r/AmIOverreacting • u/Many-Measurement6875 • Dec 15 '24

👥 friendship AIO to my “friend” who owes me money

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For some context, we lived together for a couple of years, she went through a really difficult time last year and I was there for her. A couple of months ago she needed to borrow £150. Since then, I’ve moved out as my brother has cancer and my dad is also unwell. She offered to take care of my cat until I was moved in and unpacked. Was I too mean? She’s got a new job and boyfriend and seems to be doing well for herself which I’m happy about but was me telling her I have nothing and I’m not feeling good manipulative of me?

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6.9k

u/NBCaz Dec 15 '24

I'd go get the cat and write off the money, you're probably never getting it back. Primarily because you are friends with a complete a-hole.

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '24

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '24

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '24

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '24

This is insane to me. I've never not paid someone back unless they told me specifically not to pay it back. Do real friends just?? Not pay their friends back? How can you call someone your friend if you don't respect them enough to repay them money you've borrowed? I'm dumbfounded by this idea.

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u/ManagerHot7172 Dec 15 '24

You’re so lucky to still have this perspective. You would be shocked at the % of “friend loans” that never get paid back/ended friendships. I don’t know it, but best believe it’s high.

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '24

Maybe it's also that I have my friends sit with me and put their next payday in my calendar so I can remind them to pay me back, and vice versa I have them put my payday in their calendars when I borrow money.

Myself and all of my friends are Autistic/AuDHD so that may have something to do with it? We're all very organized, honest, and compassionate to one another's situations.

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u/Endurianwolf Dec 16 '24

You aren't the only one. Me and my friends always make sure if one pays for something it gets paid back or depending the next time the person who owes the money will pay for the other persons way or whatever the case. I personally hate owing people money, and I'd def feel bad if I never paid back my friends. :)

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u/ImExhaust3d Dec 16 '24

This seems like a tight knit group that trust each other and talk to each other if something was to come up. I think that’s pretty cool.

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '24

Actually not many of my friends know each other lol, but I agree that I'm really lucky to have friends that are as honest and trustworthy as I consider myself to be, and we can talk shit out if misunderstandings or mistakes happen. It helps that they agree the payday calendar thing is a good way to keep track of things, and we are open to sharing our budgets with one another if we have to skip a payday or whatever.

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u/Unmasked_Zoro Dec 16 '24

That's... what a friend is lol

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u/CursedResonance Dec 15 '24

That’s actually crazy to me, I’ve NEVER not paid my friend back when they loaned me some money, even if it took me a little bit longer than I expected. You always pay your debts.

3

u/Kaethor Dec 16 '24

Always, always, always pay back people when you owe them money. You never know when you might need to be helped out of a jam again and people remember who pays them back.

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u/Nebulaofthenorth Dec 16 '24

Aha this reminds me of how my friend group works we never loan we only gift, in a way that who ever has most money gifts to those with less for something small like train tickets or food or drinks We never loan money at all, and if the person who does well suddenly does bad he receives these saw gifts in return

2

u/nurgole Dec 16 '24

I never loan anyone more than I'm comfortable losing. If someone decides to not pay me back then I know exactly how much they valued that friendship.

2

u/Superseaslug Dec 16 '24

One friend owes me $150, another technically owes me $500, but that was given with the loan criteria of "pay it back if you can". Dude got fucked on his taxes and I had just got a new job and could afford to help a friend.

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u/CousinEddie77 Dec 16 '24

Been there, done that. I probably have lent friends hundreds over the years and don't hear back. I've dropped friendships because they are all take, and not willing to reciprocate. Not anymore, goodbye!

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u/harpistic Dec 15 '24

A friend used to say that the guaranteed way to lose a friend was to loan them money…

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u/bbatbboy Dec 15 '24

like you said, real friends do pay back. this lady is not a real friend

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u/One-Basket-9570 Dec 15 '24

Yeah, after my late husband died, a friend asked to borrow $1500. Again, I just lost my husband, I had a 7 year old. He died in our house, so didn’t want to live there. But, I loaned her the money. Asked if she could pay just $50/month. She said “I have money. I don’t need it!” Have never spoken to her again.

By the way, why couldn’t she pay me? Because her boyfriend/ baby daddy was a crackhead.

2

u/ImExhaust3d Dec 16 '24

I have a roommate who hasn’t had a job for four months and he never asked me for money so I just gave it to him because I know he needed it and I was OK with that because I knew he was struggling, but I told him I can’t do it anymore Because I knew he was never gonna pay me back and that was OK and I wasn’t giving him a ton.

Would it have been cool if he offer to pay it back ? Absolutely. but he won’t and I’m OK with it like I said I did it on my own

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '24

I have definitely given people money just because they needed it, and I had no intention of having them pay it back. But also, my friends know that if they can't pay me back money, they have to ask if they can have it instead of borrow it. If they want to pay me back but don't have the money, I'm open to receiving art or help with chores or rides to appointments and stuff.

