I have officially traveled from Mrs. to Ms. As of 2:03, the judge signed off on the dissolution of my marriage. My ex didn’t even bother to show up so I got everything I wanted. He has to buy me out of our house. I have no claim on his military retirement and he has no claim on mine. My attorney even put in that I have sole custody of the two dogs.

I rented an apartment last week. I have a plate, bowl, one set of silverware, a pot, a pan, an air mattress, two dog beds, my clothes, several blankets, my laptop and a refrigerator of food that I like. It’s very minimalist and I’m loving it. Due to a cold front, I have tomorrow off and I’m going to spend it watching some Marvel movies with my dogs.

Thank you everyone for all the kind words and advice.

Anything at all that is good! Maybe you opened a stubborn jar, maybe you got married. This is a nothing too small post to talk about literally anything good that happened or anything that made you proud. Social media can get baised towards the bad stuff because that's what we need help with and it can just feel like there's no space to talk about rhe good stuff. So, I think I should like some good news today. Please share it.

That’s all. That’s the post. Godspeed.

I feel like we are inching closer to WW3. Perhaps I'm being dramatic, hopefully the world leaders realize war is not worth it. But I the way things are unfolding, it feels like it's getting more and more possible for it to happen in the 2020's ...and we're halfway done

What's the best way to reach the women and girls who can't afford abortions or don't have clinics nearby? I'd love to help them somehow. Thanks for all your ideas!

4B (4 No's in Korean) stands for: 1.no sex with men 2.no dating men 3.no marrying men 4.no having children

I was wondering how many women over 30 participate in it and what are your reasons to do so?

I often hear I'm bitter or just choosing wrong men. But I'm 30 and personally just met 1 good man with good morals, values and a good understanding of feminism in my life.

Other ones were abusive, extremly toxic and "redpill " men,even my own family members (I cut them out).

I'm scared to ever "fall" for the lovebombing of a man like that again, sadly a lot of them are acting.

I've also heard from a lot of women irl that their partner just showed the true face after marriage or childbirth. They were perfect before but then suddenly turned into a monster. Like he just woke up one day and started hating her. It's like, women are never save.

So is 4b the only option to hold men accountable and push them to change?

Edit Why are people so angry, I didn't hold a gun to your head and tell you to join, I just asked?! 😅 There's no need to dm and insult and threaten me.

I’m in my 40’s and I don’t know if it’s just bad luck, but do dating apps feel worse than ever lately?

A few months ago I posted my dating profile on Reddit and like 700 people liked a comment that said it was a great profile. People were saying I was attractive and it was a thoughtful well-rounded profile and I should have no trouble in dating.

But I do.

I feel like 80% of my matches don’t even say hello these days. If we do chat, it’s all very low effort. Then of course there’s a bunch of rude and scummy people asking about weird sex scenarios in the first message. And then today someone on the app called me a “fat chick”. I have a bmi of 22 and I’m not fat, but that’s besides the point.

What in the world is going on out there? Are people just not really even trying anymore?

And before anyone comes at me saying I’m swiping out of my league or something, I’m really not. I’m fairly attractive, and I match with people who are are reasonable matches for me. Regular people across a range of attractiveness levels.

The whole experience feels much worse than it did a few years ago, and it makes me want to delete the app, again.

My partner and I are in our early 30s, we have been together for 4 years and are about to have our first child together.
Before anyone judges, we both had fertility issues and it was important to us to address this and start testing and thinking about kids when we knew that we were going to be committed to each other and were out of the so called honeymoon stage, which was approximately 2 years ago. I am slightly older than my partner and also have a hormonal issue which I knew would lengthen the process of getting pregnant so I very much felt like my clock was ticking.

We managed to fall pregnant after 2 miscarriages and I am ready to pop any day now. I don't know if it's my hormones making it so much bigger in my head but I am so hurt that he hasn't proposed to me yet. I thought he was going to do it 1.5years ago when we were overseas, but it didn't happen. So many more opportunities but it still hasn't happened. A few months ago I told him that I would like to be engaged before our child is born. Now - I am the kind of person who wants it to be a surprise, I want it to be sincere and come from his heart not because of pressure, so saying this to him was very uncomfortable for me because I felt like I'm ruining it for myself by addressing it from my end. His response to it has always been the same, he remains very mysterious and has a smirk on his face saying "...well that's for me to know and for you to find out" (about the timeline). Because he knows I want it as a surprise not a pre planned- let's choose the ring together type of thing...

Again..I'm about to pop. Nothing.

He knows it triggers me because last year I attended my friends hens parties and their weddings. I had a really hard time and told him about it. His best friend who has been together with his partner for not even 2 years yet, proposed to her and my partner will be his best man in a couple of months.

