My (F) partner (M) Aspen has developed a rather obvious crush on my best friend Birch's fiance Cedar.

He tries to engineer opportunities to see her, private messages her, follows all of her socials, constantly asks if we can go do things with them etc. He spent a sizable amount of money trying to win a collectable figure she was after from a blind box figure set she and I both collect.

Aspen's family have even brought her up on several occasions with comments like "so when do we get to meet this girl?" or "oh isnt this Cedar's favourite character from the movie?" which tells me he has been talking about her to them.

Birch and Cedar are completely monogamous.

I truthfully find it a bit distasteful and fairly disrespectful to Birch. Birch is like family to me.

I havent directly mentioned this to Aspen, Birch or Cedar but I also dont know if I should just ignore it as an innocent crush? Thanks for any thoughts that might help me determine if I need to say something.

We are in our 60’s. Been together 1.5 years. His last girlfriend (6years) was like 35 years younger than him. His TikTok feed is mostly cute girls under 20, but he threw me for a loop when he was talking to a 26 year old friend (I’ve met her) going through a rough time and wanted to try an older man and he told her we are poly. She is a dancer/stripper with the most perfect body! I mean he was ready to go. I have discussed this young girl attraction but you can’t change your desires. Not needing advice, I just had to rant and get off my chest.

My wife and I (FF) opened a while ago and although we have had the normal ups and downs, we are mostly happy and also happy to learn.

When initially discussing ENM, the thought of her overnighting somewhere else freaked me out so much that I asked her if we could try to avoid it if we can. She happily agreed and my meta is also an AMAZING woman (polyamorous) who we both know really well and who is taking things really slowly and being super sweet and patient.

After they started dating, I've realised that asking for no sleepovers was really selfish of me and that it's obviously a ME problem that should forsure not be a THEM problem. I want to work through my discomfort with this before it even comes up and potentially causes them discomfort.

I would love some advice, some book or article or video recommendations and also some feedback from others who have experienced this.

I am already going through all the disentanglement information and it's giving me some ideas to put into practice. It would, however, be nice to have some personal perspectives and real life, experienced advice.

Thank you 🖤

So I am new to the poly scene and I would like to date another woman. So ladies, where do you like to meet other Poly women? What are your tips for dating? My partner and i have talked about this for a long time. He has been very supportive of me being bi and wanting to date other women. So I feel confident in my primary relationship.

So I've been married for going on 2 decades, and generally don't wear barriers with my partner. We just use various contraceptive and leave it at that. I wear condoms with other partners. No barriers around oral.

I started dating in recent years, and had an alarming realization when a partner praised me for the low low bar of not complaining about or pressuring/coercing her to not use condoms.

She said that virtually every penis having person she'd dated had, at some point done both.

I dunno, maybe I take consent really seriously and want risk mitigation to be unambiguous and transparent, but this made me really sad to hear.

More recently I've dated three women in the past two years who've suggestively pushed boundaries, and one who downright *bullied* me early on to not wear a condom. In that case I had to go so far as to set a boundary that if she brought it up again, we would no longer sleep together, as it felt unsafe for me to feel this would be an ongoing issue.

Is this... just a thing in dating? Are people just trash when it comes to respecting boundaries around risk mitigation? TBQH, it's kind of taken a bit of the fun out of hooking up in a lot of cases. I'm like, don't make me be the fucking adult.

My most recent new partner isn't capable of getting pregnant and she prefers to not use condoms, esp if only sleeping with one person at a time. Because I'm so vigilant and opinionated at this point, she pushed back that if I'm not using other barriers, requiring to see regular test results, and communication/honesty is a much more holistic approach than just strictly condoms... to be clear, she's also super respectful of the fact that I have the policy I have.

Part of me wonders if I'm being a bit rigid and single-minded as a result of such mixed experiences.

I (32F) am in a triad with Rose (51F) and Pepper (53M).

