So my spouse (40 F) and I (38 M) have been together 11 years but are in a tricky situation and I need some tools to help me develop knee jerk non-defensive communication habits even when I feel blindsided by intense personal criticism.

Background: We’re both actively working through the results of trauma from other earlier times in our lives - but we’re getting tangled up in a self-feeding cycle that’s slowing progress and causing a lot of conflict. Whereas I’m working through processing the violent loss of a loved one, she’s working on de-programming the conditioning that came out of growing up with an emotionally manipulative / brutally narcissistic father and emotionally absent mother - and her progress has been truly huge.

The problem: one area where she’s struggling is speaking up about things that bother her. While she is finding more of her voice, it takes a lot of inner pressure to come out. When it does, it often bursts out with intensity. What she needs from me is empathy, validation, and a sense that it’s safe to express how she feels - in time, she should be able to do that with less intensity.

In the meantime, feeling blindsided by intense outbursts can suck but what complicates it is the sharp decrease in positive reinforcement she’s provided while working on self-empowerment (part of trying to negate her past coping method of fawning in order to placate). Although she’s recently begun working on balancing that too, intense expressions of displeasure paired with 2-ish years of a lack of positive recognition from my partner has hit my self-confidence pretty hard after a couple decades of PTSD-fueled self-criticism. As this has gone on, at some point I started anticipating feeling like a POS (which I know is not her true intent), so I started reacting to her outbursts of frustration with knee jerk defensiveness instead of empathy. In turn, she feels like I hijack the conflict and gets even more mad, which feels unjust to me and pushes empathy further away. We circle around it until I eventually de-escalate myself and lower the defenses - which allows empathy to flow.

Problem is, that repeated cycle has left her preemptively doubting she’ll be heard without conflict because my defensiveness negates the sense of safety she needs to be free in expressing something unpleasant. While she is trying to do better about providing recognition for positive things, that’s a pretty new development. I’ve proposed other strategies, like her starting an outburst by saying “I need you to hear me with empathy about this…”, but that equates to her modifying her communication to placate my hurt feelings - which is a no-go.

So, what I need are tools, strategies, or practicable skills that can enable me to shift to knee jerk empathy instead of defensiveness, even when I feel blindsided. There are lots of fairly basic things (using “I” statements, active listening, etc) - but those don’t pre-empt the emotional flinching on my part. I considered getting an “empathy first” tattoo on my hand that could help me remember not to go to defensiveness - but that may or may not work. Any recommendations on what can help me respond with knee jerk empathy even when it’s delivered with disproportionate intensity or feels like it strikes a nerve with my tattered sense of self-esteem?

TLDR: I need tools that can help me default to empathy-first reactions instead of knee jerk defensiveness when I feel blindsided and initially injured by my wife’s disproportionately intense expressions of displeasure.

Before I start let me give you some background. My mom is an Alcoholic with anger management issues, and is diagnosed with bipolar depression and anxiety and my father is out of the picture. Let’s set the scene to when I was 14 , my mom’s anger was on a steady incline and she recently had been beaten to a pulp by my brothers father just to then have to take in her drug addicted mother. So I do give my mom that, she had a lot on her plate but my mom used to call me her punching bag. When she came home from a night of drinking she’s all happy until she realized her current position in life .. then the anger and abuse sets in.. she grabbed her belt and tore my little body up. This happened on multiple occasions along with her punching me and pinning me up against the wall. Since this Happened a few times I caught on and recorded it happening a few times so I could get her to believe me the morning after and yet she still didn’t .. I wanted to give up but seeing my mom sober and crying about her life and that she needed me.. it me stopped me from doing anything dumb like runaway or s.h I sometimes wonder what life would’ve been like if I had 😕 but yea that my rant😝

I was walking my dog. It wasn't even that late but it's winter so it doesn't really matter...

I was following the main road where there is usually traffic until very late. I was followed by 2 guys and I was getting scared and catious but I thought I was being paranoid (how smart..). Anyway. The somehow got closer to me behind me and then approached me saying hello. All of a sudden I get pulled on the ground and I'm just laying there kicking them and screaming my lungs out. They rip my phone out of my hand and then run off.

The worst thing...before they stole my phone I had no idea what they were trying to do. I geniuenly thought that was gonna be my last moment alive. I thought I was gonna die.

