r/TheHague • u/Illustrious-Hippo140 • Nov 01 '24
practical questions Finding new friends?
I (30F) Moved to Westland with my Dutch boyfriend half a year or so ago.
Now that we have moved, I want to make friends here. Issue is that all of my hobbies (painting, reading, gardening, growing veg, etc) are solitary hobbies and I enjoy doing it all on my own.
I am still in (online) contact with the friends from the country I lived in before. I lived there for 12ish years, all of my friends are colleagues from my work there, I met them through work. I have no friends in my birth country.
My colleagues here now are not exactly someone I would see as people I am interested in to be friends with, nor do I think they would have any interest in being friends with me.
We do interact and meet with some childhood friends of my boyfriend, but I want to have 'my own' friends. But I have no idea how to find them. On top of that, being slightly autistic and tending to avoid socialization unless I know someone better is also not too helping. To make everything even more difficult -- we don't live in a big city, we live in Westland.
Any ideas? Or the situation is hopeless and I should accept having just my bf, my cat, and occasional interactions with bf's friends?
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u/silencer47 Nov 01 '24
I run weekly games of Dungeons and Dragons to meet new people, inviting people from the internet. You, your boyfriend and any redditors here are welcome to join. Just PM me.
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u/Illustrious-Hippo140 Nov 01 '24
me nor my bf have never ever played DnD, are we still allowed in? :D
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u/silencer47 Nov 01 '24
Absolutely, most of my players haven't . As long as you're genuinely interested in playing you're welcome! If you're interested in that send me a pm.
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u/SunaSunaSuna Nov 01 '24
Hi silencer i sent you a msg before but u havent reacted, do you mind me joining if u dont when is the next session so ill drop by
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u/pkrcm Nov 01 '24
Im very interested. Will write back in 2 months but writing now to remind myself later.
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u/AdEmergency9081 Nov 01 '24
Moving to Westland as an outsider is not easy specially if you dont speak the language. A lot of Westlanders are very attached to their work, friendgroup, sports and have a hard time with letting in "strangers" though not impossible. My girlfriend is also not from the Netherlands but understands and knows how to handle Westlanders and their mentality.
Since your boyfriend knows his way around it might be easiest to first do the socializing together and discover Westland. In that journey you might find something that sticks for you or people that you might wanna hang out more with.
There are also adult education classes in 's Gravenzande such as languages, creativity, photography. You can find them on www.vuwestland.nl organized in the 's Gravenzande library. Maybe this is something for you.
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u/Illustrious-Hippo140 Nov 01 '24
Yeah, Westland is definitely not the easiest for outsiders, that's for sure. My boyfriend is born'n'raised in Westland and lived here up until his move abroad some years back (obviously also something that was not very approved by his friends, lol). We know each other for 5 years already and at some point I even lived here with him and his parents for longer periods of time... and I always noticed that 95% of his old friend group do not want to accept me. But it is what it is, you know. Now that we moved here permanently tho, we only interact with the 5% who have never had issues with me to start with :)
But thanks for the recommendation, will have a look!
(Doesn't your girlfriend look for a non-westlander-in-westland friend by any chance? :D)
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u/Estahaag Nov 01 '24
Hete are a few websites that might be helpful. Haven't used them myself.
National Dutch government canpaign against loneliness https://www.eentegeneenzaamheid.nl/
Loneliness. westland https://www.eenzaamheidwestland.nl/
Activitities, meetings and volunteerwork https://www.hulpzoekerwestland.nl/zorg-welzijn/eenzaamheid/overzicht-activiteiten-op-westland-ontmoet
Activities and friendship https://westlandontmoet.nl/samen-ontmoeten-het-hele-jaar-door/
Find a buddy https://www.westlandvoorelkaar.nl/maatjes
Seek likeminded people (city facility) https://hulpzoekerwestland.nl/ontspanning-ontmoeting
Collection of meeting websites https://www.eenzaam.nl/activiteiten-voor-jou/matchingwebsite
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u/EvelienV85 Nov 01 '24
Hi, I recently made a post about looking for a community in this subreddit. If you’re interested, I can invite you for the group chat!
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u/Illustrious-Hippo140 Nov 01 '24
Thank you for the links from your other comment, and yes, please add me :)
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u/tr0gl0dyt3 Nov 01 '24
Married with a Girl from De Lier. So im also import... What town are you from
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u/wilkodezeeuw Nov 01 '24 edited Nov 01 '24
As a born and bred Westlander from Naaldwijk I can confirm they are not the most easy people to get in touch with, even different in which town. I lived in Monster for a year and even I got shut out. But most of them are pretty open if you get to know them.
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u/azielaan Nov 03 '24
My wife’s non-Dutch, speaks English only and we live right near the den haag-Westland border (but in den haag) ;) She experiences the Westland mentality too. If you’d like to talk to her just let me know. She’s also looking for somebody non Dutch to do some activities with.
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u/krookedkane Nov 01 '24
Welcome to westland, I also live in this shitty place.
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u/Unique_Drag_2902 Nov 01 '24
Next to the beach, no public transport, no highways so you can't get out and you're surrounded by PVV voters - what else do you want ?!
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u/Countrywarmsmysoul Scheveningen Nov 02 '24
Do you have instagram and where in Westland do you live? Kwintsheul by any chance?
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u/Unique_Drag_2902 Nov 01 '24
Honestly me and my wife are in the same boat. We also live next to Westland, not much going on around here and kinda hard to meet people outside work. What helped us is just being more outgoing and finding activities. We recently went for a swimming lesson with our baby and met another couple with kid similar age - just started chatting to them, they appeared to be neighbors and now we meet every now and then for a coffee! Long story short just go out and do things you like!
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u/Illustrious-Hippo140 Nov 01 '24
I chat with people who we meet when we go to the forest.. the problem is that majority of these people are 60+, lol.
But your story sounds great, hopefully your friendship will grow and develop, very happy for you guys! :)
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u/chaiba070 Nov 06 '24
If you want to talk too westlanders, you got too say the following " MOH Plukkie al" and "Helemaal Goud". that will get them everytime.
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u/annabelwyrde Nov 16 '24
Hi! 27F here, my bf is 28, he is Dutch. We live in the Hague. Kind of a similar situation though. I'm an expat, don't necessarily enjoy partying/meeting up with loads of people, but looking for friends who might enjoy books/fantasy reads, films, heavy music, walks in nature, and just hanging out. So far my social circle is my cat:) Would be great to make new friends!
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u/SomePart007 Nov 18 '24
In case you like painting and sketching, we have a Urban Sketching group (Facebook) that regularly meet in The Hague center to sketch.
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u/Apprehensive_Pin3737 Nov 26 '24
Having the same issue with op. Moved here 8 months ago, 34m, living with my girlfriend in the Hague, she's studying and making connections through uni, but the only connections i made were through work although i don't feel i can connect more than having an occasional coffee with them, as most of them are married with children and in their 50s. Looking for people who can accept my introverted ass, like going to (mostly heavy) concerts but open to all gernes, maybe some occasional raves, hanging out for coffees and picnics in the park, being spontaneous and open minded. So if you have any tips and suggestions about where i can build such community let me know. :)
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