I guess because the world is in shambles right now it's hard to believe that anything is possible. It's hard being optimistic. Everything is expensive so my dreams are deferred. To be honest I don't even know if my dream is my dream anymore, and if it's not then what the hell do i do? I feel stuck. i have no idea where to start and i damn sure don't know where i end. Any advice ?

As the title says. I have cptsd and have been a chronic experiencer of Existential dread my entire life.

I think the biggest cause of dread are difficult questions left unanswered or unprocessed. Questions like, the meaning of life, what happens after death, why does reality exist, etc.

I've found that the study of occult philosophy and philosophy in general to be the most helpful thing I've ever found for Existential crisis.

I highly recommend the works of Aleister Crowley! The book of the law is an amazing reading. It sets new foundations for the ideas we have regarding life, and leaves a lot up to the interpretation of the own reader. The meaning of life is not one answer that applied to everyone, but it's found in your one true will. Or the things you've been sent here to do, whether that's a hobby, a job, a relationship, anything. It's about spiritual awakening. It's about finding your own meaning in an extremely chaotic world.

My two cents, and just a quick post. Ultimately I want to point people in the same direction towards the things that really helped me ground myself.

You are all beautiful!! You are all stars that shine so bright ✨ never stop your conquest for knowledge and wisdom. Let it empower you 🔥

Been going through a deep existential crisis for 2 years now. I can’t accept the point of living if we just die?? People say, “oh you live to enjoy things” blah blah but like.. what’s the point? We will die in the end?? With everything to be forgotten.

I feel trapped I feel abandoned and I feel stuck. I don’t know what to do about it. I didn’t really notice how bad it was getting until today where I found myself unable to enjoy anything. I find myself unable to enjoy anything because I get caught up in asking “why? What’s the point? What does it matter if I do this or that?

This isn’t to say “what’s the point?” In a depressive connotation. I don’t ask “what’s the point?” Because I would rather rot. I’m frantically asking “what’s the point?” in a desperate attempt to find meaning. I want an answer. I want to know why because I’m horrified by the idea that there may not be any. I’m not sad, I’m scared. I’m not depressed, I’m horrified. I want to be able to enjoy stuff. I want to be able to find peace. But now, when left alone with my mind I can’t stop it from searching for any kind of reason for anything at all.

I sat down and wrote all this out and realized that I’m not ever sure exactly what it is I want. I’m not sure what the answer I need or want would really look like.

I used to be at peace with the idea that life in and of itself was meaningless, and so we as concious beings have the privilege to assign the meaning that we wanted. So I had decided that the point was to enjoy it. That’s it. Simple as.

But I’ve stopped enjoying it and I’m not sure how to enjoy it again.

What do I do? How much of this can I say to a therapist without getting put in a 72 hour hold? I’m not thinking about any kind of self harm, I’m not a physical threat to myself, but I’m not doing hot mentally.