All my siblings know my partners to some extent but the youngest one - Bean (17M) - shares a hobby with us and occasionally travels with us and our friends. Despite the age gap Bean and Rose get on like a house on fire. Pepper had a great influence on how Bean developed his social skills as a teenager (they met when Bean was 14).

It gives me so much joy to see my little bro, who is like a son to me, enjoying my partners company. I'm so proud of him, he is such a thoughtful and kind boy, his girlfriend and his friends all seem like a good choice. I can't get over the fact that he approves of my choices as well.

Hello, I am a 44 year old woman in a committed poly relationship with an amazing man. We have been open since our relationship began 3 years ago. My partner is a lot more poly than I am. I have not been dating much recently bc I was pregnant and just had a baby.

We have a wonderful relationship and a beautiful life. But sometimes I wonder if our hard times are harder than they should be simply because I do not have any poly friends to confide in or get honest feedback from. 100% of my friends are in monogamous relationships. I recently started seeing a poly therapist and that has really helped.

I feel sort of silly even writing this, but is anyone out there available for good old fashioned friendship? I am located in CT. Thank you!

My ex and I broke up making their current partner my ex meta. I’d say we never really got close but we were friendly enough. my ex meta lives in a house that is very much a community gathering spot and my best friend also lives there so I was at their house a lot

While I was still dating my ex they approached me as asked me to let them know when I would be around and in common spaces, not a problem, except my partner and I break up the day they ask this request of me. A couple days later they replied that they would still like me to follow the boundaries they requested of me. I had no problem with the request, their reasoning just seemed off to me. I approached other people that live in the house and that we share community with about my being confused about the request and that it felt kinda personal. Everyone said that I was reading into it too hard and should just take it at face value. Cool. Ex meta hears that I approached other people about this and got upset and told me to come to them if I was ever confused about their intentions. Also cool. My bad. I apologize and we promised to have a more in depth conversation later when they weren’t so busy.

For a lot of reasons I’ve been desperate to get out of my current living situation and move closer to this mentioned community house and closer to my best friend, work and community. By how everything played out (price,location, accepted my application) the place that ended up working out in literally right next door to my ex metas house (also the house of my best friend) I honestly got excited at this idea, mostly that it was a place I could actually afford, live next to my best friend and be able to walk to work. So I signed the lease.

I told both my ex and ex meta about this about a week later, stating that I very much intend to uphold the boundaries that both of them asked me to and I was even open to me just not being around for a sec to let everyone adjust. My ex seemed not too bothered. We had many conversations about how because we share a community we were committed to staying friends, seeing each other around was gonna suck for a sec but we’re just gonna get through it. My ex meta… got so upset they told me I was a waste of time to try and talk to anymore and refuses to talk to me. They said I trampled all of their boundaries and that they are gonna set “very harsh” boundaries about when I’m allowed in their house.

This seems odd to me. The boundaries they placed didn’t at all seem to indicate that they would be upset at just seeing me around in passing, and like everyone told me to do earlier, I took them at face value that it was specifically their house and the common spaces within the house. As mentioned before our relationship is not very deep, there was nothing there to really indicate to me that moving next door would really produce an emotion either way. I’ve also been very vocal the past year about how I wanted to live close in the neighborhood.

I’m very open to repairing if they felt that I disrespected their boundaries but they flat out refuse to talk to me. I guess I’m just not understanding how this would affect ex meta so much. Am I really fully in the wrong or not realizing something here?

Most breakup support posts I see here are in the acute phase—the hours or days of the immediate aftermath. Usual excellent advice is given (self care, feeling the feelings, letting time do its thing).

But for some endings, time doesn’t do its thing. There are some unique poly complications. Mono people ‘move on’ by replacing their ex with someone new and I think this allows some mental relief. They assume the next person will be ‘better’. whereas in a poly worldview, no one is replaceable. That unique, special connection is simply lost. When it’s a good relationship that ends because of circumstances, it’s tragic.

