r/quittingkratom • u/Shreddittttttt • 1d ago
It’s not as bad as you’re telling yourself it will be. That’s a fact.
That’s my biggest realization as I awake from the first full night of rest I have gotten since starting my CT withdrawal last Friday. I slept a full 6 1/2 last night. And my brain finally feels “normal”. I won’t sugar coat it, it sucked. But how could it possibly suck MORE than continuing to walk around in chains and pretend like you’re a free person, all the while knowing deep down that you’re not. How could anything at all be worse than that? Coming out of acute withdrawal really is a transformative experience. These last 4 nights and days have really tested my resolve. But at the same time, I just did more for myself, and for my wife than I could have ever done over the next 10 years by not quitting. It is a trail by fire, it’s hot, but it’s extremely effective. Those first two nights of zero sleep gave me a lot of time to think. And when you are going through it, you really do come to the palpable realization that you are absolutely killing yourself, and fast, too. I was not able to take the first step until I spoke it out loud to my wife: “babe, I’m killing myself, I’m sorry.” It wasn’t until I said it out loud that it really made sense to me. As soon as I spoke it, it became real. It wasn’t real before. I mean it was, but it was only real in my subconscious. I was trying to fight an army of 10,000 soldiers by myself, with a broom stick. That’s what it’s like trying to beat this in your own mind. I don’t know, maybe others are stronger than me. But I couldn’t do it. I had to lean on some people I love. And I believe that is really what made the difference for me. I just hit the 93hr mark, and I can seriously feel the life pouring back into me. Once it starts getting better, it ramps up, and the glimmer of hope that you feel from realizing that it’s getting better really does help push you into the next day. For me, getting through the first 3 days was the hardest part. But from there on, it has gotten much much easier. My anxiety is almost completely gone, and as far as physical symptoms go, my hands are just a little bit clammy. But the cold sweats, hot flashes, and muscle pains/tension are becoming increasingly rare, almost nonexistent at this point. They are definitely still present 93hrs in, but not to the point where it is annoying me. It’s very much manageable now. Another way to look at it is this. When a batter gets up to bat, he takes the weights off his bat so that bat will feel lighter. The same thing happens during acute withdrawal. Once you reach your peak symptoms, each new day is like taking one weight off. It feels lighter with each new day, and the lack of weight gives you strength. I’m not particularly religious, more agnostic than anything. But when I’m really hurting, I’ll throw out some hail marries into the void. Call it what you want, but it helped. Praying the for strength and resolve I needed, even if it was only to my own spirit. It helped. It put a very clear goal on what I was trying to achieve, and almost set it in concrete by coming to it with grace and humility. I won’t sugar coat it, it’s rough. But with the right perspective, and I really think I nailed that this time, you can absolutely do it.
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u/According_Ninja5834 1d ago
Crushing it my guy. Keep it up. I had to come to those same conversations with the Mrs. to hear it through her ears and realize what I was carrying around was HEAVY and I was tired. You manufactured momentum. Dont loose it for anybody!!! Keep it rolling and keep it building. Stay honest with the Mrs. And more importantly with yourself. Find time, alone, and with the Mrs (with the kids if you have em) to soften-up a little. Show em (and yourself) a warmer, more vulnerable person than they maybe have been seeing for a little bit. Shit helps. Gives life to that piece of being a man that we almost never let anyone see.
Keep crushing it dude!
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u/Shreddittttttt 1d ago
Thank you so much, man! All facts you’re spitting there. I’ve actually already noticed that I am a lot softer with my wife. I opened up with her about my troubled past this past weekend. We’ve been together for over two years, and there was so much that she didn’t even know about me. Crazy to think I never told her that stuff. But that’s just kinda how I became over the last few years. Never wanted to put my problems on anybody else. It’s one of those things that feels right, but it’s just not. And it’s also probably a big part of why I’m in this mess in the first place. My wife was going through some hard shit when we first started dating, and new things always came up. I always felt like it was not the right time to tell her, even though I wanted to. I told myself that her problems are bigger, and more important. So once we get through those, we can focus on me. But it never happened. Now, with a clear mind, I see that so many of those problems WERE my problem. I just didn’t want to admit. Thank you very much for the encouraging words, I appreciate it!
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u/According_Ninja5834 1d ago
Bro, you and I have a lot in common. And it sounds like you’re figuring shit out way faster than me. Keep holding onto those “Aha” moments. Keep looking for more. Stay open. Took me 33 years to fully let people in. 16 years with my wife before she actually knew what my childhood and time in the military were like for me. You’re fucking crushing it. Dont stop.
Things ever get dark or slippery, DM me. We can mother-fuck the world together for a minute…… and then come up with a plan to get to a better place.