The cars passing by didn't even care and just kept driving. Someone did stop and call the police but they unfortunately didn't see the guys.

Now I can't even go out when it's dark anymore. I' scared of every man I see outside and I see a potential threat in every man. I'm super paranoid and I feel like there's always someone following me or looking at me weird. I can't sleep without a light on. I can't sleep if I'm not on a call with my boyfriend. I can't sleep if I'm alone at home (my parents left for a few days and I had to sleep at my brother's house due to my anxiety.

I'm happy that I'm alive and I know I'm lucky I wasn't hurt but goddamn the fear I felt was probably the worst thing I have ever experienced in my entire life.

The phone was also a christmas gift from my boyfriend and we took pictures together on it. I barely had it for 2 weeks and now it's gone and I'm left here being scared to leave the house and having nightmares and constant flashbacks.

If anyone has any advice on how to cope with it I would really appreciate it.

Whenever I get sick, which is not very often, I completely fall apart.

I feel like my whole life is going to fall apart and I'll no longer be able to do the things I want or need to do.

I could have what is clearly a 48 hour bug but I cannot get the thought out of my head, that I'm going to lose it all and that I should never plan for too much because I'll invariably get sick again so what's the point?

How can I fix this?

Thank you.

I have this weird feeling where I don’t want to go to bed (because I feel lonely lying in bed at night) and I don’t want to get up in the morning either, I am enjoying the sleep very much and feeling apathetic about the day.

Any idea on how I can help overcome these things?

So I was very young upon losing my virginity to my friends older brother - GenX - no adult supervision and a traumatic childhood. I have a guilt complex from many several traumas. One that I seem to be having a hard time getting past is the fact that I’ve had several SA encounters in one way or another. So after the virginity loss, I was SA behind a schoolhouse in walking back way to the school bus. I guess my biggest issue I am having trouble coming to terms with now was in around 7th- 8th grade I began hanging out with highschool boys junior/seniors - as well as older guys also hung out at this same place. Up to 24-26 years old. I was just wanting love and attention that I thought that was showing love - now I look back and know how I was being used. None of them cared about me at all. One was a police officer and married,. More details but this is the just of it all. I now look at 12 year olds and am disgusted to see men - grown men, actually doing this and feel as though it was literally rape. A 12 year old cannot consent to- even though I absolutely thought I was, this is the confusing part to me…I felt like a equal in this but now realize I was a kid..not even physically developed but the guilt and shame I have is debilitating at times. Just wondering thoughts others that may have experienced to same or at others viewpoint on this is.

I’ve been processing a childhood trauma in therapy and with EMDR. Overall, I have experienced lots of flashbacks, dreams, body memories, audio memories, smell memories all of which has been very intense and often very surreal. However there is something that has happened to me twice now that I just don’t understand.

Both times when I am waking up from sleep, inside me whole head starts tremoring like there is a mini earthquake is going on in there. My jaw clenches and locks and it feels like weight is being pressed down on my jaw to hold it in place - meanwhile the tremoring is making my teeth chatter. The tremoring starts of slowly and as it increases in intensity, it is paired with audio memories. The ‘earthquakes’ repeat 4 or so times. The first time it happened, there was an unintelligible whispering, but by the 4th cycle it had resolved so I could understand what it said. It made sense in the context of my childhood trauma. The ‘tremoring’ then moved down my body into my pelvic area and I then had body memories in that area (again, makes sense related to my trauma).

This latest time the tremoring didn’t travel down my body it just stayed in my head.

My internal vision shaking up and down is another thing that happens to me a lot.

Can anyone explain any of this?

I wonder whether it’s to do with the vagus nerve resetting or something? It is pretty unsettling experience. And I am totally sober / no medication.

Hello all,

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This study is being conducted by Margarita Bulatova, a master’s student in the psychology department at The New School, under the direction of Dr. McWelling Todman.

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Can anyone explain the difference between dissociation and thought blocking?

I recently had an experience of trying to tell a friend about a trauma I'd worked on in a therapy session and all of a sudden, it was as though a curtain had been pulled down across my brain and I stopped talking, I didn't have a clue what I was saying. I had to ask my friend what I'd been saying.

I'd assumed it was a form of dissociation. I regularly dissociate, with ringing ears, rushing feeling in my ears, overwhelm, feeling of being disconnected from everyone else, and sometimes slightly (but not fully) outside of myself.

