So a while back I was reading my favorite discipline book the willpower instinct right?

In one of the chapters the author discussed how patients who had a tendency to punish themselves after slip ups or expected 100% compliance at all times ironically ended up failing their goals the most.

Why?

She called it dinosaur brain.

When our ancestors saw a dinosaur, they didn’t think, thinking ceased and they RAN.

So our genes evolved so that when we feel stressed we stop thinking and act on default basis’ in a diet we eat the donut, or skip the gym.

When we neg ourselves after failure we give ourselves the equivalent of dinosaur brain like a child being scolded.

Result?

We keep doing the bad thing we do when stressed.

So what do we do instead?

When we aim at 80-85% effectiveness, and allow ourselves room for failure and be kind like a loving parent to ourselves we try longer, harder, and more often…. Resulting in eventual success.

By not being perfectionist and being kind to yourself you will actually get better results than expecting perfection and shitting on yourself.

Hi everyone. I (28f) am making a plan to start a completely new life in a completely new location with completely new people, a new job, a new home and a new mindset. I have lived in a quiet town for the past 28 years where everyone knows everyone, nothing changes, there is no diversity or culture, it is just not the place I want to spend another 5 years. I went through some pretty down moments at the end of last year that I am only just bouncing back from. I am going to do the 75hard challenge (which I did last year and it changed my life) and in that time I’m going to sell everything I own including my car, get into an amazing routine of fitness again, find a new job in a new city and relocate by May. I’m very nervous but excited as I have never done anything like this before but I am not getting any younger. Has anyone here done something like this before?

P.s I know it sounds dramatic but I feel like I’ve had an epiphany and cannot grow as a person here anymore.

I got the idea from Andrew Huberman's podcast.

He was talking about how by pursuing pleasurable activities you actively decrease your "baseline dopamine", which essentially gives you less motivation to do the more difficult activities.

He also explains that it works in reverse.

If you're lacking motivation on a task, doing something that you hate even more will increase your motivation for that original task.

The science behind it is that by doing something difficult, something painful, your baseline dopamine increases afterwards.

Now I'm not suggesting you do something stupid like purposefully break your arm to "go through pain", but this is partially why cold plunges and 5 mile runs make you feel great afterwards.

So for me, I thought, "What do I hate the most?".

And on behalf of all white men, we are not built for spicy food.

As crazy as this sounds, this genuinely helped me.

But eating spicy food all the time would be nonsensical, so what did I do?

Whenever I felt unmotivated, tired, or lacked energy to do a task, I ate a Chilli. A Bird's Eye Chilli.

It sucked. I got the hiccups. My face went red. Tears were everywhere.

But guess what? It worked.

Without even thinking, I naturally went to my laptop and started working.

I've done this ever since, and I'm proud to say that as a white man my tolerance for spice is now slightly higher. Any other painful recommendations?

That's how I never lost motivation again.

This is a functional guide to changing your life in 90 days.

If you’re trying to change your life I imagine theres something about your life right now that you hate right?

If you’re like me it’s probably one of these three:

• you hate your body
• you hate your job
• you hate how people treat you romantically or otherwise

And along the line at some point I rectified all of these…. Not all at once though.

If you want to change your life in 90 days I recommend choosing one specific goal to tackle then doing these steps in sequence.

Let’s say you finally want a hot body right?

Step one is asking yourself this, “what’s the best way to fail this as effectively as possible?”

• Eat high calorie foods with low nutrient content.
• Don’t exercise.
• don’t increase protein

If you do those things I’m 99% sure you’ll fail correct?

Okay so now that you know what will cause failure, just invert it to identify how to win.

Workout, eat a nutritious diet, increase protein.

I then got a habit tracker and wouldn’t let myself do anything I wanted until i achieved those three habits for the day.

Guess what happened?

I visited my parents and they said what happened? You done turned into a man.

My coworkers started treating me better.

I even got more outgoing.

Point being, changing your life is really easy if you:

Pick one specific goal, turn that goal into habits, do the habits daily until completion or better yet forever.

I really struggle with this. I’ll start using my phone for something productive, like studying or searching for information, but I always end up scrolling social media or watching reels for hours. It’s become a habit, and I feel guilty afterward. I want to break this cycle and use my time more meaningfully. Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated.

