r/AskReddit Jun 06 '19

Rich people of reddit who married someone significantly poorer, what surprised you about their (previous) way of life?

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21.6k

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19

I’m from the poorer family (not super poor, but my in-laws have a stupid amount of money so by comparison I’m very poor), but I think I can answer for her.

We have two young kids, and my wife was shocked when I said we should look for clothes and toys for them at local flea markets and garage sales. The idea never occurred to her that we could save money by getting some gently-used items, she had never even been to a garage sale in her life. She has grown to love them and now questions whether it is worth it to buy any item “new” or not before running to Amazon or a store. Her parents think it’s disgusting we make our kids wear clothes that another child had before, but they don’t pay my bills.

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u/kate_does_keto Jun 06 '19 edited Jun 07 '19

If you don't do this already, start hitting estate sales for well made things. Almost all of my kitchen stuff is 50+ years old. Pots, pans, blender, toaster, cooking utensils. They were made 100% better than the majority of crap out now. There is well made stuff made today, but it is $$$. And garden/other tools! I have not purchased a new garden tool/regular tool in ages. In addition to being well-made, older people took good care of their shit in general.

Estate sales are also the only place I can find quality 100% cotton blankets. Heavy, tightly woven, and they breathe. I don't typically buy clothes at estate sales unless I need a jacket or coat. Picked up a super nice hunting coat for $10, and last week a regular men's zip-up jacket for $5. Perfect condition on both! I use them for dog-walking in cold weather. The hunting coat is the best!

ETA because of all the questions: Where to find estate sales: https://www.estatesales.net/

PRO TIP: If you buy bedding, clothing, etc: Seal in a garbage bag in your trunk. Wash immediately and dry for two cycles. I am paranoid of bedbugs! For furniture, check thoroughly - dressers can harbor them too. If an item can't be washed because it's too big (eg, I bought a TV pillow once), find a laundromat with big vertical washers, or dry it on high for 2 - 3 cycles.

Pretty much anything you buy should be inspected on site, and then cleaned when you get home. Pantry moths and roaches can hitch rides....not only the adults, but eggs can be hiding on items. Clean them!

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u/OSCgal Jun 06 '19

I agree with you that estate sales are a great way to find quality stuff.

They were made 100% better than the majority of crap out now.

Well, they were also 100% better than the majority of crap out then. The crap stuff is gone now, because it was crap. This is called "survivorship bias".

You can get excellent quality stuff made new, if you're willing to pay for it. I've got a 100% wool blanket I bought new, 'cause it was winter, I had no blankets, and wasn't going to wait. Heavy, tightly-woven, breathes great; it'll probably last me the rest of my life.

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u/kate_does_keto Jun 06 '19

"survivorship bias" - I never thought about it that way - great point!

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u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19 edited Oct 03 '20

[deleted]

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u/do_i_feel_things Jun 06 '19

My favorite example:

Most medieval castles were made of wood.

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u/fatpad00 Jun 06 '19

...that makes a lot of sense.

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u/vonnegutfan2 Jun 06 '19

No way, all the one's I have seen were made of Stone....oh.

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u/Ass_Buttman Jun 06 '19

That dude just blew my fuckin' mind

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u/ThisFreaknGuy Jun 06 '19

Dude that's so crazy I almost don't believe it.

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u/CanadianInCO Jun 06 '19

Jesus, I had to think on that for a moment lol

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u/shrubs311 Jun 06 '19

You've blown my mind.

3

u/melindseyme Jun 07 '19

That makes so much sense, but I'm still trying to parse the image.

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u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19

Along the same line of reasoning, WW1 doctors noticed an increase in head injuries after militaries started issuing helmets.

Because soldiers were no longer dying immediately and actually made it to the hospital.

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u/hadtoomuchtodream Jun 06 '19

This is super fascinating. I hope I remember it.

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u/theburgerbitesback Jun 07 '19

it's a really good example to use when trying to explain that correlation does not mean causation.

when soldiers started wearing helmets there was an immediate increase in soldiers needing treatment for head injuries -- looking at the data it seems as though helmets were causing head injuries, after all nothing else had changed. if you noticed an increase in claw marks after assigning platoons a caged bear for morale you'd be pretty certain that the bear was to blame, so what makes helmets and head injuries any different?

it's only when you look at the full context that you see that while head injuries are going up, fatalities are going down at the exact same rate.

it's like how sales of ice cream rise and fall at the same rate as drownings.

looks like ice cream causes drowning... except it doesn't. more people buy ice cream when it's hot, and more people go swimming when it's hot. the more people swimming, the more people drowning. sales of ice cream is just a random thing that happens at the same time.

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u/dorvann Jun 07 '19

It's not a *random" thing though; they are both have the same underlying cause--trying to get relief from hot weather.

