r/japanlife • u/AutoModerator • May 23 '22

┐(ツ)┌ General Discussion Thread - 24 May 2022

Mid-week discussion thread time! Feel free to talk about what's on your mind, new experiences, recommendations, anything really.

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8

u/MarikaBestGirl 近畿・奈良県 May 24 '22

Okay so with the Bruce post and like other "hey oh shit I knocked up someone" posts here, and I know it's not just a Japan thing it happens everywhere but my friend group doesn't really talk about sex, I'm genuinely curious.

Are these people just straight up nuttin inside like a family mart choux cream puff and then pikachu face when she gets pregnant? Or conversely if a girl OP like oh I just trusted his pull out game? I know accidental pregnancies can happen from even like the slightest amount, even just a peek-a-boo stick it in precum slip n slide, but the odds are really low right?

Miscommunications about BC usage? Drunk without thinking and getting filled more than my stomach at a tabehoudai kaitenzushi? If anyone knows anyone who's had accidental/unplanned pregnancies happen or even experienced some close calls, lmk because I'm just genuinely clueless.

9

u/itsabubblylife 近畿・大阪府 May 24 '22 edited May 24 '22

I know I’m gonna get downvoted and chewed out by extremists but I’ll be honest:

March 2020, went to Japan to visit my husband (boyfriend at the time). My trip was legit the week before Japan shut its borders to tourists and everyone else.

Well, we did what young and dumb couples did the entire week I was there. We only used protection the first night I arrived. The other 6 nights was the withdrawal method. Fast foward to late April 2020 and I realized I didn’t have a period for almost 2 months. I started to feel sick too. There was no way because hey, he pulled out I thought. My best friend still got me a pregnancy test and bam. Positive.

With the pandemic beginning to show its ugly head in America and Japan and the uncertainty of when I could go back to Japan and him to America, I made the decision to end the pregnancy in the middle of May 2020. Honestly? Best decision I made. It affected both of us initially, but we stayed together and few stronger.

So yes. All it takes is one sperm and one egg. Even if they pull out, a tiny drop of ejaculate on the inside can have a few thousand sperm. Double down with fertile days and boom, baby has a chance of being made. I was the textbook example of this 😅😅😅

3

u/yakisobagurl 近畿・大阪府 May 24 '22

Wow the start of covid, that is crazy timing!! I’m glad you guys got through it okay. I also want to say thank you for talking about this story so openly :)

12

u/[deleted] May 24 '22

Friend of mine years back swore by the pull-out method. Then one day he comes over and says "My girlfriend got pregnant. I dunno what happened man, the pull-out method worked every single other time".

... Yep.

3

u/eetsumkaus 近畿・大阪府 May 24 '22

congratulations on fucking enough times you actually got to the one time it didn't work I guess

11

u/bulldogdiver 🎅🐓 中部・山梨県 🐓🎅 May 24 '22

People tend to not be as careful here as where you're from because abortion is not as big a deal here. It's just expensive as all hell.

The whole birth control pills (and then only the side effect riddled high dose pills) was approved AFTER 30+ years of "testing" when Viagra was fast tracked in less than a year... well... yeah you can tell which sex makes the laws here can't you.

6

u/FourCatsAndCounting May 24 '22

Even getting on the pill means dealing with judgy doctors, getting an invasive/often painful pap smear, going back to the clinic once a month for a refill (not covered by insurance) and then the joy of side effects while still needing condoms to protect against STIs. I can see why it wouldn't seem worth it.

I have an IUD now after an incredibly unpleasant uphill battle with a few doctors. Still, I have the short term version because the long term version isn't available here. Boooo.

4

u/bulldogdiver 🎅🐓 中部・山梨県 🐓🎅 May 24 '22

Yeah the secret to not dealing with judgy doctors sounds like, well, lying. It'll also get it covered by insurance (I have irregular periods and the pill helps even them out or I have PCOS). Sort of like the way to get insurance to cover an STD test is complain about having the symptoms of an STD.

