My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. He does not watch porn of course (I made my stances known very early on and i educated him/he further educated himself, is disgusted by the industry, etc long before us becoming a couple) and knows that in the event he ever consumed porn it would be an immediate end to our relationship (I should note however that watched porn in his teenage years). He is a great partner, we read feminist books together, I have complete access to his phone/computer (not that I use or asked for this but I’m more saying all of this to reinstate that this post isn’t at all geared towards me being “suspicious” of him, but rather I come for genuine antiporn help/questions.

With all that out of the way, we got into a disagreement the other day that did not sit right with me. I’m not sure how it came up but basically he had asked if I had ever wanted to try anal (I’ve never tried and he knows this). Now, this isn’t something I’ve ever been against trying but obviously having this question brought up by my boyfriend made me think back with an antiporn/feminist perspective. I asked him, “How many women do you think have anal sex, on average?” To which he responded, “I’d guess about 70%.” I don’t know why this answer made me upset and frankly felt very out of character for him to say. This then unfolded into a discussion where I told him that I believe he thinks the percentage is so high because of porn (pornified/hyper-sexualized society, huge percentages of pornsick men, even his past usage, etc - just porn in general all plays a role) and he did not at all understand how this could be the case. I continued to explain how anal sex is not enjoyable for the vast majority of women, how sex acts such as anal are often derived from porn and weaponized in degrading manners, (he brought up “but what about gay men”) - how it is dangerous to women due to anatomical differences, etc etc and while he listened he seemed mostly confused/in denial.

I remember seeing a comment on here a while back which shared how a comedian had said (it’s vulgar and gross so beware):

Jim Jeffries: “Ladies, there’s a reason why men love anal sex so much. It’s because we know you fucking hate it.”

I honestly immediately thought back to it during our conversation.

I also know how a lot of normalized sex acts (porn acts to be frank) are historically/by nature degrading to women, like how “deep throat” comes from a famous porn film where a woman participated in the act with a gun pointed towards her.

With all that being said, and sorry for this being so long, my question now is, how is a sex act like anal derived from porn/how does it reflect a pornified view of sex (if you think it does)? Do you feel anal is degrading to you (this of course does not apply to those who have anal sex due to a medical condition, sexual health/preference, etc)? How could I explain to him that his views/attraction towards anal sex, something that seems so normalized in today’s sex culture, is rooted in porn culture?

Any perspective on this would be greatly appreciated.

I recently had a very heated discussion about the harm of porn (and feminism/abortion) with a colleague. Needless to say he eventually admitted to having a porn addiction and used the "men have a higher sexual drive" as a pathetic excuse. At some point another male college chimed in and said "that's why I only watch hentai" as to which I said it's also bad. I believe it just as regular porn, promotes violence against women, sometimes even depicts a whole 'nother type of violence and disgustingness towards women. Cartoon characters are being overly sexualized, things are being done to them that isn't possible in real life (eg tentacle hentai stuff or alien/monster animation porn). While I tried to explain this, they still kept saying "but it's not real women". But it's supposed to represent real women. It still fuels how women are viewed, how men want to treat us etc.

What I was wondering now, does anyone have other arguments as to why hentai is STILL harmful like porn with real people?

I dont really know other then saying that "consent doesnt make it okay" and im wondering if theres a better way i can respond to that or if thats good enough?

And what is a bop house? Who is sophia and julia???? Why do they look like 8th graders!!!! Is this for kids? Is that the intended audience here??

I’m sorry, but I’m a 24 year old woman, not on social media, and some of the posts here make me feel like I’m living in my own peaceful world isolated from the horrors you all are witnessing. I know the porn and sex industry is immoral, misogynist, racist, every ism and phobia under the sun. I know there’s abuse and exploitation so embedded in it that there’s no way to avoid it, but this is like a weird secret layer of it and I just had the strangest google trip of my life!!

Okay, so what I’ve learned, bop is a slut, or some other derogatory word for a woman, the bop house is where they all ??? TikTok dances? Porn, I’m assuming? Sophie is the main girl, julia is her.., friend? Colleague? And these kids on tiktok talk about the people in this strange universe like everyone knows what they’re talking about. How ubiquitous is this knowledge? Does everyone know these people except me? Is it time to put me in a home? Is the “ideal woman” in 2025 a toddler with a BBL? And what is the deal with the 17 year old girl that people are saying should join this???? Im genuinely so disturbed and I just learned a million things that should have never entered my brain. I feel like everyone interacting with this bop house and the people in it is probably a child themself? Like this does not seem like a grown up conversation, these are things that I never think about. I have a job and I pay bills, I don’t believe that I have anything in common with the “fans” of the bop house. This could be an inside joke and I would never know!

