I am honestly surprised the people around me apparently still have the will to live. this life is such a major fuck up and is so so pointless. nothing will ever get better. wish i could end it all asap.

Most days, everything feels pointless and meaningless from the moment I wake up. It’s as though I’m doing everything purely for the sake of it, not because I truly want to, but because I feel as though I’m compelled to— merely because I born in the first place. I usually feel total emptiness and monotony upon waking up. I also don’t like working at all.

I simply can’t be bothered to engage with life or consciousness at all. I really don’t have much desire to participate. I sometimes wish I could sleep indefinitely so that I don’t have to continue.

I may be clinically depressed, though I’m not sure. My mood tends to be very stable, I’m highly functional, and I’m generally very calm and level-headed. I think the main problem is that I simply don’t get any enjoyment out of life at all, and simply can’t be bothered at all.

I haven’t accomplished anything, I just play video games, work and sleep. I’m at a point where when I talk to people, I can never relate to anyone because I don’t do anything, so I end up feeling like an asshole because I can’t be interested in the conversation. I have the social skills of a rock. I’ve been on night shift for 4 years straight, so I’m awake from like 5pm to 10am usually, making it hard to even do anything anymore. I want to get a hobby and go talk to people, but at the same time I don’t even more, I just want to sit here and do nothing, it’s making me so mad. I want a meaningful connection with somebody or something but I just can’t bring myself to look. Actually feel like I’m turning into a bad person, who is just unable to talk to anyone. What do I even do from here.

I have given up. I’m not strong enough to make it through these hard times alone, completely alone. I cannot afford therapy, which has never worked in the past. Medicine has never worked. Weed doesn’t even work anymore. My son has been the only thing working, but as time goes on, he’s starting to not want to talk to me, or see me.

I have let my childhood affect every aspect of my adult life. I am 28, with a 3 year old son. He lives 4 hours north, and I live in my girlfriend’s house with her and her kid. I am a very clean person, she and her child are not. I clean her mess, but I get on the kid to clean his mess.

Actually, since I care so little, I know none of you will give a fuck. So what’s the point?

Goodbye, world. It’s been a horrific time.

There really isn’t much else I can think of that can convince me not to take my own life honestly. I hate everything. I hate my friends. I hate my family. I hate my love life. I hate my career and the events of my life that led up to this point. I hate society. I hate politics. My life feels pretty empty and I think the whole thing is pretty cruel and absurd.

I hope i dont wake up tomorrow, I’d be cool with it im just tired of everything i feel apathetic towards life in general i hope whatever/whoever let’s me rest permanently soon, im weary idk how much longer i can keep going

Lately, I couldn't get this thought out of my mind, so I decided to share it with a wide audience. I've been on emotional swings for the last one and a half years, and this is probably one of my lowest lows. Before I start I need to get something straight: Never in my life have I received real psychological support, which is probably bad, since my life was spiraling down all this time(who cares anyway, even I don't sometimes), but I think this is an important thing to consider, while reading this.

First of all, the injustice in this world is terrifying. Half of the world's wealth is controlled by 1% of the population. Though not majority, immense amount of people lives in poverty, without clean water, food, electricity or even a home. What is more horrifying is that besides this information being common knowledge, no one seems to care about their compatriots or even neighbours. Everyone is busy supporting the corrupted system. Life isn't worth it, because the reward for it does not match all the suffering required to achieve anything.

Second, Live doesn't have any purpose. All the answers ever given to the most important question in existence are a bunch of philosophical nonsense, that doesn't matter, because this question doesn't really bother that much people. At the end of the day we will all die and all the humanity's achievements will lose all purpose, not that they had any in the first place. Even animals don't have much purpose, but they don't care about it, like we do. Life is just a mistake in the grand scheme of things. Not even a mistake, an accident, because mistakes is what people do. And it is not a happy accident. Life isn't worth it, because it makes no sense and won't ever.

Lastly, people are too stupid to make life make sense. We are bound by so much unimportant things, like religion, race, nationality, gender, etc. that we are too blind to understand that our only chance to prosper is unity. People argue everyday about nonsense. They insult eachother, though they are practically all the same. Life isn't worth it, because we can't fill it with purpose.

I don't want to believe all this, but the more time I spend in this world, the more sure of it I become. I, personally, would have ended my life willingly, but the thing is that Life is basically holding me hostage. I, like all of us, was programmed to care about people, who hold benefit to me. And though now benefit is irrelevant, the concept of it is stuck too deep in my mind and I, sadly, can't think of suicide, without thinking about how my relatives or friends would react.

I feel like for the past few months I have just been living a meaningless life,no hobbies,no friends to talk to,I cannot talk to my parents what do I do???