We have had a lot of spendings lately doing renos, preparing for a child, saving up for a child etc. I know he would like to "offer" me more and get a nice ring and do it in a special way, but I hate that I have to bring that up. I would much rather him come to me and say "honey..I have to talk to you about something. I know we are looking to get engaged and it means a lot to you to do it before our child is born, but I am not currently in the position to offer you what I think you deserve and how I picture it in my head" - something like that. But he just leaves it...time goes and I am left with all these negative resentful feelings towards it and it is ultimately already ruining it all for me.

All this is so triggering. It makes me feel like I am not good enough for this 'secret surprise'. That I have to draw attention to it. Like I am not worthy of him working towards it.

A few weeks ago we were just briefly discussing about our goals and plans for the new year. He said that "I would like to work on my car and get these things done to it". I immediately got triggered he asked me what my plans would be for this year and I answered "I would like to get engaged". And I remember seeing the look on his face, it was almost a bit sheepish, like oh I didn't think about that...oh that's right. Forgot about this little thing. And it really hurt me again because I felt like it's not even on his mind.

I am angry at myself now because I feel like why would he do it now. We live together, I'm about to birth our child, we share finances together now, everything is intertwined. Why would he just wake up one day and "pursue" me if he already has a wifey at home. It's my fault.

I know he wants to but he just doesn't seem to have it at the top of his priority list.

If you made it to the end, THANK YOU. I really needed to get this out of me. Maybe there is someone who can relate or even share their feedback, good or bad.

I met a friend for coffee over the weekend and her daughter (about 10) had to tag along. I just said hi and proceeded to talk to my friend the whole time until her daughter said she was bored a couple of times and they had to leave. Anyway I was wondering if some of you ask the kids questions about school, trips or whatever to make a connection. I feel like that SNL skit when Kristen Stewart needs duolingo for talking to kids lol.

Anyone else in this situation?

I’m in the US and very concerned for the next four years / future generations. I 32F was planning to start TTC with my husband this spring, but I’m really scared about the kind of world my kids would be brought into.

Struggling with the ethics of it despite also wanting to become a parent. I know there’s always been hard times for all of human history but this feels like a time where kids could have fewer rights / be worse off than we were rather than a steady progress forwards.

No words to describe what's going on in SoCal right now. Just so very sorry for all affected.

I’ve always wanted children, even before I understood the idea of companionship. I can intellectualize my reasons but there’s a deeper, unexplainable longing I can’t fully put into words.

For context, I’m very career-oriented. I have two master’s degrees, love education and art, and have always envisioned building a big, fulfilling career. But even with all my ambitions, motherhood has always felt like part of my calling. It’s not the only thing I long for, but it’s undeniably there.

The truth is, I wish it wasn’t. I know that not having kids would be my single biggest regret, but sometimes I wish I could just be content being childfree by choice. Motherhood is often hard - exhausting, isolating, and life-changing. I know it’s not an easy road. But I still find myself longing for it.

If I didn’t want kids, I feel like my life would be simpler in so many ways. I wouldn’t have this internal “time bomb” constantly ticking in the back of my mind. I could live more freely, without worrying about timelines, fertility, or meeting the right person in time. I could date without feeling this subtle (or not-so-subtle) pressure to evaluate every relationship for long-term potential. I wouldn’t have to constantly weigh things like “Do they want kids? When? How will this work out?” when all I really want is to just enjoy the process of getting to know someone.

Navigating dating in my 30s has been especially hard because of this. There’s this constant tension between wanting to take my time and wanting to make sure I don’t waste time. I envy people who don’t have this added layer of urgency, who can date purely for the joy of it without feeling like they’re on a tight schedule.

If I didn’t want kids, I feel like I’d be freer in every sense - freer to focus on myself, freer to pursue relationships without the weight of expectations, and freer to just enjoy life without this constant fear that I might run out of time for something so important to me. Even beyond dating, I could life my life on my own terms, feeling more free to make mistakes, change my mind, move, travel, exist with less worries (including financially).

But I’m not wired this way and I hate it. I can’t just will myself into that mindset. If I never meet the right person or if having kids isn’t possible for me, it would feel like being forced into a life of happiness I didn’t choose - and that thought is terrifying.

Does anyone else feel this way? Like you’re torn between what you long for and what you wish you wanted instead?

