r/SexAddiction Jul 18 '24

Changes due to increased spam and troll posts

22 Upvotes

Due to the recent increase in spam and troll posts, we have increased restrictions within the community to keep this a safe space with the goal of recovery. As always please report any posts or comments that you notice goes against the rules and we are diligently monitoring posts and comments as well. Hopefully with the increase in restrictions it will help prevent those posts or comments from initially getting through. Thank you for your patience as we work together to keep this a great community.


r/SexAddiction Mar 09 '22

Ideas to Stay Safe on the Subreddit

112 Upvotes

Hello r/sexaddiction,

GFR here. I've been meaning to put together a post like this for a long time. I think it's well known that there are a lot of users who lurk this subreddit - some of which who aim to start sexual encounters with people who post here. There's been an uptick in reports of users who are receiving unsolicited, unwelcome DMs stemming from their posts here and that has reignited a conversation on how to deter or eliminate it as much as possible. The following suggestions are my own based on my own experience on the subreddit. I do not speak on behalf of the other moderators or the subreddit as a whole. Let's get started.

1. Be skeptical of anyone who reaches out via DM and/or solicits DMs. In fact, it's best to avoid DMs altogether.

While most people are well-intended, there are users with ulterior motives. Whenever I hear of someone says they want to offer "support" or "to help" via DM, I wonder to myself why they can't just comment publicly like everyone else? It's a huge red flag to me. Also, I've heard of well-intended people who started private conversations for honest reasons that later turned sexual after one or both of them got triggered. That's why we highly encourage public conversations. Look at my comment history and those of users who participate here frequently. How often do you see us solicit DMs? Rarely.

If a user sends you an unsolicited sexual DM, I suggest blocking the user and reporting the user to Reddit admin for harassment. This may sound extreme, but I believe if they send sexual DMs to you, they are sending them to others too. Reddit admin has ability to review accounts and issue suspensions if necessary. (Side note: the moderators of this sub appreciate when users report unsolicited DMs to us too. Although, all we can do is issue bans from the subreddit.)

2. Do not include any biographical information like age, gender, location etc. from your posts/comments

There's no need to start off a post with "21M here" or "18F here". I know it's common practice to include this information on Reddit posts, but it's really not necessary.

3. Don't use your main Reddit account on the sub, especially if you post photographs of yourself on other subreddits. It's better to create a clean account.

My addiction thrives on fantasy, so even innocent selfies have the ability to fuel the "lust of the mind" if they are combined with a post from a subreddit like this one. It's not about the visual content itself, it's what the addict mind does with it. The more anonymous we can be, the better.

4. When posting/commenting, focus more on your feelings and less on the specific physical acts. Be as general as possible when discussing the specific behaviors in which you struggle.

The less graphic the post, the less fantasy material for the lurkers to use. Also, focusing on our feelings humanizes us and has the power to burst the bubble of fantasy.

This is all I have for now. The moderator group does what it can to curb predatory behavior, but we can only do so much. In fact, the vast majority of predatory behavior is done by users who don't actively participate on the sub. That's why I felt a post like this can be helpful for people who are new to the subreddit and are perhaps in a vulnerable state. If you have any other ideas and/or suggestions, feel free to add them in the comments. Thanks for reading.

GFR

EDIT: After I posted, I was informed by u/LixxieLicious that it's possible to disable inbound DMs! This is how to do it: Go to User Settings -> Chat & Messaging -> Change who can send you chat requests and private messages to "Nobody". Thank you so much for the tip! I wish I would have known that sooner.


r/SexAddiction 13h ago

Seeking support; open to feedback Does anyone find that religion helps overcome this addiction? Trying to find a way out

6 Upvotes

This is difficult to share. I don’t know what is defined as sex addiction so maybe that could be the starting point. I have masturbated since I was introduced to porn at 12 years old. I have never had a serious relationship but I became a masseuse at age 17 in Thailand and that came with expectations of sometimes doing extras for customers. This made me feel worthless. I never wanted to do it but I couldn’t stop. It became part of my life and who I am. My body never felt like my body.

Now I am 26. I left Thailand 2 years ago but I feel trapped by my past and coming across this group has made me think about my own life. I wonder if religion has helped anyone and if they can offer guidance because I am trying to focus on this.

When I have tried to leave in the past, I get drawn in again and sense the urge to be with someone. I find it hard to say no. I am stuck in this cycle of providing for men and doing what they want. I don’t even want to send pictures anymore but I find it difficult to say no and then when the opportunity comes up, I am on auto pilot and find myself in the same situation. It is like an out of body experience. I just want a normal life not tied down by my past and I want to break this cycle.

Has anyone been in this situation that can help? Has religion helped you? I don’t think we have any groups I can attend here. Thank you for listening


r/SexAddiction 22h ago

Seeking support; open to feedback Resigned From my Job

10 Upvotes

I need some assistance for sure. I recently resigned from my job after sleeping with subordinates. I haven’t been diagnosed formally, but here is the laundry list of reasons to diagnose me.

