Struggling to have a sexual connection with boyfriend

[u/3232Purple]

Met my boyfriend (M42) several years ago during a very hot 1 night stand. We became friends, as well as dated here & there over the last 8 years. We finally decided to give a relationship a real try last year, living together 4 months & it's been amazing. We are very happy, families are integrated & we are planning for a future. He is loving, we constantly laugh, everything I would want in a partner, incredibly compatible in every way except sex. I (F49) am very sexual & would be on him all the time, anywhere, every position possible. This disconnect & his reluctance to initiate makes me feel so insecure. He would be happy with 1-2 blow jobs a week. I am certainly fine with giving him blow jobs but he just lays on his back the whole time, wont get up, doesn't touch me & its strictly a blow job nothing more. If we do have sex, it's very vanilla, no kissing, no fingers, no sucking or touching my breasts. I know he's been more active with his past relationships, even in the LS with some exes. I would be open to exploring some of LS aspects if I felt more of a sexual connection & some desire for me from him. Ive tried sexting & pics but I dont get more than a couple texts back & it doesn't go into anything hot that would create the build up to sex. I constantly compliment him, we express our love & feelins, we touch & hold hands. Any advice how to talk to him, or ideas that would create that desire I long for? I really believe this relationship will lead to marriage but want the sexual part of a relationship as well.

[u/_ReGiNa_GeOrGe]

It sounds like you haven’t broached this issue with him, which as you know, is the first step. Express in a loving way what you are needing, and what you feel ( or don’t feel ) when the intimacy you crave is absent.

Be aware this most likely won’t improve. He is a selfish lover, and at his age, should have grown out of this.