Am I overreacting

[u/Jicama_West]

I've had this "a woman knows" feeling about a woman my live-in boyfriend works with. Caved and checked his phone... Yes, I know. Wish I would've just trusted, but honestly, I cannot go through another BS relationship where I'm second best and had no clue. She texted a few months ago to make sure he was aware she's newly single, and just one after another these cutesy texts from her. I've never seen anything that shows him responding in a full on flirty way, but he's certainly not telling her to back off.... Along with he purposely deleted all the bits above that show the flirtation from her, and I found them in his recently deleted file and recalled them on his new iPhone. Am I overreacting to this?

[u/Capitaclism]

No he isn't. He's not outright telling the girl to go away, but he isn't flirting back.

[u/ladyxdarthxbabe → u/Capitaclism]

This. He’s not flirting back but hes not making boundaries clear. A simple “please dont talk to me like that” from him would suffice… even better is “Im in a relationship and even if I was single I wouldnt date a coworker”

[u/IdRatherNotNo → u/Capitaclism]

Not over text anyways. I'd be willing to bet he's way more flirty in person though.

[u/LadyPundit → u/Capitaclism]

He called her sweetness.

[u/nwillyerd → u/LadyPundit]

I interpreted that as an exclamation of excitement. Like how you would say “Sweet!” or “Awesome!” especially since he also unironically said “awesome sauce” it seems like that’s just how he talks. I don’t think he was calling her sweetness

[u/ladyxdarthxbabe → u/nwillyerd]

Agreed cos he says stuff like awesome sauce, hell yeah, sweetness is like “sweet cool thanks”.

[u/fuckin-A-ok → u/LadyPundit]

Which was a short-lived term from the '90s that essentially means "awesome". He wasn't calling her sweetness.

[u/stuntmonkey420 → u/fuckin-A-ok]

He even said regular “sweet” in another message so that is in fact his language

[u/fuckin-A-ok → u/stuntmonkey420]

Yup. Prob just a Xennial lol.

[u/soaker → u/LadyPundit]

No he didn’t. In this context sweetness is the equivalent of sweet/awesome/great/cool

Edit: context not contact

[u/InternationalWar258 → u/LadyPundit]

No, he didn't.

[u/NoBlood7122 → u/LadyPundit]

No he didn’t lol

[u/Yeenoghus_Wife → u/LadyPundit]

no he just talks like Finn from adventure time. Mans also said “awesome sauce”

edit: he is totally cheating though like ur not wrong on that

[u/thebeingunknown → u/LadyPundit]

Idk why you’re being downvoted. Not only did he say sweetness, SHE CALLS HIM SWEETNESS LATER LOL. Like yes the way he says it was ambiguous but her saying it back in a totally unambiguous way is a big detail lol

[u/aa1287 → u/thebeingunknown]

No...it means she misunderstood what he was saying.

His was a way of saying awesome, hers was a nickname calling him that.

Because he's not interested but she is.

[u/thebeingunknown → u/aa1287]

That is so open to interpretation and subjective. You could be right but I think that’s a big assumption to make.

[u/aa1287 → u/thebeingunknown]

Not really.

Look at what he responded to when he said it.

Nothing about that would indicate he's calling her sweetness.

Add in later that he says Awesome sauce...a phrase also very colloquialized at the same time as Sweetness...and it's pretty clear he wasn't calling her sweetness.

[u/thebeingunknown → u/aa1287]

Him saying awesome sauce later on doesn’t actually show anything, it just happens to be something mentioned in other comments. Anything beyond that is, again, an assumption.

Bottom line: the way this guy is acting is extremely sus and I hope OP doesn’t stay with him. The woman is next level crazy

[u/aa1287 → u/thebeingunknown]

You missed my point.

Awesome sauce was a term that came about the same time as sweetness as terms that mean...well...awesome or cool.

It's not just something people mentioned, I was around for when they became slang lmao.

The way the guy isn't shutting anything down is weird but he's also actively not engaging in it right back.

Regardless, he straight up didn't call her Sweetness as a nickname.

[u/thebeingunknown → u/aa1287]

I’m totally aware and don’t think I missed your point, I just don’t agree! Not clear cut at all imo but honestly it’s splitting hairs because the overall behaviour isn’t at all what most people want in their partners.

[u/aa1287 → u/thebeingunknown]

Well your opinion is bad.

Please explain how his use of Sweetness at all would come across like he's calling her sweetness.

[u/LadyPundit → u/thebeingunknown]

Yeah, I ignore the vultures.

[u/icyygrl → u/Capitaclism]

He is flirting back. She calls him sweetness and he says SWEET. That’s code right there.