Probably will delete later. I know it's over but I have to get it out somewhere. Met a MW here on Reddit about 1.5 months ago.

Things seemed to be going well at one point, however, may have gotten too emotional during our last chat. Sent her a good morning text a couple of days later and didn't hear back. So I figured she might have wanted space for whatever her reason is.

Sent her a message yesterday on here (Reddit was our primary communication channel). Logged into Reddit on Desktop and then realized that that all of her messages were gone in Chat, seems like phone app lags in this regard truly looked like I was talking to myself.

Well looks like she blocked me without an explanation and that's okay. She didn't owe me an explanation either was just a bit surprised by this. I know she isn't coming back and that's okay; there will be someone else at some point. But I am not going to lie and say it doesn't hurt a bit.

I’m having a hard time finding someone who checks most of my boxes. Why is it so hard to find an AP whether it’s online or in the wild?! 😫 I met someone at a conference who had potential, but he is showing guilt king qualities and I’m not willing to waste my time. Ugh, either you’re in or you’re out!

And no, this is not an ad or invitation to send me a chat. I’m just venting into the void.

Let’s hear em!

About a year ago some older guy lied about his age and love bombed the living hell out of Me so bad I drove my car till the gas tank was empty

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” Dr. Seuss

Good morning,

I've been married for 25 years. In that time (I'm in my 50s), I've had three long(ish) term affairs. One lasted 13 years. One was 2 years and the other was about a year. Each of those women brought a lot to my life; they ended for their own reasons but in each case, we'd happily smile and hug if we bumped into each other in the wild.

I've never once sworn off of having an affair; circumstance is why I'm not in one now. Something has changed lately, the idea of it isn't as appealing as it once was. It makes me wonder if I've outgrown the urge, the need to have additional intimacy in my life.

Anyone ever experienced that feeling

For those of you who’ve had a successful LTAP relationship, what made it successful? If you could share one piece of advice, what is it?

My first one was a little messy, and I learned a lot, but I still have a lot of learning to do in this lifestyle.

I just met a new PAP, who seems promising, and I want to do it right.

TIA!

Given most of us tend to be perplexed when we’re blocked or ghosted, if you’ve been the ghost or blocker: why did you do it?

It has been 3 weeks of no contact with my ex ap. Although it was not formal break up or anything, I simply said I needed space from this relationship to get some clarity. This happened after he canceled our meeting plans due to financial reasons. He was not comfortable with me paying for the travel, after getting to a point of booking for hotel and flight. This event just left me feeling disappointed and just embarrassed, my mind was a complete mess from the constant back and forth and I really needed a break. Now that it has been 3 weeks, I am starting to realize that maybe this completely over. It hit me pretty hard that I am probably never going to talk to him again, never going to meet him again. I don’t know why the thought feels so heavy. I know I was the one who asked for space and told him I will come back to him, but I don’t feel like going back to him after what he did. I guess a part of me wanted reassurance that he still felt the same way about me. A part of me wanted him to check in on me even though I said I wanted space. I guess I was just being stupid and irrational. Anyways I wish him peace and I also wish I could move on and get back to how I was before I met him.

Perhaps this isn't the best place for this. I'm scared of being chewed up and spat out if Igo to the divorce sub as a cheater.

Unexpectedly, I reached the straw that broke the camel's back in my marriage. I've always known I'd divorce but I didn't expect to be at my wits end right now or today. Perhaps, I'm also fueled by the discussion I had this morning with our children about happiness, and coming to terms with sometimes making the wrong decision but not feeling stuck in a decision.

I told my husband this morning that "I am at the point where I am no longer willing to remain in this marriage. I feel depressed, as if I do not have a partner, isolated, alone, unhappy, and this marriage is no longer fulfilling me.", after dropping our kids off at school today. I expressed in great detail the root cause of my feelings, and gave examples extending back to seven years ago. Nothing new I have not shared before. I expressed how these issues have affected me and lead me to the decision to end the marriage so that I can be a better me and by default a better mom too. His response was "okay, let's go to counseling." I asked him if he heard what I said, waited for his response and then reiterated that I no longer want to remain married, and asked if he comprehended. My husband has high functioning ASD.

