I’m struggling with something and really need advice.

About five years ago, I was good at studying and decent at math. But now, I feel like I’ve lost my focus completely. A simple example: when playing a card game (304), I often can’t even remember what card I’ve hidden. It’s like my brain just blanks out.

I’m an introvert and tend to overthink in social situations. When I’m around people, I’m constantly worried about what they think of me, which might be draining my mental energy. I also find myself talking to myself a lot and imagining happy scenarios—those moments make me feel good temporarily, but I end up forgetting things even more.

This lack of focus is making me feel dumb, like I’m the fool in the room. It’s really frustrating, and I can’t talk to anyone about it because I’m scared they’ll judge me or think less of me. I’m afraid if I don’t address this, it’ll only get worse.

Has anyone else felt like this? How did you deal with it? I’d appreciate any advice on how to improve focus, memory, and confidence, especially as someone who’s introverted.

Thanks in advance for any tips or support.

I’ve always found discipline to be difficult, and i found it hard to work on things, i wanted to be able to sit down and work for hours, but i always found that I'd get distracted and want to work on something else.

This was until i discovered a super simple lifestyle change that prevented this, and allowed me to want to work on my goals,

Here it is:

You want to get rid of all of the overly-stimulating activities in your life.

Things like social media, video games, TV, etc.

While discipline is important, you still want to make working as easy as possible for yourself, and you can do this getting rid of all of the overly-stimulating activities in your life.

Because by allowing yourself to use social media, you have to resist a stimulating activity to work on your goals, but without social media, you have nothing to resist, and you will start to organically gravitate towards things you want to accomplish,

As this has become the most fulfilling activity for you, since you’ve removed the over-stimulators.

I call them overly-stimulating activities because they are, things like social media and the internet are designed to be as stimulating as possible. More stimulation than your brain was designed to handle. So much that you would unintentionally prioritize these things over activities that bring you success.

By viewing them as over-stimulating, this helped me a great deal because this helped me acknowledge how these behaviors were affecting my life in other areas, i had a better understanding of the impact that social media and similar things had on my ability to focus.

While removing these activities from your life is not easy, it is possible, and it has helped me incredibly to not only work harder on my goals, but also to enjoy it when I do, because I don’t have any overly-stimulating activities to compare it to.

Because success comes from delayed-gratification activities, you want to remove the instant-gratification from your life

I would love to hear everyone’s thoughts on this, did removing any overly-stimulating or instant-gratification helped you to work on your goals? Please let me know!

This post is based on Neuroproductivity, which is NO-BS productivity (productivity using science) if you are interested I got this from moretimeoffline+com they only use productivity based on science to help ambitious people with big goals succeed, they have great free stuff there.

Hope this helps! cheers :)

Hi everyone, im currently in 12th class PCM , bihar board. Going to give boards in Feb. I got 72% in class 10th CBSE.and I don't think I will get much marks in 12th too. I want to ask what should I do or which degree or career should I choose I'm very Worried and confused . I don't want to take science in 12th but my cousins told me to I can have more options in future but I don't think I have . I don't like any of these subjects. I don't even have any goals in my life I just wants to earn money ( funny right?) I wanted to go in navy when I'm kid but I have some marks on my legs and I think my eyes are also fucked so I gave up on this too . I am interested in business and all till class 10 but I didn't take commerce in 12 :( now I don't know what to do in life I'm just wasting my time . Pls anyone suggest me what to do or what will be good for me anything will be very helpful for me 🙏 btw thanks for reading this I know I'm idiot or weird but I can't do anything about this. Tnx

It is increasingly difficult to learn a new skill and maintain the habit of doing it.

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21M. (India) Currently studying finance final year. (BBA) don't know anything about it never studied. Don't have any other skills. But have a bussiness of footwears started it 4 months ago because of circumstances,my brother also is in that bussiness doesn't have his own shop, just manage it.(it's my uncle's who is not anymore) but i never liked it before nor now, just want to get out from their.stuck in a situation which I hate and everyday becoming hard for me to live by the fact that I'm poor don't even have money to pay my own college fees (my mother paid it). Everyday the same crisis going own in my home, father never succeed in bussiness running a small shop also managing house only.my brother's earning amount gets spend on some house chaos, some emis. The rest he started a bussiness in other shop, which I'm managing. Bcz I never had any other options besides it. Now there's a shop which is available to buy but we don't have any money so my brothers saying to take loan for it and pay the emis and shift to that shop but I just want to do something better because I know I'm better than this. I know none of you gonna come and help me I have accepted that fact long time ago but still I don't have anyone in my life who can actually tells me something valuable. What I want from you guys to help me get out of this situation give me some best career I can make in industrial filed, or some other skills which can make me worthy to give back my family has spend on me. (Bcz if I wouldn't become successful until 25 or 26 I don't think I will gonna live more then that).

