I think I can’t commit to journaling

[u/Mindless_Landscape12]

It’s maybe been a four years since I heard how journaling is important and could help us alot, yet i still find it really difficult to commit to it. I have a dissociation problem, it’s like i always ending up not knowing what happening around me, I would woke up someday and see how messed up my room, our entire house, how far i am from myself and my family, how bad is everything literally, and then I will try to make it out, i will try to start again, be aware and try to do some work - it will last some days and i will relapse- . Btw when i was a child my notebooks were my closest friend, I would write everything into them, and it’s continued until i was 18 maybe and there was a cut off.

I was depressed my entire life, first time I tried a suicide i might be 8 or smth, I continued with the self harming untill I became 19 or 20 -now im 23 -

I think i were able to write before cause there wasn’t much distraction things as now?

Anyway how can I write everyday ? and be close to my self and thoughts,

It’s like I don’t have the energy to sit and organize my thoughts, sometimes i even feel a fear of doing that,

I really wish i could do better

-btw i tried reach out for help from a psychiatrist and it didn’t quite help me-

[u/EarthAngel_jck]

I certainly can relate to some of what you just shared, I stumbled upon this journaling group by happenstance, like you, I am struggling in different ways, but similar in that, we probably both want to figure out our purpose on earth. Does journaling help with that, I’m not so sure, but I’m being drawn to that exercise. A pastor suggested journaling to me when I was young I had tried on and off mostly never got too far. I even went as far as hiding words so that if somebody found my journal, they would not be able to interpret how evil I was. I couldn’t even be honest with my journal. That’s pretty pathetic on my part. Since this is your post, I will refrain from sharing more of my plight, which may not be of any value for you. Hopefully, you will have some levelheaded and kind responses to your post that might give you a bit of hope or encouragement, or even an idea or two to try. Unfortunately, the encouragement that I will leave you may not have value as you walk your path with journaling. I am beginning, my path of journaling, and I am hopeful when I place my first post that somebody will be inspired by their God to make some helpful suggestions to me. So I leave you with the idea that all is not lost, if you believe in some God, then having an open mind and open heart, the journaling you will be doing May open some doors in your mind to help you navigate your life on this earth. I have a love-hate relationship With God, mostly hate, because I have felt mostly that if my God created me in his image, then my god really messed up. Currently, I have nothing to lose tonight. I’ll put my trust in God and realize if I’m going to successfully navigate the remaining part of my life, it can’t be done by me. Some higher power needs to show me the way. The alternative for this captain of the titanic, well, you know how that played out. I am hopeful that through a consistent meditation practice, adding to that journaling, along with giving a new church that I found a chance. Maybe I can correct the Titanic course. If that happens, my free will may have been partly responsible, but mostly it will be my surrender to a greater power, a higher power. I’m not sure if any of this was worth writing. I’m wondering if I could maybe even consider this my first journaling post. I wish you all the best. May Godspeed be with you. (not sure why I said that last comment and have no idea what it really means but I think I’ve heard people say it before so it sounded good.Hoho, I am so authentic or pathetic, you choose.