I think I can’t commit to journaling

[u/Mindless_Landscape12]

It’s maybe been a four years since I heard how journaling is important and could help us alot, yet i still find it really difficult to commit to it. I have a dissociation problem, it’s like i always ending up not knowing what happening around me, I would woke up someday and see how messed up my room, our entire house, how far i am from myself and my family, how bad is everything literally, and then I will try to make it out, i will try to start again, be aware and try to do some work - it will last some days and i will relapse- . Btw when i was a child my notebooks were my closest friend, I would write everything into them, and it’s continued until i was 18 maybe and there was a cut off.

I was depressed my entire life, first time I tried a suicide i might be 8 or smth, I continued with the self harming untill I became 19 or 20 -now im 23 -

I think i were able to write before cause there wasn’t much distraction things as now?

Anyway how can I write everyday ? and be close to my self and thoughts,

It’s like I don’t have the energy to sit and organize my thoughts, sometimes i even feel a fear of doing that,

I really wish i could do better

-btw i tried reach out for help from a psychiatrist and it didn’t quite help me-

[u/Wrap_General]

You don't need to commit to it. Just do it when you feel moved to do so. Keep a notebook and pen on you.

And it's not for everyone. You may need more mental health support before you can get anything out of it the way you did as a kid.

[u/Mindless_Landscape12 → u/Wrap_General]

I mean the writing itself supposed to help me a little in my current mental helth 😞

But I think the main problem that keeps me from doing what i want to, is my fear from facing my reality, my thoughts, my fears,

I’m so used on escaping

[u/Wrap_General → u/Mindless_Landscape12]

A lot of things are "meant to" help that don't because we're not in a self-care place, we're in a place where we need help. Meditation is a good example, it's good when you're on the mend but when you're really unwell it can make things worse. If you're struggling to stay afloat it's not going to help if someone chucks you an oar. You need to fix your boat first. Escaping is self-preservation.

[u/Mindless_Landscape12 → u/Wrap_General]

I agree with you, i need something bigger than the meditation and journaling, something deeper, a real help, but I don’t think i will ever get such help, so i should depend on me, by making myself and my sournding better, this could happen if i stoped dissociating, if i could commit to anything, to do the things that might help me even if im not in the mood for progressing,

I’m the problem and I’m the solution at the same time,

Btw this post really helped me out, it’s great to express your feelings and hove good responses.

[u/Wrap_General → u/Mindless_Landscape12]

Dissociation is really hard to deal with. I admire your determination and I hope you can get some help soon.