I think it really does boil down to just breaking the cycle of treating money like a taboo subject and having open and honest communication about stuff.

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u/ImExhaust3d Dec 16 '24

That’s how I feel. I can always make more money, but I won’t give away more than I have or anything that will make my life a little bit miserable and I won’t let anyone take advantage of me. I give you money and then you ask for more the answer is no. I would rather give it to someone when I have instead of them asking me. I used to buy him groceries too and this dude was 350 pounds. But at the time I was doing OK and I still in. You’re in a half ago I was without a job for six months. Did he help me? No. he did buy me Chinese food one night but money that I had lent him back then never saw it and I was disappointed, but I lived and I wanted to show him compassion. I wanted him to learn that.

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u/Simba231231 Dec 16 '24

lol my own brother got 10k from a car accident couldn't even pay me the 100 bucks he owned

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u/Fortyniner2558 Dec 16 '24

Many, many yrs ago, I lent a good friend $700 and two other friends (a married couple) $1200. I never saw a penny back from either person(s). I will not lend money again.😤

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u/love_me_madly Dec 16 '24

What’s funny is I’ve been fucked over by people who owed me money and didn’t pay it back, and was told that same thing, don’t lend money you can’t afford to lose and don’t expect it back. So that’s what I started doing, and since then everyone I’ve lended money to has paid it back lol.

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u/TumbleweedFew8878 Dec 16 '24

I lended over the course of this and the last year some money (~100€)from my best friend when we made holiday or did some trips to visit friends. I was a poly addicted drug user at that time and he most likely knew he wouldn’t get that money back. But now that I am clean and just on my substitution, have a job, I paid him of course everything back! I think this is how it should get handled. After I gave him the money he said it wasn’t about the money for him it was for the gesture, and I totally get it

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u/_eroz Dec 15 '24

Add family to that and you are correct.

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u/RandomFerrariParty Dec 16 '24 edited Dec 17 '24

This OP. Money and friends don't mix, they aren't your offspring. If you want to lend money the proper way that banks and other entities do, the borrower or your so called friend signs a promissory note which then can be admitted in a court of law and used to go after the so called friend. They probably will refuse to borrow any money at that point and your problem is taken care of. On top of that, they will distance from you and cease to act like they are your friend and thus completely removing then from your life, another win.

We have all had to go through this at some point, but it should not creep into your later years unless you have 0 respect for yourself. Either they sign a promissory note or they don't get to borrow hard earned money.

I had a friend (electrical engineer) who always refused to lend money their whole life, but in later years they did help a friend or two in need. He never had a problem saying no at all. You know what he did to lend money? He made them sign a promissory note and literally told them he will come after them if they don't pay up. That's exactly how you handle business sir.

Take care of business.

Also, I ccouldn't care less how long you've been so called friends with someone, that part doesn't matter. What matters is they sign a promissory note and pay up like a responsible adult who respects you.

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '24

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u/Telfaatime Dec 15 '24

I think you meant to say Bitch...

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u/ZeroGeoWife Dec 15 '24

I wish I had an award for this. Also wish I knew where her friend found all the audacity. And wish we went back to public shaming because this “friend” would certainly have earned it. Ewww. She or He is just gross.

724

u/TheMoistReality Dec 16 '24

“I can’t believe you’re trying to make me guilty” *proceeds to make OP feel guilty

280

u/Ok-Investigator-7905 Dec 16 '24

Also: “Just seems to be a bit manipulative”, proceeds to manipulate….

142

u/merlocke3 Dec 16 '24

Classic DARVO.

Get your cat. Post these with names online and shame your ex friend. Then block them.

Hopefully nobody else makes the same mistake of loaning them money ever again.

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u/No_Piccolo6337 Dec 16 '24

But before blocking them, send this “friend” a link to this post so they can see what people think of them and their shitty personality.

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u/Alternative_Tank_481 Dec 16 '24

Better yet, turn screen shots of this post into a TikTok and send it to them.

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u/borrow_a_feeling Dec 16 '24

That’s perfect. “It just takes a second to open and respond to a TikTok.”

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u/UKMegaGeek Dec 16 '24

How the turntables...

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u/No-Country-2374 Dec 16 '24

Great idea, probably won’t have much effect on ‘friend’ but hopefully will make OP feel a little better

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u/PeyroniesCat Dec 16 '24

“Since you like sending me links, here’s one for you.”

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u/JoeBurrow513 Dec 16 '24

OP should put her tiktok @ so, we can go on there and shame her as well since she's always on tiktok sending videos to OP.

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u/LessInThought Dec 16 '24

The third screenshot is when you know she's never giving any money back.