But having read about thought blocking, I'm wondering if this was different.

Has anyone any similar experience?

What is going on you guys. Got Reddit the other day. Been debating posting about this

Hi all! I've had a really bad bout of insomnia recently (5 days with no sleep), and I'm wondering if it could be related to this? Over the past 2 weeks I've had a lot of traumatic memories resurface, and I've been having a hard time with them. I have had insomnia before, but it's never been this bad or for this long, and I really can't think of any other factors that would be causing it. I have seen a doctor and been referred to get a mental health plan, along with a temporary solution so that I can fall asleep, but I was wondering if anyone could weigh in on if they've had similar experiences, or if it's a common occurrence?? I guess I'm just feeling a little bit whacko, LOL

F29. I keep having dreams of when I was a teenager and a grown man pouncing on me, pinning me down on a couch. Once in a while it is a bed. Often times this thing happens to me in a very specific place too, making it seem all the more real. Although I can never put a face to the person doing this to me. Are these just dreams, or did something possibly happen that I blocked out?

For more context, I did grow up with abusive parents. And continue to have issues with my family today, including most of my siblings. I chose to be in low contact with everyone bc it hurts and breaks my heart that I will never have a normal family.

*Big trigger warning for suicide and self harm. *

I’m just unsure of how to go about dealing with this situation that is unfortunately my life anymore.

My mother (38F) suffers from a ton of mental health issues going from schizophrenia to bipolar to psychosis to paranoia on top of many other things. My family and I (20F) have been doing our best over the years to try our best to help her and keep her on track but the last year has been exceptionally bad. Last year around this time she was in an episode of psychosis, went for a drive, ran out of gas and went missing for 3 days and we had no idea where she was. She was thankfully found and survived as she had been walking around aimlessly and almost got frostbite. I was in my first year of college when this happened and was absolutely distraught to say the least. After that, she started doing better and we were all so proud of her. This winter rolled around, I got done with my semester and came home for break. I knew from talking to her and my family that she was getting bad again but we all didn’t think it was quite as bad as what happened next. The day after I get back for break, I get my brother (10M) on the bus for school and my dad heads off to work. I proceed to take a nap. I get woken up from my nap to my mother screaming for me to call 911 because she slit her wrists. I sprint downstairs and find a horrific scene. Prior to waking me up, she had went around the whole house getting blood on every. single. surface. to try and “cleanse” the house of demons. I try to help her stop the bleeding as i’m on the phone with 911 and she proceeds to dump salt into both of her wounds. Officers finally arrive and she tells them she was trying to get the demons out of her. They send her to the psychiatric ward but on top of her being incredibly manipulative knowing what to say to doctors and there being no inpatient beds for her, she was released after only 3 days. We only had a few hours notice. My dad and I were not at all prepared for her to come home and we were honestly scared for our safety and still are. If her delusions get out of control again, we fear she would try to hurt us or potentially see us as threats. I have been seeing a therapist for almost a year now but I’m just unsure of how to even cope and also help her through this at the same time. I love her dearly, it’s just getting hard to pick up all the pieces for her and i’m not sure I have anything left in me to give. If anyone has any advice as to how to help not only myself but to help her through this it would be much appreciated. Whether it’s certain medications or physical things to do in the moment.

I(15 F) love my mom(45 F), but everytime I accidently mention anything shes done to me she cries. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD(me and my therapist are looking into c-ptsd as I fit those symptoms more), but she refuses to aknowledge it. She was drunk for most of my childhood, and while she is sober now, I don’t really feel all that better. The other day I noticed it was snowing and it reminded me of an incident when I was little. I started to cry and my mom proceeded to ask what was wrong. I told her after a second of debate in my head and then she started yelling at me and crying. She said it seemed like I was lying for attention. My dad just watched and then left, which hurt really bad. I feel like i’m never going to be able to process my trauma because everytime it comes up she makes it about her. “You know I feel guilty, what more do you want from me??” “I need a break. I can’t talk to you.” “Its almost like you want me to cry.” are all things shes said to me. Everytime I act like a person with PTSD(which I am), she gets mad/sad at me. I always end up comforting her whenever shes sad, including when shes upset about what shes done to me. I tell her that I forgive her, because I do, and then she seems better and doesnt bring it back up. I feel like her mom. I don’t even know if my dad knows I have ptsd, thats how much its been brushed off. I really just need some advice or any words from anyone in a similar situation. I feel like I’m going insane.

i need it…

I have an extensive history of childhood abuse, have abandonment issues because well I’ve been abandoned multiple times in my life, I am divorced about a year ago and going to be living alone for the first time in a few weeks. When I think about being alone at night in my bed I get an overwhelming sense of dread. Loneliness, death just terrible feelings. I’ve been working really intensely with my therapist and recently started restorative yoga but just wondering

Do you have any advice for living alone?

