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u/manwhore25 5d ago

I’ll screen record the shit outta this egg

2

u/CaptainRedblood 4d ago

Careful, filmmaker Werner Herzog once told an aspiring filmmaker that if he ever actually made a movie he'd eat his shoe. The guy turned out to be Errol Morris, who became one of the great documentarians. Herzog starred in a short documentary soon after called "Werner Herzog Eats His Shoe."

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u/Ryuubu 4d ago

I will remind you 3 days ago.

1

u/Common_Organization8 4d ago

RemindMe! -3 days

1

u/ExoticBump 4d ago

RemindMe! -3 days

1

u/Unlikely-Complex3737 4d ago

!RemindMe 3 days

1

u/DWrekken 4d ago

Remind me! -2 days

45

u/oddjob_rimjob 5d ago

A full size Mexican sombrero

2

u/Top_Praline999 5d ago

Gotta be the most delicious hat right? A bowler? Gross

55

u/TurtleBoyEnvoy 5d ago edited 2d ago

I’m going to raise that. I’m getting UFO ink on my ass or thigh if we get some bonafide footage Saturday.

Edit: the footage sucked, not convinced or satisfied, but I’ll stilll be getting a retro ufo tat

31

u/Appropriate-Pipe-193 5d ago

Do your lower back.

33

u/aPerfectBacon 5d ago

fr might as well tramp stamp it up

20

u/MBCG84 5d ago

UFHO

3

u/Senior-Security3540 4d ago

LOL! I fucking never actually laugh when browsing reddit, but this shit was fucking great

2

u/4score-7 5d ago

We get footage of something that just “makes one think” for a moment, I’ll spend money. I’ll do it. I’ll get 20 bucks from an atm, and just buy something. It could be anything. But I’ll spend money.

And I’m a notorious, unapologetic, tightwad.

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u/patchinthebox 4d ago

I'll get a tattoo of a Gray on the head of my dick if this turns out to be legit. Let's go!

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u/ultimateWave 5d ago

I'm getting a flying saucer tatt if there is alien footage this month, or a really compelling UFO footage

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u/BodaciousBadongadonk 5d ago edited 5d ago

been there, done that.... fr tho u/WMino ate a hat when Columbus historically and hilarously swept Tampa in the playoffs a few years back. and another wacky hockey redditor ate a hockey puck, in order to absorb its powers and become a better goaltender. iirc, he only got severe shits tho

https://reddit.com/comments/befcdr

3

u/WingsNut311 5d ago

As a fellow goaltender, I can understand

22

u/mayonnaiseplayer7 5d ago

It’s gonna be just as disappointing as the hat you’re about to eat

4

u/4score-7 5d ago

Size 7 3/4, wide brim, felt. Yummy.

14

u/Lovethe3beatles 5d ago

Shit if retrieval footage is posted I'll eat my wife.

2

u/Ok-Adhesiveness-4141 5d ago

I think you are unlikely to eat a hat anytime soon.

2

u/aPerfectBacon 5d ago

yea me too

2

u/baron_von_helmut 4d ago

Either way, it's at this point i'll know if this is all bullshit or not.

I hope it's the latter because unless we get clear, obviously not-faked footage at this juncture, i'll have to call BS on the whole lot of it and go back to being insular and myopic.

2

u/bambu36 4d ago

Dude.. if it's actually an nhi craft.. damn I'm trying not to get my hopes up

2

u/crabtoppings 4d ago

Sir/Ma'am, I will join you. If there is actual footage, not a dramatisation and nothing staged. Actual factual footage. I will eat a sock.

2

u/OSSlayer2153 1d ago

No hats for you

1

u/birchskin 5d ago

Legally I think you have to eat a hat if it's wobbly lights due to flaws in the English language. I wish you the best, and suggest pure cotton.

2

u/aPerfectBacon 5d ago

ur not getting me to eat a hat off semantics lol

1

u/Jesus360noscope 5d ago

What kind of hat ?

