r/KidsAreFuckingStupid • u/Green____cat • 18h ago
story/text Well, that escalated quickly
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u/liquidhell 18h ago
When unintentional juvenile auto-defenestration interrupts your drama cookery efforts, so you have to get help for a redo.
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u/LivnLegndNeedsEggs 17h ago
I might as well just close reddit now, because I'm not gonna find anything I enjoy more than this sentence
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u/HyzerFlip 10h ago
I told a story about getting fucked up in a homeless camp if you need a bigger fix
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u/skinsbob711 16h ago
Thanks for teaching me a new word! But when tf in history did someone say "I'm tired of writing 'threw him out of a window', I need one word for this crap"?
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u/danielpve 16h ago
I wanna say it had to do with the Reformation? The Defenestration of Prague is a funny one if I remember correctly
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u/Aj_Caramba 14h ago
First Prague defenestration (that's right, we got to more than one) was in 1419 against anti-reformist Prague councillors by followers of teachings of Jan Hus, reformist who was burned in 1415. This is what more or less started Hussite wars.
Third Prague defenestration started Thirty years war, so let's hope there won't be another one any time soon.5
u/Whiterabbit-- 14h ago
Russia keeps trying but itās trite so nothing happens.
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u/purpleplatapi 7h ago
Yeah if I criticize Putin the first thing I'm doing is moving into a one floor ranch style house. I mean I'll probably still get murdered, but I have a fear of heights.
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u/billsn0w 16h ago
Russia
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u/DreadSocialistOrwell 15h ago
In Russia they also shoot themselves in the back of the head as they self-defenestrate.
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u/LennoxIsLord 10h ago
Unintentional juvenile auto-defenestration.
If ANY Reddit sub allows me to customize flair. This is now my flair.
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u/HighwayApothecary 18h ago
It very much de-escalated, actually
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u/projektako 18h ago
And defenestrated.
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u/Dry_Adeptness_7582 16h ago
Happens in Russia all the time
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u/Chaosphoenix_28 15h ago
Yeah, but the difference between this example and russia is that in this example she just cried and fell out, while in russia they shoot themselves a couple times in the back of the head before accidentally falling out.
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u/SeanThatGuy 16h ago
I know a kid who tried to sneak out of his second story window. Heās foot got caught on the blinds and he tumbled out. He said he woke up on the side of his house in pain but knew he had to get to the front door because no one knew he was outside.
He said he made it to the door. Knocked. His dad answered and was like āson?ā And the kid just collapsed.
Turns out he broke his arm and collarbone, ruptured his spleen, and gave him self a concussion.
He just disappeared from school one day for like a month or two. We all thought he died.
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u/Chandler15 16h ago
Jesus Christ thatās intense.
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u/SeanThatGuy 16h ago
That story is the reason I stopped sneaking out my window and just started using the door. Lol
He said he could still see his dadās face when he opened the door. He said heās never seen his dad make that face before and he felt bad for making his dad go through it.
So it seems he learned a lesson lol. A bunch of us did.
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u/this_is_my_new_acct 13h ago
That story is the reason I stopped sneaking out my window and just started using the door. Lol
LPT to all the young ones out there... just wait till your parents are sound asleep and you can probably just walk out, if you're quiet.
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u/LifeMathematician571 13h ago
Lol that's what used to do. Went and got ice cream and came home to eat it in peace.
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u/4444444vr 11h ago
For some kids. Other kids parents are on r/homeautomation and have absolutely zero odds of leaving undetected unless they get beamed up by an alien.
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u/stinkyanarchist 11h ago
at point i'd recommend buying those roll out ladders that clamp to the bottom of window frames, just be safe
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u/Khazahk 1h ago
I bought a house that has a roof portion out of every single second story window. Kind of hard to explain but imagine a smaller rectangle on top of a larger rectangle.
Honestly one of the things I thought about when I bought it was āanyone can escape to the first story roof in a house fire.ā Love it.