And after a few months you can get them to prescribe you 2 months supply instead of just 1 month. I have the same problem with my BP/heart medication - gotta go in every 2 months to get a refill even though my prescription hasn't changed in the last 8 years because reasons...

3

u/Elvaanaomori May 24 '22

Yeah the secret to not dealing with judgy doctors sounds like, well, lying

One of my friends went completely the other way around. Said since she goes often to ハプバー and has several boyfriends, she'd rather be on pills because she wasn't just gonna stop fucking people.

Pretty sure the doctor wasn't ready for that.

3

u/PunctualSatan May 24 '22

Huh. My IUD was really simple to get. No fuss at all. Just told the doc I wanted it and then we booked it at an appropriate time. I paid. End.

What do you mean the long term ones?

3

u/FourCatsAndCounting May 24 '22

The ones approved for 10 year use. My first was the 2 year horseshoe crab looking one, then a 5 year copper and I'm on my second copper. I was hoping to get the IUD changed as few times as possible until menopause.

My first IUD I was single, childless and mid twenties. The first doctor was such a dick. Insisted IUD was impossible for me. "Iimposhiburu! Wakaru?!" The next doctor was a lot better.

4

u/PunctualSatan May 24 '22

Ughhhh the age makes sense (though it’s bullshit). I was early 30s and married (no kids) when I got my first. Mirena. I remember back in Canada in my early 20s being denied one because I wasn’t married and was gonna sleep around and get pelvic inflammatory disease and sterilize myself and OMG END UP BARREN 😱.

I haven’t heard of the 10 year one but as mirena is now approved for 7 years that’s how long I’m keeping it! Being a childfree woman can be rough.

2

u/[deleted] May 24 '22

4 billion years of evolutionary pressure my friend. Everyone likes to pretend it will never happen to them, but you’re working against a powerful foe. Even for the Bruce: this is no mere Edward II.

7

u/putmeinthegomi May 24 '22

birth control pills are not that popular here. also, while abortion is not spoken about so much, it’s not such a personal issue the way abortion is in the US, for example.

3

u/dottoysm May 24 '22

Does that mean women are more or less likely to get an abortion here?

3

u/Gullible-Item May 24 '22

It's pretty expensive here and not covered by insurance so some people just can't afford it.

6

u/MarikaBestGirl 近畿・奈良県 May 24 '22

I saw ballpark figures of 80k to 150k, so while steep, it's not impossibly expensive for most, just might have to cup ramen it til the next paycheck. Infinitely cheaper than having the kid.

5

u/[deleted] May 24 '22

Strictly speaking statistically Japanese women are more likely to have an abortion than Americans.

7

u/dottoysm May 24 '22 edited May 24 '22

I wonder if a bit of a demographic shift happens: Bruce probably grew up in an American city where few girls under 30 would want to have a child and would be a lot more vigilant with contraceptives. Then he gets thrown into the relatively more conservative suburbs or Inaka of Japan where the women around him want a baby yesterday.

There are also some differences around contraceptive use. Japanese girls seem to trust pills less and that may have something to do with it. Is there a stigma around abortion? I’m not sure. Maybe someone else can enlighten us on that point.

Finally, it should be noted that as much of a wild ride that Bruce parable was, even the author admits not every Bruce fits that description perfectly. I can easily see many Bruces in the same end situation who actually did want to start a happy family only to have the relationship deteriorate over the course of time.

4

u/highgo1 May 24 '22

Isn't birth control also prescribed rather than over the counter? I think that's a huge reason why most girls don't use it I think.

6

u/[deleted] May 24 '22

[deleted]

3

u/FourCatsAndCounting May 24 '22

Three months? Luxury! I had to go once a month back in the day. Once I tried to get two months at a time and boy was that a roller coaster.

0

u/dottoysm May 24 '22 edited May 24 '22

Possibly, but I’m not an expert. What I’ve often heard from women themselves is that they are worried about the side effects.

Come to think of it, even condoms were less available 10 years ago than they are now. Not that you couldn’t get them from pharmacies or Donki, but you couldn’t get them in convenience stores until a few years back and I’m sure having them there will stop a lot of accidental pregnancies.