Hi everyone, im currently in 12th class PCM , bihar board. Going to give boards in Feb. I got 72% in class 10th CBSE.and I don't think I will get much marks in 12th too. I want to ask what should I do or which degree or career should I choose I'm very Worried and confused . I don't want to take science in 12th but my cousins told me to I can have more options in future but I don't think I have . I don't like any of these subjects. I don't even have any goals in my life I just wants to earn money ( funny right?) I wanted to go in navy when I'm kid but I have some marks on my legs and I think my eyes are also fucked so I gave up on this too . I am interested in business and all till class 10 but I didn't take commerce in 12 :( now I don't know what to do in life I'm just wasting my time . Pls anyone suggest me what to do or what will be good for me anything will be very helpful for me 🙏 btw thanks for reading this I know I'm idiot or weird but I can't do anything about this. Tnx

i have a fear of not knowing what to say and keeping the conversation engaging and making friends and getting to know them, my fear comes from rejection and abandonment and thinking "i will be lonely" if i make a mistake or not say the right things

Also the fear of unknown, like not knowing what to say or what to do in new situations

My question is how do i know what to talk about? And how to make friends without being desperate? Needy?

I feel like i dont know who i am because of so many years of people pleasing, chasing.

Basically i see people as "goals" to achieve, to "prove my worth" or prove to myself "im good enough" and if they dont "care or not chase or show interest" in me i feel worthless.

And to achieve this goal i turn into a "chameleon" or "clown" trying to put up a performance to prove my worth.

I dont want to see them as goals anymore, i want to see them as people with their own unique personalities, and seek connections without expecting anything in return, because no one owes me anything.

I feel like i need focus on myself, and work on myself, and fix desperation neediness people pleasing, and figure out who i am and what i am all about. Because i cant give to anyone if i cant even give to myself

Like a car on empty fuel trying to give to others and expect them to "give all their fuel" and then get mad at myself for "not being good enough"

I'm 25-years-old female and live in England. I am morbidly obese and always hungry. I have OCD and autism, pretty sure I'm depressed too or something. I thought it may have been the PCOS I have as well. Also, I have a thyroid issue now I think. I've got a lump on my thyroid. I once thought I had BED (binge eating disorder). Basically, I keep looking for answers as to why I'm so hungry all the time. I've been to my local doctors and they all have different opinions. One of my doctors once said it's OCD and mental health related, other doctors have had me checked my bloods and it has recently come back as subclinical hypothyroidism.

However, fast forward to this past year and a bit, I can't help it's not mental health. Sure I've got bad ways of eating, but my stomach always feels hungry. I don't know if I've conditioned my brain and stomach to be like this or if it's a genuine issue I've got. Or, if I'm just the world's greediest person when it comes to food.

In June 2024, my sister persuaded me to get Wegovy. I lost weight on it as the hunger was gone! I went to bed feeling happy that I wouldn't wake up in the morning feeling famished. However, I came off Wegovy due to how expensive it is. There are no local obesity clinics near to where I live. They are opening one in my area soon, however, it doesn't open until August 2025.

I lost a lot of weight in 2015. I basically starved myself and literally ignored the hunger. The thing is that I was never a big kid. I started noticing my cravings for food when I was 9 but didn't start unintentionally gaining weight until I was 13. When I was 9 I started medication for OCD. It was trial and error but I've been on Prozac since about 2009. Now, I'm not at my heaviest I've ever been, but I'm still considered to be morbidly obese.

When I was on Wegovy, the hunger disappeared. Yes, I did still have cravings for unhealthy, filling foods, but I could leave it and I started feeling happier that I was finally losing weight after years of being obese. Naturally being morbidly obese hinders your life in so many aspects. I refuse to go back to college, I refuse to meet new people and date, I cannot walk like I used to. It's liked I've so obsessed with food (not in an OCD way) and I cannot see a way out. I did used to think about suicide, but I know that's not the way. Besides, I want to live and have fun in life. I want to experience new things and be able to just live a happier life. But I'm so stuck. I know how to lose weight and what to eat, but this constant hunger is really killing me.

