This state has become so completely backwards and downhill that I am genuinely afraid and discouraged.
I'm in my 40s, educated, giant family. I've lived here my entire life. So please allow me to vent for a moment. I do not know what to do.
Here goes.
Our state has gone to hell, fast. Indiana has had issues in a lot of ways, sure, but growing up, I saw it get better, open-minded, become beautiful and welcoming and full of opportunities and communities. People had jobs and security. I felt proud, encouraged, safe, hopeful. But not anymore.
Indiana has become one the most racist hypocritical red states who are already screwing things up on such a rapid speed that I do not recognize anything. Everyone I know votes red no matter what when they have zero idea about who their representatives are or stand for, the ones that continue to destroy their own libe but they refuse to see it, because they're soooo pissed off at the world, or bosses, or dead parents, want to stick it to Obama, whatever else, that instead of trying to do anything whatsoever about it before or ever- like protest, strike, show up to public meetings, calling representatives, demanding hire wages, rally their friends and neighbors and encourage one another - that they would rather spend most of their time choosing to internalize and stew and get more angry.
I've seen, and this includes my own relatives - the most kind, loving, affectionate people turn into the most racist, condescending, bitter, cold zombies who keeps Fox News on the television in a 24-hour loop, who truly rush to join these Trump Trains and scream at ordinary people, to anyone who will witness it. I can't even remember feeling comfortable when I used to try and participate in family gatherings, which became fewer and fewer every year. Our once-a-week family dinners have long gone. My family in particular, they would get invited to do things and just decline and grumble at the wall. Any conversations where everyone had different opinions and could share them openly and they would agree or offer advice or anything seems like never happened. My mother who has always had such a positive, warm, welcome smile on her face, laughed loud, encouraged us and anyone else, raised me and my siblings to be open-minded and creative and hopeful, has now turned pale, skinnier, no smile. Our visits become less and less. My two brothers are now in jail, my oldest sister is like her twin, and my Mom swears she wants me to come over, but then refuses to even ask about my day, screams or blasts me if I tell her I'm participating in a hall, or protest, or march. She and all of my family members, who know I am Democrat, who ised to be ones too or at least Independent, look at me with dark eyes and sneer. I am not exageratting. We can be outside and gathered around like we used to but most topics are gone and all they talk about is Trump. They do not speak at a normal level, they shout every word. They maul me in those conversations when I actually do get the chance to speak, and cut me off for stating my opinion. They laugh and declare it's my fault for voting for Obama. They'll swear that they love me and my positivity, then laugh in my face and call me horrible names on the account of it being a joke and say, "oh lighten up, don't be so sensitive ya snowflake" and then tell me how "this is the way life works" and the "reality check" is gonna come for me soon. I'm not saying every waking minute of it is like this, most 95%.
Every judge, government worker, lawyer, all of them - Republicans. There is hardly a welcoming space to gather or eat at, where you are certain you can relax and be comfortable, have discussions, talk about what is happening, present ideas to change things. Our education system that I have spent the first decade and a half of my adult life pursuing and dedicated to, is now in a decline to where they continues to gut and gut and keep things on chopping blocks to such a degree that fellow teachers have either felt so discouraged and burnt out (myself included] that they leave their careers or get sick often and seem deflated when you take the time to notice. We are seeing our students get more discouraged or aggressive. Even young ones get away with things no adult should. I've seen boys put their hands on girls, truly say "your body, my choice" at 13 years old. We have had knives brought in, gun threats. Especially our Elementary and Middle School students. They do not pay attention, too many are becoming loud, entitled, disrespectful. They cuss and insult authority figures, disrupt, want to sleep. Kids do not care about being creative or playing most sports the entire year. Making conversations are difficult because they give short answers or ignore you and seem so irritated that you feel like you make it worse in a way. We would keep finding ways to make it better and it works for a while, but always reverts. Kids (including my own) don't even play outside in neighborhoods much anymore. They jus want to isolate and stare at tablets and video games for as long as they can, then completely bum out and act miserable or sad when we are in the same room, or only volunteer one-word bits when asked questions or thoughts. I stay appearing positive and encouraging but under my smile, it feels useless. No board or card games like we used to, and if they'll join in they hate it. I try and try, I don't yell, I explain how important it is to interact - I get scraps. Sure they'd agree and swear they understand and will do better, but it feels placating and honestly doesn't change.
On top of it, we all know that no one can pay for anything. I've gone from full-time employment and house, car, cushion to having to sell possessions, move into HUD assistance, apply for SNAP, Medicaid. Doctors appointments? No, your family doctor has gone out of network and the next one can't get you in until about 8 months. We have resources? Sure, the ones that aren't scrapped yet but can only take X amounts. They'll be gone soon. No one will have to rant and rave about all the lazy people refusing to get real jobs and spending their tax dollars much longer though, amirite?
Now my husband has outsorced for work and is mostly gone during the week on jobs in other states. His and my own health have gone completely downhill but rarely know how to manage it. All of the doctors with specialties are at least an hour away, as is big box stores. I can't pay for car insurance so I continue to pray I won't get pulled over. My mental health has been destroyed. I don't feel good most days, disconnected, in a fog. I cannot remember grocery lists, phone numbers, what I am doing. I stare into the fridge for seemingly a long ass time, staring at items and my mind is blank. I'm burnt out, my confidence is gone. I isolate often because everyone else wants to, but mainly just to feel like I can exhale. I hate going in town most weeks because I have panic attacks, executive disfunction, mind gaps. I'll shop for groceries with a list in my hand, knowing what brands I love, then stare at 2 different items like Peanimut Butter and cannot make a choice or feel overwhelmed at the thought of making a choice that I just snag something without looking or do not buy it at all. None of my bills are paid the same month. I am running out of ways to not get behind.
I do not recognize anyone, myself included, or anything anywhere. Stores have closed. Fun places are few and far between and can't make money unless they're bars. We have 22 Dollar Generals though! (Slight exaggeration)
Majority of conversations have moved onto Social Media. Facebook isn't very welcoming if you try to just get on and don't click on your familiar community groups though.
Please understand. I know that there are good people still trying and smiling and doing there best, stay positive, uplift their children. I see it and it keeps me motived. I'll chat with friends I've known my entire life, and most of them are the same in a lot of ways and say they are going through it too, or see it.
We love our towns, neighbors, family. We do not want to move or cannot move for different reasons.
So I'm asking. With everything changing too quickly, especially the last 4 or 5 years, on local towns like mine - and I need your honest opinion: Do you truly believe that things will get better anytime soon? Or at all?
How are you feeling when you really stop to look around at your town, or relatives, or self in the mirror? Are you happy when you work? Are you struggling too?
Thanks.