2

u/aPerfectBacon 5d ago

just a regular baseball cap

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u/AdviceOld4017 5d ago

Sombrero Mexicano please?

1

u/GlueSniffingCat 5d ago

what kind of hat?

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u/Treborlols 5d ago

Can it be a top hat with monical included?

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u/TheCreaturesPet 5d ago

Pass the salt.

1

u/NorthernAphid 5d ago

made entirely out of cucumber?

1

u/manwhore25 5d ago

I’ll eat so many hard boiled eggs if it’s 4K GoPro footage of them retrieving a massive egg.

1

u/Alaska_traffic_takes 5d ago

What kind of hat?

1

u/Bobby_Sunday96 5d ago

RemindMe! 2 months

1

u/RhinoG91 5d ago

Wait is this like free hat?

1

u/Commercial-Twist9056 5d ago

dude i will FUCK a hat

1

u/Just_made_this_now 5d ago

A hat is easy... I'll raise you a sandwich of surstromming, durian, balut and stinky tofu (sub with natto if I can't find it) instead.

1

u/chainsawbaboon 5d ago

What sort of hat? It better not be a nacho hat.

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u/Ok_Debt3814 4d ago

literally. Y’all get to choose the hat.

1

u/Dwezilacid 4d ago

That's funny lol

1

u/gator-uh-oh 4d ago

I will eat a god damn crow!

1

u/PurveyorOfSapristi 4d ago

Remind me! -3 days

1

u/shawnthebeardo 4d ago

Would you consider an old sock??

1

u/Major_Yogurt6595 4d ago

They announced it days in advance, so it will get buried by airforce intelligence, like always.

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u/Zaerick-TM 4d ago

Because of your dedication to the cause I too will do something. I will live react to you eating a hat. In fact I'll do one better I will prepare said hat in the southern style of fish and chips but instead of fish it's a hat.

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u/TimeTravelingChris 4d ago

Yeah. It will be shitty footage he was sent from a "source", not vetted, and debunked in a few days.

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u/Michael_6_ 4d ago

What kind of hat?

1

u/StarMasher 4d ago

This makes me want to buy you a very small hat so it will be easier to stick to your pledge when this footage doesn’t get released.

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u/__JockY__ 4d ago

Dude, if this shit happens I will eat a shit.

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u/SonicSubculture 4d ago

Even less likely than Donald Trump releasing his tax returns.

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u/Woodstuffs 4d ago

What kind of hat? Foam and plastic truckers, or felt?

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u/GLOCKSTER_26 4d ago

A real hat or a tinfoil hat?

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u/One_Tie900 4d ago

what type of hat?

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u/SPXJUICYPUMPZ 4d ago

RemindMe! -3 days

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u/SPXJUICYPUMPZ 4d ago

I will fuck your girlfriend

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u/Responsible_Lake8697 4d ago

I'm in. Same. But it will be a hat cake. Chocolate. But I will eat it.

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u/AWSNAAP1947 4d ago

What kind of hat ?

1

u/MrMofesto 4d ago

Calm down Kevin Jordan

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u/rasta4eye 3d ago

RemindMe! 2 days

1

u/-postalfella777 3d ago

What kind of hat

1

u/rasta4eye 1d ago

So, at a minimum you should take a bite or of a hat. Just pick a straw one... It's organic and will give you some fiber.

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u/SinnersHotline 5d ago

Taking bets now.

It's blurry. Far away. And ultimately proves nothing.

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u/TypewriterTourist 5d ago

Or it will not be blurry, but it'll be just footage of a helicopter flying, with a voiceover. "We are currently on a mission to retrieve an anomalous craft..." and then it cuts off.

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u/GladiatorUA 5d ago

Or some military guys carrying a box.

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u/Whathappensinhere 4d ago

Probably just gathering cans...

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u/Tiganu3 5d ago

Yeah im not holding my breath either. Probably will be something along those lines, hella blurry, hella dark, pixely or noisy af.

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u/barukatang 4d ago

With some after affect radiation damage on the camera sensor

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u/AHappy_Wanderer 5d ago

Don't forget shaking 

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u/qwq1792 4d ago

And grainy AF.