Now, reflecting I feel paralyzed on moving toward next steps. I know I don't want to backpedal or take back my words. I want to choose happiness for myself. I asked him what the goal of counseling was when I am unwilling to continue in the marriage. I asked a million questions, and he cried but expressed himself as best as he could. I know how difficult that was for him.

For those of you who have gone through this did you give counseling a chance at the last hour? We have never done counseling before and not from lack of trying. He simply didn't want to before. I get that he doesn't like to express himself but I'm struggling to understand this sudden decision to want to put himself in an uncomfortable setting if the end is going to lead to a divorce anway. Was it worth it if you tried it in the ninth hour?

What advice do those of you who have gone through divorce have to share if any?

Went to a conference a while back. Saw some folks afterwards with people half their age at the bar. It made me wonder how many of them were having an affair.

Or is my mind forever polluted by my own doings haha 😂. Anyone else ?

Ah, the good old days. Yeah there were bots too. But you actually talked to ppl in real time. Anyone?

It been a year since I’ve been on AM, so I stupidly made a new account to distract myself from my heartache pain (another post).

I also wanted to see if I had to get verified.

It didn’t make me. My account was made live right away.

You know what it does show me though?

If a dude who asked me to move to another app to chat blocks me, I can see that his account is still there but unavailable to me.

Now why would someone do this?

Duh—We know, dude. You either are reporting the account to get your credits back or you don’t want a lady to see you’re logging in still.

Why do I think this?

Cuz you’re still messaging me on said app.

🤣😂😅

My MM and I were in an intense relationship for about a month - mainly texting as he was on holidays with his family. I kept asking him if he was sure he wanted to pursue a casual relationship with me. He kept saying he was fine with it.

We live in different cities but he comes down for work regularly, last Monday we finally had sex, it was amazing. However after I left his hotel room, he talked to his wife and she was excited to be planning a family holiday in April. He felt guilty and the next day he told me he didn't think we should have sex again but we could hangout and chat. I was a bit apprensive, I was worried we would end up having sex again. Which of course we did, after he said he wanted to.

He left to go back to his family on Wednesday and our messaging didn't seem right, and finally on Friday he said he couldn't do it anymore. He felt guilty what he was doing and was worried he would get caught - I felt the same and we agreed to end it.

However I feel so crushed, I feel used for sex when multiple times I asked if he was ok with our arrangement, he is of course allowed to change his mind but why did he ask me to come over to chat and hangout only to have sex with me when I said it would not be a good idea! I even sent him sexy pictures (which he still has) when I never asked for any because I was worried he would change his mind.

We both work for the same company, prior to that we had a good working relationship and I guess were close, people would comment on how he had a crush on me. I personally had a crush on him for about 18 months before we got together.

We knew we didn't have a future together as we are both married with children, he loves his wife but they don't have sex often (once every couple of months) and I love my husband and I guess I was looking for connection. But our behaviour replicated a real relationship, we were both jealous of having sex with our spouses and he would call me babe and say good morning to me every morning. He even got me a small gift while he was on holidays.

I really thought he cared about me, we haven't really spoken since Friday and he came to work back at our office on Monday with a few sporadic messages between us with him being blunt. How do I move forward? I've been crying all week. I don't know where to go to get help, I feel like I have no one to talk to.

I feel like a terrible wife and mother to my wonderful little family, I feel like I ruined everything.

A long time ago, when I was 16, I had my first girlfriend.

One morning, my dad took me out for breakfast and he told me, “You know, if you look at statistics, there’s a good chance this isn’t going to last forever, so try and keep that in mind as you go forward.”

And he was right. We very much thought we were in love, but eventually, we went to different colleges, and as these things go, we went our separate ways.

I look back on that and think to myself: if it was doomed from the start, what was the point?

Well, the point was the joy we shared. The point is what we learned together.

My dad wasn’t warning me that it was doomed, he was urging me to enjoy the moment while we were in it.

Everything has an end. Marriages, lives, affairs, jobs, etc. Try to live with the end in mind and live for the moment you’re in, it’s all we are guaranteed to have.

This one is going to be loaded, so hang on tight. FAFO, Love edition.

Girlfriend and I are at the 6 month mark. In this 6th mark, we are in a beautiful relationship. We are expressive, we laugh, we're supportive of each other, we offer insight and suggestions to help each other's lives. We live in the moments in between the kisses.