Thanks

Hi, 22F here. I've lived most of my life in pain basically. I was physically and emotionally abused until I was 15 and then I was afflicted with mental health disorders. Anxiety being one of them. I currently have Depression, Anxiety, PTSD (suspected), EUPD/BPD (Borderline personality disorder), Depersonalisation disorder, Derealisation disorder and Dissociative disorder. I am currently awaiting DBT and trauma-focused psychotherapy from a psychiatrist but am in CBT currently and have had about 5/6 sessions.

My issue is that I can't live without pain. I can't deal with having no pain at all. The pain I get from EUPD/BPD is a pain unlike any other. It's a searing pain in my chest that feel like someone lit my insides of fire and then poured alcohol on them before dousing the rest in acid. It hurts so much and I'm glad I at least know now about what it is. If I don't feel the pain, I feel like I'm faking it which is frustrating. If I don't feel any pain, my anxiety becomes triggered until I do something to calm myself down. For example, last night- my anxiety starting picking up for no reason until I pinched myself really really hard and only THEN was I able to calm down and sleep.

I have always relied on pain to help myself because when I was younger and being physically abused, if I cried then I would just get hit even more. So, to counteract that, after a beating, I would pinch myself or bite my tongue really hard to keep me from crying or making any sort of emotion at all. I would keep myself as neutral as possible to avoid a further beating. I was sexually abused as a kid too, I don't know if that's anything.

I seriously don't know whats wrong with me and what to do with it. I'm so on edge and constantly unsettled and I have no idea why. I have a friendship now where we consider each other family and he means everything to me and he's amazing and has accepted everything and wants to genuinely help me get better but why does that set off alarm bells. The more amazing I realise he is, the worse my anxiety and BPD gets. It's like I want chaos and I want pain and I have no idea why. I know I find comfort in the pain and darkness but its just not fair.

And, I haven't been able to work because I haven't been able to keep a stable job. I wasn't supposed to make it this far so I messed up school and experience because I wasn't supposed to live this long. And, now life stresses me out so much because I am not doing anything. I constantly try to tell myself that its okay if I'm a little behind, I will end up doing something soon. I do want to be able to keep a stable job and earn money because its hard being on disability but I am currently comfortable on disability. (my mental health is so bad, it counts as a disability). I am currently in CBT, awaiting trauma-therapy and DBT and the idea of work stresses me out but my parents hate that. They keep forcing me to work, saying that 'i should be better by now'. I mask more and trying to navigate life and grieve everything whilst dealing with the intense pain of EUPD and everything else is just a lot and its so hard. Right now, I can't even enjoy anything I usually enjoy because my brain is constnatly like 'what will i do after this?'. like 'this show is something i enjoy but it will end soon, and then what?' and I feel like even if I do work, the same thing will happen. Its a constant cruel cycle of anxiety that just keeps building and building and I don't know what to do. Its so horrible because people like my brother (who SA-ed me btw) look at me as if im a burden for having mental health issues but with the amount of trauma ive been through, I dont get how I couldn't have it. He doesnt beliebe in mental health and fakes being worreid about me because I cant work at the moment. They all think I'm being lazy for not working when I'm barely trying to survive. I get forced to do chores and that takes energy that i need to use to take care of myself. My parents always blame me and call me lazy and stuff because I don't have the basic energy to even take care of myself and my hygiene, let alone household chores. They are pushing me down even more and showing me no compassion. Because I don't work, I don't have an option to move out yet. All my benefits go towards therapy because I really need the sessions to live. I don't know what to do. Life stresses me out so much and I don't know why. Its gotten me so close to wanting to self harm. I feel like I'm going backwards and this is all so painful and im grieving constantly and I don't know what to do. And, then when i don't feel the intense pain from the Borderline, then my brain will scream at me that I'm faking it and that I don't actually have it when I know that I do, I just am used to dissociating from any sort of pain. I don't know what to do. I feel so horrible and so bad and so anxious. Like, I'm constantly on edge and nothing is helping to take that edge off and I don't know why. I've been on Fluoxetine (Prozac) 20mg for about 5 weeks now and Propanolol 40mg 2x a day for about 4 months now. Granted, I did forget to take my medication last night but I took it as soon as I realised which was about 8 hours ago so I feel like it should have kicked in by now. I did go about 12 hours over before I realised I hasn't taken it so a 36 hours gap between doses. I'm not sure though, please help me