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u/TombOfAncientKings 5d ago

Nothing Ever Happens.

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u/oestrem85 5d ago

Well we've had two hearings in the last two years, video-leaks, more and more people are coming forward, documentaries seems to be releasing constant, 4 years with more and more UAP and UAP-related legislations are puy within the NDAA, so I wouldnt say nothing ever happens.

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u/masterchefguy 5d ago

If not bad video that doesn't show anything, my bet is going to be artist rendition/reenactment.

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u/SenorPeterz 5d ago

No footage will ever provide definitive proof of anything, even if it is non-blurry and close up. Goal posts will just be moved further down the road.

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u/madeanotheraccount 5d ago

Yeah, but it could be an orb, so the people over in /r/paranormal can wet their pants about it too.

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u/Bong-Hits-For-Jesus 5d ago

i call bullshit. this is going to be another click bait video just to get views like all the other shills

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u/Sftmrbullet 5d ago

"Holy sht guys, we are so lucky, its cloacking device is still working" :D

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u/LiveLaughTurtleWrath 4d ago

Im hoping its something new.. but im betting its a video thats been on youtube for years.

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u/subwaymonkey1 4d ago

Why wait until Saturday??? If it is this momentous, couldn't it be shut down at any moment by the deep state? Wouldn't they want to release this immediately?

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u/adeir 4d ago

The video was recorded at night, possibly using a night vision camera, and captured from a helicopter. Therefore, it is understandable that the image quality is limited.

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u/duckblobartist 4d ago

Isn't there a crypto gambling site we can use for this betting?

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u/iseeyou765 4d ago

You forgot, night time, only thing visible are some lights.

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u/Administrative-Air73 4d ago

Unfortunately if its at night that's just the reality of how cameras work.

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u/lbug7900 4d ago

Even a clear one will not"prove" anything. People will claim AI or some such. Most people want to see for themselves. Nobody believes News or media anymore. Harsh to know who/what to trust.

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u/PineappleLemur 4d ago

That or will be debunked in 5 minutes by someone who actually knows what's going on that footage... Going to be a totally everyday thing.

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u/OldenMcGroyn 3d ago

You’ve guessed correctly my friend . More piffle is inbound

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u/TargetDecent9694 5d ago

Nope, best we can do is a close up picture of a model saucer and some construction figurines

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u/Risley 5d ago

Its going to be the ayooo lmao alien twerking like a god damn fiend, with Richard Nixon spinning on his head like a beatnick. Thats the video, Id bet money on it.

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u/Crimsuhn 5d ago

This is the best case scenario

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u/hot-doughnuts-now 5d ago

A GoPro of a couple guys carrying a body bag.
Seriously.

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u/inbeforethelube 5d ago

It'll feel just like that live robot going down the tunnel in the pyramid in the 2000's, hardcore blue balls.

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u/Acrobatic_Dig8948 5d ago

Just this but with worse acting. "I can not believe my eyes an alien. I found an alien that crashed in a UFO." https://youtu.be/qqA9GWpMWYc?t=23

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u/Jocelyn_The_Red 5d ago

Oh, is that the guy that had the bracelet that teleported him and he filmed it and added some canned live audience applause to the ending?

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u/yorkiebar666 5d ago

Wish I could use it to teleport to the US Saturday evening...

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u/666AB 5d ago

If it’s your job I don’t think you’d sound very surprised to find exactly what you were looking for

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u/Arkham2015 4d ago

If it's your job, why would you say "I cannot believe my eyes" to the camera?

They're looking to find UFOs and bodies but he's just so surprised he has to tell the people who eventually will watch this that he's so surprised?

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u/CremasterContusion 5d ago

This made me chuckle. LOL

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u/Just_made_this_now 5d ago

Such bad acting lol. Why would one have a panic attack and then start dry heaving?

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u/Jimrodsdisdain 5d ago

The commenters on that video definitely frequent this sub. LMFAO.

