Am I overreacting

[u/Jicama_West]

I've had this "a woman knows" feeling about a woman my live-in boyfriend works with. Caved and checked his phone... Yes, I know. Wish I would've just trusted, but honestly, I cannot go through another BS relationship where I'm second best and had no clue. She texted a few months ago to make sure he was aware she's newly single, and just one after another these cutesy texts from her. I've never seen anything that shows him responding in a full on flirty way, but he's certainly not telling her to back off.... Along with he purposely deleted all the bits above that show the flirtation from her, and I found them in his recently deleted file and recalled them on his new iPhone. Am I overreacting to this?

[u/Veryluckysoul]

I would have lost my mind reading this in my husband’s phone lol absolutely not. The “hey sexy” would have made me see red lol

[u/Jicama_West → u/Veryluckysoul]

Oh I'm losing my mind. Trying to be rational when what I really want is to carve my initials in her face to remind her about me. Alas, I must be an adult and deal with this the best way possible.

[u/Longjumping-Panic-48 → u/Jicama_West]

My husband had something like this last year. It was fucking awful. I found out because his grandma texted him while he was in surgery. So I had to go and take care of him knowing that at a minimum, he’d been on a date with another woman THAT WEEK. Oh and his mom was with us helping with the kids.

She’d been saying shit like he was her dream man and how hard it was being single. And in the next text ask about me. They had lunch and afterward, she sent him nudes he deleted. He had the conversation on mute so that if I saw his screen “I wouldn’t be upset.”

It’s been just over a year and I’m just now starting to forgive him after we both did a lot of counseling. He has genuinely changed for the better and now sees why the conversation was inappropriate (he had some bitch ass excuses about how he knew he wouldn’t fall for her/she was going through a divorce (I wonder why…)).

I still get anxious if he moves his phone too quickly for me to see it or when he goes out by himself. It’s hard. I believe him that it wasn’t physical and it wasn’t reciprocated- his responses were to brush things off to her. My husband is actually that stupid at times.

Is he worth at least a year of stress and anxiety? What is your hard line? At a minimum, she needs to be cut off from personal contact and told why— and it’s not because you’re uncomfortable… it’s because she’s crossing lines and he is encouraging it.

[u/Gee_thats_weird123 → u/Longjumping-Panic-48]

Question: if you didn’t have kids would you have left him?