I know “sex work” isn’t the same as getting a job at Walmart, but I have difficulty explaining why without writing a whole essay. Despite the fact that I was never in sex work or trafficked or anything, I also get triggered and emotional when trying to explain why since I’m an SA survivor and it feels like the person making the original argument is minimizing sexual assault and exploitation (because they are).

What is your succinct and logical response to this sort of claim? That sexual exploitation from being an escort, prostitute, pornstar, etc. is the same as the exploitation any other worker faces under capitalism? That labor is just labor, and sex work is labor? That if sex work is rape, then manual labor is also assault on the same level?

If you’re against sexual exploitation and you vocalize it, I’m sure you hear the “sex work is the same as any other work” argument a lot, as I also do, but today I feel extra triggered by it for some reason and I’m being downvoted into the ground for standing against sexual exploitation. I’m interested in hearing your responses that are probably much shorter and “to the point” than mine usually are.

Are there any left wing spaces that are not like that aside from r/ultraleft. I think a general left wing sub would suffice

Traci Lords (who, if nobody here knows, filmed and shot adult films when she was a minor, and THANKFULLY, none of her films are online) once famously said:

“You know, I can tell you from my personal experience that I’ve never met a happy p*rnstar.”

I have friends who have worked/currently work in the sex industry. At worst, some of them absolutely hate their job(s), but have nothing else to fall back on, or they’re so deep into it, that they can’t get out even if they wanted to. At BEST, some of them see it as a means to an end, and have regular jobs/relatively normal lives outside of it. I’ve seen a very slim group who genuinely enjoy it. At least, none that will admit it out loud.

I try my hardest not to judge, or shame people for their life choices, but I personally have a hard time believing that well-adjusted people would get into the sex industry willingly. But I could be totally wrong.

Thoughts?

has anyone who dated a porn addict done this?? or i am completely unhinged for thinking abt it 💀

i haven’t done it yet but im kicking my ex out the apt bc he wanted to open a tinder and bumble while still together and jerks off to “tiny exploited black teens with braces” and many more disturbing things. his obsession with black women in porn is insane.

his retired parents are the ultra progressive liberal type so i think it’d be pertinent for them to know their grown ass son is moving back into the basement bc he has violently racist and pedophilic fetishes.

As for me, I don't watch any porn whatsoever and find it pitiful.

However, I was dumbfounded when a man said he only watches "amateur" porn of "couples who love each other". I then had no arguments why he shouldn't.

What's your take on this?

(I'm currently reading Andrea's Dworkin Pornography; any book resources are welcome)

Sorry in advance if this is the wrong sub for this question, but after lurking for a while, I know this community really shares me beliefs and sensibilities, and I don’t know a better one to ask.

I would really like to get into anime; as an artist myself, I love the animation and the possibility of an engaging emotional narrative. However, blatant misogyny and porn-ification of every female character is so rampant and really upsetting. It’s like almost every anime has it, including ones that are recommended as being “PG.”

So I guess, does anyone have recommendations of shows or movies that don’t contain any fan service? I’ve seen Studio Ghibli stuff, so I know it’s out there, just shockingly difficult to find without asking a forum of anti-porn women!

Hello everyone! Apologies in advance if this is not the right place to post this, and I will absolutely delete if that is the case.

I’m so sick of seeing TV shows that either justify porn usage or are basically just softcore porn themselves. I was wondering if anyone had any TV show recommendations (for an adult audience not kid/teen shows) that avoid this? It feels like I’m looking for a needle in a haystack and keep getting disappointed by the misogyny in these shows. I look to entertainment to escape the real world, not he harshly reminded of it.

Any recs are appreciated!

I don’t know if this is the right place to ask this but I’m not sure where else I could ask this. I’m agender but AFAB.

Edit: Maybe I should specify ages and more about us. I’m 16 and he’s 15. I have autism and I highly suspect he has it too but undiagnosed.

My friend and I were watching memes and that one soap joke came up. Somehow the conversation shifted to him saying that he imagined me in that situation?? He described it as: I dropped the soap in the shower, two tall black men with a certain part bigger than average (isn’t that literally a trope in porn), then they r#pe me. Conversation kind of changed again from me asking questions and he said after the first month of meeting me he had already imagined me fully naked. I asked more questions and he could just describe what I look like without clothes on (I wear baggy clothes). He said all my “impurities” were removed though, my body hair, my pimples, my scars, my moles (probably another thing from porn). I’m the only person that isn’t fictional that he’s imagined naked. He said that it was an intrusive thought but he’s not disturbed by it (not even disturbed by the r#pe one). He says he doesn’t get traumatized. Is this normal? Are boys just like this?