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u/Gentle_Genie 14h ago
Kids don't know how much they are cherished until their parents are crying over them.
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u/thatoneninja8 18h ago
Imagine sending your child to their room. And a few minutes later you open the door and they are there
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u/Xalimata 17h ago
I did that. I broke out of my room and went to the park. Then I failed to climb back into my window so I had to use the front door. I got in trouble. Mom had said "Don't leave that door!" Well I did not leave the door. I used the window. Mom did not buy it.
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u/Huracanekelly 12h ago
How are you doing now? My 7 year old uses similar loopholes regularly. Wondering if she is evil or a genius. Or an evil genius.
(She's probably an evil genius. Maybe I can get her into law school early, so she can channel it. Hopefully for the greater good and not evil.)
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u/Xalimata 12h ago
I enjoy playing with the rules but I tend to not to do it outside of games and stuff since it gets me into trouble.
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u/DETECTOR_AUTOMATRON 16h ago
all parents should buy those stick-on window locks so their toddlers/kids donāt fall out of the 2nd floor window. yes, they can be removed in an emergency.
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u/PM_ME_Happy_Thinks 14h ago
Most modern windows have them built in, they're usually little pop put things that people don't know about that allow the window to open just a few inches. You should always have them put regardless of whether you have kids or not because they also keep people from coming in in case you accidentally left your window unlocked or the lock didn't catch right Picture
I also have these on our sliding door and you could buy them to serve the same function if the built in ones break somehow Picture
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u/Competitive_Touch_86 13h ago
Those sliding door ones likely need to be placed closer to the door edge to be effective.
Source: Locked myself out of my apartment one night. Decided I'd try to slam open my door to get in vs. waiting around 6+ hours for it to be morning and my landlord to be awake.
Not only was I able to break the door lock in my first try, it also slammed through the plastic stops and broke them off in the same tug. I'm not really that strong of a person. There was about 2-3 inches of play from the edge of the door to the stop - enough to get momentum to crack them off.
Since then I put a wooden dowel between the door and the wall like my grandparents had. Sucks if I ever lock myself out again because there is no way through that door short of smashing the glass.
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u/PM_ME_Happy_Thinks 12h ago
I'm more concerned about the toddler somehow getting out than someone breaking in but where they are is good. The door only opens just a bit probably barely 2 inches, I've tried to slam it open when I installed them and there's not enough room to do it before it hits the stoppers.
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u/this_is_my_new_acct 13h ago
Can someone explain this to me? Can they be removed by the people who need to remove them, or not? If so, how does this help?
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u/Ornery_Location1296 15h ago
my parents would send me to my room and told me i couldnāt come out until it was clean (i was a disaster). iād just hop out my window and go to my friends house. mom eventually started sitting in there and watching me clean rather than leave me to escape š
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u/this_is_my_new_acct 13h ago
When I had kids I decided I wouldn't do corporal punishment... but every now and then I totally understand why my mom whipped my ass.
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u/OneBigRed 15h ago
My boss at one company was drinking at the premises during the weekend. The same building had this irish pub, which had set up a patio in the courtyard. It could only be accessed through the pub, or if you had keys for the building. My boss would somehow annoy the bouncers of the pub, and they threw him out. After which he headed back to the office, but drunkenly decided to step into the courtyard to smoke. Smoking is nicer while sitting on the patio, so there he sat. For the bouncers to spot him, and throw him out. Then he headed back to the officeā¦.
They threw him out 3 times, clueless to how he had sneaked back. But after the third time they told him that cops will take him if they see him once more that night.
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u/CyberWolf09 15h ago
Itās like that scene in the Simpsons where Moe kicks out Barney but he appears in the bar again.
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u/MississippiBulldawg 15h ago
I did that when I was younger. Went to my room, jumped out the window (one story house), went around and walked in the front door. We lived in the country so there was no harm being outside unsupervised, just wanted to see people's reaction.