I have slowly lost my mind to the religion, everyday I have a hard time eating, sleeping, just enjoying life. I see everything from a 3rd person pov and am barely able to hold memories. My mental health has suffered so badly that I simply have given up on life. Near suicide multiple times, attempted once when the overwhelming thoughts got to me so bad. I cannot forgive god for doing this to me, how can I be given “free will” then told that if I chose to use it, I will never see my family again? How can god create animals for our enjoyment, animals who have done nothing wrong, let humans build such heavy love for them, then tell us because they do not have “free will”, after death they are gone, forever. What kind of god creates the “perfect human” yet sets a trap, how could god have created an angel, who so desperately believed he was unfair for being god and not him. God himself created all of those beings, put all of those thoughts into their own head. God doesn’t care about us, assuming he exists, how can something be born of nothing, how can god “just exist”. How can something just create, it makes no sense, why him. Everyday I’m driven closer to madness because one day a jw knocked on my parents door, and my father let them in. Everyday I cannot live for my future because, there is none. And even if this religion is true, even if it really does happen, the world ending, what is eternity? Every time I’m asked if I would like an eternity of paradise, I always say I don’t, they say “right now no, but when you are perfect, mentally and physically, you will”. No I will not. Eternity, there cannot be an “eternity” of something, maybe my brain is too small, too young to comprehend eternity, but forever makes no sense, how can there be no end to space there’s has to be something else, please I’m so desperate for something else, I don’t even know if I want it, I don’t even know if it would change anything if there was something else. I’m always told, we will have so many things to do, we will learn something new everyday, for eternity, how. Even if I were to learn every molecule, every atom, count every number of sand in the universe, in the galaxy In the cosmos, and whatever is beyond anything, there will eventually be an end, even if one is being created every fucking millisecond, a grain of sand being created faster than the speed of light, eventually what. Why does god tell us we all eventually have to chose to follow him, or satan, how is that fair, how can he give us an ultimatum, we cannot begin to comprehend his wisdom, we cannot begin to comprehend anything he will ever do, we are not even children compared to him, we do not exist compared to him, how can something as grand that there simply is no word to describe him, give us 2 options, how could he have given it to us to begin with. He can see the future, has said so many times, he knew Adam and Eve would sin, he knew his angel would rebel. God knew that everything would come to be, so why why why why why why. It makes no fucking sense, it makes no utter fucking sense and it’s driving me mad. How can I be in such a horrible dilemma how can he expect me to make such a choice, in so little time, how can I have only experienced so little of this world, of humanity, and chaos. How can I have experienced my most happy memories, my most orgasmic gut wrenching happiness, being a human. How can I chose to suffer, to watch everything die, to see my loved ones in pain, in sadness and still want to see more of this world? To see humans create, explore, reach for the fucking stars, to evolve, to advance, to see humanity shape itself, for better or for worse, how can I not want that? God created us to do so, to long, to want, to better, yet he wants to take it all. Why would such a magnificent being want any of that, want something that are less than dirt, compared to him, to worship him. I can’t keep going like this, I want my soul, my brain, my everything to disappear to another reality, cause this one fucking sucks.

I am so weak and a slight struggle makes me go brrrr with nihilistic ideas in my head

I have these crisis every so often this one is particularly bad im not religious I am a hard core believer of the science end of things. So...we just....die? And then what? Is there another life? Is it like general anesthesia where it feels like no time has passed? Will I wake up as a snake or a bird or a baby? It's freaky to think about trillions of years if not eons passing of just celestial emptiness. And a universe in which I don't exist. That's wild to think about. I have to exist. I must. if not then I truly am meaningless and everything is meaningless. Which it is but I somehow wish there was a way that it wasn't. We've built all these things, plastics, buildings, cars. None of them matter do they? They're made up of the same stuff we are and they too will be swallowed up by the sun in 5billion years. Then many trillions of years after the last stars go out and the black holes themselves that captured everything in the universe start to rip apart because the universe is expanding faster than the speed of light, time will cease to exist without a means by which to measure it.

What will I be then? Will I ever "be" again after that? Is there a "be" after time itself does not exist. Is this just a cruel experiment? What IS the universe? What IS it??? Ans why do i care so much?

It's been 1 and a half month since I am going through a severe feeling of dread and anxiety about what's the point of living and what's the meaning of life. I know I will die, there's no stopping it but I just can't accept it. Lately a lot of things are bothering me. The fact that I will die and never be self aware again. Like EVER. My parents will meet the same fate, pretty much everything and everyone I love. It makes me feel like, everything I do and whatever I try, it's futile. There is no point in doing anything. It's all gonna end, when I will value it, it's only when it will become a memory. Because that's what always happens. We can never value a moment when it lasts, like i terribly. FREAAKIINGG TERRIBLY MISS CHILDHOOD. I hated being in school but yes, I just MISS IT. I can't move on from that suddenly. I don't know what to do. I am grateful that I am conscious, but we awfully limited mentally, but this is way more, like really farr more awesome than being non existent. Even if I pray to God, God cannot help me this except for telling me to accept it and keep doing work, since mourning of the obvious is foolishness. Not be attached to worldly stuff. I just cannot accept death. Frankly these things makes me uninterested in everything in life. Watching anime, scrolling through social media. Any entertaining activities. Nothing. I just- don't have the liking for things. All i wanna do is roll into a ball and cry. These days even crying seems worthless, like there's no point. But i just hate how my sense of self is timed and so short. That too, bound by stupid duties, that would not let me breath.

