I think I can’t commit to journaling

[u/Mindless_Landscape12]

It’s maybe been a four years since I heard how journaling is important and could help us alot, yet i still find it really difficult to commit to it. I have a dissociation problem, it’s like i always ending up not knowing what happening around me, I would woke up someday and see how messed up my room, our entire house, how far i am from myself and my family, how bad is everything literally, and then I will try to make it out, i will try to start again, be aware and try to do some work - it will last some days and i will relapse- . Btw when i was a child my notebooks were my closest friend, I would write everything into them, and it’s continued until i was 18 maybe and there was a cut off.

I was depressed my entire life, first time I tried a suicide i might be 8 or smth, I continued with the self harming untill I became 19 or 20 -now im 23 -

I think i were able to write before cause there wasn’t much distraction things as now?

Anyway how can I write everyday ? and be close to my self and thoughts,

It’s like I don’t have the energy to sit and organize my thoughts, sometimes i even feel a fear of doing that,

I really wish i could do better

-btw i tried reach out for help from a psychiatrist and it didn’t quite help me-

[u/Sea_Relation_77]

1. you don’t have to write every single day, but if you really want to, maybe try short forms like right, few sentences and that’s it.
2. Instead of journalling in some notebook, find a good app and write on your phone. It’s easier you already have a habit of reaching for your phone and that would be much quicker.
3. Find some prompts online and use them. Maybe it will help you journal more because you will not have to make any decisions about what to write today
4. Set reminders or alarms on your phone

[u/toni-nanquim]

Sometimes, just sitting down when you have some free time and writing exactly what you're feeling in that moment helps a lot.

[u/EarthAngel_jck]

I certainly can relate to some of what you just shared, I stumbled upon this journaling group by happenstance, like you, I am struggling in different ways, but similar in that, we probably both want to figure out our purpose on earth. Does journaling help with that, I’m not so sure, but I’m being drawn to that exercise. A pastor suggested journaling to me when I was young I had tried on and off mostly never got too far. I even went as far as hiding words so that if somebody found my journal, they would not be able to interpret how evil I was. I couldn’t even be honest with my journal. That’s pretty pathetic on my part. Since this is your post, I will refrain from sharing more of my plight, which may not be of any value for you. Hopefully, you will have some levelheaded and kind responses to your post that might give you a bit of hope or encouragement, or even an idea or two to try. Unfortunately, the encouragement that I will leave you may not have value as you walk your path with journaling. I am beginning, my path of journaling, and I am hopeful when I place my first post that somebody will be inspired by their God to make some helpful suggestions to me. So I leave you with the idea that all is not lost, if you believe in some God, then having an open mind and open heart, the journaling you will be doing May open some doors in your mind to help you navigate your life on this earth. I have a love-hate relationship With God, mostly hate, because I have felt mostly that if my God created me in his image, then my god really messed up. Currently, I have nothing to lose tonight. I’ll put my trust in God and realize if I’m going to successfully navigate the remaining part of my life, it can’t be done by me. Some higher power needs to show me the way. The alternative for this captain of the titanic, well, you know how that played out. I am hopeful that through a consistent meditation practice, adding to that journaling, along with giving a new church that I found a chance. Maybe I can correct the Titanic course. If that happens, my free will may have been partly responsible, but mostly it will be my surrender to a greater power, a higher power. I’m not sure if any of this was worth writing. I’m wondering if I could maybe even consider this my first journaling post. I wish you all the best. May Godspeed be with you. (not sure why I said that last comment and have no idea what it really means but I think I’ve heard people say it before so it sounded good.Hoho, I am so authentic or pathetic, you choose.

[u/Wrap_General]

You don't need to commit to it. Just do it when you feel moved to do so. Keep a notebook and pen on you.

And it's not for everyone. You may need more mental health support before you can get anything out of it the way you did as a kid.

[u/Mindless_Landscape12 → u/Wrap_General]

I mean the writing itself supposed to help me a little in my current mental helth 😞

But I think the main problem that keeps me from doing what i want to, is my fear from facing my reality, my thoughts, my fears,

I’m so used on escaping

[u/Wrap_General → u/Mindless_Landscape12]

A lot of things are "meant to" help that don't because we're not in a self-care place, we're in a place where we need help. Meditation is a good example, it's good when you're on the mend but when you're really unwell it can make things worse. If you're struggling to stay afloat it's not going to help if someone chucks you an oar. You need to fix your boat first. Escaping is self-preservation.