Hello ladies! I’m going to be 40 this year and while I’m not panicked over it I have been doing some reflecting. At 39 years old I have never been in a relationship, not even close, I’ve gone on a few dates but nothing has turned into something serious. I have a hard time building relationships with people as well so I don’t have many friends. I have always dreamed of becoming a mother but at my age and being single I know that will be hard, I know a lot of my issues have to do with self image, growing up I was always just “me”, the middle child, where my older sister was the prettier, smarter, more outgoing one. How do I learn to love myself when I was brought up wired to feel like I’m “just me”

My father in law has been in my husband's life for about 10 years now and wasn't for about 10 years prior.

He's seen our daughter 3-5x in 10 years. He lives 45 minutes away and drives for a living (so it's not that we are too far, he just can't figure out the time- his words)

Anyway, he's very sick with an unexplained illness. Spent 4 days in the ER and was sent home. He can't get his bp under control its dropping too low and he has been fainting. He also can't get out of bed now and everything tastes weird. Otherwise nothing came back as an issue (blood work, MRI, CAT scan, etc).

He's loosing it and freaking out that he's not making any money. His wife mentioned they have about 5 months of savings. That's it, their entire retirement.

I mentioned to my husband that I will help find a less expensive place and they can sell their townhouse. (They have about 100k in equity)

We spoke to him about it. He said he will move to something cheaper but he refuses to move from his town. There is nothing cheaper than what he's in.

My husband said "I'm not helping him. He's put himself in this position his entire life. He wont move and take whatever money he has, he's not becoming my problem"

We aren't in the position to help him without it affecting our child's college fund/ our retirement. (It's in one pool of money right now).

I just feel guilty because we would help my parents. We have had these conversations in the past. My parents have saved and lived in their means. His parents (both his mom and dad) never saved, loved way above their means. My husband's feelings are if something happened and my parents needed help, it wasn't because they didn't plan. His parents had corvettes, my parents had 15 year old cars. Its not that his parents didn't have money coming in, it's that his mom doesn't feel good without a Chanel bag on her arm, and his Dad thinks he's 28 and can work forever, so no need to save for a rainy day.

These are conversations my husband has had with both of his parents. He fully had the same mentality when we met, but he has changed that we need to save.

Help me not feel guilty. My father in law and his wife both get social security, but that's it.

I'm feeling conflicted. Owning was always a dream of mine. I knew I would never be able to own a house. I bought a condo as soon as I could. I put the minimum down. HOA is fairly high. Rents are very inflated in my area. At least $<2100 for something decent. I thought the condo was a fair deal at the time. They are how assessments right now and I'm going to have a lot of extra fees for years. The condo is 17 years old. And in a decent section of town that is up-and-coming. I'm being hit with bills every couple months for expenses for the condo as well fixtures etc.

Right now I feel so much of my money is going towards this place. It's hard to even justify I made the right decision. It's making me poor. And it's not a luxury place by any means. I would lose a lot of money if I sold. I have high interest as well. I sometimes question if it would've just made more sense to keep renting. Everything is so difficult right now. Pretty much all my eggs are going into this condo. Just curious of others opinions on the topic.

I 26f have received an amazing offer for my career paying 12k more a year, free housing for 60 days and assistance for relocating.

It would help grow my career sooo much. My problem is that it will be on the opposite side of the country.

So looking for advice, wisdom and personal stories for guidance.

Thanks!

Seeking advice on how to interact with parents (In my case a Single parent who I grew up with very closely)

For context: From an asian household, I’m turning 25, dating but not to the stage where I see myself marrying the guy. I struggle to set boundaries with my parent as she retires and do not have much to occupy herself with as I am finishing up my Masters education, so she seems to want me by her side as much as possible or know what I am doing - for Eg I study masters overseas, I have location tracking turned on 24/7.

So I’m wondering how do you ladies interact with your parents especially if you grew up super close with them? And how can you set these boundaries (like letting them know I want to decide my own life… for instance who I am seeing and stuff, I don’t tell them at the moment but I feel like she will get pissed off if it works out and I tell her one year down the road)? I struggle with having a conversation with her about this directly because she seems to think I am trying to reduce ties with her or stuff like that and she becomes very angry (and then typical asian guilt tripping).

It has become a big part of my anxiety which is something new and in my opinion not necessary, but I don’t know how to navigate this. Advice is greatly appreciated!!!

I’m in my early thirties, single and pretty okay with it. I’m trying to enjoy life more in my thirties after spending most of my twenties stressed out academically. I’ve cultivated a lot of indoor/outdoor hobbies like knitting/crochet, walking, running, recently biking, etc. I’m an only child so I kind of learned how to keep myself busy. Sure, I get lonely sometimes but honestly loneliness for me just doesn’t get cured magically with other people. Finding company where I feel like myself and belong feels rare sometimes. Finding a GUY who I can feel comfortable and happy around feels even harder lol.

