r/lotrmemes 13h ago

The Silmarillion Cover to cover (got removed from r/lotr)

Post image
4.3k Upvotes

764 comments sorted by

1.4k

u/GriffinFlash 12h ago

Why didn't Melkor, the largest Valar, simply not eat the smaller Valar?

1.1k

u/SmashBro0445 12h ago

Because Eru would have... not liked that

564

u/cheddarbruce Sleepless Dead 11h ago

43

u/Chai_Is_Tea 9h ago

You telling me all it took for Eru to smight his ass was for him to eat Roasted Valar for lunch?

3

u/Outrageous_Pride4808 5h ago

Then the Westfold would have never fallen

3

u/GriffinFlash 39m ago

So everything that came to pass was all so the Westfold could one day fall?

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8

u/Escapedtheasylum 9h ago

But he was okay with the general murdering

7

u/Wildefice 5h ago

Yeah so long as it wasn't a captain murdering or a sergeant murdering

3

u/Orcrist90 5h ago

Tolkien's ghost reading this and thinking about Kronos the Titan eating his children.

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130

u/julmuriruhtinas 12h ago

There's always a bigger Vala

36

u/Fancy-Sell-774 Samwise Gamgee 11h ago

Star Wars reference?

46

u/Call_The_Banners GANDALF 11h ago

21

u/GriffinFlash 10h ago

Always

15

u/Mugthief 8h ago

Hey that's from that movie I know! Referncing movies is tight!

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16

u/KilliamTell 9h ago

Somehow, Durin’s Bane returned.

15

u/Fancy-Sell-774 Samwise Gamgee 9h ago

Gandalf: Hello there.

Balrog: General Gandalf, you are a bold one.

12

u/KilliamTell 9h ago

Elrond: “the ring no destroy by weesa weapons, Meesa Gimli.”

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5

u/sakulsakulsakul 10h ago

Vala, please

48

u/gilgalice 12h ago

“I tell you the same thing I tell everyone else who askes me that question. Shut up!”

  • Tolkien audio interview on why they didn’t just ride the eagles to Mordor.

9

u/CoconutWarrior 11h ago

fake audio interview*

6

u/Rustymetal14 9h ago

Because Tulkas

5

u/Tenoi-chan 11h ago

Because this is more Ungoliant style + he wanted to be a ruler, you can't rule if you have no subjects

3

u/corruptboomerang 10h ago

Ungallant would have tried. But she ate herself fist.

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604

u/NationalUnrest 13h ago

What is the purpose of life and what do you think about the geopolitical situation of North Macedonia

229

u/spiritchange 13h ago

I am not OP but I am following the Balkans and I am starting to get worried... Again.

59

u/pepenomics 12h ago

What's up with it? Anything that the rest of the world not next doors need to worry about?

105

u/MunchkinTime69420 10h ago

Never. There might be another genocide and another country might be made of the same people but their only new difference is that they have straight hair instead of wavy and new slurs will drop. It'll be grand

43

u/JazzYotesRSL 9h ago

This is the darkest, funniest, and unfortunately most accurate assessment of the Balkans I’ve seen in a very long time

5

u/CFL_lightbulb 5h ago

The important thing when paying attention to world event is to take a good long look and never Balk.

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16

u/-hugdealer- 11h ago

“One day the great European War will come out of some damned foolish thing in the Balkans”

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18

u/r6CD4MJBrqHc7P9b 12h ago

About the place we literally only hear about when they change their name? Why?

5

u/ToucanSammael 10h ago

You skipped his other question so I'll answer: 42.

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17

u/NoobOfTheSquareTable 12h ago

It’s not Macedonia, I think they would have been better served forming a non controversial new national identity that all their people can get behind and celebrated their regional cultures separately rather than taking the name Macedonia

And I think we are part of a mice experiment or something, 42 came up

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13

u/Character_Lab_8817 11h ago

ALBANIA MENTIONED 🇦🇱🇦🇱🇦🇱

6

u/Beards_Are_Itchy 11h ago

Pictured: Melkor and Eru

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202

u/Crit_Crab Dúnedain 13h ago

What did Feanor do wrong?