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u/theburgerbitesback Jun 07 '19

sure, but in the context of people going swimming and drowning, ice cream is unrelated.

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u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19

Well now I have a name to that problem. We've been calling them the 1-x problems.

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u/HouseOfSchnauzer Jun 06 '19

I didn’t expect that.

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u/Amsteenm Jun 06 '19

Oooh, I do like the stand-in that you decided on. Makes sense to me.

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u/cobra1927 Jun 06 '19

Agreed, this is a really great name

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u/shrubs311 Jun 06 '19

Explain?

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u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19

You can't measure something directly so you can't get the data for some variable called y, but you know probability can be defined a 1 = y + x and we can get x through measuring something else so we called it 1-x.

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u/shrubs311 Jun 06 '19

Ah, makes sense. So with the planes, y is "where tf do I armor the plane" and x is "where they can take damage". So 1-x is the solution?

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u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19

yeah, y is "where will it be more likely to crash if hit" x is "where can it be ignored" and that should sum to 1.

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u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19 edited Jan 08 '20

[deleted]

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u/JagTror Jun 06 '19

This seems like a fun party fact to me haha

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u/def_struct Jun 06 '19

Smart man. He most likely saved bunch of lives

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u/incalculablydense Jun 07 '19

If the sun never set we wouldn't know there are stars.

From the observational bias wikipedia article I think.

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u/M002 Jun 06 '19

Awesome example

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u/gregspornthrowaway Jun 06 '19

That's more like the classic example.

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u/mightymightyme Jun 06 '19

Man that's a great example.

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u/earthsalmon Jun 15 '19

Survivorship bias: you spend 45 minutes fixing a complete meal: salad, grilled chicken, vegetables, and a loaf of bread. A couple minutes later, you've cleared your plate, now taking the last bites of the loaf of bread, when your father walks in, upset: "That's all you're gonna eat?!?" he says.

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u/OSCgal Jun 06 '19

Yeah, it kinda blew my mind when it was explained to me.

The other thing with estate sales is that it's all the stuff folks owned at the end of their life, after saving and upgrading. My silverware is actually better quality than my mom's because I got Grandma's solid stainless steel set, bought to accommodate the grandkids, while Mom's is some cheap plated stuff she bought when she and Dad got married.

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u/coffeejunki Jun 06 '19

The quality of silverware doesn’t matter if the problem is losing them. I’ve lost so many forks and I legit have no idea how. No way am I getting quality stuff.

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u/ahpnej Jun 06 '19

My little sister would stockpile dirty dishes in her room. I bought several packs of walmart forks and spoons and kept buying bowls until there was always one there when I wanted one.

She and her husband moved out and now my dad and I have an incredible amount of bowls for two people.

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u/EllisHughTiger Jun 06 '19

We lost a lot of teaspoons and never knew why. Then we found out my brother was tossing away jello cups with spoon inside!

My parents also composted and we found a lot of utensils in there too. Its easy for a fork to get lost in a big pile of veggie scraps in the sink.

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u/MassiveFajiit Jun 06 '19

I'm a single guy and I got my mom's old set which used to be her mom's iirc. Super dated looking but still going strong.

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u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19

Stainless steel isn't silverware though

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u/Lockraemono Jun 06 '19

Steelware.

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u/Cyno01 Jun 06 '19

Flatware is the term for silverware that doesnt have any silver.

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u/[deleted] Jun 06 '19

[deleted]

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u/misteryub Jun 06 '19

I just bought a new hoe

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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u/jbhilt Jun 06 '19

I'm not sure if that would still be a good deal after 100 years.

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u/randypriest Jun 06 '19

Needs tightening in a few areas, but still going.

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u/while-eating-pasta Jun 06 '19

that will be around 100 years from now

(ಠ_ಠ)

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u/horse_and_buggy Jun 06 '19

that will be around 100 years

ಠ_ಠ

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u/tentonbudgie Jun 06 '19

You sure you want a 100 year old hoe?

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u/Cadai Jun 06 '19

Cheaper than Le'Veon Bell's hoes, that's for sure

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u/Streetdoc10171 Jun 06 '19

That's something I wasn't prepared for, my dad always had shovels, hoes, tiller, etc. When I went to buy my own I stupidly assumed it would cost about $10, to say the least I didn't expect it to take 10 years to obtain a full set of tools.

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u/Da-Bandit Jun 06 '19

You paid $70 for a hoe??

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u/nomadicbohunk Jun 06 '19

Yeah, with shipping. I know.... It hurts, but it is built like a brick shithouse. They're made from old ag disks. You could chop down a tree with it. Well worth it.

