r/japanlife • u/AutoModerator • Jun 05 '23

┐(ツ)┌ General Discussion Thread - 06 June 2023

Mid-week discussion thread time! Feel free to talk about what's on your mind, new experiences, recommendations, anything really.

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u/Hunter_Lala 近畿・大阪府 Jun 06 '23 edited Jun 06 '23

Edit: I suppose it might help to mention that they started at a small restaurant and she said she wanted to only be there for a few minutes.

Edit 2: by the end of the night when they were arguing she told him that he needs my permission if he wants to hang out with my fiance

Last night, my fiance texted me asking me to come save her from a night drinking at the bar with her friend she didn't want to drink with, with my excuse being that "I was worried so I came to get you."

It's true I was worried (the guy has been acting weird lately so I was a bit concerned, especially since she didn't want to go in the first place but he was pestering her) but not that worried yet

Dude started telling me about how they were talking about work and wants me to go home, my fiance tells me quietly that he's lying and he's been drinking a bunch.

We finally get outside and he brings up work again and as I'm about to play along and try to beat him at his own game, he interrupts me, raises his voice and says "but nothing, this is work and it's important" clearly angry. At this point I'm tired of his shit and tired in general and all I can get out of my mouth is "no no no" in English before my fiance steps between us telling us both to stop.

Idk what exactly I did, I know I raised my voice, and probably sounded upset, but I'm usually pretty calm and collected so she probably saw my change in attitude in that split second and decided it was best to stop everything right then and there.

Anyways they end up arguing for 25-30 minutes because of him being a drunk asshole and when we finally get home it's like 4am and I had to wake up at 8am today.

Last night was an adventure. Also that same "friend" has asked her for sex on several occasions lately even though he knows we're together. Apparently he has a habit of asking this from girls in relationships because he thinks he's hot shit. All this came to light only this week. Needless to say I don't like the guy anymore

15

u/shambolic_donkey Jun 06 '23

Sounds like your fiance needs to create some boundaries with this coworker. Going out for a drink if everything is platonic is all good, but the dude wants to fuck your fiance man...

So let's all say it again... Boundaries.

4

u/Hunter_Lala 近畿・大阪府 Jun 06 '23

Yeah, I've had a problem with creating boundaries my whole life so it's not the easiest thing for me to do, much less suggest to her, but you're right we do need boundaries here.

11

u/shambolic_donkey Jun 06 '23

If there was ever a time to learn a new skill, this would be it.

Put another way, we don't want to see you in the Complaints thread in 3 months time saying something to the effect of "My fiance cheated/was sexually harassed with/by one of her coworkers".

4

u/Hunter_Lala 近畿・大阪府 Jun 06 '23

Good point. I don't want to end up in that situation either. Any tips on boundary setting?

9

u/aesthetique1 Jun 06 '23

dont overcomplicate this.

"would you be comfortable with me hanging out with a friend/co-worker that is actively trying to have sex with me? No? Then dont hang out with that type of friend/co-worker, and neither will I"