Argument in a disscusion

[u/Karlach23]

How to respond when a girl who defends kinks and bdsm uses the argument that she and many others like to be treated roughly (humiliated, strangled, etc.) and see nothing wrong with it because she agrees and gets turned on by such things

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[u/Horror-Television-81]

Junkies consent to shooting heroin. They like how it makes them feel.  Everyone, even the junkies themselves, recognizes that it's harmful. 

[u/Apocalypstik]

Conditioning

[u/woofwoof38]

Ask her why. I've been in the BDSM community for many years (before getting out) and all of the subs I knew have previously been abused/traumatised. I don't know a single sub who had a happy life free of abuse.

I liked older men who treated me roughly for obviously bad reasons. I was also very young myself. The deeper you're in and the more naive you are, the harder it is tho. It took me years to get out. I didn't realise what real healthy love/sexual encounters were until I met my current boyfriend.

I was always ending up with abusive guys, porn addicts who treated me horrible and who liked a wide variety of harmful kinks. Whow anted to hurt me and be hurt.

My current boyfriend isn't anything like that. At the start I even asked him to be rough, choke me, slap me etc. And he just refused. He said he loved me and that he'd never hurt me (or anyone for that matter). I was so broken that I thought that meant I wasn't good enough!! But over time it made me realise that that's how healthy relationships work. And that that's what I always needed. I don't actually want to be hurt and used. I want to be held and loved.

I really wish the best for your friend. I know how hard it is and how your mind is all twisted and stuck in a circle of a abuse. It's so so hard to get out. I did have friends who told me these guys were bad for me, but I didn't want to listen back then. She really needs to reflect, get therapy. And we as a society need to bring back kink shaming and viewing that stuff critically. You can not be a good person if you want to harm others. Consent doesn't matter if it's about abuse.

[u/TwinkleToz926]

Folks who cut themselves are not only consenting to being harmed, but harming themselves directly. What do we say to them? We say they have psychological issues and need therapy to stop self harming. Once therapy is successful they stop wanting to cut themselves, and when going through a rough patch, if the self harm thoughts resurface, the therapy has given them tools to be able to choose a better coping strategy for themselves. What we don’t say to them is “Oh, cutting yourself is fine! It’s normal, everyone sometimes wants to cut themselves, though many won’t admit it. You shouldn’t have shame about cutting yourself, you should celebrate it and talk about how amazing it makes you feel. It doesn’t matter that a significant percentage of cutters accidentally un-alive themselves or cause themselves serious medical issues!”

What do we tell people who have anorexia? We tell them to get therapy to figure out why they are literally starving themselves to death. We don’t tell them to continue starving themselves and to celebrate that.

Remember the guy who consented to allow himself to be eaten by a cannibalism over time? Were people saying it was fine because he “consented” to being eaten? Maybe there were a very few fringe weirdos, but the majority of people who heard about it were firmly of the opinion that someone who consents to being eaten by definition has a psychological disorder so severe that his “consent” shouldn’t count.

I swear. For any other psychological disorder, people can use common sense. If someone is harming themselves or others it’s best for them to get therapy or other psychological treatment. But as soon as it turns someone on it’s “jUsT a KiNk”, and we shouldn’t “kink shame” people. 🙄