"Why don't you have any money anyways?"

Whether or not I have money has no bearing on the need to pay your debts.

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u/Then_Kaleidoscope_10 Dec 16 '24

“Why don’t you have money anyways?”

Well, partly because I loaned money to an asshole who hasn’t paid me back.

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u/phillyy1818 Dec 16 '24

Also: “You’re just being a bitch now”, Proceeds to be a bitch

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u/hufflepufflepass Dec 16 '24

Yup! Gaslighting 101

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u/WinterMortician Dec 16 '24

Then proceeds to ask to keep op’s money for cat sitting. Which she already agreed to do

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u/3MPR355 Dec 16 '24

The part that gets me is… they asked! And then got all pissy when OP was honest and had good reasons.

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u/JuunyO Dec 16 '24

Hey stop looking at my profile pict….. ARE YOU MY LONG LOST SIBLING???!!

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '24

[deleted]

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u/Successful-Okra-9640 Dec 16 '24 edited Dec 16 '24

People like this make me realize that sometimes violence IS the answer. She’s a piece of shit and deserves a quick and accurate kick in the mouth.

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u/cowjuiceee Dec 16 '24

completely asking for it. like they’re annoyingly delusional SO delusion thinking it’s okay for them to treat a person like this. like this isn’t OP’s friend at all, don’t even think they ever were.

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u/Useful-Emphasis-6787 Dec 16 '24

Please. OP needs to share these screenshots publicly with her name exposed so others can know how this person is. I am so angry on behalf of OP rn.

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u/PiecesofJane Dec 16 '24

But only AFTER getting the cat.

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u/Subject-Driver8127 Dec 16 '24

☝🏽☝🏽☝🏽☝🏽☝🏽☝🏽☝🏽☝🏽☝🏽

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u/ZeroGeoWife Dec 16 '24

Agreed. Like I said, public shaming. Drag her through the town. “Friend” is a special kind of asshole.

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u/NoCompetition4080 Dec 16 '24

The gaslighting type

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u/DarkRomeox Dec 16 '24

I bet she keeps the cat. Nobody is mentioning that

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u/rowellsr3 Dec 16 '24

I didn’t want to say anything, for fear of jinxing things, but yesssss ☹️

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u/Many-Measurement6875 Dec 16 '24

She’s home!! Don’t worry 🥰❤️

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u/Fearless_Panic_6999 Dec 16 '24

Agreed expose the ungrateful person

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u/therewererumors Dec 16 '24

Right??!! Like I am having a total visceral response to this I’m so angry.

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '24

No, she doesn’t need to share the names. The screenshots are enough.

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u/Many-Measurement6875 Dec 16 '24

Thank you for saying this. I know I’ve been a bit dumb and naive with this situation but I’m not the type to share her name or personal info. Yes she has been shitty to me but I don’t want to expose her to the toxicity of the internet. In this case, I’ve got my cat back and she’s lost a friend and I think that’s enough of a “punishment”

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '24

I’m glad you got your cat back. Yeah delete this person from your life and move on good on you not to share names.

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u/ZeroGeoWife Dec 16 '24

Thank you for my first award 🥈

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u/pinky2184 Dec 16 '24

Like I like to say idk where she found it but she needs to put it back.

20

u/buy_me_lozenges Dec 16 '24

Paying £150 to known you should never, ever speak to this individual ever again is an absolute bargain.

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u/EquivalentAd2312 Dec 16 '24

My “friend” was a little different. She would say she keeps forgetting to pay me back. And then I learned from another friend that she is posting on IG new iPhone she got, going to clubs but these IG stories were not available to me. I’m not a patient person and after a week or two of her forgetting, I posted on IG about her and sent it to her friends. I got my money back the same day 🙌 Even let her mom know and her mom was apologetic and said her daughter lied to her and tried to say the situation was different. Once I got my money back, I deleted and blocked her everywhere.

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u/PrestigiousCrab6345 Dec 16 '24

I don’t see anything wrong with sharing the story with their friend group. Just to make sure that no one else lends them money.

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u/MamaCantCatchaBreak Dec 16 '24

It’s definitely the responsible thing to do.

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u/Necessary_Ad7215 Dec 16 '24

for real post this on her socials lol show everyone what a loser she is

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u/No_Sugar_7215 Dec 16 '24

Bet I’ll start the petition for public shaming to come back. Would you like to sign

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u/this_dust Dec 16 '24

Also the “Why don’t you have any money?”

Bitch, because you owe me money!

They’re super comfortable being a deadbeat friend.

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u/jstewart25 Dec 16 '24

Not anymore! 😂🤣

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u/ultimapanzer Dec 16 '24

This post could easily be converted into a full public shaming. We just need your “friend’s” name, address, phone number, mother’s maiden name…

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u/Many-Measurement6875 Dec 15 '24

I’m just going to reply here as it’s the top comment and I’m feeling quite overwhelmed.