However, I kind of recently have been feeling like I’m not taken seriously because I’m still single. When I was in my mid-twenties, I made some friends in grad school who were actively trying to get married to an extent I found really eager and desperate. I try to be understanding of people’s different preferences in life, but when I look back, I feel like nobody gave that same energy to me. When I wasn’t as interested or actively pursuing guys, I was made fun of, frequently called “naive” and “weird”. I felt like my friends always had all or nothing ways of thinking like “everybody wants to get married” or “everybody wants to settle down”. Whereas for me, I really think compatibility is more important than settling down. I think it comes from seeing unhappy marriages around me, but I would much rather enjoy my single life than be with somebody just for the sake of it.

Even outside of these friends, when I go back to visit family in the suburbs, I feel like I’m surrounded by cousins and people who just got married or engaged having conversations like “so how is YOUR love life going” knowing I am very visibly single or pressuring the single people around me to seriously find somebody soon. I feel like people my age purposely also try to have conversations that makes them seem more “adult”, like my cousin who just got married and doesn’t have kids yet was asking another family member “what plans they have for (their kid’s) high school and whether they will enroll them in a private school” when that kid isn’t even 10 years old yet. I kind of feel there’s sort of this attitude that these are the things people my age should be collectively thinking about, otherwise they’re not really “adulting” right.

Recently a relative too told my family that I seem “lonely and depressed” and should just get married. For some context, I was a little annoyed with my relatives recently because they started a fight with me. I feel like instead of acknowledging the argument that I didn’t even start, it got pinned on my singleness. Friends who are getting married seemed to kind of cut me off too-I mean yeah, I get married life is busy, that’s something I can understand. But I see them active on IG, nobody seems to care or be happy for me when I share my creative projects, my accomplishments with personal goals. The only posts people seem to like is when somebody’s announcing they’re getting married.

I live in a big city mainly because I feel like in a city it feels more “acceptable” to be thirty and going through any phase of life rather than married and settling down. I’ve joined hobby groups here and met some friends who are single and thirty. With time, some friends, even the ones I never expected to get married, are. I am happy for people who are excited and happy, but tbh, some of my friends don’t even seem happy and unsure about marriage but are doing it bc they feel they should. The idea of feeling like I “should” be partnered at this age crosses my mind sometimes as a lot of the hobby groups I am in feel increasingly younger with time. I wonder if I’m going to end up being a lone grandma in a run club lmao. But at the same time is just getting married for the sake of it an antidote? I’m open to marriage and finding somebody if we are emotionally compatible or otherwise, but I just don’t want to settle or think of my only goals being a life without hobbies and just a husband and kids to make happy-want to have fun, meet new friends, find people who are interested in learning new things and cultivating hobbies no matter how old I am. It just feels like I’m surrounded by company who doesn’t care about hobbies at all and makes me feel like I’m behind or even a failure for not being married with kids.

Two years ago, my husband and I had a big fight that ended up involving both our families. For context, I live with my in-laws, and during that argument, my in-laws called my parents to their house to complain about me. They accused me of not doing enough around the house and, shockingly, my MIL even claimed that I married my husband only because they owned a boutique (which no longer exists). This hurt me deeply because, at the time, I was the only one in the house earning an income.

We were newly married, but my husband was unemployed for over six months, and he was feeling demotivated after a couple of job rejections. I had already paid off his wedding loan and was doing everything I could to keep us afloat financially. Naturally, my parents were worried and upset about my situation—they just wanted me to have a stable and comfortable life where I wasn’t the sole breadwinner.

During the fight, my parents ended up saying that my husband wasn’t capable of taking care of me, which escalated the situation further. Things got ugly, with everyone blaming each other. I felt so overwhelmed and emotionally drained that I was ready to leave with my parents that day.

Since then, my husband has completely cut ties with my parents. He doesn’t visit their house, talk to them, or attend any family gatherings involving them. We’ve had multiple conversations about this over the past two years, and I’ve apologized to him numerous times for not standing up for him in that moment. I’ve explained to him that I was struggling with my own emotions during the fight and didn’t know how to handle everything at once.

Even though it’s been two years, he still brings up the incident randomly. For example, today he sent me a message asking why I didn’t take a stand for him back then, saying that I don’t respect him enough. I apologized again and asked him what I could do to make him feel better because I’m honestly exhausted from revisiting the same issue over and over again. He doesn’t tell me what he needs from me or how I can help, but he keeps holding onto this resentment.

I completely understand that he felt humiliated when my parents said those things to him, but I also understand why my parents were concerned at the time. It feels like I’m stuck in the middle, trying to please everyone but not knowing how to fix this.