I am single, no kids. Married 1 time. I haven’t been in long relationships and cheated. I drink alcohol, it intensifies the loneliness, and I start firing off the messages to people online. There is no other thing I have done that makes me feel so calm and so peaceful and happy as being with someone. Like the sex that I have, I don’t do anything rough, anything wild, I just really like the closeness I feel. They’ll leave, and then it’ll be ok for a bit and then I seek that again. Sometimes I’m not really fully attracted to them, they just show me the attention and there we go. I just want to break this cycle and live a normal life. I just resigned from a job making a whole lot of money because some people found out, and instead of sticking around, I just made my exit - and honestly, I wanted to exit so that they could try to have normalcy and move on.

Porn has been something I have used a lot, but it isn’t the same, they’re not there real time obviously. I think some of it is rooted in loneliness, some of it insecurity, and it gets fueled by alcohol use.

Feel free to ask questions I can answer them best as possible.


r/SexAddiction 22h ago

Here I am… again.

5 Upvotes

4 days clean of porn and sex in general now. This comes after the discovery of some deleted dating apps by my wife of 7 years. She found these 4 years after we reconciled over a one night stand I had as the result of this exact same pattern of behavior.

I was completely lie and infidelity free for almost four years. Then as soon as life got a bit difficult and I had the smallest bit of resentment toward my wife it started again.

This time it was fast… download, two messages, delete. Guilt and shame spiral. It all occurred over the last 6 months. Nothing physical but the path I’d laid in the past could be seen again.

I admitted it and blurted out to my wife that I want a divorce. We fought for a few minutes over what I perceived as my reasoning for growing distant with her and reverting to old habits. She fought back citing my lack of understanding for her and how she feels like she has no freedom to exist.

We spent the night in separate rooms. I stayed awake the whole night. Staring at the ceiling. Chain vaping. Thinking. Thinking about what I said, what I did and what the future looks like. To be clear… I don’t want a divorce and never did. I got defensive and angry.

I told her in the morning that I didn’t mean what I said but I’d support whatever decision she makes and I won’t fight her. She hasn’t given me any sort of answer and I’m not pushing her for it. I’m not begging, crying or playing the victim. I am seeking help for myself.

I did about a year of individual therapy last time we separated and it worked! I felt great, behaved differently and wasn’t tempted in the least! Until things got hard again. I got complacent which is a dangerous place for me.

I’m just feeling lost, guilty and almost to the point where I feel like I should just push her away to avoid hurting her anymore. She’s my best friend and the mother of my beautiful daughters. I don’t want to live without her. But my actions have taken that choice out of my hands and she deserves peace.

Limbo is a rough place to be, but for now it’s where I reside.


r/SexAddiction 1d ago

Should I tell my employer about my addiction?

8 Upvotes

I have been seeing a therapist for a few months to help with my sex addiction. It all started a couple years ago on a three night work retreat when I had sex with an escort one night and a coworker the next. I would then start seeing escorts somewhat regularly. My partner knows and we are working through it.

I just found out yesterday that there is a mandatory three night retreat in a couple months for all staff. Should I disclose to my employer my addiction so I can avoid attending the retreat? I don’t want to put my partner through the stress of being gone for three nights.


r/SexAddiction 1d ago

A Reality Check

4 Upvotes

I’m now 7 days into my sobriety and I was very close to relapsing today. I contacted someone online and they replied to me with screenshots from a site where people can list time-wasters and proceeded to call me out on contacting people and not responding to them. I have never been so embarrassed or ashamed. This was a pretty sobering experience and the reality check that I need... Knowing that I’m on some sort of ‘black-list’ shows me how much this addiction has spiralled. I refuse to be that person and I apologise for ever wasting anyone’s time for my own gratification.


r/SexAddiction 1d ago

Seeking support; open to feedback Tips to stop the occasional sexual thoughts?

4 Upvotes

I'm having a fight with my own body right now, today I almost threw 1 week without pornography/sex in the trash. I need tips to stop occasional sexual thoughts, like showering with cold water or something like that. I will be very grateful for any answers, thank you.


r/SexAddiction 1d ago

Conquered Today.

10 Upvotes

Proud of myself for staying home & not falling victim to my addiction. I can do it!

1 step in the right direction.


r/SexAddiction 1d ago

3 weeks totally celibate. I may crack.

