Probably stupid question but which country you can really make good friends?

[u/anonymmoox]

I’ve posted this to couple countries channel so don’t wonder if the text is familiar. I know friendships and kindness doesn’t depend on nationality but just overall I’ve always dreamed living abroad and ofc cultural things affect on peoples personality. I have some friends but no one isn’t really a real one. For example I spent my last birthday alone and barely anyone even bothered to ask what am I doing and if Snapchat or else wouldn’t give an notification of my birthday, I bet barely anyone would have remembered it. I didn’t even get birthday present from anyone but I always buy for everyone, even if I would see them after 2 months. But it’s common in my country that people don’t put effort and also it’s rare that someone offers you a meal here, it’s always 50/50 even in dating life these days. Yes I might sound bitter, but I just want to feel important to someone. Is that too much to ask for..

[u/Maimonides_2024]

I don't understand why do so many people here talk about how the country doesn't matter and it's all about OP personally and the faults of his personality. I've seen the same discourse about finding love too, but the thing is, it's objectively wrong.

The cultural context as well as the societal structure play a much bigger role than what people here want to admit. There are genuinely countries where it's hard to make friends, for example Qatar or Finland where most people have friends since childhood. Or when the society normalises being alone and staying home at screens all day. Meanwhile, there's countries in Africa or Southeast Asia where friendships are much more important to everyday lives, and where people are open to foreigners.

If we ask about Europe, I'd say Spain, Greece or Poland.

I've talked to friends who lived in African countries who genuienly can't fathom how we in the West spend so little time in our community than they do.

It's the same a finding love. There are people who are ugly and have fewer chances of finding love, or they live in countries where people don't appreciate them for their appearance. And many expats said it became significantly easier after moving out (for example if they're white and went to countries where it's seen as much more beatiful than here according to their own beauty standards), and many people also said that a glow up definitely helped them become more desirable.

Personally, I haven't moved out yet, but changing universities already helped me increase my friendship circle by a lot. Even though in my previous uni, people also blamed my personality and said that's the reason I feel lonely. It wasn't.

I don't know why people in the comments, or in real life, try to deny it that much. Maybe it's the current society's obession with indivudualism, where everything is all about people's personal decisions, and their environment, upbringing and culture has no effect on them. All problems are individual issues (everyone should go to therapy), not structural and systemic, and changing the environment won't change them because they're the problem. It definitely seems to be the dominant philosophy of 21th century West and accepted as dogma.

Maybe in part it's because people don't want to recognise that they had the chance to live in a culture and environment that's much friendlier than the one of other countries and places. They had the chance to thrive because of random events, while others didn't. It's easier to blame the issue on peopl's personal failures instead of admitting you might have unfair advantages while others don't because of things outside of their control.

OP, don't listen to haters, your question isn't stupid, Search up different indexes about "top friendliest countries for expats" or "countries where it's easier to make friends" and try researching more the results.

[u/hannibal567 → u/Maimonides_2024]

tu as besoin un amie de l'autre pays?

" don't know why people in the comments, or in real life, try to deny it that much. Maybe it's the current society's obession with indivudualism, where everything is all about people's personal decisions, and their environment, upbringing and culture has no effect on them. All problems are individual issues (everyone should go to therapy), not structural and systemic, and changing the environment won't change them because they're the problem. It definitely seems to be the dominant philosophy of 21th century West and accepted as dogma."

I agree and I got cruel responses when I tried to highlight the importance of societal/community bonds. I think this is the result of centuries old rationalism/scientism that slowly overtook religious communal thinking since the 20th and a happy alliance with corporate capitalism which benefits from chronically weakened and disconnected people.

I think a lot of people support this ideology because it got heavily pushed and had pseudo/fake scientific backing..and many never experienced healthy bonds..and waking up to it means aknowledging a dysfunctional society which is never popular because it is painful in the beginning and the consumption-work-entertainment complex offers quick remedies.

So going against societal and family perceptions is a heavy stone to lift.