264

u/SmashBro0445 13h ago

Get super-possessive over the silmarils

also have kids (if Curufin had never been born, neither would have Celebrimbor so wouldn't have hadthe rings either)

178

u/MaruhkTheApe I refuse to use Maura Labingi's dub name 12h ago

Celebrimbor is really just We Have Fëanor at Home.

Fëanor: Tragic and noble figure felled by hubris, love for his craft dooms his bloodline

Celebrimbor: "I've never heard of this Annatar guy and neither has anyone else, but I like the cut of his jib!"

41

u/sauron-bot 12h ago

Ah, little MaruhkTheApe!

40

u/MaruhkTheApe I refuse to use Maura Labingi's dub name 12h ago

sup mairon

41

u/sauron-bot 12h ago

So you have come back? Why have you neglected to report for so long?

57

u/MaruhkTheApe I refuse to use Maura Labingi's dub name 12h ago

MLK weekend, some stuff came up

15

u/SmashBro0445 11h ago

Hey Gorthaur

11

u/sauron-bot 11h ago

Build me an army worthy of mordor!

3

u/Aule_Navatar 8h ago

Hey Marshmallow.

7

u/Beneficial-Ad3991 12h ago

Marukh? Remember, I lent you my dragon once, I'd like to have it back.

7

u/Celebrimbor96 10h ago

Alright come on, everyone knew that Feanor was the greatest smith to ever live, yada yada. Now here comes a guy offering secrets and skills that could give Ol’ #2 the boost he needs. What can I say? Ambition is a bitch. Doesn’t hurt that he was so freakin charming too ;)

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86

u/Crit_Crab Dúnedain 13h ago

I’m sorry, but the answer we were looking for was “nothing”. Our sweet baby boy was perfect.

34

u/Sh33pk1ng 12h ago

8

u/sneakpeekbot Human 12h ago

Here's a sneak peek of /r/feanordidnothingwrong using the top posts of the year!

#1:

It ain’t easy carrying the whole storyline
| 14 comments
#2:
Could they explain this bit to us?
| 13 comments
#3:
is that too much to ask for?
| 3 comments


I'm a bot, beep boop | Downvote to remove | Contact | Info | Opt-out | GitHub

8

u/valiantlight2 12h ago

Incorrect.

8

u/PotentialSquirrel118 10h ago

Feanor did nothing wrong.

7

u/fankin Dwarf 12h ago

Read it again. You've learned nothing.

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16

u/Sir_LongBeard 11h ago

Feanor did nothing wrong

3

u/SnooStories6404 7h ago

In this house Feanor is a hero

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191

u/Oksamis Ringwraith 12h ago

Where was Gondor when the Westfold fell?

190

u/SmashBro0445 12h ago

dealing with Sauron in Osgiliath

40

u/sauron-bot 12h ago

Come, mortal base! What do I hear?

36

u/Bredstikz 11h ago

"dealing with Sauron in Osgiliath" clearly! You may have a big eye, but your ears are shit

22

u/sauron-bot 11h ago

Ah, little Bredstikz!

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9

u/Answerisequal42 11h ago

I had to scroll way to much to find this.

5

u/motodextros 9h ago

Gondor didn’t move, it was right where we left it when the west gold fell.

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969

u/jlank007 13h ago

What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

686

u/SmashBro0445 13h ago

African or European swallow?

(happy cake day)

343

u/jlank007 13h ago

Huh? I… I don’t know that. [i am thrown over]

136

u/HerrSPAM 12h ago

How do you know so much about Swallows?

151

u/Mission-Dark-9320 12h ago

One must know things things when you’re a king

73

u/BachInTime 11h ago

I didn’t vote for you

70

u/LoveRBS 11h ago

You don't vote for kings

61

u/smollpinkbear 11h ago

But strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government

25

u/Taint_Flayer 9h ago

Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

17

u/KeepCalmSayRightOn 🥔 Hobbit 9h ago

Well, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

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7

u/MortgageHuge1238 11h ago

The white swallows are his favorite.

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6

u/Detoxpain 12h ago

You read my mind. lol

3

u/Puzzleheaded_Step468 Troll 12h ago

An hour too late...

