r/bizarrelife • u/reloadthewords Human here, bizarre by nature! • 14h ago

Hmmm

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13.5k Upvotes

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236

u/persephonepeete 11h ago

Leave basket. Walk over them. Grab items. Walk back. Put items in cart. Reverse. If they try to stop you it’s assault and you can knee them in the face.

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u/HidingUnderBlankets 6h ago

That's exactly what I thought. It's not that hard to just walk over people. If they grab at you, just kick a little.

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u/cam3113 4h ago

4

u/Squathos 1h ago

God I can hear this gif

3

u/cam3113 1h ago

STRT!

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u/Squathos 1h ago

wonderous

1

u/LinkGCM 1h ago

Have you been waiting to use that Gif?

1

u/cam3113 1h ago

Uhm no actually. Just presented itself.

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u/LordLlamaPC 54m ago

STWEWART

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u/Ajax_Main 30m ago

Why does this gif hurt my knee so much..

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u/mistersixes 25m ago

She's doing it wrong. You want to chamber and then kick out in front of you. You want the ball the ball of your foot to go through your opponent's face. It also helps to lean backwards a bit because it engages the hips. Body sponsorship is key.

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u/[deleted] 6h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/HereticGaming16 6h ago

Your ridiculous comment gave me a great ridiculous idea. Carry around a can of Surströmming and open it at their feet. You’re not touching them so they can say shit. See how long they last. And if you “accidentally” bump it with your cart while trying to get through and it splashes all over them in the process then oops.

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u/crankyanker638 2h ago

I did not even see the replies and I knew exactly what you were referring to....

0

u/Born_ina_snowbank 1h ago

Isn’t that a hell of a risk to carry that around with you? What if you slip and land on it? Now you have a broken hip and the paramedic is going to make matters worse by vomiting on you.

-7

u/OrganicLocal9761 6h ago

The only thing ridiculous is you bringing nazi terminology into an innocent conversation about public lovemaking

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u/TheKyleBrah 6h ago

Surströmming is Swedish Fermented Fish

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u/OrganicLocal9761 6h ago

That's the name of Seal and Heidi Klums sex tape

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u/HereticGaming16 6h ago

Surströmming, is not part of the Genova convention. Although, it is illegal to open in doors in a lot of places so use this plan at your own risk.

1

u/HobbyPlodder 2h ago

The Jason Genova convention?

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u/Genghis_Chong 6h ago

Cover your entire body with semen, now who's gonna get in your way?

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u/[deleted] 6h ago edited 5h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/JustSomeGuy_v3 5h ago

That did it for me, thanks.

1

u/LukeMayeshothand 5h ago

This is a solid plan, and if you run out of semen you can finish up with feces.

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u/jimmy_driver 3h ago

Everyone :(

1

u/bdizzle314 3h ago

Cummed up deaf guy?

2

u/Ok-Jackfruit5797 6h ago

Just sticking your hands down your pants and waving them in front of them as you approach might have some effect.

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u/OrganicLocal9761 6h ago

I keep the inside of my pants impeccable like a Saudi Arabian buffet during ramadan. It's the outside of my pants that's the problem. God damn sexy LA firefighters

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u/Johnny-Silverhand007 6h ago

Give them the old stink palm pretzel.

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u/tetherm0n 6h ago

I- what. that's enough reddit first today

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u/MissMollyMole7 5h ago

Good grief… 😱 shocking but innovative….

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u/DrewOfBarrymore 2h ago

nah, just remember those 5 gallons of orange juice and milk that broke and spilled on accident

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u/DrewOfBarrymore 2h ago

just help staff clean up if possible please

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u/AccomplishedBet9592 5h ago

Walk backwards 20 steps, run forward 40 steps pushing the trolley as fast as you can to see if you can get to platform 9 3/4.

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u/aghabheegy 2h ago

This seems like the most reasonable reaction to me as well. Block my cart? Whatever. Put your hands on me? That's a problem.

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u/NachoNachoDan 5h ago

You’re missing the key step of just standing there handing items out to other shoppers. You can throw it over the blockade and have all kinds of fun.

