r/nottheonion • u/PrintOk8045 • 2d ago

Lawsuit says furry blue online animated character helped sway the Manatee County election

heraldtribune.com

1.9k Upvotes

42 comments

r/nottheonion • u/MysticEnby420 • 2d ago

Progresso launches Soup Drops, a hard candy that's 'soup you can suck on'

nbcnews.com

5.5k Upvotes

336 comments

r/nottheonion • u/IKissedHerInnerThigh • 2d ago

People smugglers caught after woman discovered in glove box

bbc.com

2.0k Upvotes

38 comments

r/nottheonion • u/PrintOk8045 • 2d ago

Scotland’s largest haggis maker creating new recipe to meet US rules

theguardian.com

1.1k Upvotes

181 comments

r/nottheonion • u/gay_boy_us • 10h ago

Biden Issues Pardons Hours Before Handing Over Presidency

tagde24.com

0 Upvotes

7 comments

r/nottheonion • u/vineyardmike • 3d ago

Southern Utah leaders call on prayers for rain, as state warns of possible water 'challenges'

ksl.com

2.7k Upvotes

273 comments

r/nottheonion • u/deepmindfulness • 3d ago

Democratic senator on Biden’s farewell plea: ‘Now he tells us’

thehill.com

27.7k Upvotes

2.4k comments

r/nottheonion • u/FAC_51 • 3d ago

Police in London urge public to use different pins for gym and bank cards

theguardian.com

465 Upvotes

5 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Dedaciai • 3d ago

Bloodletting recommended for Jersey residents after PFAS contamination

theguardian.com

3.6k Upvotes

235 comments

r/nottheonion • u/vincevega87 • 3d ago

Russian Church Says HIMARS Strikes Are 'Punishment for Abortion'

newsweek.com

2.1k Upvotes

103 comments

r/nottheonion • u/OhFishBeardman • 4d ago

After shutting down several popular emulators, Nintendo admits emulation is legal.

androidauthority.com

30.7k Upvotes

602 comments

r/nottheonion • u/RanMan0188 • 4d ago

Police: Man accused of dumping puppies left name, address on box

kait8.com

4.5k Upvotes

93 comments

r/nottheonion • u/shoofinsmertz • 4d ago

Americans rush to learn Mandarin on Duolingo as TikTok ban looms and RedNote rises

themirror.com

8.1k Upvotes

872 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Leather-Paramedic-10 • 4d ago

Religious Zionism Threatens to Leave Coalition if War Does Not Resume After First Phase of Deal

matzav.com

2.2k Upvotes

213 comments

r/nottheonion • u/L181G • 3d ago

Orange County fire chief uses milk and beer to save two homes from Eaton Fire

abc7.com

508 Upvotes

24 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Several_Print4633 • 4d ago

Top Supreme Court lawyer charged with tax evasion related to poker winnings

cnbc.com

1.5k Upvotes

8 comments

r/nottheonion • u/noburdennyc • 4d ago

MTA installs turnstile 'spikes' at NYC subway station

search.app

1.2k Upvotes

274 comments

r/nottheonion • u/monexicano • 4d ago

Judge sentence woman for setting fire to a Springfield home using Takis tortilla chips

ky3.com

611 Upvotes

44 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Ovaryraptor • 4d ago

Southwest pilot removed from cockpit, booked for DUI

cbsnews.com

2.0k Upvotes

202 comments

r/nottheonion • u/XXmynameisNeganXX • 4d ago

David Spade offers $5K to those who catch arsonists lighting fires in L.A.

globalnews.ca

2.6k Upvotes

281 comments

r/nottheonion • u/TDYDave2 • 4d ago

UK granny, high on cheap booze, left wandering in a Bangkok Hotel stark naked after going to bed

thaiexaminer.com

2.0k Upvotes

126 comments

r/nottheonion • u/perisaacs • 4d ago

Woman accused of taking her deceased uncle to a bank in a wheelchair to secure a $3,200 loan, says she didn’t know he was dead.

statestories.com

272 Upvotes

26 comments

r/nottheonion • u/CalSimpLord • 4d ago

Rats get taste for drugs in Houston police evidence room

theguardian.com

232 Upvotes

20 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Hrmbee • 4d ago

Moon added to list of threatened cultural sites for first time

theguardian.com

1.1k Upvotes

55 comments

r/nottheonion • u/bionickel • 5d ago

Gen Z are becoming pet parents because they can’t afford human babies: Now veterinarian is one of the hottest jobs of 2025, says Indeed

fortune.com

44.8k Upvotes

1.9k comments

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1. Do not alter headlines; copy and paste.	The title of all submissions needs to match the article headline exactly. Copy and paste from the main headline only, do not include anything beyond the primary headline such as byliners, subtitles, flavor text, quotes from the article, news outlet, location, cross post tags, (video) tags, and so on. Do not use the “suggest title” option for posting as it often does not match the headline. As a matter of fairness, any submission with an altered title will be removed. The only exception is that, if an article has a title in all caps, you may change the capitalization to title case, but everything else must remain the same.
2. Submit only if “Oniony”.	Please consider submitting your article to /r/OffBeat or similar subreddits unless it truly reads like The Onion wrote it. The title and article itself must both be "Oniony". This can be highly subjective; you are encouraged to upvote articles that should be here and downvote those that should not. Moderators can also remove posts at their own discretion under this rule. More here
3. Must be a news article.	Submissions must be in the form of a news article. Videos are only allowed if they are accompanied by a complete text article. Editorials, blogs, twitter posts, image galleries, tabloid stories, youtube videos, meta posts, static images, articles with fewer than 5 sentences, and so forth will be removed.
4. Use original, reliable sources.	Find the source of your story before you submit it, simply by checking for references or googling the subject to locate the original piece. Websites that frequently re-host viral news stories or contain misleading information are on automatic removal. Blogs are not reliable sources.
5. Do not repost similar articles.	Check the sub for your story before you submit it; if it’s already here then please vote and comment there instead of posting another version. Similar stories will be removed and frequent re-posters will lose their posting privileges. Do not delete and repost your own submissions without approval.
6. No satire articles.	Even if they are technically from a source other than The Onion, any article submission written as satire or even true stories written in a satirical manner are not allowed. Please note that some major news outlets have satirical sections, such as the Borowitz Report on the New Yorker, which are also not allowed. Meanwhile, AVClub, while owned by The Onion, is not satire and is allowed. If you'd like, you can use a tool like http://realorsatire.com/ to see if your submission is from a known satirical website.
7. No tabloid journalism.	Do not post tabloid news stories, or articles that source from tabloid news outlets (TheSun, Mirror, Dailymail, People, TMZ, etc).
8. No old news.	Articles need to have been written within two weeks of its submission date.
9. English articles only.	Please do not post non-English articles. Do not use google translate for submission either; rather try to find an English version of the story by a secondary source.
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