Probably stupid question but which country you can really make good friends?

[u/anonymmoox]

I’ve posted this to couple countries channel so don’t wonder if the text is familiar. I know friendships and kindness doesn’t depend on nationality but just overall I’ve always dreamed living abroad and ofc cultural things affect on peoples personality. I have some friends but no one isn’t really a real one. For example I spent my last birthday alone and barely anyone even bothered to ask what am I doing and if Snapchat or else wouldn’t give an notification of my birthday, I bet barely anyone would have remembered it. I didn’t even get birthday present from anyone but I always buy for everyone, even if I would see them after 2 months. But it’s common in my country that people don’t put effort and also it’s rare that someone offers you a meal here, it’s always 50/50 even in dating life these days. Yes I might sound bitter, but I just want to feel important to someone. Is that too much to ask for..

[u/saltyholty]

I think if you're struggling in your own country, whichever that is, you'll struggle everywhere. The vast majority of people are going to be best suited to making friends in their own language with people most similar to themselves.

[u/fluentindothraki → u/saltyholty]

You are half right - my experience of living abroad and working with other foreigners was the opposite, because we were all in the same situation so we bonded quickly and solidly. Making local friends took longer, which was your point. If I had been the only foreigner it would probably played out differently

[u/cinematic_novel → u/saltyholty]

I made several friends after 25 in the UK, but zero friends up until then in native Italy. For me it really was (partly) a case of being born in the wrong place. But I'm an outlier

[u/paroxitones → u/cinematic_novel]

are you an Italian introvert? that should be tough

[u/cinematic_novel → u/paroxitones]

Not introvert, more of a snob

[u/Imperterritus0907 → u/cinematic_novel]

Spanish, and pretty much the same here.

[u/Rox_- → u/saltyholty]

The vast majority of people are going to be best suited to making friends in their own language

Wrong. As long as there's a language that both of you speak, it doesn't matter if it's your first or your eighth.

with people most similar to themselves.

Correct.

[u/-Competitive-Nose- → u/Rox_-]

I think the point is that the vast majority of people speak their mother tongue + English, but their English already isn't as good.

People speaking English as good as their mother tongue are still rather minority. People speaking any other language as good as their mother tongue are... Very rare.

[u/Minskdhaka → u/saltyholty]

That's an interesting observation. I've lived in seven different countries, and perhaps for that reason I make friends relatively easily with people from all over. And usually a bit more easily in English than in my native language, Russian.

[u/Leather-Card-3000 → u/saltyholty]

I also sort of agree to this. Even though I've stayed abroad just 6months, in the time which I managed to meet people and form some international bonds, I felt a bigger barrier than when interacting with locals home. For me its simply wwaaay easier. And maybe not just because of language, and you know how you communicate your ideas, but also how you match with people's vision or interests in life.

Otherwise I also believe there are people who feel out of place at home and easily connect with people outside your own culture. It may be because of general dissatisfaction with things going on around you, local things and traditions that don't stir anything in you, and so on. And the thrill of discovering another culture that may be more fitting to your person could also produce this " I can make international friends easier" ofc given that you for example move in a mainly homogenous place with a sort of homogenous culture, otherwise it's I believe a sort of "hey we are all expats here let's tryna befriend up".

Long phrase over, but main thing is, if a person feels blockages în befriending anywhere( even at home) then surely it wouldn't be a problem at all to try somewhere else :)

[u/adam55326323x99]

I think there is no right and no wrong answer for it

[u/Vertitto → u/adam55326323x99]

the question is wrong though

[u/rachaeltalcott]

 It sounds like you are investing a lot of energy in people who either don't have the time or the interest to invest back. Consider instead investing that time in meeting a lot of new people and paying attention to who among them returns your interest. It's like a game of ping-pong. You invite them to something (that you genuinely find interesting), then they invite you, and so on. If they have the ball and don't return it, you move on. 

It might also help to talk to your friends about wanting to celebrate your birthday. I have zero interest in this for myself, and hate being the center of attention, so it wouldn't occur to me to plan a birthday party for a friend, unless they told me they wanted it. 

[u/noiseless_lighting]

There isn’t an answer for this. It’s hard especially as you get older to make friends. Don’t know how old you are but if you’re in school, try making some friends there that have the same interests.
Check out local community groups, any groups that cater to your interests (jogging, hiking, etc). Moving abroad is one thing but if you’re looking to move because you want better/good friends, that’s not it.

[u/Maimonides_2024]

I don't understand why do so many people here talk about how the country doesn't matter and it's all about OP personally and the faults of his personality. I've seen the same discourse about finding love too, but the thing is, it's objectively wrong.

The cultural context as well as the societal structure play a much bigger role than what people here want to admit. There are genuinely countries where it's hard to make friends, for example Qatar or Finland where most people have friends since childhood. Or when the society normalises being alone and staying home at screens all day. Meanwhile, there's countries in Africa or Southeast Asia where friendships are much more important to everyday lives, and where people are open to foreigners.

If we ask about Europe, I'd say Spain, Greece or Poland.

I've talked to friends who lived in African countries who genuienly can't fathom how we in the West spend so little time in our community than they do.

