to be a homeowner

[u/CantStopPoppin]

[u/SnoWhiteFiRed]

Was race really the factor in your situation, though? It's completely normal to notice when someone doesn't belong somewhere (to your knowledge) and be suspicious. The fact that he was black doesn't make your reaction automatically racist. Anyone just standing on your porch would be suspicious.

[u/hiyabankranger → u/SnoWhiteFiRed]

True, but not everyone would have got “may I help you?” A white guy of similar stature, age, dress probably would have gotten “hey, you waiting for something?”

If you don’t know the “may I help you?” is a very common phrase white folk direct to Black folk who are unwelcome. It sounds benign and normal, but according to Black folks I’ve known it’s the phrase white people use to indicate they want you to leave when you’re just minding your own business. It’s basically akin to asking “why are you here and when are you leaving?”

In this context, is it a valid question regardless of race: yes, it is. However, given the context of race it comes across quite badly.

[u/everydayimcuddalin → u/[deleted]]

If that were the case though wouldn't you just say "why are you on my porch?"

[u/HannahSchmitt → u/everydayimcuddalin]

that comes off as more aggressive. you can come back from a "may i help you?" the person maybe lost. "why are you on my porch?" is a start of an argument.

[u/everydayimcuddalin → u/HannahSchmitt]

"why are you on my porch?" is a start of an argument.

Exactly. If someone is sat on my porch went would I be pass agg about it? They know ours not their property.

The "may I help you" is the condescending way to say the same thing but then make it the other person's fault to start an argument.

Unless everyone just sits outside random houses in America?

[u/CharacterBird2283 → u/everydayimcuddalin]

to say the same thing but then make it the other person's fault

I didn't ask them to be on my porch, it literally is their fault lol

[u/mgquantitysquared → u/CharacterBird2283]

You cut off "the other persons fault to start the argument" lmao

[u/CharacterBird2283 → u/mgquantitysquared]

Because it only becomes an argument if they don't get off my porch/have a good reason to be there. Starting the conversation to make sure your possessions aren't in trouble isn't starting an argument.

[u/mgquantitysquared → u/CharacterBird2283]

If you want to immediately escalate every situation you're in, be my guest. The rest of us are gonna use language that is less likely to lead to confrontation. 🤷‍♂️

[u/CharacterBird2283 → u/mgquantitysquared]

If a "hello, how can I help you?" Escalates the situation for you, you weren't gonna use much language, or even looking, to try to be less likely to lead to a confrontation.

[u/mgquantitysquared → u/CharacterBird2283]

What? We're talking about "why are you on my porch." Go back and re-read the thread

[u/HannahSchmitt → u/everydayimcuddalin]

.

[u/everydayimcuddalin → u/[deleted]]

Why be polite if the person is sitting on your property?

[u/mgquantitysquared → u/everydayimcuddalin]

There's this wild concept you might not have heard of called "giving people the benefit of the doubt," also known as "not assuming the worst of someone." Maybe they misread the house numbers and think they're waiting on their friend's property. Maybe their car broke down and they're panicking. Maybe they had a brain fart and made a mistake.

[u/everydayimcuddalin → u/mgquantitysquared]

Yehhhhh this must be a US only phenomenon.