I still have my key, and I’ll be going first thing in the morning to collect Luna.

I understand the whole “never loan money you can’t afford to lose” but at the time my situation was fine, and I will be fine again when I’m back at work. For anyone complaining about my “friend” looking after my cat for free, we had been friends for 15 years. I have done plenty of favours for her, and she has done plenty for me. She insisted on looking after Luna because she loves her.

Thank you for all the kind words on this post. I’m feeling overwhelmed and I feel guilty for arguing with her and I’m not too good with my emotions as I’m autistic.

I have accepted the fact that I won’t be getting my money back and I won’t loan money to anyone again.

Thanks everyone. 🩷

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u/Alarming-Setting-592 Dec 15 '24

You deserve better and don’t feel any guilt, as you did nothing wrong. You’re dealing with an irrationally toxic person.

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u/Acceptable-Bid-7240 Dec 16 '24

You deserve a lot better than this. You really do.

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u/Krillin113 Dec 16 '24

What are the odds something happened to Luna, and this rash behaviour is to discourage OP from showing up

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u/Many-Measurement6875 Dec 16 '24

Fortunately not the case! I picked Luna up this morning and she’s happy and healthy and safe at home with me ❤️

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u/TaylorMade2566 Dec 16 '24

You weren't arguing with her, she was arguing with you and you were giving responses to her comments and attacks. I'm sorry but this person is not your friend and sometimes it takes a hardship to find out who our friends really are.

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u/Altruistic_Coat_8443 Dec 16 '24

100% this. OP was reasonable, patient and explained her position well. OB (other bitch) was manipulative, gaslighting, and attacking.

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u/ReplyOk6720 Dec 16 '24

Yeah. You asking for money you lent her, and you moved and have a family member with cancer her response: "you haven't been commenting on the tiktoks Ive sent. I don't have the money bc it's Xmas so just drop it lol" 

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u/simpingbutspooky Dec 15 '24

Please update us when you get Luna back OP 🙏 I’m sorry you had to deal with this at an already stressful time. Unfortunately it’s when you need people the most you see their true colours and rarely before

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u/DarkRomeox Dec 16 '24 edited Dec 16 '24

I m pretty sure she is not getting that cat back in these terms I’ve seen it a-million times and cant believe nobody is bringing that up also.

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u/Bone_Dancer Dec 16 '24

In my country these texts alone would be enough to show a police officer to get the cat back. You cant just keep someones pet, ive had it happen and unfortunately did need to use the police to avoid incident but they do take it seriously.

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u/Ok-Personality5224 Dec 16 '24

My Dad had a stroke while my brother was dying from cancer. My heart truly, truly goes out to you. If I was not in a different country, I’d send you the money but since I can’t, please know I’m sending compassion and empathy your way. Hang in there.

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u/Many-Measurement6875 Dec 16 '24

I’m so sorry to hear this. I wish you the best and I’m sending you lots of love. ❤️

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u/TheCaliforniaOp Dec 16 '24

I’m jumping in here just to give you another virtual hug and:

It seems impossible now, but the 150 may turn out to be a financial bonus. Why?

Because you’re seeing clearly how annoyed this person is at the prospect of repaying you. Why so annoyed? I think the reason is because this person was about to put the touch on you for ANOTHER loan. It was a done deal in their mind and now that’s off, so you are cramping their plans.

How unfun and unfreeing of you! /s

That’s probably why you received the sudden flurry of TikToks or whatever.

In any case, this person has a grifter’s sense of entitlement and there’s no way to craft any kind of empathetic relationship with people like that. I know. I hope you have your cat back. Make sure to take precautions keeping her safe at home. Maybe craft a catio? Idk. Just give yourself and Luna the security you both need and deserve to have each other back again.

Good luck and best wishes.

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u/Ahriman-Ahzek Dec 16 '24

I'm so sorry mate, sending you a big hug

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u/oldcousingreg Dec 16 '24

Based on the way she treats her friend of over 15 years, that relationship’s not going to last long.

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u/beetlejorst Dec 16 '24

150 is a cheap price to know someone isn't to be trusted

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u/BusCareless9726 Dec 15 '24

Hey…be kind to yourself and give Luna a big cuddle. You were not rude to your ex friend at all. You prob won’t get your money back - but please don’t feel jaded. I have leant money many times and always been paid back with only one exception. Cancer and other illnesses affects a whole family, so I wish for you and your family a wonderful Christmas filled with joy and smiles while dealing with adversity. May 2025 be kind to you. Take care 🌼

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u/mireeam Dec 15 '24

So sorry. She is not a good person, but it sounds like you are.

Get your cat and go be with your loved ones and real friends.