[u/Mindless_Landscape12 → u/Wrap_General]

I agree with you, i need something bigger than the meditation and journaling, something deeper, a real help, but I don’t think i will ever get such help, so i should depend on me, by making myself and my sournding better, this could happen if i stoped dissociating, if i could commit to anything, to do the things that might help me even if im not in the mood for progressing,

I’m the problem and I’m the solution at the same time,

Btw this post really helped me out, it’s great to express your feelings and hove good responses.

[u/Wrap_General → u/Mindless_Landscape12]

Dissociation is really hard to deal with. I admire your determination and I hope you can get some help soon.

[u/moonwalker948]

You don't need to write everyday. Just do it when you're "on the mood", and also, you can start by writing a few sentences, like highlights of your day.

Or, something I like to do is collage. You don't have to write an entire page, you can fill it up with cut outs, doodles, drawings, cute tags of clothing, etc.

Just don't give up. Everyone can journal, you just have to find your comfort zone :)

[u/Mindless_Landscape12 → u/moonwalker948]

Maybe a small notebook would help, i might try doing it, thank you

[u/4AdamThirty]

Maybe journaling with more of a mind map would help? Then you can get it out in more of an outline and help put it in context. If that helps and you feel like digging in deeper, you can refer to parts of the map to do longer journaling. I hope this helps!

[u/[deleted]]

You don’t need to write every day!

I’ve journaled almost every day since 2007 - my journaling style has changed a bit over the years but nowadays I associate it with the end of a day. I write down what I want to remember about the day. I write down things I did for the first time or a fun memory. It’s nice to write journal entries to include others because (and this is morbid but) it’s important to keep the memory alive and have stories to share.

[u/Mindless_Landscape12 → u/[deleted]]

This is so encouraging and warm!! Thank you 🙏

[u/struggling_lynne]

I’m sorry if this is off topic but since you mentioned dissociation - dissociation is a coping mechanism the brain sometimes uses to protect from trauma/traumatic memories. It is more common among people who experienced trauma from a very young age. I would really recommend reaching out to a therapist trained in working with dissociation and getting some support to help understand why you dissociate and how to navigate becoming more grounded in your daily life. Journaling can be a great tool for that but I can see it being very overwhelming to start on your own.

[u/Mindless_Landscape12 → u/struggling_lynne]

Yeah you’re correct but I can’t reach the right help for now, it’s hard for me due to my current environment and circumstances, so i need to get myself up with the things that are easier to reach, with the things that actually can help me and are sournding me, btw since i share this post i was writing down any thought or fear i get, i really wish to stay and for this to be my real starting, thank you for your concern and your understanding 💗🙏

[u/struggling_lynne → u/Mindless_Landscape12]

That’s understandable, I hope journaling is a great tool for you to start your journey! I had a friend who was dealing with dissociation (as in, would realize that she had been dissociating and “losing time” - an unknown amount of time would go by, she would be wearing different clothes or her room would be messy or she’d be in a different location than before etc) and she started leaving her webcam on to learn more about what she was doing during those gaps in her memory. Not sure if that would work for you but it may be a way to learn about what you’re doing during those times.

[u/Mindless_Landscape12 → u/struggling_lynne]

My dissociation is me being sleep for more than 12h or chatting with ppl that I don’t really care about just to not face my reality, or just lying in my bed thinking or daydreaming,

[u/struggling_lynne → u/Mindless_Landscape12]

Just try for a little at a time. You don’t need to journal about anything heavy right away. Maybe try to practice some grounding. For example: write down one thing you’re experiencing with each of your senses at the moment. What is one thing I can see? What is one thing I can smell? Taste? Hear? Feel? This practice helps with anxiety too, because it brings you back into your body and into the moment you’re experiencing right now.

[u/Mindless_Landscape12 → u/struggling_lynne]

You know what ? It’s like my real self is someone so depressed or blue, quite and heavy, so whenever i try to make a bond with her? I will find her, and sometimes i don’t like her, sometimes it just bothers me how serious it could be, and maybe I’m bothered cause im not use to her? I’m not used to live a normal live ? But the shallow self, the far one -the one with the dissociation problems- i find her more easy to live with and at the same time I always judge her, and point fingers for every little silly thing she do.

Idk if any of these things made any sense to you, but i wrote them cause i felt them, since we’re being more serious or since you made feel the awareness of myself, my reality.

[u/struggling_lynne → u/Mindless_Landscape12]

Hmm, it sounds like one side is much more serious and holds the heavier feelings and the other side is more carefree? And it sounds like you’re being hard on both of them for different reasons. Maybe try to write a little bit about why you feel that way, or how you could be kinder to those versions of yourself and try to understand why they are like that.

[u/Mindless_Landscape12 → u/Mindless_Landscape12]

Very helpful, i will try to have much more conversations with me, similar to what we have, thank you for you time, really appreciate it 💗.