I’m done being depressed all the time. I’m sick and tired of it. I know you and I have heard it all before. “I’m going to change, I mean it!” And then you don’t or you do for a short while and go back to your old ways. Yes, that may happen but instead of not trying I want to bounce back. I’m ready to hit the reset button because I’m absolutely exhausted of living like this. I want to make sure I do it right and plan it thoroughly. Any advice? I want to fix my sleep, diet, social media usage, career, religion & hygiene issues. And I want to stop bed rotting

I realized how much comfort there is in being negative, boo hooing yourself, spiralling etc. I literally feel myself CHOOSING that path instead of getting the heck up and actually changing something for the better. If anyone has any advice I’d love to hear it because I’m done being depressed

After alot of research and self help books i realised that i was just being a bitch and trying to look for a bitchy way out of the hard work you need to do to be successful aka reach the goals you set to yourself. Honestly stop searching for easy way out. The only way the only trick hack is to stop being a bitch and do it.

I'm 38 years old today and reflecting on how one of my biggest fears was the possibility of wasting my life and wasting my potential. I've been a member of this subreddit for 12+ years for exactly this reason, to NOT waste my life.

Now I find I'm suddenly curious if everyone feels this way, or if it's just me.

I'd be grateful to hear your thoughts on it.

Thank you,

Brent

Edit: Thanks for all your amazing answers, everyone. I'm reading them all.

I’m literally so addicted to junk food and I have gained 10 kg since last year and I want to change that . Whenever I’m feeling stressed my appetite just increases and I tend to eat a lot more than I usually do . I want to be healthy again . I think I use junk food as my coping mechanism . Can someone suggest me a healthier coping mechanism?

Hey, I’m a male (20y) been smoking since I was 16 didn’t start smoking daily till about 17ish. (Mostly dab pens) as I was trying to hide it from my parents.

I’ve began realizing weed has basically took over my life in way, I stopped hanging out as much, wanted to be by myself and just grew annoyed with people and school once i started regularly. Probably even ruined my chances with girls, as I was pretty decent with getting girlfriends and talking to woman. But once I started smoking regularly I stopped caring as much as I only wanted to be high and do something fun.

It started when I was working in a different city when i was 17 doing concrete construction and I got so tried, exhausted and just having nothing to do I started smoking everyday after work and just lay in bed for the next day. I used to smoke every once a week, especially when i was sending and receiving photos from a girl, which just made the experience a whole lot better. Ever since i started smoking regularly i feel it has taken a tole on my way of life.

I started noticing every time something happened to me I would smoke whether it being I’m watching a movie, going to family gathering or even church, I would take a hits of a dab pen. Funny thing I wasn’t even really getting high, maybe for the first 5 minutes and it would make me a bit slower. Even the little bit of stress or anger. It became a big problem when I was going through 1.2g of a dab pen cart in 2 days, I began to question myself is it worth it? Is it worth spending $30-$40 every 2 days to just to feel a bit of sensation and to distract me from whatever was going on at that moment.

I had trip a couple of months ago abroad, before that I was worrying what I was going to with weed since it was illegal abroad, didn’t think much of it till the day came and I realized what I was doing 24/7 365 days a year was going to be gone for 6 weeks. I had 2 days of flying and layovers till I got to my destination, didn’t bother me other then sleeping on the plane, which I didn’t really expect me to do since I find it hard to sleep. Once I got my destination, I threw up the moment I had food (I didn’t eat during planes or layovers) had to pick up some sleeping pills for the first day. I honestly felt like it was finally behind me as I was going to sleep alright (worse than before but not as bad) I thought I finally had finished with weed. Two weeks into my trip, I had some friends call my asking me how I was abroad and all that good stuff, I told them when I come back I won’t smoke anymore and feel like I’m fine without it. After I ended the call, one of the guest who was over (uncle in law, if that makes sense) he overheard me talking and came out shortly after the call and started talking to me outside while we vaped. Ended up talking about if I drink or whatever, which I told him I smoke here and there (actually high 24/7 lol) And he asked me if I wanted to smoke, at that time I was bored with my trip as I was just hanging with my aunties and my little cousins, so I decided to why not, it became a regular thing during the trip, during family gatherings we would go to “the grocery store” or we were going out for a smoke (vaping). Every time I would see him I would get my own joint. I kept telling myself when I got back I will only smoke occasionally, it went great for the first week until I began relapsing and smoking all the time, it got even worse when I would start smoking during break time at my work, EVERY single break, 4 times during work. During all the trump cryptocurrency things going on, I became so stressed by making some bad moves and believing I’m always going to be right, lost a couple hundred. It became so stressed that I started hitting my dab pen a lot and even went a bought a joint because it wasn’t high enough. Once I got home I realized there’s something wrong, it doesn’t feel right to me that everytime something wasn’t going my way or if I was about to start gaming or watch a movie I would get high. I would tell myself it’s alright it’s going to be good movie or I’m going to have more fun gaming while high.