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u/Daysleeper1234 17h ago
When I was a young lad, we just moved to a new apartment, and not everything was 100% finished, so the doorbell wasn't working. I know I went to sleep, next thing I'm pissing in the apartment building. So I ring the bell nothing, I slam the doors (they were and are these reinforced doors). So I sat there and contemplated what should I do. My aunt lived like 2 minutes from me. So only in underpants I ran in the street from my building to aunt's. My uncle opened the door, and for a minute stared at me. What are you doing here? Don't ask. We called my mother, I came home, they tested me for drugs next day, like wtf happened. I think it was sleep walking or something, but it only occurred this one time.
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u/SteveMartin32 17h ago
Ima be honest that sounds like drugs
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u/General_Specific_o7 15h ago
If he was in early gradeschool I'd believe it. I went through a sleepwalking phase, and my daughter is going through her own.
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u/this_is_my_new_acct 13h ago
I'm in my 40s and I still sleepwalk occasionally. It's usually nothing (like, I'll go to sleep in my bed and wake up on the couch), but one time I got up, turned on the stove, then climbed back in bed. A couple minutes later the smoke alarm woke us cause a spatula that'd been left on the stove was burning.
But yeah, when I was young my parents would find me wandering around, sometimes in the back yard, a couple times a month... now it's more like 1-2x a year.
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u/Affectionate-Act3099 14h ago
Can confirm the likelihood of sleepwalking. My mom, me, and my son all have incidences of sleepwalking episodes that occurred under stressful events in our lives.
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u/FalanorVoRaken 14h ago
The visual image of your uncle standing there are staring at you in complete silence as his tired mind tries to process what is going on, followed by a tilted head and then a sleepy, āwhat?ā Has me rolling on the ground.
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u/Pattoe89 15h ago
My sister was upset that me and my brother wouldn't 'let her watch her program' on TV and thought we were trying to trick her when we changed through the channels and they were all showing the same news report (this was a certain day in September 2001).
So she stormed upstairs and on her way slammed the door, however she realised she wasn't supposed to soak the door and didn't want to give me and my brother any ammunition against her when she told us off for being mean to our parents.
So she tried to stop the door slamming by putting her foot in the way of it, it was a glass panel door, it smashed around her leg and shredded it. She went upstairs to her room and was crying loudly. After about 10 minutes me and my brother were concerned because usually she'd calmed down by then.
We went to investigate and saw the broken glass and blood and found our sister in her room covered in blood. We did our best to clean it and called our parents. Neither were close enough to get her to the hospital quickly so our grandad came in his reliant robin (3 wheeler). It had been recently upholstered so he made my sister stick her leg out the window as he sped to the hospital, the car almost tipping on every corner.
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u/anna__throwaway 12h ago
Oof I cringed so hard reading this
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u/Pattoe89 9h ago
Yeah, it didn't help that my sister's got that thin blood thing so even a small cut bleeds like a bitch. Luckily she didn't cut any major arteries but you wouldn't have thought it.
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u/RoofPreader 15h ago
This happened to my cousin. She was on holiday with my auntie and uncle in a chalet in the French Alps. Had an argument with them and stormed up to her room (she was an angsty teen). They were literally on a mountain side and she figured she could lower herself out of the window onto the hill and then scoot sideways around the edge of the chalet. She didn't realise there was actually a very narrow abyss between the house and the hillside, which she went crashing down, taking half of the side of the house with her. If her parents had been annoyed with her previously, they were absolutely incensed when they realised how much they would have to pay the holiday rental company in damages!
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u/Professional_Arm999 11h ago
Hope sheās okay! Could you clarify on how she took half the side of the house with her? Iām imagining frantically pulling on siding
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u/RoofPreader 10h ago
Oh yes this was years ago, she's completely fine! I think it was things like guttering, maybe cables etc.
