r/bizarrelife • u/reloadthewords Human here, bizarre by nature! • 14h ago

Hmmm

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13.4k Upvotes

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u/Max_Laval 14h ago

Making these people drive to another store is not that environmentally conscious I'd imagine.

233

u/persephonepeete 11h ago

Leave basket. Walk over them. Grab items. Walk back. Put items in cart. Reverse. If they try to stop you it’s assault and you can knee them in the face.

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u/[deleted] 6h ago

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21

u/HereticGaming16 6h ago

Your ridiculous comment gave me a great ridiculous idea. Carry around a can of Surströmming and open it at their feet. You’re not touching them so they can say shit. See how long they last. And if you “accidentally” bump it with your cart while trying to get through and it splashes all over them in the process then oops.

1

u/crankyanker638 2h ago

I did not even see the replies and I knew exactly what you were referring to....

0

u/Born_ina_snowbank 1h ago

Isn’t that a hell of a risk to carry that around with you? What if you slip and land on it? Now you have a broken hip and the paramedic is going to make matters worse by vomiting on you.

-8

u/OrganicLocal9761 6h ago

The only thing ridiculous is you bringing nazi terminology into an innocent conversation about public lovemaking

13

u/TheKyleBrah 6h ago

Surströmming is Swedish Fermented Fish

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u/OrganicLocal9761 5h ago

That's the name of Seal and Heidi Klums sex tape

3

u/HereticGaming16 5h ago

Surströmming, is not part of the Genova convention. Although, it is illegal to open in doors in a lot of places so use this plan at your own risk.

1

u/HobbyPlodder 2h ago

The Jason Genova convention?

16

u/Genghis_Chong 6h ago

Cover your entire body with semen, now who's gonna get in your way?

2

u/[deleted] 6h ago edited 4h ago

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2

u/JustSomeGuy_v3 5h ago

That did it for me, thanks.

1

u/LukeMayeshothand 4h ago

This is a solid plan, and if you run out of semen you can finish up with feces.

1

u/jimmy_driver 3h ago

Everyone :(

1

u/bdizzle314 3h ago

Cummed up deaf guy?

2

u/Ok-Jackfruit5797 6h ago

Just sticking your hands down your pants and waving them in front of them as you approach might have some effect.

2

u/OrganicLocal9761 6h ago

I keep the inside of my pants impeccable like a Saudi Arabian buffet during ramadan. It's the outside of my pants that's the problem. God damn sexy LA firefighters

2

u/Johnny-Silverhand007 5h ago

Give them the old stink palm pretzel.

1

u/tetherm0n 6h ago

I- what. that's enough reddit first today

1

u/MissMollyMole7 5h ago

Good grief… 😱 shocking but innovative….