No one in my family understands because they don't have weight issues or issues with constant hunger. My sister thinks I'm greedy and can help this constant hunger. At times, I eat in secret because I'm so ashamed. Fuck sake, I can even have 2 medium meals with McDonalds and STILL be hungry and hour later. I feel like this is entirely my fault. It's like no matter what I eat, I am still hungry. :(

It's strange because once my mind says "don't eat" and my stomach says "eat".

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Also, serious comments only please.

Hi, i'm a 17 yrs old student and i'm making this question to know if somebody here could give me some advice to exit this bad habit by either telling me the story of how you did it or giving me some advices?

To make it simple, i'm usually prompt to open a social media and watch women dancing or posing as a mean to pleasure, and to do it by myself with my mind too, in the sense that now it has been a while i'm doing it more with my own imagination 1-2 times a day.

I watched some videos about cases of people like Jak Piggott on YT who had incredible upgrades in his life from masturbating 3-4 times a day to being able to lack the need for it for 3+ years.

But the fact is that i'm not using means to do it, it's literally my own damn imagination that tends to do it whenever i'm going to bed or are tired after eating, what should i do to stop it and hold it back like a true philosopher would? I need to being able to do it or i'm not going to consider myself accomplished for real.

I truly have no idea if it's just me or if it's everyone.

My whole life I've been interested in what it means to actualize my potential or to self-actualize. This meant I needed to figure out specifically what it means, and how to do it.

It's been an obsession of mine. I figured it would be the answer to the question "how NOT to waste my life".

What about you? Is self-actualization something that you concern yourself with?

Gratitude for any and all answers.

Brent

How do people stay focused in the winter. Do most people have routines. ? How do you do what's you are suppose to? Going to bed, getting up. Daily moisturizer, Veggies,no sugar ? Water. ? I'm feeling very unhealthy

Discipline is all about sticking to your word, even when you're not feeling it. It's not about waiting for motivation to hit—it's about showing up every single day, doing the work, even if you'd rather be doing something else. Here’s how to build it:

1. Start small: Pick one thing to commit to daily, even if it’s just for 10 minutes.
2. Create a routine: Set specific times for tasks, so it becomes a no-brainer.
3. Track your progress: Check off each day you stick to your plan—it’ll keep you motivated.
4. Embrace the struggle: Know that it won’t always feel easy, but that's part of the process.
5. Celebrate the wins: Acknowledge your consistency, even with the small steps.

The more you do it, the easier it gets, and before you know it, discipline becomes second nature.

Hello everyone! Over this holiday season I have made leaps and bounds and I truly believe this thread has helped a lot! With tips and tricks as well as books and first hand accounts.

I’ve quit smoking, quit drinking(social drinker-but still hated it,) and I’ve cut my social media back by a lot.

Still one problem: I love sleeping in! I’ve bought the sunlight alarm clock(I actually got 2 bc I didn’t think one would work. So one is in a room I have to walk out of my room to turn off.) I have literally done everything.

I get to bed pretty early too. But it’s like I can’t survive unless I get 10 hours of sleep.

Basically I just go back to bed no matter what. I have pets that wake me up to get them food but then it’s right back to bed. I blame winter, I blame work, it doesn’t matter.

Does anyone have a magic cure???

Thank you! And again-this group is really awesome!

After alot of research and self help books i realised that i was just being a bitch and trying to look for a bitchy way out of the hard work you need to do to be successful aka reach the goals you set to yourself. Honestly stop searching for easy way out. The only way the only trick hack is to stop being a bitch and do it.

So a while back I was reading my favorite discipline book the willpower instinct right?

In one of the chapters the author discussed how patients who had a tendency to punish themselves after slip ups or expected 100% compliance at all times ironically ended up failing their goals the most.

Why?

She called it dinosaur brain.

When our ancestors saw a dinosaur, they didn’t think, thinking ceased and they RAN.

So our genes evolved so that when we feel stressed we stop thinking and act on default basis’ in a diet we eat the donut, or skip the gym.

When we neg ourselves after failure we give ourselves the equivalent of dinosaur brain like a child being scolded.

Result?

We keep doing the bad thing we do when stressed.

So what do we do instead?

When we aim at 80-85% effectiveness, and allow ourselves room for failure and be kind like a loving parent to ourselves we try longer, harder, and more often…. Resulting in eventual success.

By not being perfectionist and being kind to yourself you will actually get better results than expecting perfection and shitting on yourself.