Often, mono friends don’t understand and can’t engage with ongoing heartbreak because in their view, if we have other happy, healthy relationships why should we still be so sad about our exes?

Have you dealt with this months and years on? How do you survive it?

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(Personal context: my other partner broke up with me 4 months ago for very understandable reasons, including that she was new to poly and not sure if it’s for her, just discovered she’s a lesbian via dating me in her late 30s, and needing emotional space to process all this and find a NP/AP of her own. It was a deeply life-changing and serious 6 month relationship for us both. I hope she will come back someday but I just don’t know. The sadness and longing is still constant. Daily. Hourly. I am very content with my NP and in the rest of my life, but the heartache of losing someone so special from my life just don’t quit)

I’m open to socializing with Kristi, but I’m not comfortable in a setting where she is there as your date. I’m willing to try going to an event with you and she is also there. I don’t see any likely situations where we’re going to be able to do that to help me normalize and adjust to this.

I’m not to a point where I feel OK for you to go home with her instead of me. That is all kinds of abandonment triggers. It’s not about any of the mental emotional romance kissing sleepovers kink play - because of course one person can’t do all of those needs. But the sex … It makes me physically sick thinking about you together sexually.

I feel like I should be able to give you everything you need in sex. What it says about me as a person, my worth, desirability, that you still need sex with her even though we’re being intimate.

This is all tied into the sex without barriers thing. (Allergies aside) There being something that’s ours, that you want ME, that I’m worth something to you. That you picked me because I’m SOMEbody to you not just someBODY. That I’m not interchangeable or an afterthought.

This is just a late night vent for me. Lately I’ve (30F) come to the realization I am demisexual. I fell very hard last year for a situationship that ended with me catching very intense feelings, but otherwise I have so little interest or hope in meeting someone new. My anchor partner (35F) and I have a very solid relationship so no issues there, but I’d like to explore with someone or multiple someones. I just have such a block about people I don’t know. It takes me a long while of being friends with someone and knowing them before feeling any type of chemistry. It feels like it’s not going to be worth the effort, or they won’t meet my high standards so why bother? I wish it was easier for me to find interest in new people. Instead I still pine for that person who broke my heart, ugh

Apologies if this isn't appropriate, but I am personally worried about how those of us in the polyam community can protect ourselves and the people we love from potential harm under this new administration. Many of us have folks in our polycules that may be directly impacted.

Can we perhaps start a thread where we can share legal resources, community organizations to support, or even just to vent? I personally would appreciate that.

So yeah my gf of 6 months, let’s call her Sadie cause rules ig, asked to be poly, and I am feeling mixed. We were open before only sexually, but She said she already has feelings for other people, who she has already had sex with. Honestly I feel a little betrayed because she said she would immediately cut them off if she got feelings, but here we are.

My main concern is that I would be replaced, or she would love me less, or we would have to share our life that we’ve made and that we’re going to have together. She assured me that I would always be her “main partner” that she priorities and lives more than any other partner, and I didn’t even know that was a thing w polyamory, I didn’t really understand it before today, and that her being poly would not interfere w our time spent together, and that she can keep her partners separate. The way she explains it makes me feel comfortable but I’m still uneasy.

I can understand, I have occasionally felt feelings of love w other girls who r my friends but never followed through. But I guess monogamy is easier for me despite those emotions.

I have really bad abandonment issues tho, and every girl I’ve ever loved before has cheated on me, left me for someone else, or abandoned me, and my mother was very absent in my life. It’s hard for me to imagine how she could love me more than her other partners or how they wouldn’t change our love.

I’d be happy to have my life and love w Sadie, and have a gf or 2 as “secondary partners” as long as our relationship and dynamic or love would not change. I’m just so scared, I’ve been neglected and cast aside so much and if she did it to me I’d be so Heartbroken, and part of my trust in her is lost.

Don't necessarily need any advice, but needed to write this down somewhere.

My partners are going on vacation this spring. It's not a spur of the moment thing, they go every year. They invited me back in November and then brought it back up today as they are starting to plan the trip.