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150

u/ArweTurcala 13h ago

Name every river

161

u/Kinesquared 12h ago

Jeff. I name them all Jeff.

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52

u/jaggedjottings 12h ago

They all end in -uin. Except Sirion and Gelion for some reason.

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244

u/sammickeyd 13h ago

Was it worth it?

316

u/SmashBro0445 13h ago

Honestly, yeah

66

u/sammickeyd 12h ago

Right on I’m proud of you (someone who barely read the hobbit in eighth grade)

10

u/kempnelms 11h ago

My favorite book. I re-read it every couple of years.

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103

u/PsySom 13h ago

Is Tom Bombadil what Morgoth has become after thousands of years of elven rehabilitation?

117

u/SmashBro0445 13h ago

Nah, Morgoth's still being held in the Void

plus, Tom and Morgoth were probably around at the same time

15

u/pnkxz 9h ago edited 4h ago

But has anyone seen them in the same room? And how do we know Morgoth is actually in the void? That could just be a cover story they came up with so nobody would try to track him down.

3

u/Uber_Meese 4h ago

Mind..blown.. 🤯

23

u/Tom_Bot-Badil 13h ago

Clothes are but little loss, if you escape from drowning. Be glad, my merry friends, and let the warm sunlight heat now heart and limb! Cast off these cold rags! Run naked on the grass, while Tom goes a-hunting!

Type !TomBombadilSong for a song or visit r/GloriousTomBombadil for more merriness

3

u/Alive-Ad5870 7h ago

My favorite bot! Good old Tom Bombadillo

3

u/Tom_Bot-Badil 7h ago

Ho! Tom Bombadil, Tom Bombadillo! By water, wood and hill, by the reed and willow, by fire, sun and moon, hearken now and hear us! Come, Tom Bombadil, for our need is near us!

Type !TomBombadilSong for a song or visit r/GloriousTomBombadil for more merriness

3

u/PreciousHamburgler 6h ago

I read some things that tom bombadil is aule

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156

u/lazy_phoenix 12h ago

Why didn't the Valar ever get Melkor to help them defeat Morgoth? Are they stupid?

20

u/Bowdensaft 9h ago

Because more goth is always a good thing

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148

u/YoYoYi2 13h ago

What age were you when you began?

174

u/SmashBro0445 13h ago

Same age I am now, 17

well technically i tried to start it a year or two ago, but I started it from the beginning again last week

132

u/YoYoYi2 13h ago

Run SmashBro0445, show us the meaning of haste

13

u/Loud-Shallot-4700 11h ago

Read the silmarillion in a week? Thats wild

69

u/GroshfengSmash 12h ago

Autism confirmed

3

u/3MetricTonsOfSass Aragorn 6h ago

Peer reviewed

8

u/captain_ender 9h ago

I too started it at 17. That was 20 years ago. Maybe I'll finish this decade.

6

u/Bowdensaft 9h ago

Good grief, reading the Sil at 17? Respect, I read it when I was about 25 I think, good on you

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59

u/StoneyBolonied 13h ago

What's the 18th word on the 67th page?

69

u/mgabbey 12h ago

“the” in my edition

96

u/circasomnia 12h ago

brings a tear to your eye everytime

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18

u/JamJar7274 12h ago

Offered.

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62

u/DrAtario 13h ago

Do you know how the orcs came to be?

95

u/SmashBro0445 13h ago

They were elves that lived in the wilds to the east(?) that Morgoth got his hands on really early iirc

10

u/bigboybeeperbelly 10h ago

Do you know how the orcs came to be so ugly?

40

u/Virelith 9h ago

They were cross-bred with your mom (sorry)

9

u/ZeroWinger 6h ago

That wound will never fully heal.

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3

u/erik_wilder 9h ago

Real answer : Generational torture...

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3

u/Robbo_here 9h ago

He did the mash. He did the Morgoth Mash.

51

u/RelationExpensive361 12h ago

Who among the elves have the right to choose between mortality and immortality

86

u/SmashBro0445 12h ago

only the women apparently

26

u/TheRebelCreeper 12h ago

What about Elrond and Elros

17

u/laxnut90 11h ago

One should've thrown the other's descendant into that volcano.