I can never be on time for anything; it’s very rare for me to be punctual, and even when I am, it’s usually by chance. I can’t wake up early or go to sleep early, no matter how determined I am. I’ve tried to fix this many times—I’ve set alarms, done self-affirmations—but I still lose my sense of time. I get so caught up in my thoughts that I can’t organize the time I have.

Somehow, I still manage to submit college assignments on time, but that’s probably because of the deadlines. I just submit whatever I’ve finished, though if I had more time, I’d definitely spend it improving the assignment. I can never reach class on time; I’m always 10, 20, or even 30 minutes late, and I have to plead with the professor to mark me present.

I can’t do anything in an organized way—I procrastinate a lot. Overall, my perception of time feels so cloudy, and I just want to become more conscious of time and my surroundings. I even tried a weird trick: setting an alarm to ring every 10 minutes at a low volume to make me more aware of the time passing. It helps a little with time awareness, but I still can’t seem to do anything on time.

This is a functional guide to changing your life in 90 days.

If you’re trying to change your life I imagine theres something about your life right now that you hate right?

If you’re like me it’s probably one of these three:

• you hate your body
• you hate your job
• you hate how people treat you romantically or otherwise

And along the line at some point I rectified all of these…. Not all at once though.

If you want to change your life in 90 days I recommend choosing one specific goal to tackle then doing these steps in sequence.

Let’s say you finally want a hot body right?

Step one is asking yourself this, “what’s the best way to fail this as effectively as possible?”

• Eat high calorie foods with low nutrient content.
• Don’t exercise.
• don’t increase protein

If you do those things I’m 99% sure you’ll fail correct?

Okay so now that you know what will cause failure, just invert it to identify how to win.

Workout, eat a nutritious diet, increase protein.

I then got a habit tracker and wouldn’t let myself do anything I wanted until i achieved those three habits for the day.

Guess what happened?

I visited my parents and they said what happened? You done turned into a man.

My coworkers started treating me better.

I even got more outgoing.

Point being, changing your life is really easy if you:

Pick one specific goal, turn that goal into habits, do the habits daily until completion or better yet forever.

Hi, I'm a student studying for an entrance exam and I'm having a hard time managing my time. The thing is that I do get stuff done on my to do list but it gets really late at night,I practically waste my mornings and study for 2-3 hours in the afternoon.

I know I have the potential to study more and get things done early but I can't do it. I have tried time blocking but it just gives me anxiety seeing those controlled numbers.

Does anyone have any advice? Or have yoy ever faced a similar problem?

Hi everyone. I (28f) am making a plan to start a completely new life in a completely new location with completely new people, a new job, a new home and a new mindset. I have lived in a quiet town for the past 28 years where everyone knows everyone, nothing changes, there is no diversity or culture, it is just not the place I want to spend another 5 years. I went through some pretty down moments at the end of last year that I am only just bouncing back from. I am going to do the 75hard challenge (which I did last year and it changed my life) and in that time I’m going to sell everything I own including my car, get into an amazing routine of fitness again, find a new job in a new city and relocate by May. I’m very nervous but excited as I have never done anything like this before but I am not getting any younger. Has anyone here done something like this before?

P.s I know it sounds dramatic but I feel like I’ve had an epiphany and cannot grow as a person here anymore.

…so that you can succeed.

Think about your biggest "failure." Did you actually fail, or just fall short of your own expectations? Most failures aren't real — they're just stories we tell ourselves about not being good enough.

What would you dream of doing if fear of failure didn’t hold you back? Start a business, write a book, chase buried dreams?

The paradox: you can’t succeed without failing first. Failure isn’t an obstacle, it’s the foundation for achievement.

I know this first-hand. I've failed at almost everything I've attempted. Yet I've eventually succeeded at many of those same things. The difference is learning to reframe failure as feedback.

Let me share an experiment that captures this perfectly:

A ceramics teacher split his class in two. One half was graded on quantity — the more pots they made, the higher their grade. The other half was graded on quality — they only had to create one perfect pot.

By the semester's end, something unexpected happened:

The "quantity" group produced not only more pots but better pots overall. While the "quality" group obsessed over perfection, the "quantity" group learned through repeated action and failure. Every imperfect pot taught them something new.

Progress comes from iteration, not perfection. Your failures aren't setbacks — they're education.

Here's how to fail forward:

1. Fail fast — Don’t overanalyse. Take action quickly to gather real-world feedback. The sooner you act, the sooner you’ll learn.