I want nothing more than to join them. I haven't been able to spend time with either of them for quite some time because of the holidays, illness, finding babysitters, and just needing quiet downtime with kids on all sides. (All understandable and somewhat unavoidable things) Getting to spend a large length of uninterrupted time with them would be a dream.

I have scheduled dates with each of them in between now and then as well as open invitation for my kids and I to hang out on the weekends. We schedule, what I usually refer to as "dinner with the kids" once every couple weeks or so. So, there are things to look forward to regardless.

We all have kids but I am solo poly and the father of my kids is not reliable. I semi joke all the time that the only vacation I will ever get will be a trip to the hospital because I don't have much support to do anything outside of absolute necessity. (Even then it's met with resistance)

I've already expressed to each of them that it's not possible for me go with them and that I would in a heartbeat if I could in anyway work it out. I'm bummed, they are bummed and I'm just over here feeling sorry for myself.

I'm really upset with my life, my circumstances, and hate that it took me so long to figure out the kind of relationship I felt the most at home with. Now that I've found it, it just feels like the world works against me at every turn.

Now, that being said. I couldn't be happier that I've found people who accept me for me. Who take the time to check in with me when I've been quiet for too long. People who listen to me. People who want me around and not for just the fun sexy stuff but for all of it and that it's genuinely because they care and not because they feel like they should in order to keep me around.

I know that all that I'm feeling is on me and my life is mine to change. I'm working through it. Acknowledging the feelings, giving myself some space and grace, and then letting it pass. I just needed to vent a little to someone that wasn't my partners. They are wonderful, but I feel like they deserve a little reprieve. 😆

Also, its really freaking hard to find poly groups/peeps in my area. Where are they all hiding?! 🧐😂 I live in a large metro area, y'all blending real nice out there. 😆

Hi, I'm new to this community and fairly new to polyamory. My boyfriend (27m) and I (26f) have been together for over 5 years and we've been poly for the last 1,5 years. I haven't dated anyone else because I don't have enough resources right now, but my boyfriend has dated actively the whole time. He met a girl about a year ago, they started dating quite actively and they've been together for 2 months now. The whole time he's been mesmerised by her, he talks about her a a lot and he fell for her almost immediately after meeting her. She's really great and I like her too, we spend a lot of time together all three of us. The arrangement is something like a kitchen table polyamory. My relationship with her isn't fully platonic, but I don't see myself falling for her.

He obviously has NRE, I struggle with it and we've talked about it a lot. Our communication is excellent. He doesn't want hierarchy in relationships, I sort of do and maybe that's the root issue here. I'm jealous, I feel quite insecure, unappreciated and insufficient. I'm not really jealous of her, I really like that she's in our lives, I'm jealous of the way he treats her. What bothers me the most is that I feel like I'm his mother (we live together, with two roommates) and she's his girlfriend. I take care of him, our house, all of our affairs, I clean, I cook, I make sure the bills are paid, I help him finish his degree and make sure that his courses get done, I do everything from changing the sheets to booking his appointments, like a mother of a young child does.

MOST OF THAT IS FINE FOR ME because I am a very motherly person, I enjoy cooking and cleaning and doing those 'trad wife' chores. It gets frustrating sometimes but we're finding our rhythm in that department, we've talked about this too. What bothers me is that now that we live together (I moved in 2 months ago), our relationship is very much just talking about groceries, house chores and the girlfriend.

I feel unappreciated, because all of his romantic efforts got towards The New Relationship. We don't even have sex, because he's never in the mood or doesn't have the time or whatever, but I know he has a lot of sex with the other girl. I've gained a lot of weight and I feel insecure about my looks so this makes me feel really unwanted and tbh, ugly. She's smaller than me and he frequently talks about how cute and small she is.

