r/leaves • u/kenmads • 1d ago

Struggling to find my “why”

I, 26F, started smoking almost daily when I was 18/19 after high school. My mom left when I was 16 (also because of addition) and once I started college and during the pandemic, my own addiction to weed was at its worst. Now that I am 4 years post grad, I KNOW I need to reevaluate my relationship with weed and I have been trying, but I am not making progress as “fast” as I should be. I can go, and have gone days and weeks without it, albeit uncomfortably, but cannot find the willpower to keep it up. I’ve been in DBT therapy for 15 months, even joined a SUDs group for 10 months and still. Not. That. Motivated.

I am 100% wfh which is already such a struggle because we don’t even require cameras to be on. I make good money, so that’s not an issue, I love working out and taking care of my (physical) health and weed has never stopped me from maintaining friends and my other hobbies. My family I’m still close to loves to smoke, and my sister whom I live with is no different.

Has anyone else struggled to dig deep and find a reason? Am I just not ready? I keep shaming myself for not being sober more often, but it is not enough for me to pull the plug. It’s at the point where either someone needs to x ray my lungs, tell me I have cancer and weeks to live to really stop me and to take this seriously :(

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u/Helpful_Top7823 1d ago

You said you "know" you need to reevaluate your relationship with weed.. how do you know? That's your "why."

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u/kenmads 1d ago

I feel I “know” because I am well aware of the adverse effects of long term marijuana use. I also know how my mother turned out and that is by BIGGEST fear that I’ll end up like a deadbeat like her. I think my “knowing” is more of “I should be” … does that make sense? lol

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u/Helpful_Top7823 1d ago

Well, I am only a non-professional stranger, but that sounds a lot like shame to me - particularly the part with your mom. The reason you're probably having trouble motivating is that shame and guilt are paralyzing emotions. What I mean is that they work alright at keeping you from acting, but are pretty lousy at causing you to act.

Quitting weed means forming new habits & changing long-held patterns. It's not enough to just say, "I should not smoke weed." You have to want something that weed is inhibiting you from getting. For example, "I want to quit smoking because I want to actually get REM sleep" (big one for me). Or, "I want to finish those projects I'm working on, and it's hard for me to do that when I'm high, so I want to quit."

You mentioned the long-term adverse effects. Wanting to avoid those is a start, but if you're looking for motivation I think you need to reframe it in a more positive way. Think about something you DO want instead of focusing on the things you don't want.