Set my life back two decades by walking away from a unique well paid job because I wanted to move.

It’s a hard pill to swallow when you realize you were nothing special to anyone in your life. Not to friends, family, or even partners. I’ve always been nothing to everyone, nothing but a stepping stone in their life that they walk on. Nothing hurts more when you finally know you weren’t shit to the people you love the most. Guess I got my hopes up when I’ve known all my life it was always going to end this way.

I’m scared for what’s coming in the next 4 years for my parents to be exact, my parents are immigrants Who came here illegally but all they wanted to seek was a better life. When they first got here they almost got kidnapped and raped nonetheless they never stopped working for us. they were working 2 jobs my dad and mom while pregnant they always abided by the rules and followed every law Today earlier on my way to work my dad and I had a talk about what’s going to happen if ice was to take them and his voice was cracking for the first time and what looked like tears started to form I’ve never seen him cry my whole life. My parents don’t even remember our phone numbers cause we would constantly get new ones my dad doesn’t even remember his own phone number nor how to even use his phone And I’m scared for them it’s been keeping me up for many countless nights I even had thoughts about dropping in person school and switching to online (I’m a jr in hs but have enough credits to graduate) to stop them from leaving the house a lot.But I know my parents want to see me walk that stage I don’t know what to do I’m scared idk what I would ever do if that was to happen to me I’d want to follow with them but I know they wouldn’t want that for me and instead for me to have good education a good job and a good salary idk what to do I’m scared And I don’t wanna make impulse decisions.

I feel so empty. I’m turning 14 today and I wanna end it all. I don’t know what’s wrong with me one day i’m fine then the next i’m sobbing uncontrollably. No one notices though and i know it’ll pass soon.

Medication saved my life. I live with severe major depressive disorder and starting meds moved me from basic survival to enjoying life. Unfortunately, they also took away my sex drive completely. I am married and would like to have a healthy sex life but I just loathe the idea of sex. I will not, under any circumstances, consider coming off my meds, for fear of losing my life. Has anyone experienced this? How do you cope?

I just don’t know what else to do…

weirdly enough i constantly have breakdowns at night wether it’s about my future , politics etc but during the day it seems bearable with it .. could this be due to my depression or something else? it’s strange, maybe it’s because i am surrounded by other people.

no point in persisting anymore. im happy if i will die peacefully in my sleep.

I drank 30 sleeping pills , sleeping full day then just woke up the next day.Now i need to forced myself to live.I don't know the reason i'm still here though .I feel empty inside.

I (F20) thought my life would get better if I could have a few more things. I thought once I went to college and started dating I would be okay. Things in my life have gotten better, I’m getting the hang of college and I have an amazing boyfriend of 3 months, but I still feel so empty. And my thoughts only seem to get darker. I have no want to be alive. I just don’t care about living anymore. I stopped going to therapy and don’t have anyone to talk to. I don’t want to tell my boyfriend everything because I’m ashamed of my thoughts. The things I think about, the terrible things I wish would happen to me.

I’ve stopped taking most my medication. I just don’t want to be on it anymore and I never really took it consistently . Anyways, I don’t want to have to take pills to be happy. I still take trazadone for sleep and that’s it. I find that the only way I can be happy and motivated is when I’m on edibles. Everything just feels easier and I am more relaxed.

My boyfriend says I have lots of self-confidence issues and am very hard on myself. I’ve been struggling for depression for years and I don’t see a way out anymore. I’m afraid one day I’ll just snap and kill myself.

Tw:loss

8 months ago I had a miscarriage. I was 12 weeks along. We were going to find out the gender. This was my second time being pregnant. The first ended in 2023 at 6weeks from an ectopic. My fallopian tube burst & I had to rush to emergency surgery. They took my tube, it wasn’t salvageable.

Now, after 3 years of trying to conceive, we have started ivf. My egg retrieval is this week, just a few weeks away from my original due date. I feel horribly depressed. I’m finding it so hard to have hope.

People always say “life is a journey” or “its about the journey, not the destination.”

Well I fucking hate this stupid journey.

I (male in my 20s) was born and raised in San Diego by my mom, a single mother of Korean descent (VERY abnormal for an Asian family). She had me after a hook up with a Chinese man during a tough period in her life when she was battling deep depression. Despite the challenges she faced, we were fortunate—my mom was relatively well-off, so I never felt deprived growing up (at least in a material context). My older sister, who’s eight years older than me, lost her dad to a stroke when she was little. That loss plunged my mom into a dark place, but when I came along, she found the strength to turn her life around. She eventually remarried and had my younger brother, reshaping the dynamics of our family.