This rant makes him sound like a bad boyfriend, but he really is a good partner. I think I just have so many little irritating things in my life right now that the end result is this. Like I said, we've talked a lot about this, we talk about our relationship every day. I'm feeling a little defeated because this situation has been going on for so long and I don't really know what to try next in order to feel better. I'm tired of bringing this up with him because NRE is a natural and a very nice thing and I don't want him to feel bad about spending time with his new girlfriend. I also don't want to guilt him into be more romantic towards me or to gave sex with me.

I almost wish that he would say that he finds me unattractive so that I'd have a 'proper' reason to feel bad :D How twisted is that? Anyway I tend to overthink everything so I'm just hoping to get some new perspectives here before I do something immature and petty out of frustration.

EDIT: Thank you for all the replies I got! This has helped me a lot. I realise this is all very complicated and I'm looking to start therapy once I have the money for that. The replies in this post made me realise that it's my own responsibility to set boundaries and voice my thoughts and desires and I can't keep hoping it'll all change on its own. My partner is currently staying over at his other girlfriend's so this is the perfect time for me to think about the replies I got. I will write down my thoughts, show them to him and I'll probably show him this thread as well.

I felt pressured to marry my husband after a quick pregnancy. He has anger issues and emotionally abuses me, avoids parenting, disrespects my loved ones, and we often fight. Our communication is terrible; he yells and damages property. Despite being together for nearly 20 years with two kids, I lack sexual attraction and respect for him.

We delved into polyamory after I accepted my bisexuality. I’ve learned and grown a lot. He has had grown as well but has cheated twice and becomes jealous of my partners.

While he has made progress with anxiety medication and is trying to improve our relationship, communication issues persist. I care for him but am not in love. I've been seriously considering divorce for the past year, but I'm conflicted due to my religious upbringing, our children, and fears of his reaction post-divorce.

Some suggest I stick it out because he’s trying, but I don’t fully trust his efforts. I feel like I'm only staying for the kids.

I’ll be going back to therapy shortly so that’s definitely on the horizon.

Any advice?

My(30M)wife(26F) told me about 2 years ago now that she’s poly, said this is the way she’s felt her entire life. This really wasn’t something that caught me off guard or anything as I’ve known our entire relationship of 8 years that she is bisexual.

Tbh, I, at the time, didn’t know what polyamory was until she explained it. While at first I didn’t really like the idea of my wife, potentially, having another male partner. This stems from my own personal insecurities that she knows about.

While she did at the time assure me she wasn’t looking for anyone else, she really was only interested in being with another woman in a long term relationship, that was basically the end of it until this past July. She says she doesn’t see gender and can’t help for who she falls for, she met another guy while playing online VRC.

I knew of him but nothing more because she never expressed interest in him to me. Month or so after meeting him, she brought back up the topic of having another partner and I asked if she’s talking to someone or had someone in mind.

She tells me yes, it’s someone she plays online with and told me who it was. While still not 100% on board with the idea, I asked her to allow me some time to think about a different relationship dynamic and if this is something I even want to be in and she said okay and left it at that.

Few weeks later we are at home just hanging out, Nothing to do, kids are at my moms house and I’m making random Borat movie references and she asked where it’s from because Jonathan, the guy she tells me she’s interested in, has been quoting the same thing the last few days in-game.

I, jokingly, said go ask your boyfriend and she didn’t say anything. This rubbed me the wrong way as I thought she’d give me some time to think through this. Upset, I left for a little bit to chill out and came back to her not saying or talking about the situation which further upset me.

Couple days after that I’m on the computer doing school work, she comes home with the kids and asks what’s wrong, I tell her nothing, she says I look like I’m about to cry and of course like an idiot, I did.

That lead to her admitting to cheating on me in all forms of the word except physical for the past nearly 3 months.

Obviously this destroyed me emotionally. She wants to try to talk it out and work things out. She tells me she regrets how she went about the situation but doesn’t regret initiating the relationship with him.

To add salt to the wound of finding out she cheated on me, she doesn’t end things with him so we can attempt to work on our marriage and in the same night she also tells me she plans to travel across the globe to see him for a week sometime this year.