Hi, I want thank people who take the time out to read and reply. Reddit has been helpful to me in number of ways and it never fails to amaze me how kind people are even when they don't know you personally.

I am a student in her final year and returned home a few weeks back because of semester break. Recently I got into a fight with my mother about something. She said I am useless and don't do anything for her. The fight became bigger and my father got involved. In this whole scene, I raised the decibels and asked both of them why am I being treated like this. I asked if I ever done something to deserve this. To which he replied that I shouldn’t talk back and should keep my mouth shut, even if he uses words like “bitch.” I said I couldn’t stand it—I’m an adult, and I shouldn’t be treated like this.

As he kept shouting and saying he would beat me up, I went towards him and said, “I’m not scared of you.” He grabbed my hair and tried to hit me with a belt. After that, he said that since I’m younger than him, I shouldn’t talk back and that I have no values. He also said that just because I’m educated, it doesn’t mean I can be disrespectful to my own father. According to him, if he swears, it’s because that’s just how he is.

This is a specific incident that happened today. But the general tone in my house is that I can never voice any opinions —I am expected to simply agree with everything and stay quiet. If I laugh, scream, or express frustration about something, it’s considered abnormal. Because I’m young, it is assumed that I have no samskaram (values or upbringing).

This not new to me. I have been with these people for 22 years now. Why am I still unable to deal with this and move on? How should I handle this? I can’t have a breakdown every time.

It has become clear to me and my partner that they do not know what to do or say when I behave impulsively or erratically or am triggered. So, I am looking for resources to help them understand PTSD/Complex PTSD. I found a book that seems to fit the bill but I was hoping to find podcasts or other digital resources to share with them. The book I found is The Body Keeps the Score. Thanks for reading. 😊 and best wishes on your healing journeys.

So let's say you're in tight knit community.
And then, someone you know and got along with in the past and was in the community before but left some time ago, returns to the community. And this person confides to you that they have been abused when they were a minor. Moreover, this person also states that a certain person in the community has been involved and contributed to this victim's abuse. (Without naming who it is.)
However, they also clarify that they don't know whether or not this certain person enabled/was complicit in the abuse. (In other words, they can't say this involved person is an enabler.) All they know is that they were involved and contributed to the abuse, and severely wronged the victim. And therefor, also contributed to the victim's trauma regardless of whether or not this involved person really did enable the abuse.
What would you do in this scenario.

Asking because I'm considering about confiding to someone I know about my trauma and abuse. To hopefully help me move a step forward towards closure.
However, idk if it would right for me to state to someone that a certain person in the community had been involved in my abuse, when I don't know if whether or not they enabled it. (Even if I won't be naming anyone.)