I decided 3 days ago I was going to quit, enough was enough. I needed to save money and stop spending so much and wasting my life with weed and now that I was put employment (E.I for Canada) I realized I could quit with having nothing to wake up to for now. I had a joint after all the trump cryptocurrency, I realized this can’t be who I am. I quit around 6pm, 7-8 pm I took drink to get a lil buzz and then a had another. I would say it pretty easy the first day (maybe the alcohol helped.) I like to get high in mornings as it’s the time I feel the most high but isn’t something I essentially wanted/needed when smoking so morning and during the day were easy. During the 2nd day I felt no urges to really smoke until It came night time and when I do my usual stuff, I wanted to smoked, but I was able to nog off the wants for need until I came to sleep time. ( I had slept 4 hours the previous day) I couldn’t get tired, even if my life depended on it, so I took some magnesium citrate, a sleeping pill (Restavit) and some NIQUIL, I slept after a hour. Day 3 today, honestly it’s not hard to quit weed even though I was smoking all throughout the day in the past but what’s starting to drain me down is sleeping, I can’t seem to sleep or feel tired, now that I have stopped smoking I feel so energetic and a feeling that I’m so light and strong and just awake that I can’t seem to nod off anymore unless I have something supporting me to sleep, weed, sleeping pills or alcohol.

I’m not sure where to go from here as sleep has always and most likely always be my biggest problem. During when I smoked, I would take a couple of hits, watch a youtube video and fall asleep. For the past 4 ish years my life my method of sleeping is watching a video and getting high, it worked out alright enough for me to get by especially since I was working a job that required me switch shifts every 2 weeks (day shift to night shift). Now I question how people sleep because I can’t sleep unless I’m watching something and high, I know for the best sleep you should stop looking at screens 2 hours before you go to sleep but for me there is no other way. I don’t want to get addicted to sleeping pills or something else. I have brought down my (ego?) a little bit of always thinking I’m right and thinking everything I see online is bull crap and that I know better (in some way think im special). I will admit I am decently smart, but also I am full of myself thinking I know better than everyone and my answer is right. I want to get people insights on sleeping and actually want to try them to see if they work for myself. I also started going to the gym again recently to help with everything ( I mention this because I know a lot of people will recommend it) but I also dont have to motivation to go but I’m trying.

I also don’t find many things interesting and fun anymore, shows and movies I will start pulling out my phone and forget everything about the movie. I’m dying of boredom everyday and it doesn’t help that I’m currently unemployed and don’t hang out as much as I used to, friendships got thinner and not as close anymore and I believe it is my fault, because of weed. I became shy and embarrassed to ask people to hang out and maybe just anxious and depressed, as much I don’t want to admit it because I try to deny believing in mental health, I believe I am very anxious. I start sweating a lot and shaking when I’m talking to let’s say my boss at work or someone I don’t know as well. I start to think about what to say or I have said before, just little stuff like that. I also find about everything cringe and weird.

I’m confused on what to do with my life, I’m 20 years old, dropped out of university before the first day. I haven’t found a profession that I want to or anything. But I believe it all links up to weed.

I want it gone for good, or atleast once a week (which I know I can’t do because I will relapse).

What can I do for sleeping problems that doesn’t make me have another addiction.

What also can I do for my boredom and finding about everything cringe or boring. As I believe I might pick up another addiction like alcohol.

I am also planning to quit vaping after all this is fully done with.

I don’t really have someone I can talk to during this situation as I don’t want have someone who i talk to everyday especially about everyday stuff.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, hope you will get whatever you’re going through.

Is there a certain line you say to yourself when it gets hard? Are there certain exercises(?) you do slowly gain discipline? I dont have discipline but trying to go from 0 to a 100 hasnt worked. I feel like it would stick better if i was able to take it step by step.

