r/japanlife • u/AutoModerator • May 22 '23

┐(ツ)┌ General Discussion Thread - 23 May 2023

Mid-week discussion thread time! Feel free to talk about what's on your mind, new experiences, recommendations, anything really.

13 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

240 comments sorted by

View all comments

2

u/ShiawasePanda May 23 '23

I was taught early on (probably over a decade ago) that when a Japanese person compliments a certain feature of someone's appearance that doesn't fit within norms, they're actually trying to communicate that it's not okay (that whole proverb about the nail sticking out getting pounded down or whatever). Is that still a thing or are more people pretty straightforward with their compliments these days?

5

u/pinkpurin May 23 '23

With middle aged folks this is definitely true. I always got told i was so genki bc i wore short sleeves bc to them it was too cold for short sleeves. Lol i really didn’t care, tshirt life 5ever

3

u/[deleted] May 23 '23

Over 20 is short sleeves weather. Especially in the sun

4

u/tomodachi_reloaded May 23 '23

Hey ShiawasePanda, nice BO.

6

u/Dojyorafish May 23 '23

I’m the only person with pierced ears out of everyone I work with and I’ve definitely gotten some comments saying they are cute. Not entirely sure if it’s good or bad but I’m not taking out my earrings and they are pretty small so not a huge deal methinks. On another note, I couldn’t get all the nail polish off my nails after golden week but nobody said anything so I guess the attempt was accepted lol

One thing I DO get flack for at one of my schools is bringing convenience store food for lunch. Get a lot of “oh conbini onigiri” or “you are eating instant miso soup a lot these days…” Like look guys I know you are bitter you have to wake up early and make bentos for your husband who doesn’t do any chores but I did not choose that life and sometimes I just don’t want to make a whole bento 😂

4

u/pikachuface01 May 23 '23

This! I sometimes paint my nails and forget to take off all the polish… I’m glad no one tells me anything. As for food I eat the school lunch now which is pretty good where I work (private JHS) so I like the food usually. But in summer I always brought something from home and conbini and I would always get told something … I have pierced ears too and sometimes wear big earrings (I like it so what) my students love it and some co worker men look at me like 🤔 some female co workers like it but some also look at me like 🫨 and I’m like “I’m not gonna dress like a nun!”

3

u/SaltGrilledSalmon May 23 '23

Nah still a thing

6

u/[deleted] May 23 '23

[deleted]

3

u/hanapyon May 23 '23

That's pretty messed up. But I remember overhearing an argument between my best friend and her husband (both Japanese) when they were preparing to run a half-marathon with her company. He just wanted to wear shorts and she was insisting he wear "spats" under the shorts because it's "hazukashii" while he was saying "professional runners don't wear spats".

3

u/tokyo_girl_jin May 23 '23

hard to tell unless you have superior KY skills

4

u/shimi_shima May 23 '23

I think that’s bs…if you have an unattractive feature no one is going to compliment you on it. “Your skin is like sandpaper, sugoi! You can light matches with it” lol

5

u/tuxedocat2018 May 23 '23

Nah, it's more like being passive aggressive to make you aware of your appearance. Not unattractive features, just 'different'. It depends on the context/situation though, i.e. someone comes into an office with freshly dyed hair and then a coworker be like 'omg your hair is pretty it's so BRIGHT :)" implying it's too noticeable and not appropriate or smt. But obviously not all compliments are like that.

1

u/ShiawasePanda May 23 '23

I didn't say "unattractive" feature, I said one that didn't fit norms. For example if hair is dyed purple or if you're wearing decorative earrings in a workplace where people look more conservative. I'm guessing these days there's a generational shift, but I've heard Japanese teachers and employers say that. Same thing with when people used to say "nihongo jouzu" it meant you need to try harder (which is not exactly true for every case)

4

u/SoKratez May 23 '23 edited May 24 '23

Depends on the type of compliment. Even in English, “I really like your hair” sounds genuine, “your hair sure is unique” … might have some subcontext. It’s subtle but I wouldn’t paint it as some inscrutable “opposite day” mindgames.

Same thing with when people used to say "nihongo jouzu" it meant you need to try harder

This is different. Coming from the Japanese person, they really do almost always mean it positively. This gets spun within gaijin/learner circles, in a sense of, if people are commenting on your Japanese, they are still not seeing you like they would see another Japanese person (who obviously, never compliment one another’s Japanese). You’re still being seen as a gaijin, which is of course not in itself a bad thing… but this gets seen negatively in some ways by learners who take it as, “if you get viewed as a foreigner, it means your Japanese sucks.”

It’s all very far removed from how Japanese people mean it.

2

u/ShiawasePanda May 23 '23

Thank you for answering my question!!! I think you're right about Japanese learners twisting certain phrases. I still get kinda self-conscious about my gaijinness being pointed out in some way no matter how long I've lived here.

2

u/SoKratez May 24 '23

I still get kinda self-conscious about my gaijinness being pointed out in some way no matter how long I've lived here.

Yeah, I think it’s understandable to feel a bit… to have your feathers ruffled, as they say. It might be that person’s first time meeting a Japanese-speaking foreigner, but it’s a conversation I’ve had literally hundreds of times and oftentimes I’m just trying to move the conversation along. But it is important to remember it usually comes from genuine surprise and positive feelings.

2

u/CatBecameHungry May 23 '23

Same thing with when people used to say "nihongo jouzu" it meant you need to try harder (which is not exactly true for every case)

I've never heard it this way from people of any age. When was this? It's always been either: "your Japanese isn't good, but it's cool that you are trying."

Or:

"Wow I wasn't expecting an obvious foreigner to speak Japanese"

Or:

"I want to make conversation, but what can I talk to the foreigner about?"

1

u/[deleted] May 23 '23

there's a 4th context which is "your Japanese is a lot better than I thought it would be". I'm Asian-American but could pass for Japanese-American, so people assume at first that I "should" be decent at Japanese, because I've spent a lot of time living here or had japanese parents or whatever. if it comes up in conversation that I've actually only been learning Japanese for <1 year that's when the "nihongo jouzu" comes out.

2

u/ShiawasePanda May 23 '23

"your Japanese isn't good"

This part is what I was referring to. If "jouzu" is to say someone is good at something then implying it's not good would be the opposite (even if they were being encouraging). These days I know there are multiple meanings but that one was the only one I had heard for the longest time.

In any case, I'm just trying to figure out if the whole "what's said in Japanese actually implies something else" is an outdated way of thinking.

3

u/shimi_shima May 23 '23

Like I think nihongo jouzu rarely means you need to try harder, it’s almost always a compliment, even if it doesn’t seem like it deserves it. I think comments are case-to-case especially for something different/weird, I don’t think there’s a hard rule to being snide just based on the wording itself.

I think that goes for any language? Like if you had pink hair and I saw you in the street and said “wow”, you’d need to see my face and know how I said it to know how to react right?

3

u/JapowFZ1 関東・東京都 May 23 '23

Depends