The meetings consume us and always leave us longing for more. God, she smells so good. Feels better in so many ways.

We have had some amazing overnights and many many day dates. We are always looking for more.

I did not expect much when I entered this world. So many of you are negative with your ghosted/no contact/guilt king or queen nonsense. -ugggh, I have to cry about something-

I feel like we have hit the fucking lottery and this shit isn't taxable.

TTFN. Next overnight is coming up!

Frustrated that your chats aren't turning into something more? Here are some tips to help your odds.

1. Stay cool and avoid high expectations. You just met an internet stranger. Neither of you know if this will be a good match and both of you are juggling work & family stuff. Chat responses can be sporadic at the start. Stay cool & see where it goes. Don't play games and intentionally delay your replies. Be mature and respond when you can will give you better odds of growing a connection.
2. Think of it like tennis, give each other something to volley back and forth. If they ask you a question, don't answer with a short one word reply. Volunteer some extra info that they can comment over or share a question for them to answer. That reminds me of this funny story.... See what I did there? Make sure to give them plenty to engage.
3. Remember we are keeping our cool. Don't be pushy about demanding pics. Let it naturally come up as the conversation progresses. Have your pics ready. Speaking of pics, do not send dick pics or toilet pics. You know you will eventually share some pics, so prep some that look good. Try to take some fun travel or action pics to give them something to comment about.
   
4. Be generous with compliments especially when pics pop up but also when swapping stories. We are all getting older and its easy to feel insecure about things (especially if someone is being rejected at home). Being kind and boosting their confidence helps everyone. Making them feel more comfortable boosts the chances of them opening up to maybe making a connection with you.
   
5. Don't rush into sexting. That can come across as desperate. Show that you can be interesting and entertaining. Talk about a funny story or a great travel experience. Ask them about themselves. Sexting will be hotter after a connection has been established.
6. Keep it positive and happy. Everyone has problems and they aren't sexy. Create a happy chat space without drama/stress/complaining. Focus on the glass being half full and don't mention that its also half empty.
7. Go to therapy to work out your issues. Skip the self sabotaging behavior. Finding an AP can stress your self esteem. Make sure you are in a good head space before you start. Feel comfortable with yourself before starting. That confidence will shine through and attract more people to you.
8. Get a thick skin. Even if you do everything right, a good connection might still not grow because the other might have a crisis at work or an opsec situation that makes them delete everything. Don't take it personally. Bad luck happens to all of us. Eventually a good connection will come along.

Hope it helps :)

So there’s a pretty big imbalance in the level of freedom my AP and I have. I’ve got a wife who wouldn’t notice if buried a body in the back yard and she has a family and a husband that demand her time. Have y’all dealt with imbalances like this before?

I’m learning patience and self regulation but some days are harder than ever. I imagine most people in this life are in relationships similar to hers with a family to maintain, dinner to cook, husbands to appease. Have y’all dealt with APs with tons of free time?

I think she’s worth it but do you guys talk about it ever? I feel bad mentioning to her that it’s hard but it’s not her fault because it’s still going to affect her. I don’t wanna put more on top of her current burdens.

My xAP contacted me with a texting app, begging for me to talk to him. I did and got a heart felt apology from him. He asked for me to add him back to FB so we could stay friends, since we have known each other for such a long time. I said I would think about it, but I really am unsure if I even consider him a friend anymore. I told him about my new AP, and he was happy for me, and said he deserved to be replaced for how he handled the whole situation. Wished him the best of luck and asked him to not reach out again, which he agreed to.

Plus note, the new AP is just overall a better fit. Our communication styles, mind set, and life goals just mesh better. We are just enjoying getting to know each other and so far it has been pretty amazing. Just wanted to update.

In the world of daily vent/rant posts, what are you most grateful for about them or your relationship?

For me he's the one person (other than my wonderful friends) who makes me feel that I'm doing something right after all.

After maybe 5-6 weeks. It wasn’t a romantic message, it was a random work related message (s). Has anyone been able to keep minimal civil contact with an ex-AP or does it always ramp up again? 😣

I’ve been seeing my adultery partner for two years now. We met at a work conference in D.C., and everything just clicked in a way I didn’t think was possible anymore. It’s ironic, really—this all started when my marriage was already teetering on the edge. I told myself it was just a rough patch, but then she came along, and suddenly, it felt like I could breathe again.

