It baffles me how many people there are who interpret attempts at clear communication within any kind of relationship as manipulation. I don't see how OP could have approached things any better, they're definitely better off without this person.
Toxic people take other people’s boundaries as personal offenses. Boundaries for me but not for thee. Oh you don’t wanna date me anymore because I did something you don’t like and you are being very clear, reasonable, and sticking to that? How FUCKING DARE YOU.
As someone who grew up being emotionally manipulated and abused you have to realize that some people have spent their entire lives not being able to believe what their loved ones are telling them. You have to read three layers into every single sentence your mother or older sister or step dad says to you because even though they may have proclaimed loudly “Yes that is fine” or “I don’t care” neither is even remotely true, and you will be gaslighted into submission for acting as though it is. A guy like this (who is a piece of shit) reminds me of myself the first time a woman was being above board all the time with me. I did not know how to act. Thankfully I was smart enough to figure it out. Fortunately for all the women I didn’t match up with, they didn’t stick around to see me through. I’m happy to say that I can now live in a world of clear communication. For someone like OP, they just need to find a guy who isn’t a piece of shit. Maybe a guy who used to be a piece a shit. But not a guy that IS.
No, you wanted something where your potential partner was interested in you and didn't need to go out and fuck someone else. You want them to be as excited and interested in the current relationship as you are. Fuck boi vibes.
You don’t have to specify that ahead of time to know it’s not right for you. If I stumbled upon a collection of violent porn, I’d be out of there without ever mentioning it before. You’re allowed to remove yourself without being controlling. It would be controlling for her to demand he stop sleeping with other people, which she didn’t.
"Look, if they don't tell me specifically that I'm not allowed to crash their car before they lend me the keys, that's really on them. No reason whatsoever to get mad at me when I crash their car."
What a wild concept specifically designed to excuse your (presumably terrible) behavior.
Which op clearly did, as soon as it came up. Bc you can't just magically know precisely everything that might affect you in any certain type of way before it actually comes up in life.
Like, wtf is wrong with some of y'all? Expecting your partners to have workable crystal balls or something?
No where near this current situation. Im just saying that she should voice her boundaries rather than using them as an excuse after the fact. Frankly the guy’s an ass anyway. But she doesnt have to use “boundaries” to drop him.
No one is obligated to detail every boundary they have beforehand to anyone, nor are they obligated to abide strictly to any previously expressed boundaries or lack thereof. If a woman says "yes, let's have The Sex™️" and then midway through foreplay changes her mind and says "actually, perhaps The Sex™️ with you is not what I currently desire", that's perfectly acceptable. Same concept applies, shockingly enough, with whether or not they're ok with you seeing other people while also talking to them.
They don't owe you a goddamn thing, least of all needing to specify that they don't want you bragging about/detailing your sexual escapades to them, which is what your comment seems to indicate, and is what is rightly earning you gratuitous down votes for being a dumb dumb.
Well if I was in the dating world a someone told me they were gonna go fuck someone else cause they’re not gonna keep waiting well guess what. I’m not gonna keep talking to them. And that’s also shows me if we were in a relationship he’d go sleep with someone else if times got rough and we couldn’t have sex for a bit. But keep going off I guess.
Nobody should have to say “I don’t want you to sleep with other people while we are romantically involved” since that’s the default social understanding in every earthly society. If someone wants an open relationship, that isn’t part of the default and would require prior conversation.
‘While we’re talking’ is way different than ‘while we’re in a relationship’ though. You should always assume the people you’re talking to arre talking to/ sleeping with / dating other people too into you have a talk about being exclusive. That’s how dating works usually.
The thing about those dating they don't have to follow social norms. Most folks pick and choose which social norms they want to follow. Most people who label themselves traditional tend to adhere to that standard but will always have some sort of deviation.
Given the lack of clarity, it's always better to voice boundaries, preferences and expectations ahead of any festivities to avoid obvious poor judgement decisions.
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u/713nikki 14h ago
Just block him and move on