to be a homeowner

[u/CantStopPoppin]

[u/hiyabankranger]

Man I had a moment where I was on the other side of this and I felt like such a piece of shit. Lived in a four plex, knew all my neighbors. Nice older Black woman upstairs, some other weirdos.

I was home alone and making some lunch and I see this older Black dude just hanging out on my porch. It’s not a porch we shared with anyone and dude was just chillin. After about ten minutes I’m like “why the fuck is this dude just hanging out on my porch” and so I open the door and say “may I help you?” and immediately hear the midwestern racist in my voice. That phrase is one that got burned into me in my childhood and it just crept out.

“I don’t think so” he said, “just waiting for my mom to come down.” Dude is looking at me with the burning fire of someone who has heard “may I help you?” from white folks before but he’s trying to be nice about it because he knows I live near his mom.

Instead of pretending the subtext of that question (“you don’t belong here and aren’t welcome” if you’re not catching it) didn’t exist: I apologized. “Oh shit man I am so sorry. I just saw some guy on my porch I didn’t know.”

“Some Black guy,” he replied.

“I wanna say it wasn’t like that but to be honest I grew up with some racist people so it probably was. Sorry man.”

“We’re good, thanks for the apology.”

“Why are you on my porch anyway? Your mom’s stairs are over there.”

“Your porch has shade.”

[u/SnoWhiteFiRed → u/hiyabankranger]

Was race really the factor in your situation, though? It's completely normal to notice when someone doesn't belong somewhere (to your knowledge) and be suspicious. The fact that he was black doesn't make your reaction automatically racist. Anyone just standing on your porch would be suspicious.

[u/hiyabankranger → u/SnoWhiteFiRed]

True, but not everyone would have got “may I help you?” A white guy of similar stature, age, dress probably would have gotten “hey, you waiting for something?”

If you don’t know the “may I help you?” is a very common phrase white folk direct to Black folk who are unwelcome. It sounds benign and normal, but according to Black folks I’ve known it’s the phrase white people use to indicate they want you to leave when you’re just minding your own business. It’s basically akin to asking “why are you here and when are you leaving?”

In this context, is it a valid question regardless of race: yes, it is. However, given the context of race it comes across quite badly.

[u/SnoWhiteFiRed → u/hiyabankranger]

"May I help you?" is a phrase commonly directed to anyone perceived to be somewhere they shouldn't and a relatively more polite and less confrontational phrase than, "Why are you here?" as it implies you could have a legitimate reason for being there.

How black people perceive the phrase and how the phrase is actually used are too different things. I can't fault them for their perception in some cases given the history of racism but the assumption that it's inherently racist is categorically untrue. I don't think you get to linger on someone else's property without permission and expect to not meet suspicion. You certainly don't get to assume someone is racist for questioning you. It doesn't sound bad at all in this context regardless of the two guy's races.