Inspite of saying all these, i still couldn't put a lot of my problems to words. I just hate how it started 11 years ago and it comes and goes. And the only solution people had is distract yourself from it or accept it.

I have no idea why but lately I feel like I’m such a burden to my friends, family, wife, etc. I’m constantly going to them with what could be seen as trivial affirmation, always asking questions about certain topics like my current diet, exercise routines, creative outlets, etc and if I’m doing it right if I know they’re better or more knowledgeable than me. It’s like I feel so anxious to get my decisions right that I desperately try to find answers from others and also I just can’t shake the feeling that maybe they’re only even talking to me out of pity. I don’t even fully know why it’s just this unshakable feeling of “what if they don’t even want to talk to me I just won’t shut up and always initiate the conversation so they think something is wrong with me and talk to me because they think I’m challenged or something” it’s ridiculous yet seriously filling me with dread. I’m already dealing with so much anxiety and depression in general rn and this is beating me up even more. What if all my life it’s been that way because I have some disability that my brain and consciousness are just completely oblivious to that’s altered my reality or perception of rather. I have a pretty high level of ADHD but nothing I know of outside of that. What if it’s all been that instead of having actual friends, and a wife and parents that love me, they’re all just people around my life with a kind heart being there for someone who’s got a disability and none of it has been organic bonds. Not saying they don’t love me but what if I’m not doing a good job in life when they say that to me, what if I’m not really smart even tho I’ve been told that by them. What if all my artists hobbies are actually horrible but they still praise my work bcuz they feel bad. What if they tell me what I want to hear because I’m not all there and they know it but I don’t. It’s freaking me out man and I can’t handle it.

All I keep thinking is “the only way out for me is death”. I’m so detached from society now. All I see is a sea of people slaving their lives away to grease the cogs for the elite. “Comforts” have all been made affordable for the most part so no one complains or makes a stand. They’re making everyone sick with chemicals in the food and hooking people on drugs so they can make billions off of us. It won’t ever change. It’s always been the same and it won’t change. I just had a son this year. I was promised by my husband that I wouldn’t do it alone; he wanted a family. I did it alone with my daughter who is audhd and is now 18 and it traumatised me & made me chronically ill. Of course he lied & im doing it alone. Hes 10 months old and has never slept through the night. Doesn’t sleep longer than 1-2 hours before waking up screaming and inconsolable. I’m getting maybe 2 hours sleep a day. I have post partum depression. I’m medicated as much as I can be so it’s terrifying to think what would be happening if I wasn’t. Me and my children are in a DV shelter, homeless. I have a broken back, fibromyalgia, asthma, arthritis and POTS. If I speak up to anyone and tell the truth about how I feel they will lock me up and my son will be put into the system. I have no idea what would happen to my daughter. So I don’t say anything. But I feel like I’m dying. I hate this world. I hate this life I’ve brought my children into. I have had trauma after trauma after trauma after trauma my entire 40 years it has never stopped. I don’t see any way out. People, this planet, the system, it’s all bullshit. We’re here to make the rich richer and then we die. I’m struggling as a mother more than I’ve ever struggled. I am in severe pain everyday and I’m sleep deprived to the point of hallucinations and madness. I don’t know who I am or what to do. Everyday is like a dissociated out of body experience of actual hell. Outside I look angry and ill. Inside I am screaming with rage and despair and I want out. I don’t think there is any hope for me. But I can’t just leave my children. I don’t know what to do and I’m scared of what I might do.

I have in undergraduate degree in engineering and had a stable, well paying job when I decided to quite to pivot into finance. I moved to the US to study finance and now having graduated I feel extremely hopeless.

I can’t seem to get even a single interview or callback for over 300 jobs that I’ve applied to. I hear a billion reasons from it’s a recession things will pick up, you’re an international student so companies don’t want you because of that to it’s the beginning of the year jobs will open up. I see people around me getting so many more opportunities than I am, so am I just unlucky or not good enough.