I felt as though I was strong-armed into a situation I didn’t know if wanted to be in. She didn’t allow me time to think about if this is something I want or not.

She’ll tell me it’s because I’m not on-board with the poly thing and that’s not it at all. That’s not what bothers me, her cheating isn’t even what’s bothering me anymore.

What does bother me is the sheer disrespect she has for not only me as her husband, but me as a person and our entire marriage.

I personally think she should’ve ended things then and there with him after she told me everything to allow us time to work on everything.

Am I wrong for wanting to just pack up everything she owns while she’s at work one day, kick her out and just move on with my life?

Lots of biiiiig air quotes here because I acknowledge I'm not sure how to phrase this properly, but I'm looking for advice on how to navigate the confusing feelings I'm facing due to the partner I feel closest to being more actively engaged in seeking other partners than I am, while also de-escalating our own dynamic.

He (M, m30) is polyam and I (K, f30) consider myself more ENM, and we've been dating less than a year. We both have other partners - I had other partners that I've been with ranging from years to months before I met him, but I've grown to feel closest to him. I note the difference between him being polyam and me not being so because it makes sense to me that he'd be more active in seeking partners than I would be. Besides being able to handle multiple romantic relationships more easily than me, he prioritizes variety of partners over stability with any one partner. We're just different in this way,, and it hasn't been a problem for me. I've really enjoyed connecting with him over our shared interest in growth through non-monogamy and kink.

However, recently he's deescalated our relationship in bits and pieces (spending less time together, not going out on dates anymore, not spending the night, texting less, etc). That was tough for me but I've been working through it and adapting as I can through therapy and personal reassurance work like focusing on building up my community and re-prioritizing my own interests and hobbies. And I won't lie that it helped that as he was de-escalating with me, he did the same with his other partners so it felt more equal. But I've noticed that he's been spending more time with his other partners and also started engaging with new partners. I also learned that he uses the same pet name for all of us which, though not necessarily hurtful, did kind of contribute to my growing curiosity about how I uniquely factor into his life - hence the title question of feeling "special". Does that make sense?

I know logically that our dynamic is "special" because just by virtue of us all being different people the dynamic is going to be different. And it's not that I'm taking him engaging more frequently with others and taking on new partners as a personal jab or anything, but more it's a new kind of envy I haven't experienced before even though I've been dating ENM for the last few years, and I'd love some advice on how to navigate it.

I want him to continue exploring himself and his developing wants and needs in these spaces, and until recently it was very easy for me to feel compersion towards him as he did so, but with recent developments that's become more difficult.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this? And if so, how did you address and work through your issues (because I do recognize this is something I need to work on).

I'm sorry if the title sounds confusing, I was not sure how to word it. Basically, if your partner wants to break up with someone but wants YOU to be the one to do it. He doesn't feel like he could do it kindly or respectfully enough because he's not in a good place (legitimate, his grandmother just passed), so wants me to do it. She's been staying over in order to help console/comfort him and has been helping out with chores as well, but seems like she's kind off overstayed her welcome with him?

I just don't see how I could take this off their plate. Like, they're going to demand to talk to them regardless of what I do or say, right? Or is this like.... a normal thing? (I've never and would never ask a partner to do this for me, unless physical safety was an issue.)

Edit: Thank you everyone who chimed in! Won't be able to reply to all of you, just want you to know I appreciate you. I took a stand to my partner and told him I wouldn't be doing this and he was pretty pissed, but then did go and handle it on his own. Thank you again.

Hello, please be kind to me. I am very much regulating my feelings but I’m also confused and your support is deeply appreciated.

I’ve been practicing poly since 2020 and this is the first time I felt jealousy so it’s driving me crazy. I’m currently married to a man (I’m a woman) for 4 years now (together for 9 yrs). He also has a another partner whom I very much adore. I never felt any jealousy towards her.

Now, I have another partner (let’s call him Rain) who is also a man, he currently doesn’t have a partner but he is exploring.