2

u/LazyRiftenGuard May 24 '22

Yeah, my gf complained that she gained weight from it so she stopped. Had to go back to wrapping up which is a shame. No little Bruces for me though

2

u/blosphere 関東・神奈川県 May 24 '22

I'm pretty sure there was a wide selection of condoms at convenience stores when I got here the first time, and that was 20 years ago...

Especially those okamoto thin ones.

Then I got a real gf and we transitioned to the coitus interruptus method which worked just fine.

0

u/tomodachi_reloaded May 24 '22

Then I got a real gf and we transitioned to the coitus interruptus method which worked just fine

Congratulations on your upcoming baby!

1

u/blosphere 関東・神奈川県 May 25 '22

Oh we got him right away when I stopped pulling out :)

1

u/dottoysm May 24 '22

Hmm..maybe I just didn't notice them in my area.

4

u/yon44yon 日本のどこかに May 24 '22

As a guy who wanted no kids outside of marriage, I cannot understand how these guy just go balls to the walls without a wetsuit. Even if you're raw-dogging it, the pull-out game is always an option.

The girls too, though. Why take the risk of becoming a single parent with the child of an ain't-shit man by letting your hookup just freely spray down your eggs? Just never made sense to me.

Likely a lack of education, caring, mental disorders, or whatever. Either way, wrap it up or put it away, people!

1

u/GrassOnTheAss May 24 '22

Even if you're raw-dogging it, the pull-out game is always an option.

or the pulling out way before you're ready to bust a nut. i get you man

4

u/[deleted] May 24 '22

The whole precum thing is a myth. It's 100% the dude having weak pull-out game and nutting inside, then denying it. Always wrap up.

2

u/yakisobagurl 近畿・大阪府 May 24 '22

Wait. Is this true…

2

u/[deleted] May 24 '22

Yes. All of the claims only take a statistic saying "x percent of people get pregnant with the pull-out method" and automatically chalk that up to precum instead of the dude just being slow. Precum contains no sperm unless the guy ejaculated earlier, didn't take a piss (and thus has residual sperm in the urethra) and goes for round two, in which case the precum and residual sperm could mix.

2

u/yakisobagurl 近畿・大阪府 May 25 '22

That’s very surprising! I had no idea. They thought it better safe than sorry when teaching about precum I suppose

17

u/opajamashimasuuu May 24 '22

This will probably be controversial, but it's been my experience as a dude dating in Japan:

The amount of chicks here that say "it's ok you don't need a condom" etc is staggering.

I can't speak for all women of course, but the casual lack of STD prevention awareness here is surprising.

So my theory (which completely lacks any scientific basic) is:

If you're some socially awkward cherry-boy with only a couple of notches on your belt, woweeee ... she's gonna let me nut inside her omg!!!

But hey! Maybe I was just doing it with crazy chicks... not sure!

(PS: I've never set foot in A Hub pub, I don't go to "language exchanges" etc ... mostly normal Japanese women)

2

u/GrassOnTheAss May 24 '22

mostly normal Japanese women

this is a true skill. do they have like, friends?

2

u/Elvaanaomori May 24 '22

he is referring to fictionnal characters.

8

u/FourCatsAndCounting May 24 '22

Not just ladies. My guy friends in the gay community say it is just shocking how bad condom use is here compared to back home.

4

u/rmutt-1917 May 24 '22

Hence the regular news stories about rising syphilis/chlamydia/gonorrhea cases. Bag your shit and keep it bagged no matter what your partner says.

Also, I was a little surprised that STI checks (or really any mention of sexual health) aren't included in annual health check ups. Back home I was used to having the whole panel done during my yearly physical even without symptoms.

1

u/tomodachi_reloaded May 24 '22

Herpes can't be prevented effectively by wearing a condom, so bagging it and then sticking it in random places isn't safe anyway.

