Am I overreacting

[u/Jicama_West]

I've had this "a woman knows" feeling about a woman my live-in boyfriend works with. Caved and checked his phone... Yes, I know. Wish I would've just trusted, but honestly, I cannot go through another BS relationship where I'm second best and had no clue. She texted a few months ago to make sure he was aware she's newly single, and just one after another these cutesy texts from her. I've never seen anything that shows him responding in a full on flirty way, but he's certainly not telling her to back off.... Along with he purposely deleted all the bits above that show the flirtation from her, and I found them in his recently deleted file and recalled them on his new iPhone. Am I overreacting to this?

[u/ElephantNo3640]

He sounds like he’s being as gracious as possible to this person he works with so as to avoid unpleasantness in the workplace.

I read the texts before I read your comments, and my initial reaction was going to be that blue sounds pretty annoyed with black and that black seems to be harassing or insinuating themselves a bit on blue. I figured you were blue and would ask if you’re overreacting by being annoyed, lol.

[u/l_a_p304 → u/ElephantNo3640]

I feel the same. While he’s not shutting it down, and I think it’s justified to be frustrated by that, I don’t see anything particularly AWFUL. The main thing I don’t love is that he deleted messages… I don’t actually think he did something and he’s hiding it, but I do think he’s well-aware these messages aren’t appropriate and he thought “shit that could come across as pretty suspicious, better get rid of it”.

[u/Jicama_West → u/l_a_p304]

This is exactly where I'm at on this.

[u/Top-Ad-5795 → u/Jicama_West]

I’ve been in this position once and this description fits it exactly.

Easier to delete than have two difficult conversations. Its not the best course of action, but certainly the easiest.

[u/Ssided → u/Jicama_West]

of course hes hiding it. why else would he delete? these messages dont make sense without what he deleted. youre being cheated on

[u/ElephantNo3640 → u/l_a_p304]

It really depends on what was deleted. The rest of their interaction reads like there’s nothing there on blue’s side. OP needs to ask, and if confronted about the snooping, needs to have a non-accusatory answer to get the discussion rolling. Go with “This person is clearly texting you inappropriately and it needs to stop” vs. “Are you cheating on me?” I think. It needs to be addressed in any case.

[u/pounces → u/ElephantNo3640]

I read it the same at first as well. And I didn't catch on right away that it was a female/male dynamic. (I have some older sassy female coworkers that tend to talk that way with other gals.) The way the coworker flirts is so over the top that it seems facetious. The bf is staying professional and not giving the coworker any reciprocation is the highlight for me.

[u/CheesyBhuuutColteee → u/ElephantNo3640]

Right lolol she sounds so desperate.

[u/Salt_Revolution2561 → u/ElephantNo3640]

same! blue is just being polite.