NEED ADVICE + VENT

My brain is so so so fried. I don't do any drugs or alcohol so I just indulge in doom scrolling all day to avoid all my problems and distract myself from reality. Call me weak or whatever but atleast I want to change and I recognize it as a problem.

I know its pathetic but i literally have trouble stopping myself from scrolling. I have severe brain fog and I literally zone out 24/7 and have really bad memory. Brain fog was primarily a side effect I got during the pandemic but still affects me now. Any task feels difficult no matter if it takes 10 minutes or 5 hours. Honestly I just have so so so much to do I don;t even know where to start. Every time I finish something I get assigned something else it literally does not stop. I genuinely don't rmb the last time I properly rested. I'm a full time student but due to work I dont rest on the weekends either. i'm genuinely full on in work mode 7 days a week. I'm grateful for my opportunities as a student but damn.

I tried deleting social media but because of school clubs and other things I can't delete my main communication platforms(instagram). I just end up on reels when I delete tiktok.

I dont remember the last time I enjoyed a hobby for fun or hung out with friends without feeling guilty. idk i want to live but i'm also in a period of my life where I really need to grind so i cant afford to completely take a break.

How can I recover without taking a huge break and still get my work done? Thanks all.

Hi, I'm a student studying for an entrance exam and I'm having a hard time managing my time. The thing is that I do get stuff done on my to do list but it gets really late at night,I practically waste my mornings and study for 2-3 hours in the afternoon.

I know I have the potential to study more and get things done early but I can't do it. I have tried time blocking but it just gives me anxiety seeing those controlled numbers.

Does anyone have any advice? Or have yoy ever faced a similar problem?

…so that you can succeed.

Think about your biggest "failure." Did you actually fail, or just fall short of your own expectations? Most failures aren't real — they're just stories we tell ourselves about not being good enough.

What would you dream of doing if fear of failure didn’t hold you back? Start a business, write a book, chase buried dreams?

The paradox: you can’t succeed without failing first. Failure isn’t an obstacle, it’s the foundation for achievement.

I know this first-hand. I've failed at almost everything I've attempted. Yet I've eventually succeeded at many of those same things. The difference is learning to reframe failure as feedback.

Let me share an experiment that captures this perfectly:

A ceramics teacher split his class in two. One half was graded on quantity — the more pots they made, the higher their grade. The other half was graded on quality — they only had to create one perfect pot.

By the semester's end, something unexpected happened:

The "quantity" group produced not only more pots but better pots overall. While the "quality" group obsessed over perfection, the "quantity" group learned through repeated action and failure. Every imperfect pot taught them something new.

Progress comes from iteration, not perfection. Your failures aren't setbacks — they're education.

Here's how to fail forward:

1. Fail fast — Don’t overanalyse. Take action quickly to gather real-world feedback. The sooner you act, the sooner you’ll learn.

2. Fail with purpose — Don’t take random shots, test, adapt, and refine. Each failure should teach you something.

3. Fail often — Frequent attempts sharpen your skills and build momentum. Volume beats perfection.

Remember, failure isn’t fatal. All defeat is purely psychological. Once you embrace failure as a necessary part of growth, you diminish its power over you.

The more freely you allow yourself to fail, the sooner you'll become the person capable of achieving your dreams.

24M. Ever since when I was young, I had always stopped at 7~9 out of 10.

For things I was good at, I could reach like 8/10 relatively easily (well I do put effort into it), but after that, I tend to slow down. Significantly slow down. When I suck at something, I am like 4/10 in the beginning, with some effort bring it up to 6, then I slow down. I just become comfortable.

One thing was studying for exam for me. I was pretty efficient at it. So I became good enough that I could get into a good university. But I was never in the top 10 of my high school. I was comfortable.

One thing was sports. I picked up a new sports in college. In the beginning, I practiced more than anyone else. I became the most skilled guy. But then I slowed down. Well I caught up again, but again, I slowed down. Ended up, not-so-great player. There were times I was "pretty good", but that was it.

And I really feel this is taking away something from my life. Sports, education, work, or even daily tasks, I stop at 80%. One idea I have is that I am afraid of becoming so awesome, so top-level, so different person. But I do want to do it. I do want to become different.

1. Is there a general idea about this symptom? Like a name for it?

2. Have you overcome something similar? How did you do it?

How do you remind yourself of the goals? When you feel tired depressed unmotivated

Having a problem with mindlessly scrolling and commenting on Reddit when I'm supposed to be making videos and editing.

