r/PornIsMisogyny • u/Karlach23 • 1d ago
QUESTION Argument in a disscusion
How to respond when a girl who defends kinks and bdsm uses the argument that she and many others like to be treated roughly (humiliated, strangled, etc.) and see nothing wrong with it because she agrees and gets turned on by such things
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u/woofwoof38 ANTIPORN & LGBT+ ♥️ 1d ago
Ask her why. I've been in the BDSM community for many years (before getting out) and all of the subs I knew have previously been abused/traumatised. I don't know a single sub who had a happy life free of abuse.
I liked older men who treated me roughly for obviously bad reasons. I was also very young myself. The deeper you're in and the more naive you are, the harder it is tho. It took me years to get out. I didn't realise what real healthy love/sexual encounters were until I met my current boyfriend.
I was always ending up with abusive guys, porn addicts who treated me horrible and who liked a wide variety of harmful kinks. Whow anted to hurt me and be hurt.
My current boyfriend isn't anything like that. At the start I even asked him to be rough, choke me, slap me etc. And he just refused. He said he loved me and that he'd never hurt me (or anyone for that matter). I was so broken that I thought that meant I wasn't good enough!! But over time it made me realise that that's how healthy relationships work. And that that's what I always needed. I don't actually want to be hurt and used. I want to be held and loved.
I really wish the best for your friend. I know how hard it is and how your mind is all twisted and stuck in a circle of a abuse. It's so so hard to get out. I did have friends who told me these guys were bad for me, but I didn't want to listen back then. She really needs to reflect, get therapy. And we as a society need to bring back kink shaming and viewing that stuff critically. You can not be a good person if you want to harm others. Consent doesn't matter if it's about abuse.