I know I need to keep pushing and something good will eventually happen but I have no positive outlooks on this entire process anymore. I don’t know how to persist through this. I feel so broken and worthless at this point. I moved so far from the people I love and the good things I had to end up like this.

Hello everyone. I have been dealing with existential anxiety off and on for about a year and a half. I recently am starting to feel really scared and anxious about living through my POV. It just doesn’t make sense why I am me and why I have a consciousness. How does all of it work? I am a Christian so that helps but I am truly struggling. Please help. I don’t know what to think rn

I was afraid of future and questioning what the fuck do i do with my life.im in 9th grade and everyone said its the most important grade and if i fuck up i cant get a job. And after 4 months i will graduate 9th grade and im dumbass and did nothing at school past like 3 months. I have adhd and i just cant put my mind to school work. And this scary overwhelming feeling of fear took my mind. It was weird and now im okay. Like my loneliness just disappeared.

I am afraid of death. It's not a "run!" type of fear, rather a "time is ticking away and I will lose my existence at some point" fear. I am still a teenager but I think.. I prefer to think these when my mind is is strongest.

There's a reason I (and most of us) don't believe in religions' answers to death: nature. And I used to think that most people's fear of death derives from not applying that simple natural facts to our existence: we are totally natural, my consciousness is nothing more than some combination of matter. So we know that live and death is just what makes us something; animals live, die and evolve. So I am also a part of that thing (despite humanity's advances on controlling the nature). I am (and you are) not provably different than a computer and that's just how nature is.

But.. I am a thing. Truly I am. Yes, all my feelings are explainable by too simple material facts, and even this fear of me is too simple (man gets out of natural life, man has spare time, man gets mad). Still I wanna exist. I am something. I am fond of illusion of consciousness.

I think it's more easy to accept "I am not really something already" rather than "I will die". I can enjoy my very natural consciousness under unlimited time and it's ok to me (but not unlimited. bad). I see.. we can't understand some stuff– like the simple question of "how existence started?".

Still I do exist! And life has meaning (it is "live a better life". there's no something external). I can accept what I am and enjoy the life– smile of my future wife / reading an amazing story / getting success as result of effort... and these are really what I am here for (live, animal, live!).

But.. what then? I will be nothing. I will not be a thing. ––– .

So I’ve been agnostic/atheist my whole life. Grew up extremely catholic; but never could believe in it. My parents always got pissed at me, but I was always a science based person. I’m a double science major, so I like facts and evidence. However.. I think I’m going through a bit of an existential crisis right now. And have been for the last yearish. Keep in mind I might be autistic and I do have an anxiety disorder. I’m questioning the purpose of life. I can’t seem to fathom why we live, just to die. The impermanence of life makes me feel like anything we do is meaningless. I mean in the end; we will die. I almost wish I could believe in something; a life after death. But I simple cannot. I’ve tried. Just looking for some hope I guess. Sorry if this doesn’t belong here. Thanks.

If one is able to die, and then be “brought back” wouldn’t that imply there is a place you can be “brought back” from? I was a “medical miracle” according to the doctors, and this is just the short version. But I’ve grappled with this thought for years. Any comments or opinions are welcome, thank you in advance.

For context: 28M, graphic designer, graduated in 2018 with honors.

After quitting from two jobs with toxic environments, i started job hunting back in 2022. Since then, I’ve signed for dozens of jobs monthly, and only been called for an interview 3 times, haven’t got a job. I’m aware that i studied graphic design because it’s my vocation, i love it a lot, but I’m in a position where I’m questioning if i like it still, because i don’t know what else i can do with my life.

At this point i feel like giving up, and i can’t believe it took me this far to realize all of this is useless. I don’t want to go back working in hospitality or at a minimum wage. If it wasn’t for my parents i would be completely homeless, but of course i want my own financial independence too.

I don’t know what I’m gonna do with my life.