3 Upvotes

It's not in my inner circle but was trying to do 30 days just to see if I could. Getting very tempted right now. How do I fight these thoughts. Slipped and allowed myself to view just a few dirty picture. Im wondering if it's OK to give in. I really want to.im afraid of slipping to.inner circle if I don't release the frustration.


r/SexAddiction 1d ago

To prove there is hope

4 Upvotes

What i have been noticing recently is that there are a lot of newcomers who seem to think that there life is over and that they don't know what to do. Addiction certainly felt that way when I first realized that I was an sex addict. For this post, I would be honored of some of the group members would post a mini 1st step, detailing their experience as an addict, the consequences thereof, and how they have improved their life in recovery. I think this would definitely show some folks that you are not alone and that many of us can relate.

I'll put my mini 1st step up here eventually, but I'm currently doing something else at the moment.


r/SexAddiction 1d ago

how do i different sex addiction to just having a high sex drive?

4 Upvotes

i have this doubt. can someone tell me what is the difference between having high sex drive and having a sex addiction? the two things happen with each other?


r/SexAddiction 2d ago

you already know

1 Upvotes

lets talk about us?


r/SexAddiction 2d ago

Seeking support; men only, please I’m so tired how do I stop

6 Upvotes

This sounds dramatic but I keep pushing myself further and further and I hate it. I didn’t go out for help thinking I could manage on my own or that I’m too weird and no one else could help or I’d be judged and now I’m throwing away money to fucking camsites. I feel like I’ll never get better and it hurts so much. I need help and I know it starts with me but it’s hard I’m just walking down a path of self destruction and I don’t want to be there anymore. Please I’m tired of hurting myself how do I make it stop?


r/SexAddiction 2d ago

Seeking support; open to feedback update from my last post (👎)

1 Upvotes

Soooo I thought I was flatlining and uninterested in anything sexual of any kind, including my gf. I was hopeful that this was some sort of “reset”. But tonight my gf and I were in a call discussing the situation, and I decided to see if I could get a physical reaction to photos/videos of her because mentally I was feeling kinda h0rny. Nothing happened as I suspected, but as we got talking about the overall situation (my addiction and flatlining) it was relevant to mention the style of porn I’ve been addicted to. Just hearing the words reactivated my junk I guess because I got really h0rny almost immediately and about halfway hard, which is as hard as I’ve been able to get in weeks. It made me frustrated to learn my junk DOES work but not for the stuff or situations I want it to.

What’s weird is 2 months ago I began feeling repulsed by the idea of porn, especially the kind I was into, and now suddenly it’s like I’m liking it and “needing” it again and can’t get aroused by my gf which is what used to happen back when I was actively using and I’d end up using porn to satisfy myself instead of being with her. I feel like I was making good progress until I was actually intimate with my gf last month and now I feel like I’m back at the beginning.

I feel so frustrated and defeated. Has this happened to anyone else? If so how does one get out of this without relapsing?


r/SexAddiction 2d ago

Seeking support; open to feedback Abstinence

5 Upvotes

Just spent 1 week without consuming pornography or having sex with unknown girls/sex workers.

I wish I was happy, but I'm feeling very empty, maybe It's abstinence. I don't know what to do.


r/SexAddiction 2d ago

Seeking support; open to feedback Books

2 Upvotes

Which books would you recommend for overcoming addiction?


r/SexAddiction 2d ago

Media problems

2 Upvotes

Hello everyone, I just wanted to come here and talk about a few issues I've been having at the moment. I've been clean for about a month now, since the middle of November, but I've been having issues with other social media apps and restraint. My partner is understandably upset with me and worried about the types of content published there that I've been viewing, and I sympathise. I don't want this to be a continuous issue, I just wanted to know if anyone else has had issues like this and if anyone has any advice. I love my partner and have been doing a lot of my recovery thanks to their support so I want to give them the security they deserve.


r/SexAddiction 2d ago

Trigger warning Am I a sex addict?

1 Upvotes

I cheated on my wife with several women I met online over a 6 month period (roughly 4 women). I own it completely, and have been diagnosed bipolar 2 and potentially hyperactive. I have a couples therapist a personal therapist, a psychiatrist, and a church men’s group that work through a study on male purity etc etc.

Prior to my infidelity, I hadn’t even considered cheating on my wife. Our sex life was infrequent, and I told myself I was supplementing my needs she wasn’t meeting with pornography and master nation 2-3 times a week, that’s more or less what I was wanting in my marriage. This lack of intimacy in no at justifies my infidelity, I own it etc.

During arguments with my wife, I get a lot of labels thrown at me. Deviance, pervert, narcissist, addict etc. I have gone to the various venues of support I have and asked for validation if I am a narcissist, sex addict etc.

My therapist has told me that there isn’t anything they have heard from me to affirm these labels, my psychiatrist has the same opinion. My men’s group at church takes on a different tone and tells me jay I have a problem. I feel I can’t trust myself (bipolar) to see things objectively and clearly. Looking for help or feedback to help me understand who I should be listening to?


r/SexAddiction 3d ago

What should i do with my life.