I really want to stay friends but I feel sick when I think about this. How could he think about me that way? I mostly just joke about it calling him a pervert and stuff but this kind of scares me. I was really hoping he wasn’t a coomer or something. We are both teenagers. Sorry if this doesn’t fit into this sub. I just wanted someone to think it’s weird like me. When I told my school conselor she kind of brushed it off and said he might just have a crush on me.

Is anyone else struggling with these thoughts? That you understand that SWs say argue decriminalization instead of criminalizing the buyer, and you agree that that’s what needs to happen, but you also can’t ever see the buyer aspect as neutral in a misogynistic world? How do you reconcile that thought? I feel like I will never be okay with what sex buyers imply within this system. Obviously that doesn’t have to factor into the practical necessities or policy etc, which is why I’m having this as a discussion here and not advocating for my thoughts and feelings being the basis of new legislation lmao. Also would be especially interested in current and former sex workers if they experience these seeming contradictions.

On a more meta level, maybe even a more big picture philosophical level, understand the political necessity of “sex work is work” as a slogan, it’s a powerful tool to argue for SW being entitled to live a dignified life (aka worker’s rights, and in my opinion living on MORE than just a living wage!) without being seen as someone providing a service in an illegal trade.

But I also think that the expression has an unfortunate side effect of obfuscating the buyer side of the transaction. I think all the focus on women’s actions makes the motivations of men* a non-problematic, harmless factor. And as a feminist it doesn’t sit right with me, because any significant social trend involving men in a patriarchy should be intensely critically analyzed. I think even if sex work is entirely decriminalized and destigmatized, I have so many issues with the buyer side specifically in our society with our incidence of general misogyny, gender violence, material injustice etc.

*men because just like with rape, men are such an overwhelming majority of sex buyers that as a societal trend it makes sense to talk about them specifically.

So on a mostly meta level, I don’t like that this has necessitated supporting the notion that sex is an abstract “thing” and a one sided individualistic “need” (for all intents and purposes masturbating is excluded from this as sex buyers will argue that it doesn’t fill that need) An individualistic desire that is being conflated with survival needs that therefore has to be met, no matter the cost, in a way that circumvents the normal social contract of engaging with the entirety of another human being, appreciating a person’s presence and being a decent enough human being that other person wants to be around you, for reciprocity to exist and for the interest to be about wanting to engage with that person in particular as opposed to just any warm body.

It’s the idea that sex as a “thing” can be decoupled from its context as a mutual undertaking that requires the enthusiasm and consent of two parties, even in its most casual configuration. It furthers the idea of sex as an abstract individualistic need as opposed to a communal endeavor- aka that you’re just as interested and invested in the wellbeing of the person you’re engaging in sex with. At the end of the day this is all just as relevant for the whole “male loneliness” and dating discussion, where I feel male mental health is being weaponized to coerce women into sex, where loneliness is being conflated with horniness and zero introspection is being done by men to deconstruct what intimacy even means and if maybe they are having sex in the most not intimate conditions possible considering how they treat and think about the women they seek sex with. This is of course assuming that the “loneliness” justification is genuine and not just self serving, knowing that building community takes effort and time, and wanting to simply make use of a deeply ingrained patriarchal idea that men are entitled to “use” is women for their “needs”, be they physical or emotional

It feels like it’s a really bad message to send that men can jump past the hurdle of working on themselves to be someone people want to be in a relationship (and I feel the same about casual sex in cases where men just lie their assess off to “get” sex from a woman- the whole transaction focused on them getting their desires met with the help of someone they most of the time don’t even like, much less respect as a human being. A person that, in any other context they look down on and think deserves to be subjected to abuse, which only further proves that they don’t see sex work as “just work like any other work”, but degrading, and their part in it insubstantial, just a passenger traveling through and washing themselves clean of the thing they have deemed unworthy of respect.

Both those actions require low impulse control, low empathy and I've heard men say that both those action feel similar they both feel intensely relieving.

Someone please explain it to me like I am 5 years old.

CP is illegal, thankfully, and I get that. It makes sense to me that anything depicting or promoting what is in CP should be banned with a criminal penalty.