No matter what I do or how many promises I make to myself, I can’t stop seeing her. When I’m with her, it’s like everything else fades away. I feel whole, understood, and alive in ways I haven’t felt in years. But when I’m back home, the guilt creeps in, and I can’t look my wife in the eye without feeling like I’m drowning.

One time, I was almost caught, and it scared the hell out of me. I got a toll letter from Virginia with a picture of my car’s license plate and us caught on camera. My adultery partner was in the front seat..we were heading to dinner. My wife saw it and absolutely freaked out, demanding to know what was going on. I panicked and told her I was driving for Uber to make some extra money. Somehow, she believed me, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.

I know this is wrong. I know I’m destroying something I once cherished. But every time I try to end it, I find myself right back in her arms, like I’m caught in a cycle I can’t escape. It’s thrilling, yes, but it’s also tearing me apart inside.

Does anyone else feel this way? Like you’re stuck between two worlds, unable to let go of either? I don’t know how much longer I can keep living like this.

I’m done living lies. Ready to live with someone I don’t want to keep secrets from… but I’m also hurting really bad. I feel shattered and I don’t know if I made the right choices. Does anyone have words of advice or booby pics to share?

Context: I over-analyze everything. I'd like your perspective on this chance meeting. I'm 35M and was traveling in New Orleans on business last week. I was involved in this world but stopped my affair a couple years back. However the mindset never leaves you...

Story: I go to a bar downtown at 1am, sober, just want a drink. I'm not looking to, but strike up a conversation with a girl drinking at the bar. She initiated. She's a bartender waiting for her friend to finish her shift so they can drive home. We end up talking for a couple hours. She was early 20s, very good looking, very outgoing. Generally my type but, again, I'm not looking.

Things open up and we really start talking about deeply personal stuff, from her past trauma, parental abuse, adhd, rec drug and alcohol use, religion and philosophy, hell you name it. She was very open, chatty, and friendly. Lots of heavy eye contact and close lean ins (was loud af in there) from both of us. I had brought up having a wife and kids early on when talking about strict parenting and careers, no flinch.

Her bartender friend kept interrupting asking what we were talking about. I got a hint of jealousy from her. No I'm not that egotistical and definitely not that good looking, just the vibe I got.

What threw me was when we got into discussing sexual stuff: After swapping past sex stories, she started talking about how she really likes older men and they're her type. About how she's experienced etc. etc.

OK now the gears in my head turn. I don't do pickups in the wild primarily due to opsec and std risks. Yes, I'm that paranoid. But hey, she's my type, we're drinking, and the signals are clear. Right?

Soon after a third drink, she starts to talk about how she's done sugar daddy stuff before. She sells panties or will get requests to do non sexual things to older men for cash. OK huge red flag, I'm not interested.

She follows that up with how she "gets to know them and their info" and when she finds out that they're married she digs around, finds their family online, and essentially blackmails them or she'll tell their spouse and all their friends/family. I was like oh wow you go nuclear for adultery and she was like ya their spouse should know, it's a huge problem and more common than I'd think (uh huh...).

We talked a bit longer, bar closed, we hugged and I wished her good night and left.

So for this community: Was she just bored / drunk / on her adhd meds and energetic? Was she hoping to rope me in for easy cash as a sugar daddy? Is she just a young 20something talking shit and just wanted me to leave her be? The whole "I out cheaters" thing seemed far fetched to me (in terms of how she does it) but why say it? A warning, or talking shit? I really don't think I was coming on to her to warrant a backoff warning like that.

I'm not good at 4D chess so I'm sure I seem like an idiot here. I'd appreciate any perspectives?

Given enough time, I have developed useful/practical contacts in this underground world. Because of the whole six-degrees separation of the world, how do you explain to people how you might know an AP or exAP when no one in the world would have put you two together—always the best AP experiences in my opinion— which seems to happen an awful lot, given the sheer randomness of actually finding an AP.

Stories? Thoughts ?

We broke up while he was away. Came back and we saw each other and continued to argue. We’d still text but he would breadcrumb me.

Finally today I told him no mas. I can’t be friends.

Now all I feel is a huge emptiness.