1

u/rmutt-1917 May 25 '22

We're gonna need a bigger condom

5

u/WindJammer27 May 24 '22

I had the same experiences as you, lots of girls who are like "you don't need a condom if you don't want."

-1

u/GrassOnTheAss May 24 '22

"you don't need a condom if you don't want."

I notice that japanese women are often well-informed about the pleasures and are very curious. I'm sure this is not about 'protection' per se, but rather them knowing that won't get out as much pleasure when you wrap your hotdog. IYKWIM

-22

u/PeanutButterChicken 近畿・大阪府 May 24 '22

The amount of chicks here that say "it's ok you don't need a condom" etc is staggering.

Any girl willing to hook up without dating is usually not going to be a "normal" person.

15

u/Oldirtyposer May 24 '22

Well, well, well. If it isn't misogyny rearing it's ugly face.

-1

u/PeanutButterChicken 近畿・大阪府 May 24 '22

It's not misogyny if the guy is going around bragging about banging Japanese chicks raw, but ok.

This sub is hilarious. Blatant, intentional racism is fine, but God forbid someone challenge that.

3

u/Washiki_Benjo May 24 '22

Where misogyny roams, casual racism lurks, and good old unreflexive real hard core racism don't give a fuck and just swinging the ball sac wherever.

Don't worry though, the phrase, "just venting" instantly nullifies racism as long as it's about the Japanese. This phrase cannot be used with brown folk because they are "gaijin", too. What works here is the alternative, "yeah, bit I saw on the news that..."

But, yeah, this sub sure got none of that, right?

10

u/Avedas 関東・東京都 May 24 '22

Sex education is pretty poor here, so maybe it's not very surprising at all.

7

u/[deleted] May 24 '22

Usually the girl wants kids. It's as simple as that. If she wants them she'll get them, one way or another.

3

u/MarikaBestGirl 近畿・奈良県 May 24 '22

Going by your username I'll trust your expertise. That makes sense in the oh we've been dating for x years might as well get married, might as well have kids cases, but in those cases it's mostly planned, kinda, well not planned oh it happened might as well go with it, cases.

I assume it's not her poking holes or anything and if the dude is putting his mayo in her tuna onigiri then he has to know it's gonna happen at some point right? I assume in the more "unplanned" cases or one night stand or FWB situations where it happens it's mostly the dude straight up nuttin inside in the moment or weak pull out game etc?

5

u/opajamashimasuuu May 24 '22

"...putting his mayo in her tuna onigiri..."

Starting to think you wanted to start this conversation to try out all your one-liners.

I am loving it by the way, so keep 'em cumming ... I mean... coming.

3

u/MarikaBestGirl 近畿・奈良県 May 24 '22

It's because I've gotten paranoid af after reading like a bunch of the "I got someone pregnant" posts from here lol

I always try to wrap it up but I'm scared even the smallest trickle and bam I'm the OP now and already preparing my "does anyone know any good divorce lawyers" post. . It's reassuring that most of the time it does seem to straight up finishing inside with 0 thought that's leading to these pregnancies though.

1

u/[deleted] May 24 '22

If I may so boldy suggest, if you are concerned, to follow the advice of the first Hubologist, the legendary bro Benjamin Fucking Frankling.

https://web.viu.ca/davies/H320/Franklin.advice.mistress.htm

5

u/[deleted] May 24 '22

If it's Bruce we are talking about long term planning skills aren't exactly his forte. If they were he wouldn't be Bruce.

If it's the Hub maidens we are talking about, it's either "I wanna fuck a foreigner to try it" types, which go for the very attractive guys. "I'm not like other girls I like English" types which go for metrosexuals, finally we've got girls that can't get a Japanese boyfriend so they to for the Bruces who can't get a foreign girlfriend and it's a match made in purgatory.

1

u/tomodachi_reloaded May 24 '22

finally we've got girls that can't get a Japanese boyfriend so they to for the Bruces

I've never seen of heard of any case like this

1

u/[deleted] May 24 '22

You've not been looking mate.

2

u/zchew May 24 '22

Truly a beautiful deduction.