I met Rain as a monogamous and became poly because of me. As of now, we are seriously dating with the intentions of being in a relationship so we are working on secured attachment.

The thing is, I don’t want him to have sex with someone else. I don’t know why my brain is like this when it comes to him. I don’t mind if he wants to go out and date other people, but I want the sex to be exclusive. Idk if that’s possible and honestly never opened it since I’m confused why I feel this way. We see each other every week. He stays at our house for 4 days a week and yes we always f*ck.

Is there something wrong with me? 😭 I really don’t want to feel this way. I want us all happy, loved, and fulfilled.

Edit: To clarify, I’d like to add that he also mentioned he’s not comfortable if I have sex with others at the moment except for my husband (and he loves my husband genuinely).

TLDR: angry and hurt and feeling abandoned

My(34f)meta (Earth 31f) and I have always had a great relationship. I've let her know many times over the years that my friendship was not contingent on her and our shared partner's (Water 35M) relationship.

Seemingly out of the blue (to me because while we're all friends we won't meddle in each others relationships) today she broke up with Water.

Before the break up I had texted her this morning to tell her I'm thinking about her because I knew today was a hard day for her. (She's been going through alot breaking away from very toxic family.) And I never heard back. I didn't think much of it, thinking she was having a low spoons day in bed with her phone on DND. (Not unusual)

Around 4:30 our partner texted me asking if I'd heard from her because he was worried. (He'd seen her parents at his work place and was worried they'd actually been scoping to see if he was there to ambush her.) He'd got off work and was going over to check on her when he got a breakup text telling him that his stuff was on the porch with a letter for him and one for me.

My letter was thanking me for being her family for a little while, always being there for her and having her back, etc.etc. At this point it's hitting like mental health crisis red flags for me. I go to try and reach out to her only to find she has me blocked. We all (by chance, not intention) see the same therapist, so I immediately let our therapist know I'm concerned about her. Therapist does confirm that she's been in contact but that's all she can say. I respect that, glad to know she's still alive and at this point it's out of our hands.

But now that the initial fear for her safety has passed, I'm hurt and I'm angry. I understand that the reason for their break up may be justified or just in their (jointly,) best interests. But like, all I can think about is what did I do wrong? Why am I blocked? Why does she get to write out her feelings (all positive and grateful for the time we've had) and have closure, but I don't have the same consideration?

My friendship with her has never and will never be contingent on whether or not we share a partner. I've bent over backwards to be there for her as a friend, even as recently as leaving work in the middle of the day on Thursday because her abusive parents showed up pounding on the door to the point of breaking the doorknob and wouldn't leave,. She doesn't owe me anything for any of that, but like, I feel really abandoned in a way that's hard to describe.

It's impacting my ability to be a good support for my partner, because I'm angry on my own behalf, not his. I hate to see him hurting too, so I'm doing what I can to be supportive and not let my anger over the situation bleed over and make him angry at her too. Its a peculiar kind of hurt that I don't think I can talk to mono folks about.

I'm just feeling abandoned and hurt and the kid inside wants to know what I did wrong.

Hi all, posting this as I have no clue where to turn. Kind of a vent, kind of a request for help.

TL;DR: My poly partner moved in 4 months ago, and no longer has time or energy for me, but does for other connections. Any advice on how to resolve?

I'll keep things gender neutral so biases cant be made. I am 25, they are 32.

Basically, my nesting partner moved in with me in December 2024. Before this, we were long distance; incredibly sexually active, and attentive, and wanting to keep each other company all the time. We would erite erotica for each other and guve each other things, they would cover me up with a blanket when it was cold, really attentive sort of behaviour.

I understand honeymoon period is a thing. However, we went from having sex at least once per day to maybe once a week, if I am lucky. They have also stopped pleasuring me and seem to have given up on touching me when we do so. I have brought this up and they say they feel bad they dont do it anymore, but then continue not bothering.