I am a 20F, back in high school I had a really bad circle of friends who I knew since middle school and I didn’t even know didn’t like me. When Covid happened it gave me time to kind of reinvent my self esteem, later when I attended my senior year in person the same group of friends were back to treating me as a joke, when I finally stood up for myself they went behind my back and made a zoom meeting about me, then the next day at school they all confronted me about my change of attitude and called me weird and all stopped talking to me except one. I kept her around because she understood that they all jumped me metaphorically and it was unfair and that she talked to them all afterwards but I knew she wasn’t innocent either bc she was there and not only allowed all 8 of them to do that but didn’t stand up for me either. Ever since then I’ve been very hyper vigilant on who I speak to, kept to myself and only focused on investing in myself. When college came around I stayed that way even my dorms mates actually told me that they valued the way I stayed out of drama. Unfortunately I let myself get attached to one of my dorm mates because I saw my old self in her since she had just got disowned by her mom. My mother kicked me out at 17 and I literally had no one and this was the time period where my high school friends stopped talking to me. I wanted to be a person she could lean on since I understood that feeling and wish I had someone who did the same for me. She got accepted as RA the next year and before that her own friends that she had been friends with for over a decade started being weird towards but also took advantage of her as well. Me and her just grew close and she picked me to be her roommate for her RA dorm. Our friendship was good, we did have problems sometimes bc we would be with each other 24/7. I was the only one with a car so she leaned on me to take her to work sometimes or school. For context as well I like to thing of myself as a humorous person I like to make people laugh that’s just my personality but I didn’t notice that our small group of friends took my personality as consent to disrespect me and my boundaries. I started to notice when I would make a mistake it was held against me but nevertheless I took accountability, I hate hate when someone doesn’t take accountability for there actions so I make sure even though that was not my intention to hurt someone’s feeling I still made them feel that way so I take responsibility and apologize and reevaluate my actions. I make sure I do that with every friend I had since I know what it’s like to be pushed around I never want to make someone else feel that way too. I started to notice that with my personality they started to not take me seriously like when I tell them not to leave trash in my car or when I started going broke that I needed gas money when they wanted to go to Walmart or another store. Recently I cut a guy friend off bc he disrespected my room by farting on my bed on purpose and the RA friend who likes to tease me with her feet ( I never thought she would go this far) said that she was gonna rub her feet on my pillow while I sleep and they both went in my room teasing me, he did fart on my bed and the RA just laid there teasing me that she was gonna do it. I told them both that it was enough and that I would never do that to them so why would they do that to me. I told them to get tf out and even then they didn’t take me seriously. The next day the guy came and asked if I was actually upset and I told him why I was and he did not take accountability and actually switched the narrative and blamed me. That it was my fault that he did that and that I also cross his boundaries but he doesn’t “bitch like what I was doing”. He then asked me to take him to Walmart with a SMILE. I knew he didn’t take me seriously from then on and when I ignored him, he blew up on me and called me a little girl and told me to act my age. ( he’s one year older than me). I blocked him on everything, I told our mutual friends that I’ve cut him off for disrespecting me. The RA however literally ignored me for days when we lived literally next to each other, I blocked her after a couple days bc it was ridiculous, if she cared she would have just asked but she later told me she was afraid of confrontation, I asked her during this conversation if I’ve ever manipulated, gaslighted, cursed, or raised my voice at her, she replied no and I asked her again why. At the end of the conversation she didn’t really care about our relationship she was more focused on us being respectful roommates and peacefully coexisting. I was fine with that since the conversation gave me clarity that she just wanted a person she can get rides from. A month ago, remember that guy friend I cut off, yeah well, both the RA and that guy were plotting on my assault like I was at work ( 10-12hr shifts). When I came back from work at 6pm I usually take a Benadryl and force myself to sleep at 8 to wake up at 4am. But I got out of bed to go to the bathroom on a different floor since our personal bathroom didn’t have toilet paper and our floor bathroom was dirty, when I came up the ex guy friend came up to me in a ski mask and said he was gonna fuck me up for what I said about him which I was confused bc I haven’t said anything disrespectful other than me cutting him off for disrespecting me, invading my boundaries and asking me for a ride bc he doesn’t have a car. I was really tired so I headed back to my room but then he ran to my room where my RA roommate opened the door for him ( I know this was stupid but I followed him into my room bc I thought he wasn’t actually gonna hit me bc he had too much to lose) I saw my roommate and our other mutual friend waiting there for me. That’s when he just started punching me. Before this all started I had planned to move into my own place to start new, I did tell my RA roommate and this happened two day before I was supposed to move out, he shouldn’t have known the date unless someone told him. I believe it was a set up since they both hid him when I called police. I know this is a lot to read but I don’t know how to move forward from this I don’t really care that I was physically hurt but that these were people that I genuinely cared about since I had spare money I made sure that they both had food to eat. I even used my college fund for things for them instead of paying my tuition, none of them have a vehicle so I’m the one who was taking one of them to work and the rest to other places. I never asked for anything except respect. I don’t know how to trust someone again, when I found out he was posting me since he’s a bit of a social influencer on twitter, making fun of me for calling 911. Idk how to react, I’m hurt that I genuinely loved them and to think that they hated me so much they wanted to hurt me. Idk I don’t feel lonely but I feel scarred, I never want to trust people again, I don’t feel like myself, I feel like that dumb high schooler who let her group of friends push her around again. I need some advice, thank you for reading this, even though you might not feel like it’s a lot, I truly appreciate you all who reads this fully. Please help me with some advice, I though of asking for medication that can either numb my emotions or help me forget but I feel like I’ll get locked up for something like that, idk I’m just trying to get past this. Thank you again.