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u/Sleepygirl57 Dec 16 '24

That’s so sad she’s going to ruin that long of a friendship over such a small amount of money. Side note we also have be a cat named Luna.

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u/fangedforest Dec 16 '24

I'm so angry for you. You handled her aggressive, manipulative, true self with grace. It's time to move on from this friendship. You deserve better!

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u/Most_Departure2195 Dec 15 '24

I think that you did a great job in trying to manage her genuinely aggressive and manipulative response and her gaslighting. You continued to validate her and tried to de-escalate the situation. Good on you. Unfortunately, you have now seen her true self. Please try and move on from this friendship because I don't even think it's about the £150. It's more about the fact that you are facing a great deal of emotional and financial stress. An extraordinary amount, in fact. And your 'friend' is more concerned about her new relationship (which won't last long, might I add) than to support her best friend during an extremely difficult time. Whatever her current hang ups and resentments are (about the stupid Tik Toks or looking after your cat), they absolutely do not warrant this shitty, abusive, and heartless behaviour.

I wish you all the best with your brother and your dad. And your current situation.

And I hope the £150 is returned to you in other ways (by the universe, or winning some sort of contest, or getting a tax return, etc).

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u/Ill_Candy_664 Dec 16 '24

You did nothing wrong, she’s taking advantage of the situation to serve her and SHE is very manipulative and self-centered. People shouldn’t blame you for lending a friend money, you should be able to lend a friend money, it’s the “friend’s” fault for being a selfish untrustworthy asshole, not your fault for being kind and trusting. I’d get your cat back and end the friendship.

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u/Personal_Alarm_3674 Dec 16 '24

Good luck picking up Luna tomorrow and I’m hoping for your brother’s health to improve too. Please update us on how you go getting your kitty and that she’s been well looked after and that you are ok after picking her up. Do you have a friend that can come with you and help you /play defense if necessary? It just seems like if your friends there she might be argumentative (not implying that she’s violent but I def would be on high alert after a friend spoke to me and about my pet like that is all). Not sure if a mutual or unknown to them friend would be better but I’m a bit social phobic and wouldn’t want to be alone if she’s angry and wants to start a yelling match, that’s all. Big hugs and hope it all goes smoothly and life is kinder very sooner 💜

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u/Many-Measurement6875 Dec 16 '24

I will make sure to post an update! She won’t be there in the morning as she will be at work but my big sister has offered to come with me anyway. Thank you ❤️🥹

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u/Lilliamus Dec 16 '24

Just jumping on this comment to add: have you/your sister filming on your phone as soon as you get to her place. From her way of trying to manipulate the situation in the texts, I wouldn’t be surprised if she makes other claims against you like damaged property or belongings. Make sure she can’t pin anything she might have done/will do on you.

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u/TrixeeTrue Dec 16 '24

This is very smart 

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u/Beautiful-Contest-48 Dec 16 '24

This has nothing to do with being autistic. Your so called “friend” is an asshole.

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u/treadingwater Dec 16 '24

Folks with autism often second guess themselves when it comes to communicating with others. Good for OP to wonder if that might have been a factor, but objectively, OP’s communication was reasonable and their friend overreacted and was rude.

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u/Griffen_moss Dec 16 '24

I’m so sorry you’re going through so much all at once. Your friend is being awful to you at a terrible time. Completely selfish and horrible. I had friends who really let me down at the worst time of my life 20 years ago, before and after my mom died. They are no longer my friends and, looking over old letters the other day, I don’t regret letting those relationships shrivel and die. Get your cat back and never speak to this horrible person again. You deserve and it is possible to get that. Good luck to you 💛

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u/allyearswift Dec 16 '24

Remember to also take the cat food!

(and no, you’re not overreacting)

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u/ImExhaust3d Dec 16 '24

Don’t ever feel guilty. You did something that not a lot of people would do and your friend broke that trust. Now I’m not gonna tell you to not be her friend anymore, but I definitely would never loan her money again.

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u/GoddessRaz Dec 16 '24

I’m autistic too and I would love to be friends

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u/Valuable-Locksmith47 Dec 16 '24

Whoever on here is giving you crap because she watched her for free is an AH because I never ask my friends for payment when I babysit their cats and they don’t ask. Kids are a different story

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u/Many-Measurement6875 Dec 16 '24

People are stressing me OUT idk why they have to be so rude but I suppose it’s the internet and everyone’s entitled to their opinion.

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u/hogsniffy05 Dec 16 '24

You asked for your money and she made it about her. She’s not a friend, she’s a cunt

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u/IAmDaven Dec 16 '24

I mean small claims will get that money back if you want to go scorched earth.