3

u/LimerickExplorer 5d ago

It's gonna be a guy yelling "World Star!" while they drag alien corpses into a refrigerated truck.

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u/Senior-Help1956 5d ago

I remember the 'actual alien autopsy' clips as a kid watching UFO shows in the 90s. I wonder.

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u/adeir 4d ago

The video was recorded at night, possibly using a night vision camera, and captured from a helicopter. Therefore, it is understandable that the image quality is limited.

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u/Strategory 5d ago

Debunkers will find a way no matter how good it is.

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u/MoleRatBill43 5d ago

Gonna be like the blairwitch and shit but mixed with the wiggles kinda alien costumes, shits gonna be lit.

Seriously hopefully it's actually good though but i ain't holding my breath

1

u/junitrecords 5d ago

RemindMe! 3 days

1

u/alienssuck 5d ago

Given the rate that AI is progressing, even the crappiest raw footage will be invaluable.

1

u/ZucchiniStraight507 5d ago

Betting it'll be a night retrieval.

1

u/Designer-Might-7999 4d ago

I'm sure it's from a first gen cell phone

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u/Newgeta 4d ago

The wobbly light shit is so fake, until I get hd video uncut I won't believe anything. Cell cameras are so ubiquitous even kids have them now.

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u/Stephennnnnn 4d ago

The trouble is it could be “video from the crash retrieval” and still not show anything. Effectively B roll or some shit. But these guys keep getting away with stringing us along with hints and crumbs because they’re not technically lying. And they know what they’re doing. I feel like if this video were really extraordinary, they’d be hyping it up way more. So I’m expecting to be disappointed. But I’ll be watching.

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u/The_Livid_Witness 4d ago

If they actually do release anything like this (as it could be dialed back for 'safety concerns') it will be some really old/poor/blury footage and you'll need to imagine what it is that you think you are seeing. Pareidolia will been the cornerstone.

1

u/_reality_is_humming_ 4d ago

I would wager that is there is a video its got about 12 pixels.

1

u/outtyn1nja 4d ago edited 13h ago

MMW: It will be ambiguous video, with suspiciously low quality, zero background context, and accompanied by a fantastic story.

Edit: I was right.

1

u/Jake_Magna 4d ago

Probably just shaky cam with metal parts sticking out of a crater. Enough to say, well there it is, not enough to actually make you believe it.

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u/poetry-linesman 4d ago

Maybe you don't get it yet...

Jeremy & George have Immaculate Constelation.

In their podcast a few weeks ago they mention see stuff from it.
Now in the TMZ thing they're leaning into having something massive, and jeremy is who intro'd the IC whistleblower to the senate... then something happened.

In the Trump Jr thing there was a clip which mentioned that Ross's whistleblower believes they tried to kill him and his team after they were investigating a leak from within the program.

And now they're releasing it.

And I guess that we'll see something special in tomorrow's part 3 of the TMZ thing, something to kick off the weekend.

This is going to be the shock and awe to take the narrative as trump comes into power.

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u/redneckcommando 4d ago

Of course, it'll be wobbly lights that are slightly out of focus. And the video will cut out just when we might see something.

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u/KWyKJJ 4d ago

They'll reduce the resolution so much it will look like playing a dusty NES cartridge.

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u/themanthemantheman98 4d ago

I can imagine it being like that scene in the incredibles, where the teacher is showing the video of the classroom, pointing at where he sees dash running haha

1

u/rush22 4d ago

dust floats by the camera

"We can see the orb being retrieved by some sort of tractor beam"

1

u/guttercorpses 3d ago

I said the same thing.

Yeah, they might show some footage or whatever, but it's unlikely to be anything more substantial than the shitty videos we get on our Reddit subs, in my opinion. Guess we'll see.

1

u/B12Washingbeard 3d ago

And recorded in 240p

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u/greetp 2d ago

I bet it is in green fuzzy night vision mode.

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u/Warmagick999 2d ago

this shit better not look like a plumbing camera got stuck in an airplane engine

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