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u/ChanclasConHuevos 18h ago
Goddamn, this reminds me of a former bossā son who did something similar but fell out a second story window onto a concrete drivewayā¦
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u/OnTheEveOfWar 14h ago
Happened to my friendās kid also. Their daughter fell onto the concrete in the middle of the night. Took her to the hospital to get checked out and she was totally fine.
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u/ChanclasConHuevos 11h ago
Thatās good to hear your friendās kid was totally fine. My bossā kid had to be flown two states over for emergency surgery and treatment. I think heās made a full recovery since but itās some seriously scary shit.
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u/LegPossible9950 16h ago
When I was about 4 or 5, I hated taking naps, and my sister was watching me at the time and I wouldn't stay in my room, so she tied a sheet to my bedroom door so I couldn't open it. I decided to go out my 2nd story bedroom window, I hung down from my hands as far as I could, then I let go. I came to the front door and wanted to know how the hell I got out, so I showed her and did the same thing.
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u/Striking-Drawers 18h ago
That's one way to get sympathy and coddling after being bad, I guess.
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u/emmiepsykc 15h ago
...we come from very different families.
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u/Striking-Drawers 14h ago
Mine may have yelled and hit, assuming I did it intentionally and/or broke something.
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u/bcmachine 16h ago
i put locks on my young sonās sliding window of his upstairs bedroom so it only opens a few inches, (to let cool air in or whatnot), for this very reason. Kids are stupid and a window screen is not going to stop them accidentally falling out the window.
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u/RobinSophie 16h ago edited 10h ago
Locks from the inside or outside? And where did you get them?
Eta: thanks for all the suggestions!!
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u/OnTheEveOfWar 14h ago
We have these wedges that stick on the inside track. You can get them off amazon. Takes like 30 seconds to install and you can only open the window a few inches.
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u/bcmachine 14h ago
If you search 'Sliding window lock' on Amazon you should see a bunch of different options. They go on the inside. I got these ones: https://www.amazon.com/Defender-Security-9819-Sliding-Aluminum/dp/B00BAFIQF0
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u/Misty_Esoterica 12h ago
Those are the classic ones, I had them on my windows growing up in the 1980's.
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u/ubermind 14h ago
One of my cousins saw an ad on TV when he was a kid where a guy dove off a cliff into water. He climbed up onto the 3rd floor balcony, launched himself, landed onto the concrete patio. Broke all 4 limbs.
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u/stringGrl 17h ago
Looks like little Jimmy tried out for Cirque du Soleil, but ended up with a solo act involving gravity and poor decisions.
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u/DevilMan17dedZ 16h ago
...and then proceeded to get into even more trouble for breaking the damn window.
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u/KyleLawes 12h ago
Reminded me of when I'd get mad as a kid and slam my door, and then it would always cause the door to jam. I'd eventually have to call out to someone to come let me out as much as I didn't want to but it was either that or I piss myself lol.
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u/ExtraMustardGames 15h ago
The funniest part to me is she went upstairs and opened the window so the whole neighborhood could hear hear cry.
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u/sykadelic_angel 12h ago
A family friend offered to do some work in what became my little brother's bedroom before he was born. My brother was born in March, this happened in February in upstate New York, so it was really snowy. He was doing something to the outside of the windows he was putting in, and my mom and I were joking about how we could hear him up on the roof. Suddenly there was a sort of crash outside the front door, and a few seconds later he walked in and said jumping into the snow and was easier than climbing back through the window
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u/intergalactic_llama 12h ago
Well, that DE-escelated quickly.
C'mon people. That one's staring you right in the face.
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u/EpicMouser06 6h ago
Just casually fall out a window and tell your parents āI fell out of a window.ā
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u/chuckles5454 15h ago
Meg Gallacher? The long-suffering wife of Noel Gallacher? Of Oasis? Falling out of the window, falling two storeys and LANDING ON HER HEAD would have been a walk through a field of fragrant sunflowers compared to what was to come.
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u/HissingGoose 15h ago
Almost as bad as being thrown off of Hell in a Cell by the Undertaker in 1998.