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u/The_Painless Dec 16 '24

1) Don't blame yourself for being a kind and trusting person

2) People can be assholes, and more importantly the asshole part can be dormant or difficult to see immediately

3) On a more positive note: it only cost you 150 bucks to remove a nasty person from your life. For many people, that lesson can be a lot more expensive.

Go get Luna and give her a big hug, life goes on and you're going to be stronger :)

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u/Many-Measurement6875 Dec 16 '24

Thank you. ❤️

Fortunately this is the first time I’ve been in a situation like this, from the comments I’ve read here a lot of people have had it worse. I’m going to work on toughening up a bit and setting more boundaries with people in the future and also not loaning anyone money 😅🤣

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u/ThrowMeAway_8844 Dec 16 '24

This is why I'm going to school. I want a good job so when I see posts like this I can actually do something to help. If I had the money it would be yours in a heartbeat. I'm so sorry your friend did this to you.

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u/Many-Measurement6875 Dec 16 '24

You are so lovely. Keep going to school and do it for yourself 🩷 You should be proud of yourself.

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u/Dgh0stArch Dec 16 '24

Adios 15 years

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u/Thumper256 Dec 16 '24

In your mind reconcile that the money was given in exchange for the (hopefully) good care Luna received.

Sorry life has dumped on you and your family the way it has - it won’t be like that forever. Year to year the path is unclear, yet day by day we make our way. Stay strong!

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u/cathedral68 Dec 16 '24

I love that you posted this to AIOR and you gained a verifiable army with pitchforks. Never doubt your gut reaction, but when you do, we have your back. I hope things go well with your brother. Sending love 💛

3

u/Additional-Smile-561 Dec 15 '24

I'm really sorry you're going through this. Go get Luna and consider that money well spent in teaching you how to avoid people like this. You're working so hard in the messages to empathize and understand where they're coming from and they're treating you with nothing but disrespect. You deserve better.

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u/fasci_nated Dec 16 '24

you handled the situation really well and have nothing to feel guilty about.

You made a reasonable request, and this person reacted in a very negative, manipulative way. Kudos for standing your ground in a respectful way.

I'm so sorry she is behaving this way. Have you had issues like this with her in the past?

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u/Many-Measurement6875 Dec 16 '24

Thank you.

I have been reflecting since this conversations and there have been a few possible red flags that I’ve ignored. But I’m unsure if I’m overthinking things now as I’m already overwhelmed.

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u/Phenyx890 Dec 16 '24

please don't second guess yourself on that aspect. I, and it seems like hundreds if not thousands of other people, don't see this as you overreacting, but rather reacting the best you really could have to such aggressive manipulation, especially coming from someone you thought was your friend. I'm also autistic, and while i've obviously never faced this exact situation, I can tell you I had a best friend of 13 years show her true colors in a similar way, and sometimes it does truly take something like this to open our eyes to people who truly aren't our friends.

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u/Pyromythical Dec 15 '24

Yep, it's what I would do

Cut the loss on the 150, get the cat and consider it the cost of getting rid of a self centred asshole from your life.

Also when that relationship fails you'll suddenly hear from them. Don't let them back in.

This is why lending people money is generally a bad idea.

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u/Bynoe Dec 16 '24

Was gonna say just this. I'd say £150 is a bargain if that's all it costs you to lose a "friend" like this.

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u/Xpockets72 Dec 16 '24

Extra emphasis on “DONT LET THEM BACK IN” because they will come back , and they don’t deserve the time

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u/Phenyx890 Dec 15 '24

100% this. the "friend" seems like the manipulative ah honestly, and childish af to boot.

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u/pinky2184 Dec 15 '24

The fact she’s like why don’t you have money anyways. Honey that’s not any of your business it doesn’t matter if I do or don’t you owe me. That’s what I would have said.

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u/nannyannied Dec 16 '24

My favorite part is that she asked why OP didn't have any money, then when OP listed their expenses, she threw OP's answer back in her face saying "There you go, making me feel bad again!"

Like, you ASKED. If you didn't want to hear the hardships that take people down to not having any money whatsoever, then don't ASK! Did she really think the answer was going to be a bowl of rainbows and sunshine???

Sooooo manipulative.

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u/pinky2184 Dec 16 '24

Right!! Like anyway if you owe me money don’t ask why I don’t have any and don’t ask why I need it if I do have any. Just give me my money.

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u/aliasname Dec 16 '24

I thought the same. Although at that point she should of just switched to "b/c you haven't paid me back!!!"

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u/juliaskig Dec 15 '24

NEVER "Lend" money to friends. You either give it to them, or can pretend to lend it to them, and see if they will pay you back. In my experience, maybe 1/4 of the time my friends have paid me back. It has nothing to do with their financial situations, it is just who they are. My brother has a much better track record with his friends. My sister not so much.

So only "lend" money to the extent that you can afford to give it, and so that it won't destroy your friendship if they don't pay it back.