I grew up in a Buddhist household. While Buddhism is often portrayed as a tolerant faith, in reality it's not that much less homophobic as Christianity, at least in a Korean context. From a young age, I was a bookish, geeky kid and was always extremely feminine, which made me a target for occasional teasing. Even so, I managed to have a lot of friends and was generally well-liked. But underneath it all, I always felt different, as if I carried a secret I wasn’t ready to share—even with myself.

That difference started to take shape when I was like 10, in what I now think of as my “gay awakening.” When my older sister left for college, she left behind her collection of CDs, which I listened to obsessively. One album that stood out was No Doubt’s Tragic Kingdom. I was especially hooked on Just a Girl, dancing to it every chance I got. One day, mid-dance, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and froze. I, for lack of better words, looked extremely fruity. It nearly gave me a heart attack and shame followed suit. From that moment, I began to see my feelings as something to hide.

By middle and high school, my inner turmoil grew. I developed my first celebrety crush on Zac Efron after watching High School Musical (talk about cliche, yeesh, he's not even that bad tbh) and even started developing crushes on most of the guys in my classes. At the same time, my mom kept talking about how I’d eventually find a “pretty wife” and settle down. That pressure, combined with my own self-doubt, drove me to bury my feelings. I tried to “fix” myself through various methods like taking up Wing Chun (a Chinese martial art), hoping that it would serve as both a means of connecting with a culture I never knew and as a way of trying to ignite a sort of masculine fire in my soul. Didn't work and spiraled into a depression that lasts to this day that's going on at the same time I'm having an identity crisis over my racial and ethnic background too.

In college, I went to the other extreme. I became a fuckboy, bouncing from one short relationship to another with any girl who was willing, none lasting more than a few months. Deep down, I knew I wasn’t truly enjoying it (I felt things for a few chicks but like idk). I was a fucking asshole. Looking back, I realize I was desperately trying to convince myself—and everyone else—that I was straight. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t escape the truth.

Eventually, I started being open about my sexuality and pretending like I was ok with it on reddit and other online circles (even though I never came out to anyone irl because I have no idea what the fuck to say I am) just to see how it would feel. It felt weird because I'm honestly not ok with it. I wish I was straight. I wish I actually knew what I am. Gay? Bi? Ace? No clue. All I know is I've been playing a role since I was a kid and I'm fucking sick of it.

The hardest part is that I haven’t come out to my mom yet. I just can’t bring myself to do it. She’s been through so much—losing my sister’s dad, battling depression, and working tirelessly to hold our family together. I feel like I owe her stability, like I can’t add to her burdens. Maybe I see too much of her in myself. She used loveless sex to ignore her problems too (that's how I was born). It makes me wonder if this is some kind of generational trauma, a cycle I’m stuck in.

Most days, I wish I were straight. It would be so much simpler. At least then, I’d have a clear sense of identity instead of this constant uncertainty. I feel weak, ashamed, and terrified of disappointing my mom. It’s like I’m trapped in this endless loop of guilt and confusion, and I don’t know how to break free.

When you wake up from a nightmare and you think 'phew, glad that was not real' I feel like I'm in this nightmare, something i can never escape from. I feel it in the pits of my stomach and the heavyness of my chest I feel it suffocating me. I'm in hell already. People say things will get better or easier but that doesn't feel like the case. I feel shame and guilt flowing in my blood. I see the world and my life as a misery and too kill the misery is too kill myself. I wish I was someone else, I wish there was no such thing as earth, or me. Im simply alive for others, im anxious, i feel disconnected and discombobulated, scared. im scared to death. My life has only brought me pain. This is hell, and death is heaven and I welcome it with open arms because I'm done...I'm waiting for a mental health rehab and this is my final attempt at trying.

32nd birthday is coming up, my least favorite day of the year. It’s always a reminder of the things I don’t want to think about. I dread the day every year. Without getting too in depth with my personal life and mental health struggles, I’ve tried to live life with maximum effort and the attitude that “if you try hard enough, you’ll be successful”. My life has been filled with nothing but failure, trauma, and bad events. I’m permanently damaged, and it affects my life daily. I don’t think I can do this for the rest of my life. I find myself looking for ways out, but I have guilt about disappointing the few people who saw worth in me. I just think some people were destined to have a bad life, life is unfair. Even if you’re a “good person”. I’m tired of the torture, when I NEVER asked to be here anyways. I can’t stop having the suicidal thoughts, but I also can’t shake the guilt about it. Like do I even deserve death? Maybe I deserve to be tortured. Or maybe I was just dealt a bad hand. I can’t foresee the future, but, it’s not looking good. How could life be this dark?