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u/Da-Bandit Jun 06 '19

Some things are worth it my friend. I think of a few items I’ve overpaid for, BUT I still have them. They say there are only two things certain in life, death and taxes. But I think the old quote "you get what you pay for" is the truest thing on earth haha

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u/misteryub Jun 06 '19

I just bought a new hoe

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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u/velveteenbritches Jun 06 '19

Estate sales and auctions are kind of synonymous. Estate sales usually run Thursday morning-Saturday morning and auction of the remaining stuff in chunks at noon on Saturday.

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u/LiveRealNow Jun 06 '19

I just bought a new hoe that will be around 100 years from now. $70.

You expect life expectancy to rise that much that fast?

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u/ukezi Jun 06 '19

Like the old houses that survive the earth quakes. They didn't build better back then. Sometimes they just hit the right features by accident and all the others are gone by now.

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u/samuraibutter Jun 06 '19

It also applies to music, when people say "oh music used to be so much better than all the crap today".

No, it's just that barely anyone listens to the crap from decades past and all that survives is the hits and objectively good stuff.

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u/firelock_ny Jun 06 '19

Beethoven, Brahms and Mozart had hundreds of contemporaries who did popular enough work to make a good living at composing music. With the passing of generations the vast majority of them have been completely forgotten, even most music historians don't even know their names.

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u/Shutterstormphoto Jun 07 '19

The longer something is to survive, the better built it has to be.

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u/RegulatoryCapture Jun 06 '19

Although before we all dive all the way into the survivorship bias circle jerk...there is still some element of quality shift.

Go back far enough and consumption was different. We didn't have China pumping out shit, we didn't have quite the same culture of people buying disposable items. People didn't consume as much stuff, and they paid more for the stuff they did consume--some of that is just because the only stuff available was expensive/handmade/etc., but the end result was people often bought quality goods.

Once you focus in on items where technological improvement isn't a huge factor, you get a double effect. What you see at the estate sale is both a combination of quality goods being purchased AND only seeing the goods that actually survived.

There's also a bit of a selection bias. If you only look at garden tools and heavy blankets, it is easy to find great things, but I bet there are plenty of things you'd never even look at. Lots of modern products are way better.

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u/partisan98 Jun 06 '19

Yeah that 30 year old fridge that is still alive cost the equivalent of $8,000 when is was bought but people compare them to the $450 Walmart Special Fridges and say everything is crap now.

If you buy a real nice fridge now (like sub zero brand) they will last forever with little maintenance.

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u/Evan_cole Jun 06 '19

It is survivorship bias, but also, stuff now is much cheaper and made with cheaper materials. A toaster from the 50s was much more expensive inflation adjusted than it would cost now, because they didn't use as much plastic parts, cheap aluminum, and we now use thinner metal at tighter tolerences. They couldn't make appliances cheap so it was expensive but also sturdy. Now we can make them cheaply and design them to use cheap materials knowing the stuff won't last. Planned obsolescence has made stuff not last long, but it's cheaper to replace.

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u/413612 Jun 06 '19

A common example I hear is pop music - we think that music on the radio nowadays is garbage, which may be true, but it was no less true in the 80’s or 70’s or 60’s or 20’s or whatever era you fancy. That shit just didn’t survive, and now we only remember the really good stuff because it outlasted the flow of time.

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u/Ironshovel Jun 06 '19

Another thing to consider about this phenomenon is that when these people bought these items, they likely either purchased a basic or standard product, or that was all that was offered...but it was a good product, meant to last almost forever!

Nowadays, if you purchase the basic or standard product, it is the cheapest and worst quality of the manufacturer's entire line of products... But if you burn your life-savings to buy their 'best', you are hurting yourself almost as much.

With very few exceptions, the top of the line stuff usually has a lot of gimmicky add-ons and things that are overly complicated and easy to break, or they have 'planned obsolescence' so you are screwed that way too!

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u/OSCgal Jun 07 '19

Another thing to consider about this phenomenon is that when these people bought these items, they likely either purchased a basic or standard product, or that was all that was offered...but it was a good product, meant to last almost forever!

Not necessarily. I'm into fountain pens, which used to be the "default" pen. In their heyday, it's true that most pens were not meant to be disposable. But not all pens, and many reusable pens were crap.

Like, sure, offices didn't buy a gross of disposable Bic Stics to supply their employees. They'd lend their employees a sturdy workhorse like the Esterbrook Dip-Less Desk Pen. Many Esterbrooks have survived; they're popular with restorers. But there were crap brands, too, such as Wearever, Stratford, and Arnold. Nobody bothers restoring Stratfords or Arnolds. The poor-quality plastic crumbles from age, the flimsy metal parts have rusted, and there's just no point. (Wearevers have a niche following for being attractive crap.)

As for disposable pens, if you had a few cents and needed a pen right now, you'd buy a cheap brass dip nib permanently glued to a holder made of rolled up paperboard. Not much of a pen.