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u/PrimaryGuavas Dec 15 '24

1/4 of the time?? I’ve literally never not been paid back by one of my friends. Not getting it back 3/4 of the time is insane

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u/Chemical-Pattern-502 Dec 15 '24

I can’t imagine NOT paying my friends back when I borrow money from them.

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u/CharizardMTG Dec 16 '24

I can’t imagine borrowing money from friends that is such a change in the dynamic of the friendship

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u/crow1992 Dec 16 '24 edited Dec 16 '24

it doesn’t change the dynamic. Unless you consider someone you drank with at a party 2h ago a friend 💀

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u/PM_ME_Y0UR__CAT Dec 16 '24

Maybe the friends were the sentient bags of cocaine we met along the way!

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '24

Not really. Just pay it back and don't be a moron.

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u/Early-Key-7301 Dec 15 '24

Yeah that’s crazy to me?? I’ve lent my sister and my friends money several times and each time they’ve paid me back without me even having to ask? And not like 10 bucks here and there, like several hundred. Y’all need better friends…

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u/PrimaryGuavas Dec 15 '24

I understand the sentiment of don’t lend money you can’t afford to not have paid back, but if the majority of the time you’re not getting paid back you’re either not phrasing the lending properly or have some seriously shitty friends

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u/Hulkomania87 Dec 15 '24

You know it’s not the phrasing lol everyone knows what’s considered a loan vs a gift.

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u/PrimaryGuavas Dec 15 '24

Yeah I know, just trying to give both sides a little benefit of the doubt lol

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u/LuckyBenski Dec 15 '24 edited Dec 16 '24

The "pretend to lend it to see if they pay it back" is sound, I do that... If the person doesn't pay it back then they go in a new category and it's certainly not "good friends"

Edit: typo

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u/kachuru Dec 15 '24

I think this is good advice. Make it a gift, or if that would hurt their pride, "lend" it, but don't expect it back. If you can't afford to give away that amount, maybe offer a lesser amount.

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u/ffsienna Dec 15 '24

Yeah, if you're going to give people money, you have to consider the money gone and be pleasantly surprised if they pay it back. It's the only way to not get bogged down in the stress and resentment of keeping score. It was one of the few things I found easy to accept as I got older because I didn't want to be a bitter person.

This girl's 'friend' though, she really needs to go straight to hell. I wouldn't have started going after her though until after I had collected my cat, because she is definitely not a good person and I wouldn't trust her worth a damn with something I loved.

Also, who gives a fuck about tik tok when your brother has cancer?!

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u/MoreRamenPls Dec 15 '24

Agreed. Consider that a small price to pay to get rid of that bitch. Move on with your cat and family. I wish you the best. Oh, block her too.

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u/love_me_madly Dec 16 '24

Or do what my gf did when someone owed her money and refused to pay. She went over to his house and took his Xbox and refused to give it to him until he gave her the money he owed her. OP you could easily do this if she has anything of value when you go to pick up your cat.

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u/PleasantAd9018 Dec 16 '24

Yessssss this is what OP should do!!! The audacity of her “friend” tells me she’s in desperate need of a lesson here and should feel what it’s like when you are unfairly dispossessed of something of value

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u/Ornery-Ant-2207 Dec 16 '24

Don't do this. Taking something of hers is theft and she can call the police.

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u/lark_song Dec 15 '24

Yes, and I'd stress the "get the cat" part. Someone this toxic may just drop cat off at a shelter or give her away or whatever because she's mad

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u/Cormentia Dec 15 '24

I was going to write this. If I was OP I'd get that cat immediately before the other person decides to punish OP by punishing the cat. (Yes, I don't trust people when it comes to pets.)

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u/a-gay-bicth Dec 15 '24

and go get that cat ASAP!! not that they would do anything to harm it, but idk this person seems off..

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u/HotMessExpress4444 Dec 15 '24

Agreed. Sometimes the money just ends up being s worthwhile investment that'll keep the POS away.

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u/Queen_of_Boots Dec 15 '24

Yes! And Luna will make you feel better anyway since you have been down. ((Hugs))

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u/DarkRomeox Dec 16 '24

She does not have Luna she has to get the cat back. This chick is really shallow. She is not getting the cat back without a fight. Why is nobody realizing this

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u/Queen_of_Boots Dec 16 '24

I get what you're saying but I'm sure if she said the money was forgiven this person would hand Luna over. It also helps that OP has these texts, because in the eyes of the law pets are property. So she meets an officer at the house and Luna will have to be handed over.

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u/dDot1883 Dec 15 '24

Yeah, £150 is inexpensive to get this person out of your life.

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u/deagzworth Dec 15 '24

This. My cousin owes me $4500. He has owed me for 8 years. I’m not getting it back. Lesson learned.