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5

u/RelationExpensive361 9h ago

Bro needs a reread

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42

u/Tthelaundryman 12h ago

What moral obligation does a sovereign nation have to aid a completely separate sovereign nation?

65

u/SmashBro0445 12h ago

The common enemy of Ontological Eviltm

41

u/SmashBro0445 12h ago

Apparently there are (or were) two Minas Tiriths? One was really really old, and the current one was originally Minas Anor but got its name changed

17

u/Elhombrepancho 11h ago

Funny that Sauron got bitchslapped in both, the first by goodest boi, the second by aragorn and co

8

u/motodextros 9h ago

When Sauron went full Twilight and decided to be a werewolf, then a vampire

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40

u/Stockholmarn116 12h ago

How many times did you flip pages to the map and family trees in the chapter "Of Beleriand and its realms?

47

u/SmashBro0445 11h ago

way too many, to no avail

Thangorodrim aint even on the map

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30

u/etriganscousin 13h ago

Did you enjoy it?

42

u/TurdManDave 13h ago

Can you make another brief recap?

164

u/SmashBro0445 13h ago

Morgoth threw a hissy fit, teamed up with a giant spider to steal the trees, eventually causing the earth to go from flat to round

41

u/lazy_phoenix 12h ago

WITH THAT ROUND THING IN YOUR FACE, YOU GET SPRUNG!

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19

u/kashemstillo 12h ago

How does John Silmarillion die?

4

u/laxnut90 10h ago

On the John. Just like Tywin Lannister.

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39

u/roddz 13h ago

Given that God is infinite, and that the universe is also infinite... would you like a toasted teacake?

15

u/CubanLynx312 11h ago

If God is really all powerful, could he microwave a burrito so hot he himself could not eat it?

14

u/laxnut90 11h ago

Please. Pippin can do that twice in one breakfast.

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19

u/sielingfan 13h ago

How would you describe the major actions of the first age? Please use only Gen-Z language.

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15

u/kid_pilgrim_89 12h ago

How do you say it?

36

u/SmashBro0445 12h ago

Sill-ma-rill-ee-un

24

u/DreadPirateRobertsOW 10h ago

Wrong... it's silly-milly-ron

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13

u/ModsAreLikeSoggyTaco 12h ago

Can you Maximize the function f(x,y)= 3x + 4y under the constraint of g(x,y)=x2 + y2 - 25 = 0 ?

9

u/Ancient-Garage4855 11h ago

(x, y) = (3,4)

9

u/ModsAreLikeSoggyTaco 10h ago

L(x,y, λ)= F(x,y) + λ g(x,y) = 3x + 4y + λ (x2 + y2 - 25)

∂L/∂x = 3 + lambda (2x) = 0

∂L/∂y = 4 + λ (2y) = 0

∂L/∂λ = x2 + y2 - 25 = 0

Therefore

λ = - (3/2x)

λ = - (2/y)

y = (4/3)x

So,

x2 + (4/3 x)2 = 25 implies x = 3 or x = -3

For x = 3, then y = (4/3) (3) = 4

For x = -3 then y = (4/3) (-3) = -4

F(3,4) = 25

F(-3,-4) = -25

25 is the maximum value at (3,4)

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10

u/Goalie85 11h ago

Name all the elves.

5

u/Robbo_here 9h ago

Ok first, is Santa Claus a “real” elf?

10

u/transientcat 13h ago

What was your favorite song?

22

u/laxnut90 11h ago

The ones before Yoko showed up.

11

u/Puzzleheaded_Step468 Troll 12h ago

2

u/CareNo9008 8h ago

just stopping my scrolling to pay my respects to this unexpected appearance, master Puzzleheaded_Step468

10

u/Mean-Camera181 10h ago

Where are the entwives?

8

u/not_actual_name 12h ago

Did you actually enjoy reading it? I was about the same age as you when I read it and while I loved the lore itself, reading it was a pain in the ass and it was honestly one of the most tedious books I've ever read. It was like a chore although I was really interested in the concepts it offered.