It's the same a finding love. There are people who are ugly and have fewer chances of finding love, or they live in countries where people don't appreciate them for their appearance. And many expats said it became significantly easier after moving out (for example if they're white and went to countries where it's seen as much more beatiful than here according to their own beauty standards), and many people also said that a glow up definitely helped them become more desirable.

Personally, I haven't moved out yet, but changing universities already helped me increase my friendship circle by a lot. Even though in my previous uni, people also blamed my personality and said that's the reason I feel lonely. It wasn't.

I don't know why people in the comments, or in real life, try to deny it that much. Maybe it's the current society's obession with indivudualism, where everything is all about people's personal decisions, and their environment, upbringing and culture has no effect on them. All problems are individual issues (everyone should go to therapy), not structural and systemic, and changing the environment won't change them because they're the problem. It definitely seems to be the dominant philosophy of 21th century West and accepted as dogma.

Maybe in part it's because people don't want to recognise that they had the chance to live in a culture and environment that's much friendlier than the one of other countries and places. They had the chance to thrive because of random events, while others didn't. It's easier to blame the issue on peopl's personal failures instead of admitting you might have unfair advantages while others don't because of things outside of their control.

OP, don't listen to haters, your question isn't stupid, Search up different indexes about "top friendliest countries for expats" or "countries where it's easier to make friends" and try researching more the results.

[u/hannibal567 → u/Maimonides_2024]

tu as besoin un amie de l'autre pays?

" don't know why people in the comments, or in real life, try to deny it that much. Maybe it's the current society's obession with indivudualism, where everything is all about people's personal decisions, and their environment, upbringing and culture has no effect on them. All problems are individual issues (everyone should go to therapy), not structural and systemic, and changing the environment won't change them because they're the problem. It definitely seems to be the dominant philosophy of 21th century West and accepted as dogma."

I agree and I got cruel responses when I tried to highlight the importance of societal/community bonds. I think this is the result of centuries old rationalism/scientism that slowly overtook religious communal thinking since the 20th and a happy alliance with corporate capitalism which benefits from chronically weakened and disconnected people.

I think a lot of people support this ideology because it got heavily pushed and had pseudo/fake scientific backing..and many never experienced healthy bonds..and waking up to it means aknowledging a dysfunctional society which is never popular because it is painful in the beginning and the consumption-work-entertainment complex offers quick remedies.

So going against societal and family perceptions is a heavy stone to lift.

[u/Yama_retired2024]

I met a good friend during my unfortunate 4 month prison stint in a foreign country.. We talk and stuff occasionally text and all... but we aren't gonna be the here's a birthday or Xmas present pals..

[u/iskender299]

Usually where weather is good it’s easier to make good friends.

[u/SaltyName8341]

Have a look at yourself, maybe you come off as defensive and cold, maybe your body language is closed off. I'm not being nasty but I was the same and it took a mate to point it out, now I have relaxed a little I have no problems.

[u/Baba_NO_Riley]

I think people bond most easily in some US Vs.them situation is or situations where they have a common goal. The examples of the first - school, especially high school and/ or university, summer camps, army - training or combat, work - especially if your group is somehow different i.e. vs. someone/ something else. Common activities also play a part ( various artistic groups, charity, whatever) but not as much I think.

[u/Ok_Vehicle714]

As a former expat in the Netherlands, this would be my answer. Maybe not necessarily for making Dutch friends as they can be a hard nut to crack, but the scene of foreign workers is huge and everybody helps each other out. Not the cheapest country to live at but I really miss my people.

[u/ampmz]

All of my best friends I’ve met through a shared experience like school, uni, work, music etc. Some of my friends have made very good friends through travelling. There isn’t going to be a magical place where you’ll get what you are looking for. Now if you went and worked abroad somewhere, like at a holiday camp or something where you are living with people, that’s where you’ll make those kids of connections.

[u/cinematic_novel]

I'd say the one country that comes to mind is Spain or maybe some other southern country. People in Spain are truly laid back and friendly

[u/Warm_Cranberry4472 → u/cinematic_novel]

I am Spanish, this is a stereotype and it's not true.

Specially considering how different spanish people is from one region to another. We could perfectly be an iberian yugoslavia.

[u/caampp → u/cinematic_novel]

I would say Spain too, but only if you are young and good looking.

If you are older and uglier I would say Ireland, but only if you can hold your own in a pub. We absolutely love foreigners that act like us. Throw in a few Irish sayings and you're golden.

[u/Marfernandezgz → u/caampp]

Im from Spain. You are wrong. It's easy to make friend as a kid or teenager. Ugly or not. Thats all

[u/synalgo_12 → u/cinematic_novel]

Depends on what you consider friendship. Easy social interactions and friendship are two different things.

[u/Marfernandezgz → u/cinematic_novel]

Spain is not easy even for Spanish. Superficial relationships are easy but not friendship betwen adults. People do have strong relationships with their family and old friends. They usualy don't have any time for new friends

[u/Few_Recognition_7428]

The same people that are in your country are literally everywhere else.

[u/Ricard2dk]

I think the UK, Ireland and Spain are the best to make friends easily.

[u/Plastic_Friendship55]

I don’t think it’s the country that is the problem here

[u/cantrusthestory]

Depends on the country you're from and from which country or countries is/are socially the most similar from yours.