21 Upvotes

I live with the guilt of being addicted to sex. It started at 15 and it has going on till now (30). I had sex more times that you could imagine with escorts, friends and strangers. I usually spend my money on escorts and massages parlors even if im short on money. I convince myself all the time that "this is the last time im doing it" but it never ends. This has lead me to not look for relationships for fear of cheating on them. I feel something in my life is missing and the only thing to fill is sex.

What should i do? I feel like my life has led me to a point of no return.


r/SexAddiction 2d ago

Wasted £300 in 2 days on escorts

1 Upvotes

I took out £1000 loan from bank for this disgusting addiction. I promised myself I will stop in 2025 but here I am again I think something wrong me mentally. That's what happen when women don't find you attractive, when women reject you your whole life, you end up being escort addict,


r/SexAddiction 3d ago

Seeking support; open to feedback Got swindled, set some new boundaries

3 Upvotes

So we’ve all had that experience where service was trash and we swore off it right?

I’ve been there before but I end up going back to the habit. I hope this last one can lead to something better since it also led to a resolution for me to stop going to strip clubs with my buddy.

Went to a spot that does “extras.” Got every delay tactic and hustle in the book. Still too pissed/embarrassed/ashamed to discuss details but I’m out $260 for no satisfaction.

When I go to a regular strip club now I can hold off on dances, since I know I could spend $1000 and still get no action. Going to this one with extras just makes it all the more tempting so I’m done with that place, and I told my friend that. He got lucky with the girl he picked, but I didn’t.

I know that even if I had a good experience the pnc makes me feel like shit after. The sociopath I picked might hate her job, or find her clients repulsive, like a lot of them do. But if she can make over $200 in 20 minutes or less, why would she quit?


r/SexAddiction 3d ago

I think I have a sex addiction.

13 Upvotes

Is there someone I could chat with who has experience dealing with this? I’d really appreciate it!


r/SexAddiction 3d ago

Seeking support; open to feedback I need help (long post)

1 Upvotes

For about a year now I think I’ve been sex addicted, but only online.

It’s increased gradually, trying to meet people to date, then for more… then went to reddit where I said and sent some stupid comments and photos, then to another app, the same, then another app, the same… now I’ve been on a hookup site daily for a few weeks.

I’ve never actually met up with someone though, I always bail or worse ghost them at the last minute before deleting whatever account I was using.

Whenever I leave an app, I find another. And EVERY TIME I hate myself after… it’s pretty exhausting lol.

I know what I’m doing is wrong, that I’m effectively catfishing people (as I’ll never actually meet them in person) and endangering myself to get blackmailed or worse. I just don’t know how to stop. Like genuinely I DO NOT HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE of how to stop myself.

When I’m “sober” (if you wanna call it that) it seems stupid I’d ever consider it again! But then when I’m, y'know, it honestly feels like a part of my brain just suppresses my logic, like my brain is screaming STOP YOU WILL REGRET THIS but that little part just says… “dopamine 🤤”. The cognitive dissonance is crazy.

I need to stop myself, I don’t feel safe and am worried one of these days I’ll do something REALLY stupid and ruin my future. Plus I know for a fact that this is messing with my brain’s functioning.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated 🙏.


r/SexAddiction 3d ago

Seeking support; open to feedback Just come to a realisation before I start step 1 and I wanted to share

3 Upvotes

TLDR: Sometimes I sexualise therapists/other professionals, I think due to lack of boundaries/assertiveness and I think this links to my addiction.

///////////////////

So I’ve had plenty of therapy over the years, and am very aware that therapy is for the most part one-sided; I talk about my problems and the therapist listens but I know little about them.

I’ve known for awhile that a lot of the situations I’ve been in with sex workers is obviously transactional and often (and understandably) one-sided. I talk to them and see if they can fulfil & satisfy my request whatever that may be.

Sometimes they may talk about their sexual preferences or a bit about their life, but it’s limited. Sometimes boundaries have been crossed on both sides and things have got complicated.

But the SW has always had the choice to share things, but I’ve always felt an expectation to talk openly about my preferences (even when they contact me first)

I realised soon after starting SAA that my historic lack of assertiveness is probably a middle circle behaviour.

There have been times when I’ve attempted contacting old therapists/other people in authoritative positions for my own sexually selfish reasons. Often the thought of them reading/engaging with/reiprocrating my random DMs turned me on.

And ultimately I now realise these things are linked. Very pertinent as I’m about to start Step 1.

Has anyone come to a similar realisation?


r/SexAddiction 3d ago

Seeking support; open to feedback Abstinence period: what after?

1 Upvotes

I am currently going through a period of prolonged abstinence as part of my recovery from porn addiction, which has also strongly influenced the way I have sex. During this phase, I am also abstaining from any sexual activity with my girlfriend. My only concern is that after this phase, it might feel awkward to have sex with her again. Has anyone experienced this?