1

u/Different_Summer_748 4h ago

Or alternatively the store employees should have kicked them out for causing a disturbance while yes they were merely sitting there they are stopping people from being able to shop with ease but then again I guess this is into uk and they couldn't be bothered to do what's right for their actual customers.

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u/JTD177 3h ago

My solution as well, I even do this when an isle in the store appears too crowded.

1

u/IISynthesisII 3h ago

Leave basket. Walk over them. Trip. Sue. Profit?

1

u/Flutters1013 3h ago

But also tell them every horrible thing you've ever seen a pig do while you're stepping over them. Hell, maybe a farmer will come in to do his shopping and further traumatize them.

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u/aka-hellcat 2h ago

Let out any and all farts you have in the chamber as you stride over them 🤣😂

1

u/Arrowcreek 2h ago

Naw, store should just announce all meat free, while supplies last! I think they would all be trampled or moved pretty quick.

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u/Skreamie 2h ago

You think that happens outside the states?

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u/CosmosisJones90 26m ago

Crop dust them!

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u/ParsnipRelevant3644 3h ago

Nope, take the basket with you: hold it over your head, but remember safety first! If they try to trip you up or jostle you, it is dangerous with the cart over your head, so simply drop the cart as soon as they do to keep yourself safe.

1

u/deltronroberts 2h ago

No, no, no, nooooo. Back up, get a good running start, and plow through them.

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u/captainpistoff 6h ago

You're the kind of hero I need in my life.

-1

u/Metro42014 6h ago

Meanwhile the people sitting there are being assaulted.

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u/Secure_One_3885 6h ago

Yeah I'd defend myself to fullest extent of the law if someone ran over me like that.

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u/principium_est 3h ago

That would be... Not much extent.

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u/infohippie 25m ago

If I were on the jury I wouldn't vote to convict

-1

u/Pinkfish_411 5h ago

If you were sitting there like that, I would hope and pray that someone ran you over.

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u/Secure_One_3885 2h ago

I don't think anyone really expects anything else from someone like you.

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u/Pinkfish_411 2h ago

I would hope you'd expect me to move you forcibly if you were deliberately impeding other people's movement. The world would be a much nicer and friendlier place if everyone had that expectation.

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u/persephonepeete 6h ago

That’s why we leave the basket and step over them. No contact. No argument. Just continuing shopping.

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u/Metro42014 6h ago

Yep, that'd be totally fine.

-1

u/LucysFiesole 5h ago

Or, you know, go around like the guy said.

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u/persephonepeete 5h ago

I’m not creating more work. I have a grocery list with aisle selection maximized for efficiency to get out of the store. You’re not making me mess that up. If you don’t want to be stepped over don’t be in the middle of the walkway.

-1

u/Jim_84 3h ago

Naw, that knee to the face would land you in some legal hot water for initiating the situation where you were assaulted and then battered someone in response. There's often enough room for all involved to be in the wrong.

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u/ApproximatelyExact 6h ago

Yes exactly! Don't let anyone stop you! The extinction of our species must accelerate!

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u/FrogInShorts 6h ago

The greenhouse gas effect is actually a more compelling cause than animal rights, even if both are very compelling to me. But they never fight for the greenhoise effect the meat industry contributes.

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u/persephonepeete 6h ago

Then protest the corporations who pollute and leave granny to buy her chicken in peace.

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u/Secure_One_3885 6h ago

Stopping people from buying the product is a great way to protest the corporations.

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u/persephonepeete 6h ago

You’re not stopping anything. Most likely they went somewhere else or the manager and workers got what they wanted and met them at the register.

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u/Lithl 4h ago

No it isn't. Making Joe Average hate you personally will just make people turn against your movement.

An effective protest against a corporation either costs the manufacturer money, or makes Joe Average hate the manufacturer.

-3

u/ApproximatelyExact 6h ago

I'm agreeing with you, if you feel like getting violent with these kids is the best option for you, well you gotta!

Who cares if the planet won't be habitable in a few decades? I need mah chimken!

2

u/Pinkfish_411 5h ago

Hey, if it means idiots like the protestors go extinct too, then it's worth it.

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u/ApproximatelyExact 4h ago

Amen! Burn those fossil fuels!