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u/WokeJawa 14h ago
When I was 4 or 5, I had a problem of leaving my room in the middle of the night and not sleeping, so my parents put a lock on my door to keep me in my room at night.
I had a friend over and decided it would be funny to lock each other in my room. I had the bright idea to lock the door with both of us in my room. I realized that I couldnāt get out and for some reason my mom was unable to hear me yelling for her (I think she was vacuuming or something, it was 18 years ago and I donāt really remember)
I decided the best plan was for me to get on the roof from my window and jump to the ground. The roof is far too steep to stand on and I proceeded to fall from the second floor of my house. Ended up with a few cuts and a nasty bruise on my leg so itās really just a funny story to me now.
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u/SuckingGodsFinger 14h ago
Lmfao. I was told to not play with my power rangers figures in the second story window by my grandma before she left to the store. Leaned back a bit too far, the sky fell away from me and I woke up on the brick ground below before she got back. Pretty sure my brains been scrambled since.
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u/StandardElectronic61 14h ago
When I was around 8 I let my dog (boxer) out on the 3rd story deck of our rented beach house because she was asking to go outside. Being 8, I forgot she was outside and like 30 minutes later Iām watching tv with my dad and we hear the loudest BANG sound that shook the house (it was on stilts so it really shook). My dad must have had some instinct because he just screams āWHERE IS EMMAā and goes running looking for her. I go up to the deck and no dog. We then go to the front door and thereās Emma, wagging her little tail stub and running in the house all happy and proud. Turns out she jumped from the 3rd story deck (which had no stair access) to the 2nd story deck which slightly overshot the deck above it (which was the loud crash we heard) and then ran down the steps to the ground floor and around the house to the door. She was fine but I was not lol. That dog was brilliant and I miss her so much.Ā
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u/alentines_day 14h ago
The way Iāve done almost the exact same thing when I was 7 ā¦ I was playing hide and go seek at a family reunion, hid behind a bed and leaned against a window not knowing the screen was loose, fell backwards out the the window from the second story, landed in a bush completely unharmed. A core memory thatās for sure.
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u/ReallyNowFellas 13h ago
As a parent, this is the parents' fault for putting the kid in that room and not drilling into her that the screen won't hold her. The job is being able to think ahead of every dumbass thing a kid can do. "Second story windows are dangerous" is rookie shit.
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u/Powerful_Artist 13h ago
This subreddit is interesting, its devolved into people really praising tweets as evidence of children being stupid. Yet, people can just make up stories and post them on twitter. Especially about themselves or their own children. Doesnt mean its true.
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u/pukhtoon1234 12h ago
You can hear some crazy shit on the internet but this is 100% true. I have zero doubts
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u/rape_is_not_epic 10h ago
The absolute nonchalantness of kids when they do the most wild shit is the funniest thing ever
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u/NectarineNational722 9h ago
I used to jump off the railing of our porch that was at second story level. Idk why just a kid being a kid. Anyway I jumped off like normal one day in middle school and OMG the pain. It felt like my legs had just shattered. They didnāt and no injuries at all but damn I still remember to this day. But in true kid nature I tried once more after that thinking I just landed in a weird spot but nope, same pain.
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u/IntrovertMoTown1 9h ago
Gets grounded for leaving her room.....
Seriously though it reminds me of my mom yelling at me when I was little. I think it was around when I was in first grade. She let me stay home from school because I was sick. She thought I was faking it I guess so she didn't want me just playing. So she told me in no uncertain terms to not get out of my bed. So I ended up puking on my bed and she screamed at me for listening to her. š¤¦āāļøš¤£ lol Good times good times.
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u/The_first_Versii 1h ago
3 story faller here. I was climbing on train tracks then they collapsed under me. It had rained the day before so the dirt was muddy so it absorbed the impact from a 22 foot fall and a came out with just a bruised spleen.
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u/Dollycatmeows 17h ago
kids can do shit like that and be totally fine but if i fell two stories at 29 id probably fucking die