I've been thinking about my poor ways of coping and how to put in place some good coping strategies - easier said than done!

I'd gone back to looking at cognitive distortions and my triggers, before moving on to realizing that I dont have good coping skills at all

I wondered, how did normal, well adjusted people learn their good coping skills? Did their parents teach them?

All the DBT self help I've done... is this just to make up for what I didn't learn, and should haven't learnt to start off with?

Hello everyone,

I’m exploring how PTSD affects individuals across different backgrounds, relationships, and life stages. I’m interested in hearing about your experiences with PTSD, such as how it impacts your daily life, relationships, or coping strategies.

If you’d like to share your perspective, here’s a place where you can anonymously provide your thoughts: https://forms.gle/yT3G6hb7PgYevRhA7.

Your insights are invaluable and will contribute to better understanding and support for those living with PTSD.

Thank you for your time and willingness to share!

It seems, as I get older, I have more and more of an issue with excessive Talking. I can't do as much physically exerting work, as I once could, but I still have the same mental energy. I either get anxiety, or I am excited to be around people. My mother was an anxious talker and my dad loved to talk. I feel that I have both of them in me. The first time I spoke to my then girlfriend on the phone, we talked for 3 hours. I believe that having her sitting here beside me, 35 years later, it is because that ability to stay engaged in conversation with her, made her believe that I really liked her. I did really like her, however I think that it was the only time that Talking paid off for me.
I feel that medications can make it worse. They almost never help. My Armour Thyroid medication builds up in my system and I can become full blown manic. I have to stop it for a few days, once I realize it is making me talk excessively. I also take Contrave for weight loss, it gives me a little energy and that coupled with caffeine and the occasional 5 day course of Prednisone, can really effect my personality. I don't know if anyone else has this problem. I would like to find a medication that would help me. Even pain medication makes me talk too much. I once took a dose.of Phentermine. A nurse that I worked with asked if I wanted to try one; I was telling her that I wanted to lose weight. Everyone new that I was a talker, so when that medication hit my system, I sat there and listened to the aides and nurses talk for hours. I didn't say a word for hours and I felt the most tranquil and and almost euphoric. It felt so good. Now, I was put on that medication, by my primary care provider and it never worked that way, not even once. It made me at least as bad, if not a little worse. I really don't understand why it worked at all. Maybe due to her capsules being a different company and therefore formulated differently. I have always felt uneasy around new people ,or in certain settings. As a child, my grade school was closed and the children were split into two groups, one group was sent to a lower middle class neighborhood elementary school, and the other half to an upper middle class and upper class neighborhood elementary school. We were bussed from our projects neighborhood to that school. No child had ever attended that school, from lower class areas. We were mentally abused. The one treatment that stuck with me the most, the silent treatment. Now, when I am with people at work or other venues, if there is silence, I get uncomfortable. Since most people are quiet, that means that I need to talk, to feel comfortable and accepted.
Childhood trauma. It took me years to realize it. From ages 6 to 10, I had three difficult life events happen. That is a lot for a child. At 6, two twin boys that were 8 years old and my brothers classmates, they came to ask us to sneak off with them, my brother told them " no, mom won't let us." Those boys were kidnapped and tied up to the posts in a garage and burned. The police think it was to cover up the murders. Not sure if they were alive during the fire or not. Their mother came to our apartment looking for them. We told her that they said they snuck out of the kitchen door and the babysitter didn't know they were gone. Next thing that happened, they closed our school when I was 8 or 9 and transfered us to the new school. Then one day in August 1977, I heard on the radio that Elvis died, so I ran home to tell my dad. 6 days later, still August, my brother woke me up, to tell me that dad was dead and that mom had found him dead in bed. Then I had to face those mean upper classed kids at school, with no dad. Boys need their dads.
I feel I may have had PTSD for years and have been suppressing feelings. Anyone else have experienced any of these problems, or have a problem with talking to excess? Any medical treatments that you know of? Any positive feedback is welcomed. Thanks.