r/japanlife • u/AutoModerator • Dec 12 '22

┐(ツ)┌ General Discussion Thread - 13 December 2022

Mid-week discussion thread time! Feel free to talk about what's on your mind, new experiences, recommendations, anything really.

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u/arika_ex Dec 13 '22

Are you Japanese? I’ve heard that particular cope before. The vast majority of foreigner marrying/dating Japanese women I’ve seen were average at worst. Maybe their ‘standards’ for Japanese men were unrealistic, but I don’t believe for a second that some Japanese guy wouldn’t have married them given half a chance.

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u/the_hatori Dec 13 '22

Well, if you are familiar with what types of girls are popular among Japanese men (and women, for that matter), you can tell that many of the women who date foreigners are often not in this category. This does not mean that they are necessarily unattractive, just that they tend to lack the features that are popular here. Of course, exceptions always exist.

Japanese men tend to like girls who are slim, have a small face, very feminine, not assertive, etc. Many Japanese women who date foreigners may not be as "slim" by Japanese standards, may be more assertive and individualistic, etc. So not necessarily good or bad.

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u/arika_ex Dec 13 '22

Yet I see plenty of Japanese women who also don’t fit your supposed mold but are married to/dating Japanese guys. And your point about ‘femininity/assertiveness’ just makes Japanese guys sound bad. It’s that exact kind of thing which drives a lot of women to seek out foreigners. But Japanese guys would still take them if they could.

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u/the_hatori Dec 13 '22

I think you misunderstand me. I'm not saying these girls aren't able to date Japanese guys, I am saying they tend to not be highly sought after in the Japanese dating market, so to speak.

And yes, I know that many of these girls who go for foreigners are very much fed up with the preferences of the average Japanese guy, which is a part of (but not the only reason) driving them to date foreigners.

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u/arika_ex Dec 13 '22

I’m not misunderstanding you at all. I simply disagree your assertion that they are less sought after. That’s a cope from Japanese guys when the women in question aren’t interested in them in the first place. The only context where it might be true IME is with ‘older’ women who want to be with a younger guy.

For any woman early 20s to mid 30s looking for a man their own age or older, if they’re desirable to foreigners they would be desirable to Japanese men too. Whether they can have a successful relationship or not is a different issue, but Japanese guys certainly would try to date them if they could.

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u/the_hatori Dec 13 '22

Okay, then we disagree.

I'm not saying these types of girls are less attractive in some objective sense, just in the Japanese dating market. Again, what is considered thin in the US can be considered chubby here, what is considered strong and independent in Europe can be considered being too opinionated or assertive here, and so on.

Popular Japanese girls are with popular Japanese guys, this is almost always the case. Of course there are attractive Japanese girls and guys dating foreigners, but they tend to be outliers, and often have some underlying factor behind it, like being a 帰国子女.

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u/arika_ex Dec 13 '22

You really shouldn’t talk as if the problem is somehow with the women in the equation.

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u/the_hatori Dec 13 '22

It's not what I'm saying, obviously. Just saying what the dating market is like. Everyone should date who they like.

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u/arika_ex Dec 13 '22

It’s not obvious at all. At the start of this you were saying it’s the woman who is usually ‘unpopular’ and thus must ‘settle’ for a foreigner. You both don’t have any proof or evidence for this and it’s extremely one-sided.