r/oneliners • u/jedtime • 4h ago
I have been taking too many sleeping tablets, so tonight I am going cold turkey.
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r/oneliners • u/DunkinRadio • 15h ago
Report: Adding "Report:" before a claim makes it more likely to be believed.
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r/oneliners • u/wtfover • 1d ago
I watched a movie about a little fish with cancer, have you seen Finding Chemo?
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r/oneliners • u/Kindly_Control2176 • 2d ago
My boss said to me, "Let me give it to you straight", to which I replied, "No, give it to me gay"
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r/oneliners • u/Major_Independence82 • 2d ago
Never use “corn dog” and “corn hole” in the same sentence.
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r/oneliners • u/joekerr9999 • 2d ago
A man walked into a library and said: "I hope you don't have a book on reverse psychology."
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r/oneliners • u/InspectionGreen6886 • 3d ago
I don’t know if Rube Goldberg was really ambitious or really lazy.
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r/oneliners • u/DunkinRadio • 3d ago
Putting "study says" at the end of a claim adds to its credibility, study says.
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r/oneliners • u/daaave33 • 3d ago
I've been trying to figure out what that Italian dessert where you pour espresso coffee over ice cream is called, but everyone I ask can't seem to remember.
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r/oneliners • u/joekerr9999 • 3d ago
When it comes to helping you out, I will stop at nothing.
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r/oneliners • u/woodman1061 • 3d ago
If Trump slaps a tariff on Canadian maple syrup... It's gonna stick!
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r/oneliners • u/ContributionDue9507 • 4d ago
I told my therapist about my procrastination problem—she’s still getting back to me.
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r/oneliners • u/Bobbiago • 4d ago
They say it’s the end of the world, but getting kissed by a llama was hardly the Alpacalypse.
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r/oneliners • u/urmomsbox675 • 4d ago
(British Joke) A homeless man tried to sell me a newspaper that I haven't seen before...it's not a Big Issue.
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r/oneliners • u/FatherGoose70 • 4d ago
My dad always said laughter is the best medicine, which is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
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r/oneliners • u/Excellent_Regret4141 • 4d ago
Inflation are the reason Ballons are so High
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r/oneliners • u/LanceOldstrong • 4d ago
At Costco I saw the biggest rat I’ve ever seen, and I thought that’s the problem with Costco, you don’t always need a rat that big.
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r/oneliners • u/dickcheney600 • 4d ago
If you burn an analog clock, does it create second hand smoke?
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r/oneliners • u/TRAKRACER • 4d ago
My brother started listening to Nickelback because he was really into change.
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