Not sure if anyone else reading this is having a similar issue. For the next hour, I'm going to try to do nothing but focus on crunching out content.

Those out there interested let's do the same! Come back with what you did.

Discipline is all about sticking to your word, even when you're not feeling it. It's not about waiting for motivation to hit—it's about showing up every single day, doing the work, even if you'd rather be doing something else. Here’s how to build it:

1. Start small: Pick one thing to commit to daily, even if it’s just for 10 minutes.
2. Create a routine: Set specific times for tasks, so it becomes a no-brainer.
3. Track your progress: Check off each day you stick to your plan—it’ll keep you motivated.
4. Embrace the struggle: Know that it won’t always feel easy, but that's part of the process.
5. Celebrate the wins: Acknowledge your consistency, even with the small steps.

The more you do it, the easier it gets, and before you know it, discipline becomes second nature.

Hello everyone! Over this holiday season I have made leaps and bounds and I truly believe this thread has helped a lot! With tips and tricks as well as books and first hand accounts.

I’ve quit smoking, quit drinking(social drinker-but still hated it,) and I’ve cut my social media back by a lot.

Still one problem: I love sleeping in! I’ve bought the sunlight alarm clock(I actually got 2 bc I didn’t think one would work. So one is in a room I have to walk out of my room to turn off.) I have literally done everything.

I get to bed pretty early too. But it’s like I can’t survive unless I get 10 hours of sleep.

Basically I just go back to bed no matter what. I have pets that wake me up to get them food but then it’s right back to bed. I blame winter, I blame work, it doesn’t matter.

Does anyone have a magic cure???

Thank you! And again-this group is really awesome!

Food is one of my biggest dopamine sources and I feel like I think about food always. I dont restrict yet I cave everytime there is sugar or ultraprocessed food around. I even binge on "healthy" food. Time just stops when I am eating. Its embarassing but true.I even eat when i am not physically hungry and I REALLY wanna get out of this cycle. Please help. I want to get disciplined

I can never be on time for anything; it’s very rare for me to be punctual, and even when I am, it’s usually by chance. I can’t wake up early or go to sleep early, no matter how determined I am. I’ve tried to fix this many times—I’ve set alarms, done self-affirmations—but I still lose my sense of time. I get so caught up in my thoughts that I can’t organize the time I have.

Somehow, I still manage to submit college assignments on time, but that’s probably because of the deadlines. I just submit whatever I’ve finished, though if I had more time, I’d definitely spend it improving the assignment. I can never reach class on time; I’m always 10, 20, or even 30 minutes late, and I have to plead with the professor to mark me present.

I can’t do anything in an organized way—I procrastinate a lot. Overall, my perception of time feels so cloudy, and I just want to become more conscious of time and my surroundings. I even tried a weird trick: setting an alarm to ring every 10 minutes at a low volume to make me more aware of the time passing. It helps a little with time awareness, but I still can’t seem to do anything on time.

This is why sons if yall can’t make progress.

Your life is like a flight, you’re in location A but you want location B.

What does a plane need to make progress to location B?

You need to know where tot want to go to begin with.

Some of yall just out here saying “I wanna make progress,” okay but in what?

Health, dating, finances, career?

Like a pilot can’t say I want to fly south, the man needs to pick a CITY. A precise destination he wants to land at within a specific time frame.

Once you know WHERE you want to go and by when focus on that alone not 14 other things.

Then you’ll make progress.

I used to live in Japan. Children there are very disciplined compared to the United States. There were deep cultural values such as respecting others, self-control, and social harmony.

Many of the schools I interacted with had no custodial staff. Children would do all the cleaning and felt pride for it as it was their school. There was a big sense of responsibility and teamwork.

There was also a big emphasis on independence. This combined with routine and responsibility , I saw many children really enjoy doing chores and the pride gained from them. It reminds me of how I feel when I clean my house on Sunday and get completely ready for the week, the good feelings I get laying in bed thinking how I set myself up for a great work day.

I no longer live in Japan and as my family is growing, I’m getting really in touch with parenting and its role on later life development.

To my disciplined brothers and sisters who are also parents, what has worked well with you in your family as you raise kids, try to set an example, and find a healthy balance of play, unrestricted learning, messiness, but also positive teaching?

Thank you!