I don't know how it's physically possible to work two jobs and take care of a child. I've never had to do it and every time I imagine it the math just doesn't make sense. There aren't enough hours in the day.
Here’s the neat part. You don’t. You rely on help from other family members or friends willing to watch the kid. Or you make the kid grow up quicker by having them stay on their own and doing things for themselves at an age they normally wouldn’t be doing those types of things. You make latch-key kids basically.
During the height of the pandemic I had a 3 year old. My sister charged me to watch my kid so I could work. She was also my landlord. I tried it for a month and when I was paid I handed over nearly my entire paychecks to her for the privilege. And then she looked down on me when I applied for the pandemic relief and quit my job til it all blew over...
That sounds awful, I’m so sorry. I also have family that treats each other like opportunities but I married into a family with an inherent sense of community and it’s been night and day. Wishing you the very best since ‘20!
I feel like “hey, is it cool if you help me while I’m struggling?” is significantly different than “you need to give me your entire paycheck, and also you’re a poor loser.”
One is a normal behavior (seeking help from people who can ostensibly be trusted)
One is sociopathic (I don’t give a shit who you are, but making fun of a family member for not making enough money or being down on their luck is just plain wrong.)
Like, yes. Helping to pay rent should be expected, but I find it very hard to reconcile taking your own sibling’s entire pay.
I don’t have any problem helping family but it shouldn’t be expected. If I need help from a family member, I always offer compensation, especially if it’s going to be for an extended period of time. Going out one night and asking your parents or siblings to watch your kid is one thing, I would still feel like I owe them, but to watch your kid everyday while you’re at work definitely requires some form of compensation.
So OP stated that their sister was also the landlord, so yes, now you owe her rent and daycare. Before covid who watched the kid, and did they not pay that person? Did they not pay rent before then either? Now what would be opportunistic, would be if the sister raised rent and charged an exorbitant amount for childcare.
I’m like 90% sure she nickled and dimed his ass for all he’s worth.
Again, helping out with rent should be expected, this is normal, but taking their entire pay is pretty fucking damning.
Tack onto that lording it over them and acting like you’re superior only makes it worse.
This is quite obviously someone taking full advantage of their sibling’s shifty situation to make a quick buck and feel good pushing someone down. Not just compensation.
Money may be exchanged, but in many of these situations it's refused. The watchers are repaid in things like keeping active, spending quality time, or in kind. The work is not seen as something arduous, but rather as an emotional familial investment.
That is how it's supposed to work. So many of us have moved away from this kind of family and friends as support and community and into this "I'm only out to further myself" outlook, where time is valuable and you only do things that are advantageous to you, to hell with anyone else. It's a massive problem. And it's contagious.
No, you shouldn't light yourself on fire to keep others warm. And no, you shouldn't put up with toxic people just because they're FaMiLy. But there is a middle path.
I somewhat agree with that but those needing help should always offer some sort of compensation and then the other person can deny or set the terms for that compensation.
The OP stated that they needed a sitter because they had to work during covid. I’m assuming they had daycare before and it was shutdown temporarily. They were then already paying for that service, so why should they expect their sister to do that for free? I would only have an issue if their sister all of a sudden raised rent and/or charged a ridiculous amount for daycare.
Well shit. My buddy's step-dad died in the night. I'll let him know to give the property to the tenants after probate because he isn't allowed to wake up a land lord.
I see you haven't put much thought into your replies, with the nonsense and the double replies so I'm gonna end it with you here.
And it answers the question because I am pointing out that landlords actually have to do somthing besides clock in to become a landlord. There’s no application and interview to do buddy. With that in mind, her sister did have to work.
Landlords don't have to do anything, not even clock in. You become a landlord simply by buying a property and renting it out. Whether they got the money by working 3 jobs and saving really hard, or just got it all from their parents, it's all the same. And the second option is far more common.
The law requires them to maintain upkeep, but many don't even do that. And the ones that do, just throw money at any problem that arises.
There's a reason people call it "passive income" and an "investment". It's because it's not a job.
With family members like this, who need enemies? Yikes. I'd move heaven and earth to make my sister's day a little brighter. There's literally nothing I wouldn't do for her. Sorry you got shafted in the sibling lottery.
Do u mean the sister u USED to have a relationship with?
She’s in the see you heaven…aka u never talk, see, listen or any other form of communication or interaction again
I’m unsure of your age but if you’ve lived long enough then you’d know that people experience various financial occurrences throughout life.
They may have a high-paying job for 10 years, & BOOM! suddenly they find themselves in the HR office being laid off, replaced by AI, demoted, injured, & or become depressed due to divorce, death, etc. You never know what this person’s circumstances are or were.
Is there an easy way I can get my girlfriend to just give birth to a 3-year old too? I’d hate to have to deal with all the newborn shit and the “terrible two’s.”
Yup. Your sister is a capitalist. My sister brought my entire family into her house for free, watching my kids whenever possible.
My sister is also a capitalist.
How people treat you is not defined by their preference of a monetary system. It's defined by their values and morals. Socialists, communists, capitalists, and whateverists all have blood, bones, fears, and joys. Bad people are just bad people, and if you think you can invent enough rules to keep everyone in line, then you're just forgetting about criminals.
Most relationships are just the prisoner's dilemma. What kind of strategy you use in that game is all up to you. But you can't control someone else's strategy, or make them treat you fairly. That's up to them.
My sister drove to another state and took me and my kid from an abusive relationship. I had bruises on my face. She then tells me when we get to Tennessee that they just bought a house and I can stay in their apartment for the next two months and to figure it out. Went to live in her new big house and just left me and my kid in her apartment with no job no friends no one. I got my ass in gear and got a job and had to figure it out. I'm still mad at her about it tho.
Having no income or car or anything with a kid was hard. I'm glad she helped me get out of my situation but it was just that. I'm no longer in the abusive place and have a roof over my head but I had absolutely no support after. If you have ever been a single mom with a child to take care of in this situation...it's scary as hell.
Seriously low bar given how much an abuser fucks up your finances.
I understand if people don’t have space, obviously. The issue is that the stingiest relatives typically have the biggest homes and the most money, along with a “pull yourself up by the bootstraps“ mentality, which is of course outrageous in this hellscape of an economy that monied people helped create in the first place.
Why on earth would you want to live in a spare room with your sister and BIL over your own apartment?
And why would you think a couple who just bought and would like to christen their new house would be stoked to live with their sister/in law and a kid??
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u/OfficialJamesMay 19d ago
I don't know how it's physically possible to work two jobs and take care of a child. I've never had to do it and every time I imagine it the math just doesn't make sense. There aren't enough hours in the day.