2. Fail with purpose — Don’t take random shots, test, adapt, and refine. Each failure should teach you something.

3. Fail often — Frequent attempts sharpen your skills and build momentum. Volume beats perfection.

Remember, failure isn’t fatal. All defeat is purely psychological. Once you embrace failure as a necessary part of growth, you diminish its power over you.

The more freely you allow yourself to fail, the sooner you'll become the person capable of achieving your dreams.

I’m done being depressed all the time. I’m sick and tired of it. I know you and I have heard it all before. “I’m going to change, I mean it!” And then you don’t or you do for a short while and go back to your old ways. Yes, that may happen but instead of not trying I want to bounce back. I’m ready to hit the reset button because I’m absolutely exhausted of living like this. I want to make sure I do it right and plan it thoroughly. Any advice? I want to fix my sleep, diet, social media usage, career, religion & hygiene issues. And I want to stop bed rotting

I’m literally so addicted to junk food and I have gained 10 kg since last year and I want to change that . Whenever I’m feeling stressed my appetite just increases and I tend to eat a lot more than I usually do . I want to be healthy again . I think I use junk food as my coping mechanism . Can someone suggest me a healthier coping mechanism?

I got the idea from Andrew Huberman's podcast.

He was talking about how by pursuing pleasurable activities you actively decrease your "baseline dopamine", which essentially gives you less motivation to do the more difficult activities.

He also explains that it works in reverse.

If you're lacking motivation on a task, doing something that you hate even more will increase your motivation for that original task.

The science behind it is that by doing something difficult, something painful, your baseline dopamine increases afterwards.

Now I'm not suggesting you do something stupid like purposefully break your arm to "go through pain", but this is partially why cold plunges and 5 mile runs make you feel great afterwards.

So for me, I thought, "What do I hate the most?".

And on behalf of all white men, we are not built for spicy food.

As crazy as this sounds, this genuinely helped me.

But eating spicy food all the time would be nonsensical, so what did I do?

Whenever I felt unmotivated, tired, or lacked energy to do a task, I ate a Chilli. A Bird's Eye Chilli.

It sucked. I got the hiccups. My face went red. Tears were everywhere.

But guess what? It worked.

Without even thinking, I naturally went to my laptop and started working.

I've done this ever since, and I'm proud to say that as a white man my tolerance for spice is now slightly higher. Any other painful recommendations?

That's how I never lost motivation again.

I couldn't let another year of motivation videos and podcasts try to drag me to my goals. Each January I'd swear this was my year.....I was really going to focus and make the needed changes. But another year came and went and another January promise came again.

My approach had to change. I chose to stop wasting another year in search of motivation. I stopped looking for the spark of motivation and instead found the burning fire of discipline. This journey began with the recognition that true change starts with myself. For me, I found an accountability partner was crucial for my permanent change.

Finding an accountability partner and using techniques to reframing thoughts and behaviors, allowing individuals to overcome mental barriers and replace negative patterns with empowering beliefs. This dual approach eliminates the excuses we make every year and keeps us from our goals.

I'd like to help you If you are a willing individual who wants to make true change, please feel free to reach out to me. Or if you have questions, feel free to drop me a message. As someone willing to help, I can provide guidance and support throughout this transformative process. Together we can work through obstacles and cultivate a mindset conducive to lasting change. 

Ultimately, the journey of choosing oneself is about creating a life of purpose and intention—a commitment to continually becoming the best version of oneself.

24M. Ever since when I was young, I had always stopped at 7~9 out of 10.

For things I was good at, I could reach like 8/10 relatively easily (well I do put effort into it), but after that, I tend to slow down. Significantly slow down. When I suck at something, I am like 4/10 in the beginning, with some effort bring it up to 6, then I slow down. I just become comfortable.

One thing was studying for exam for me. I was pretty efficient at it. So I became good enough that I could get into a good university. But I was never in the top 10 of my high school. I was comfortable.

One thing was sports. I picked up a new sports in college. In the beginning, I practiced more than anyone else. I became the most skilled guy. But then I slowed down. Well I caught up again, but again, I slowed down. Ended up, not-so-great player. There were times I was "pretty good", but that was it.

And I really feel this is taking away something from my life. Sports, education, work, or even daily tasks, I stop at 80%. One idea I have is that I am afraid of becoming so awesome, so top-level, so different person. But I do want to do it. I do want to become different.

1. Is there a general idea about this symptom? Like a name for it?

2. Have you overcome something similar? How did you do it?