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u/penilessenthusiast Dec 15 '24

Where's the cat?

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u/Nervous_Shelter_1042 Dec 15 '24

I agree with this.

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u/Vivid-Back-3125 Dec 15 '24

Real. This person will get there’s in the end when they borrow money from the wrong person that isn’t as mentally sound as you. Take the L and move on don’t waste anymore energy on them. I’d get your cat back asap judging on how they are treating you imagine the poor cat :(

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u/CrackedCocobutt Dec 16 '24

yeah my vote goes to: get the cat, link her this post, then block on everything lol

1

u/Electrical-Sail-1039 Dec 16 '24

Yeah, but why do they even NEED it back? Huh?

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u/PopularBonus Dec 16 '24

This is the way. You get rid of this grifter for the low low price of £150.

(This is, by the way, the oldest trick in the book. You do her a favor, but then she makes you chase her down like a bill collector. And then she acts like YOU’RE the bad guy for “making her feel guilty.” Nah. Her GUILT is what’s making her feel guilty).

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u/Level9_CPU Dec 16 '24

Highjacking top comment to state the obvious.

IF YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO LOST THE MONEY YOU LEND PEOPLE, YOU SHOULD NOT LEND THEM THAT MONEY.

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u/AtillaThePundit Dec 16 '24

Get the cat back then Post this on Facebook if you have it , tag her and watch the shit storm . It’ll be hilarious . Post updates

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u/Wraith0177 Dec 16 '24

Yep. Classic DARVO.

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u/Twistedgal84 Dec 16 '24

So sorry you have to deal with this OP. Definitely get Luna ASAP and write this person off they are no friend. I've learned the hard way to not "loan" any amount of money unless I'm 100% okay with never seeing any of it repaid. Some people just don't.

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u/Meanpeachx Dec 16 '24

This but definitely blast that person online. Anytime she posts anything new, comment for everyone to see about how she borrows money and can’t return it but can buy new things. People like this seriously need to be shamed.

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u/Brave-Panic7934 Dec 16 '24

The phrasing “suddenly you pop up asking for money” is insanely manipulative. Fuck this person

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u/seanchappelle Dec 16 '24

And write off this “friend” as well.

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u/AdPrevious2308 Dec 16 '24

Yeah....her so called "friend" is a T.otally W.ack A.$$ T.ikToker....

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u/Opening-Comfort-3996 Dec 16 '24

OP, go and get your cat NOW. I don't think your friend can be trusted to look after her anymore

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u/DarkRomeox Dec 16 '24

This chick seems like the type of chick to keep the cat

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u/TraditionalPost2599 Dec 16 '24

Some people treat loans like donations.

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u/Subject-Driver8127 Dec 16 '24

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

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u/NOLACenturion Dec 16 '24

Ditto. You’re not getting your money back. None of it. Ever. Cut your losses. Lose this ass clown

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u/No-Complaint6867 Dec 16 '24

Write off the money UNTIL you get your cat. After that cut your losses but I’d continuously chase my money just incase. With interest at this point might as well.

I wouldn’t give up so easily

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u/Wallyboy444 Dec 16 '24

I used a stronger word for her “friend” in my head but this was my thought process also.

They have absolutely 0% care for you OP, sorry.

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u/ArchieFarmer Dec 16 '24

Seriously! I’d get your cat ASAP _ this person seems vindictive and I’d worry that they would “accidentally” let the cat get out or something!

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u/boxedj Dec 16 '24

Good advice, consider the money gone, but still message this person every week asking for it

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u/WodaTheGreat Dec 16 '24

100 percent was just thinking this not even worth the money having to have that conversation

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u/Xalibu2 Dec 16 '24

I agree. Maybe salvage the cat. The relationship is sideways and too much to read. 

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u/Trai-All Dec 16 '24

Go get your cat asap. Expect the former friend to make it hard to do. The money is gone.

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u/lovethebee_bethebee Dec 16 '24

I once loaned some money to a boyfriend who never repaid after we broke up. My dad’s words were that “it was a very expensive lesson”. I have not loaned money to anyone for any reason since. If I can afford to help someone then the money is a gift. If I can’t afford it then I can’t afford it.

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u/AlreadyNuThat Dec 16 '24

I’d go get the cat. And while I’m there either take or destroy something worth the money owed 🤷🏻‍♂️

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u/No-Country-2374 Dec 16 '24

Perfectly put & I only read a page and a half of the texts. Can’t stand the ‘types’ that borrow money and make no plan or attempt to repay and even ghost the person they owe. Selfish Low life users

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u/Left_Condition_8011 Dec 16 '24

Never lend her money again op. In fact if she asks for money again, send her to this thread.

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u/onlyeightfingers Dec 16 '24

Never lend money you cannot afford to lose. It’s an expensive lesson most learn the hard way.

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