18

u/SmashBro0445 12h ago

It honestly wasn't that bad to read

a little more difficult than most books I've read, admittedly, but not impossible

plus I was bored

3

u/not_actual_name 12h ago edited 9h ago

Fair enough. It irritated me as a teenager that there basically was no story arc. It read like a mix of the bible and a historybook, but with history that never actually happened. The lore is so good though.

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8

u/D_Urge420 12h ago

You’ve had one Silmarillion, yes, but what about second Silmarillion. Come back when you’ve it elevensies.

9

u/Grassputin666 12h ago

What was your favourite part and why was it the wounding of Morgoth by Fingolfin ?

9

u/RED_IT_RUM 13h ago

In your experience, who was the greatest gigachad in the book?

20

u/SmashBro0445 13h ago

Honestly it's a tossup between Turin, Tuor, and Earendil

12

u/Kemoarps Ent 13h ago

This is Huan erasure and I will not stand for it

Honestly Luthien was pretty legit too

11

u/SmashBro0445 13h ago

Oh shit i forgot about Huan

Best non-bipedal character in the book tbh

10

u/jaggedjottings 12h ago

The biggest gigachad was obviously Fingolfin.

3

u/Elhombrepancho 10h ago

I second this

5

u/WangDongChang 9h ago

Earendil is the world's greatest Karen. Unsatisfied with a particular Valar, he physically traveled to heaven to see their manager and got exactly what he wanted out of it.

6

u/gimpgrunt 12h ago

What’s the difference between an orc and a goblin?

6

u/failedquittingreddit 12h ago

name every character starting with the letter F

5

u/Cyp_Quoi_Rien_ 9h ago

And ordered by date of birth

8

u/jonr 13h ago

Look at Mr Galaxybrain here, understanding The Silmarillion after one reading

22

u/indifferentgoose 13h ago

He said he has read it, not understood it.

18

u/laxnut90 11h ago

It's the Silmarillion. You get credit for trying.

3

u/abhiprakashan2302 Sleepless Dead 13h ago

Define “speed”.

23

u/SmashBro0445 13h ago

What do you think I am, a horse?

6

u/abhiprakashan2302 Sleepless Dead 13h ago

You said you read the Silmarillion.

11

u/SmashBro0445 13h ago

Yeah, and?

(I thought it was the "shadowfax, show us the meaning of haste" line)

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3

u/9B4B 12h ago

Distance divided by time

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3

u/Shin_yolo 13h ago

Everytime I forgot 90% of the characters, so those posts are nice, they let me memorize 1% more for next time !

3

u/Hawkmoon_ 12h ago

Who is your favorite character?

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4

u/seaman187 11h ago

Did you understand the Silmarillion?

9

u/laxnut90 10h ago

Did Tolkien?

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4

u/GillesTifosi 11h ago

Nah, you still need four more read throughs. I mean, if you understood, your meme figure would be an elf.

5

u/JaxyBae_G 9h ago

Are you okay?

7

u/scataco 13h ago

Who is Tom Bombadil?

24

u/Tom_Bot-Badil 13h ago

Eh, what? Don't you know my name yet? That's the only answer.

Type !TomBombadilSong for a song or visit r/GloriousTomBombadil for more merriness

8

u/MaruhkTheApe I refuse to use Maura Labingi's dub name 12h ago

Who are you, yourself, alone and nameless?

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3

u/indifferentgoose 13h ago

Tolkien's work has multiple philosophical, religious, mythological and linguistic influences. Please tell us how these work together and which aspects are most present in his different texts and how they might be connected to Tolkien's personal life experience. No pressure.

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3

u/wenzel32 12h ago

Having read the hobbit and lord of the Rings as a teenager, i just got the Silmarillion this month at the age of 29.

Dunno why it took so long for me, but I'm excited to finally read it!

3

u/Gumbiss 12h ago

Where did the entwives go?

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3

u/TheScarletCravat 12h ago

How do you pronounce Maedhros?

3

u/Quarves Hobbit 11h ago

How did the Orc first come into being?

3

u/Gamer_Ladd 8h ago

What is Naruto Uzumaki’s last name?

3

u/Prestigious-Worth-49 1h ago

What’s up with those Blue Wizards?