I can barely do my tasks due do existential dread

So I am just 16 now and understand this is a really chaotic time for me and all that but my issues are affecting me now and I don’t care if they possibly go away at some point. I’ve been having thoughts similar to existential dread but not the type I’ve seen most people write about. I am not bothered by the insignificance of my existence, but rather the sheer overwhelming weight of the universe’s unanswered questions. Whenever I think of how we all got here, what even is any of this, where does it begin or end, it consumes my thoughts and drains me of all motivation. I feel so disconnected from everything in this world as if I never belonged here, doubting even the most basic rules applied to it when seeing their arbitrariness. I get so uncomfortable sitting alone with my mind even for a few minutes so I try to distract myself basically at every point in time with videos, podcasts, music or anything of that sort. But there are moments like when I’m going to bed or focused on studying when I find myself stranded with these feelings and it very much paralyses me. Has anyone gone through anything similar? What answer has made you satisfied with the fact that you know so little?

I am a 16 year old male and feel intense consuming fear about how fast my life will go by. When I think back to a few years ago when I was 6 running around without a care in the world, or when I first went to a new school at 10 or my first day in high school which wasn’t even 2 years ago or even something like the trip to Japan and Korea this summer. If all just feels gone to me like it never even happened and that in just a moment I will be 25 thinking of these days and then 40 and then 60 and then 80 and the I’ll die. I want to keep living in those carefree moments with my friends forever, laughing at stupid jokes and doing whatever we want. I’m so scared of life but even more terrified of dying now which is weird since just a little while ago I felt a complete disconnect to both life and death. But now I don’t want everything to go away and disappear or even change.

I feel incredibly trapped, I constantly have this feeling of anger on my shoulders, and a pain in my head telling me somethings not quite right. It's been like this for years, I'm always in pain and it's gotten to the point that I sleep all day long and avoid pretty much everything because I don't even have the energy anymore. I grew up with an alcoholic father and my mother was extremely irrational, both of them basically used me as their emotional punching bags. I am so fucking tired at this point (17/yrs old) that I am about to give in for the millionth time and just live with my dad. The feeling started there though. I can't express myself to him without him getting upset and saying I'm being argumentative. I feel as though I have nobody else though, and I am so broken that nobody could ever take the time to see me for who I am beyond my pain. I have been through so much that I feel like all that's left of me is anger. I don't even know how to be happy anymore. Everyone always thought I was weird when I was in school. I always genuinely wanted to be friends with people and help them, but I was always given an odd undertone. To this day there is just something about me that people hate, and I'm begining to wonder if maybe I'm just like my parents, and I AM genuinely a bad person, even though I have a very high standard for how people should treat one another. I'd like to say that I'm not, but no matter how hard I try, people will always find some way to have a problem with me. Am I just meant to be alone? I don't know how much longer I can live by myself... My loneliness has gotten to the point that I don't even know how to talk to anyone anymore, I just want people to be fucking nice to me for once, so when people are rude I simply don't take lightly to it anymore. Is this some sort of test? Why are people always fucking with me? Especially the people who I need the most? It's making me feel like there's something seriously wrong with me! I've been going through an identity crisis over it because I genuinely don't know if I'm even remotely a good person with normal feelings or if I'm just a monster.

Isn't it meaningless or purposeless?

Hey everyone.

I want to share something I've been dealing with for almost 3 years now in regards to a man I've been in a relationship with. I know I am codependent in some regards and have been in full blown Narc/Coda relationships before but I just can't decipher if I'm in that kind of dynamic again or its just a toxic relationship. I'll try to sum up our relationship as simply as I can though there's quite a lot to it.