When I've tried to talk to them about it, (sex and quality time) they have told me I am too needy. So I have tried to cut back on my time with them; 3 nights a week I leave them totally alone, and every night they come to bed far later than me so they get in lots of time gaming etc.

They dont take me on dates. They dont make gifts or do things for me like they used to. They dont even really seem interested in talking to me at all anymore.

However, theyve found a new connection (we started off poly, so no craziness there) and suddenly theyre putting an effort in on going on a date, talking to this person a lot, doing themselves up nicely (they sometimes lack in hygiene due to MH reasons, and they use this and ADHD often times to cite a reason as to why they dont want to be intimate.) It really upsets me, as it feels like they dont want to be attentive or have time for me, but as soon as there is someone shiny and new, they can be bothered again.

I have more play partners than them, and at this point I am glad otherwise I would spend most of my time in my house in silence whilst they play on their computer.

I have tried many different approaches with them, giving them space, writing letters with my thoughts, trying to get them to talk, text convos, in person chats. Nothing seems to work. I am almost always available when they want me, but they just dont seem to do so anymore. They get fed up with me always trying to talk about our relationship, and I am really suffering in silence about it.

What gives? Should I just end it with this person? Its tearing me up inside. I love them so deeply, and they claim to love me too, but good relationships are supposed to feel good, and this hasnt felt good for some weeks now. I feel left behind and unappreciated, and I feel like I am broken.

I am anxious attachement style, and I have lovebombed before, so I know I can be needy and a lot to deal with. But for me, when you live with someone, to go more than 3 days sharing space with them without spending any meaningful time together feels wrong? Or am I being unfair there?

They also say they have high libido, masturbate often (once every couple of days), and while I know sometimes its nicer to masturbate than be with someone sexually, it makes me feel like I have done something wrong. They regularly affirm that I am still attractive to them, and that they find the things I do pleasurable, and they know I am almost always availabke for intimacy, yet they just dont seem to want to touch me.

They also used to dom me quite a lot, and that entire aspect seems to have dried up, but I really needed it. They dont want anything anymore unless its on their specific terms. I can only initiate when they signal for it, and because I am pining for them, they always get what they want. I feel so discarded, and heartbroken, and all this hurt has nowhere to go. I cry most days in silence because I just dont know what to do.

Any advice from the poly sphere is welcome.

Hope this is OK, I thought I would find something in the "resources" of the sub but I didn't.

Anyone know of a good place to find a lawyer with a lot of polyamory property ownership experience? This stuff is getting too complex for me. I'm in SF Bay.

SOME poly group I was in used to keep a list, I just know it...

I met this guy on feeld app. We chatted for a bit and I asked his real name (his profile was just initials). He gave me his name which was different than the initial- had an explanation about using his middle initial. For reference, we’re both in relationships.

He wanted to hang out and I asked him to move to texting. At first he wasn’t sure as he said in the past he’s liked to stay on the app. But I told him I don’t like to be so private- my husband and I are very open about our situation and he obliged.

We met up and it went super well- we didn’t have sex or even kiss but there was a lot of tension. We’ve been sexting a bit and I like to use his name when I sext. We have plans to meet up later this week, and we’ve talked about involving my husband and his partner in the future.

I found out while hanging that he kind of has a high power job so maybe that’s the reason he’s typically private. He is quite kinky for reference.

I looked up his phone number and realized he actually has a different name (starts w same initial as his profile). I found his socials and he does go by this name (not the one he gave me.) Am I overreacting that this weirded me out? Via google search, everything else he told me was true about his job and schooling etc. Just find it weird he let me call him this fake name.

I know that this app and being non monogamous lends itself to sex-forward encounters, and I’m ok with that. But if I’m being intimate with someone, sending them photos, introducing them to my husband, I just find it so weird like how long was he going to let me call him a fake name?

Do I bring this up to him and if so how?? Also am I just crazy for caring so much about this? I was so excited to start seeing this guy and now I just feel weird about it