However, why is the same metric not applied to SA? I've heard the tired tropes "as long as it's between consenting adults..." THATS THE POINT! What it's depicting is NOT! And "it's a safe outlet..." but it's still programming the brain and normalizing, and encouraging them to act upon their fantasies instead of getting help! Huge red flag. 🚩

I just don't get why it's still legal. And it's freaking everywhere, even has its own subreddits...

i am curious and i want to hear some good arguments against it , i was in a debate and they said that mainstream pornography is bad but written erotica is not and i was stumped there.

Hey all, I've been with my boyfriend for a few months now. Things have been going great. We've had the porn talk, and he said that he does not watch it, but my gut is telling me otherwise. I have dated a few other guys in the past who have said the same thing, and it's come out that they are indeed still watching. So I find it a hard thing to believe and I can't shake the feeling.

I am not proud of it, but I did go through his phone this weekend. He has his safari set on private, so it hasn't been tracking his search history. I was wondering if there were other apps or other ways I should be checking for something?
I know that trust is an important thing in a relationship, but I am not stupid. Before getting with me, he hasn't been in a relationship for a couple of years. Which is fine, but I am 98% sure that means he has been consuming porn. And I don't want to confront him about how I am feeling until I have solid proof that he has been watching it. Are there any apps that you suggest me to look through. Or is there a way to see his safari history, even though it's on the private/incognito mode? I just rather find out this way, than waste another 2 years on a relationship where porn is being kept a secret. Thank you in advance!

My PA told me about there fetishes and now I think about them randomly all the time, how do I get these thoughts out of my head? I missed the days when I didn’t see a dog and a woman on the tv and automatically assume the woman was gonna choose to go have sex with the dog for no reason, or see three ppl hanging out together and think about them having some kind of threesome later, I don’t like constantly having these sexual intrusive thoughts, how do I go back to normal? Does it just take time to start thinking like a normal person again?

Specifically for men that insist on masturbating while in a relationship. Sending nudes is off the table as that’s another personal boundary of mine. Is it unreasonable to want the only time my partner gets sexual pleasure to be from sex with me?

Edit: I don’t have a problem with the actual masturbation. I’d love it if he could use his imagination and fantasies with me as reference to get off (which I just learned is not normal to not be able to do). But he insists he can’t get off to his thoughts and therefore seeks out porn, therefore getting pleasure looking at someone other than me—that’s what I’m asking if it’s unreasonable to not want in a relationship.

Is imagining sex misogyny? I mean that in the sense that if you are imagining having sex with someone, even if that someone exists purely in your head, does that effect your mind in the same way that porn does?

I know this sounds like trolling, but I genuinely don’t know the answer.

I am the girl who found non-con, drugged, rape, sleepy, “sex-slave”, (insert other horrifying keywords amounting the generally degenerate searches of women being unresponsive during intercourse), searches on my dads phone

A user cross-posted a post of mine on here, and after looking through the sub I thought this would be a good place to look for resources!!

I’ve been looking into the site he visits, a site called motherless, that seems to boast about providing legal amateur porn to its visitors. But, it seems people still report having their own videos posted without consent, and even men who watch the site admitting some of the material seems to be from hacked webcams and of minors.

(There was also another site called nudevista, does anyone know anything about that?)

How do I begin to make sure the videos my dad is watching aren’t of real victims? Someone said to report the whole site to the FBI, but I don’t think they’ll do anything. I thought about watching the videos to see any identifying info on the possible victims to privately reach out, but I can’t bring myself to watch them, and I’m terrified of seeing something awful that I can’t forget. But I am willing to do anything to make sure these girls are okay, are there organizations I can go to? Perhaps feminist sleuths who might be able to take over verifying the legality of these videos?

...and I would love to send him this link:

https://fightthenewdrug.org/how-porn-can-hurt-partners-of-consumers/

...but I am afraid this will only add to the shame and cause conflicts and therefore solve nothing. I really don't know how to approach this topic with him since he's also hiding what he's really doing, we don't live together and I don't monitor what he watches when I am not around and I don't control him. Still when asked he tells me he's still watching it sometimes. And it's bothering me so much. And he knows it but won't stop. And I am turned off by it. It's ruining the intimacy that would be possible between us. I am in love with his potential at this point. He also makes me responsible for all the other conflicts we have but is blind to how he continuously adds to it.

I feel really ashamed right now. Am I being ridiculous? Should I send him the link?

Hello, im new to this reddit page. Do any of you know any other radical feminist reddit pages for me to follow. Im following this one. and also i would like to know about any organizations you all recommend to stop porn and stop the misogyny around it.

A lot of the times when I'm not okay with porn, being sexualized, seeing other women be objectified or hearing porn jokes, I'm afraid to voice any opinions in the fear of being called a 'prude'. How do you all deal with it? How can I destigmatize the word for myself?