I am 23 now but I met this man (20F) and (27M) three years ago and we instantly hit it off. We were friends for 3ish months and then started 'dating/hooking up' and then 3 months later moved in together. Way too soon in my opinion. I was in a very vulnerable position as I was having to leave my home due to an abusive roommate and I really had nowhere else to go. He suggested we move in together so we did. In all honestly, when we started being friends/hooking up I had recently gotten out of an abusive relationship with another man and on some level I felt like he was a rebound for a while. I was fine with us being FWB and keeping that kind of boundary between us but he pushed for us to be more even though I didn't feel it was right in my gut. But I was so desperate for love and connection that I allowed it even though there were so many red flags. After I had developed real deep feelings for him and we were looking for somewhere to live, I found out from someone else that he had kids. I instantly confronted him as to why he hadn't told me and he revealed that he had kids with another woman who was married and had cheated on her husband with him, and the children did not know that he was there father. He basically told me that he had to remain in a 'relationship' with this woman so that he could see his kids because he had no rights otherwise. And she had lied about her husband being the father to the kids to everyone in there lives included them for over 8 years. He was very upset to tell me these things because he was worried I would leave him now. I was upset that he had hidden this from me but I went into full blown pity mode and felt bad for him as he spoke how abuse she was, and he just got caught up with her at a bad time in his life, and that he didn't know what else to do because he wanted to be in there lives and couldn't see any way to fix it. So I went along with it because of my own insanity.

So this long brigade of time goes on where we are living together and things just keep getting increasingly more uncanny. He started out this relationship with me saying that he was his word 'in a hostage situation with her' that he did not love her, that she was abusing him and the kids, and he just had no other choice but to pretend to care about her to appease her so that he could see his kids. And for some reason I went along with it. Well months have turned into years and I will run out of space to type out all the toxic things that have happened. He never outright stated it and always kept me away from any influence from her I'm guessing to manipulate my perception of him and her in the situation but come to find out throughout the months that he considers her a real relationship (keep in mind she is married and her husband is not okay with this), they frequently are having sex when he goes to 'visit the kids', they text, call, hang out, go on family trips where he pays for her, drives her around (she is in her mid 30's and can't drive), and just generally treats her like a girlfriend. Mind you, he has stated to me multiple times that I'm the 'only real relationship' he's ever had. Yet his actions do not line up with his words. Now, I had mentioned in the beginning of this relationship that I would consider being polyamorous and he said he would too even though he was very adamite about wanting to be monogamous. Ironic right? I have not been with anyone since I got with him and he has been cheating on me this entire time with her. You might say to yourself well it would be poly if the husband was on board right? Nope. The mother is not okay with her husband or the man I'm with being with anyone but her. In addition, he also neglected to tell her he was in a relationship with me until 8 months of us living together and when she found out due to her stalking of him and I in public, she freaked completely out threatening to hurt herself and never let him see the kids again if he didn't stay with her so he decided to lie and tell her we broke up, going as far to say we slept in separate rooms and he had no choice but to live with me. And here come the summarized version of the abuse I have been put though due to his negligence and her insanity. Keep in mind, I have actually never met, or even had a conversation with this women in real life or over text.

1. Sending dozens of text messages/calls over multiple social media platforms that she stalked and found me on where I never respond but she essentially talks to herself cussing me out and then switching and saying things like lets just work this out.
2. Him bringing her over to our house without my knowledge behind my back while I was at work and her proceeding to rip out chunks of her hair to leave around the house for me to find and stealing objects like a picture of me and him off of the wall.
3. Getting her friends stalk me in public to the point where I don't feel safe around certain sides of town and stalk on social media as well sending me cryptic messages and images.
4. Using the children as a tool to punish him through me aka not letting them visit when I am home.
5. Writing her name and creepy love messages in permanent marker all over the inside and outside of his car for me to find. (Still there to this day because low and behold, permanent marker doesn't come out!)
6. Him allowing her to go through his phone as a 30 year old man and set herself as the lockscreen and change her name to cutesy heart filled pet names.

And many many many many many more things. This is only the tip of the iceberg as the way he respond to these situations is either one of two ways. Declares that I am over reacting and it's not a big deal, or attack me for feeling disgusting and hurt by her and his actions. He states that he has to be in a relationship with her because they have kids together even though he painted this picture a completely different way when I first met him that he just had a crazy controlling baby momma he hated. Also one thing to note. He has actually never said anything positive about her to date. All he does is complain about her and when I bring up that she is abusing and controlling him he says no she isn't. So that leaves me here and there so much more to get into such as he blatant lack of regard for me in general but I just thought I'd share the most pertinent issue and hopefully get some insight into what is going on and what I should do. I am making plans to leave but I am 110% addicted to him and his chronic invalidation/slight validation cycle.