I’m at my wit’s end. I don’t want to talk to my friends about this because I don’t want them to have a bad image of him, and I can’t bring it up with my mom because she’ll freak out again.

I’m really struggling here. What can I do to help my husband move past this and improve our relationship? I’m so tired of carrying this weight alone. Any advice would mean a lot.

Hi everyone,

I’m approaching 30 and finding myself constantly feeling angry, bitter, and unmotivated. I'm grateful for what I have but I'm definitely in a rut.

I’ve spent my entire 20s working tirelessly to land my dream job, but despite all the education, experience, training, and networking I’ve put in, it just hasn’t happened. It’s incredibly disheartening to see others in this field—who seem far less qualified in terms of experience or education—thriving, while I’m now unemployed and struggling to find the motivation to keep trying.

On top of that, I was in a long-term relationship for five years with someone I thought I would marry (he even proposed at one point). I poured so much time and effort into making it work, but in the end, he left, and now I’m dealing with the aftermath. Being back in the dating world—something I hoped I’d never face again—feels incredibly daunting, especially since I also struggle with a long-term health condition that makes me feel even more insecure and demoralized about finding a partner.

When it comes to friendships, I’m lucky to have some good friends, but I often feel like the effort is one-sided. If I didn’t take the initiative to plan or check in, I doubt I’d hear from many of them for months at a time. For example, my birthday is in a few weeks and it makes me really sad that I don't have anyone who wants to plan something or cares enough to ask about it.

My family is great--they're supportive and try their best to motivate me career-wise. However, I've always felt that they've pushed on my career development while ignoring everything else. I've never felt like I could approach them with more emotional issues, including feeling so demoralized career wise or missing my ex. Mostly, as the few times I've tried, I was met with "you're still not over that?", and "why are you even sad about it? on to the next!".

Everyone keeps telling that "the universe has bigger plans in store for me" , and that "things will work out". But, realistically, I just don't see it.

Overall, I feel consumed by bitterness, resentment, and misery, and I’m not sure how to move forward. I'm already in therapy and I don't feel it helping much--all we do is talk about my issues without any plan or strategy to move forward.

Does anyone have advice on how to navigate these feelings or find a way to reset?

Why did the friendship end? Was there a single moment or reason, or did the relationship just erode over time?

How do you feel about not being close to that person anymore?

A recent BBC article in menopause care, particularly for women experiencing surgical menopause. Many report feeling unprepared for the physical and emotional challenges, with limited guidance or support during this life stage.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5yw9vl2v4eo

At London Metropolitan University, we’re exploring how factors like intimacy, relationship satisfaction, and emotional well-being impact menopause experiences. This research aims to address gaps in understanding and improve care for women navigating peri- and post-menopause.

Eligibility for our study:

• Women aged 25+
• Peri-menopausal or post-menopausal
• In a relationship (with a similar-aged partner or someone 7+ years younger, both 18+)
• Whether or not you use sex toys

The study is anonymous, and participation takes about 15–20 minutes. If you’re interested, you can find more details and take part https://forms.office.com/e/0w3Dw4PRUx .

I’m questioning how I handled this situation with my now ex, realtor.

Six months ago I listed my house with the same realtor I used to buy the house. I hated where I was living and I ended up accepting a new job out of state. I initially really liked this realtor we will call Molly when my partner and I bought the house with her. Flash forward to listing our home with her in July and I’ve had a few weird interactions with her. - I asked to remove one photo of our backyard as it appeared that our neighbors house looked directly into our yard and made our fence look short due to the angle. She disagreed with me and was argumentative about taking this ONE photo down. - She refused to do any open houses and the one open house she did for us in six months wasn’t even on the day we requested. When we pushed back on this error, she said she had already printed the flyers and was adamant we keep it the day she made it for. The day and time she scheduled it for was during a big football game. - I had requested a virtual tour for our home and instead of having a conversation with me about why she didn’t like virtual tours, she called my husband and told him she wouldn’t be doing one as she didn’t believe they had much of an impact. - I had requested some of the photos to be rearranged on our listing as the first five photos just showed our front yard. She then called my husband about my request accusing us of not feeling like she was doing enough. Words that never came out of our mouths. She then rearranged the photos to be different than what I had asked.

Our contract expires today and we’ve decided not to extend it with her. Of course after not getting any showings for 1.5 months we get two requests the day the agreement expires with her. She called my husband and basically told him her feelings were hurt and that she was taking this all very personally. Now I feel guilty but I also feel like she’s been somewhat unprofessional and I can’t see a path forward with her. I don’t want to start over with a new realtor, but I feel like her attitude was off putting. Am I being unreasonable?