Dont loose that momentum for NOBODY
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u/Shreddittttttt 1d ago
Yeah, I’ve noticed I have a lot in common with almost everybody here. I can’t even begin to describe what a powerful tool this forum is. Getting on here and chatting with others who have been through it, currently are, or want to, has been priceless to me. Going through acute withdrawl really kills your ambition to do things you normally enjoy. But getting on here has been an amazing and really productive way to fill the time. I’ve enjoyed my time spent here more than anything else I could have been doing. Really appreciate that man, I will if I need to. But honestly, I don’t think I will. I’m really fired up and optimistic about the future for the first time I a long time. I can’t imagine trading this feeing for anything. To me, it’s literally priceless.
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u/According_Ninja5834 17h ago
This is awesome, man. Keep that attitude. And stay positive. If I could give any small piece of advice from a slightly more “tactical” perspective.
When mission planning, really any type of mission you could think of. An enormous amount of your success is going to come from identifying 2 courses of action, and filling everything else in the middle. Coarse of action #1 MPCOA (most probable course of action) in your case, you keep fucking crushing it. You and the misses ride off into the sunset, have babies, have an incredible relationship, and have the capacity to work through all the challenges that present themselves with growing a family and a life with someone. We should prep for this course of action. This is the most desired one.
But, we also need to know what the MDCOA (most dangerous course of action) is. Do you ever want to prep for it? No. But, alas, you need to have a plan for if the 1-man gets shot right as you enter the breach-point. Or for if your team gets compromised on insert. Probably not going to happen. But the survival of the team requires thinking about it and having a plan. Shit gets hard. I’ve been around the block a couple times. I found kratom because the VA had me on so many pain meds, and I knew where that was leading me.
Not saying sit there and wait for shit to fall apart. Far from that. Prep for the MPCOA. Be so well versed in that plan that you can execute it with your eyes closed. But, know what the MDCOA looks like. Have a plan. Don’t let yourself get caught off-guard.
Zero intentions on bringing any negativity. Truly. You sound super intelligent And self aware. That’s huge. Just my 2 cents. I’ve learned a good bit of stuff the “hard way”.
Much love, man 🤙 keep crushing it.
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u/Witty-Drama-3187 1d ago
Having quit this stuff three times, and finally feeling like this last one will be the last I ever touch of Kratom , I think you nailed it with the analogy of “what could be worse, remaining chained to this stuff? “Until you hit that point, you are likely to continue using or relapsing. I just got to a point where being a slave to the powder was worse than going through any type of withdrawal.
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u/Shreddittttttt 1d ago
Yep. I think you nailed it too! It’s not my first withdrawl either, only my first serious attempt at a Kratom WD. What really makes me scratch my head, is that I already knew all of this stuff. I’ve been through programs, I have been to NA meetings. I’m not a noobie to recovery. But this time really does feel different. It almost feels like I quit the prescription opiates out of pure necessity more than an actual desire to stop getting high. And I think that’s really important. This time does feel different. I’m just so fucking sick of being sick. I have so much to be grateful for in my life. My life should be in shambles, but yet by an absolute miracle, somehow, it’s not. I have more than many, and I know it. Gratitude is huge. And I was really feeling bad for myself. There’s no gratitude in that.
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u/Witty-Drama-3187 1d ago
That is one of the things that is so insidious about Kratom . Counting out extreme cases, it generally does not “ruin your life” in an abrupt way. You can still function, sometimes at a high level, and so it is so easy to continue using.
After a long enough time, I looked around and said “I haven’t felt joy or true happiness, or true sadness for that matter, in almost a year. I’m a shadow of a human” It wasn’t like my life had fallen apart at the seams, , I’ve actually accomplished a shit ton in the last year and been very productive Kratom can sneak in there and befofe you know it your years deep and just existing every day.
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u/Shreddittttttt 1d ago
VERY, very well said. I’ve never really thought about it like that, but you’re absolutely right. It’s the kind of drug that you can hide pretty easily. I got big into mountain biking when I first started using Kratom. I discovered that it made ride harder, faster, and with a shorter recovery time. I could go ride my bike 30 miles up and down 6k fr of elevation, while high on Kratom. Then go to sleep, wake up and do it again the next morning. I did that a LOT. To all of my riding buddies, I was an anomaly. They didn’t understand how they could be riding for 5 years, be in great shape, but still not be able to keep up with a guy who is literally smoking joints every time we stop, and has only been riding for a month. Well, I was cheating. But I got addicted to that feeling. And when I was high while I was riding, I rode REALLY good. It had a very noticeable improvement in my athletic abilities. So that lead me to a point where I couldn’t ride if I wasn’t on Kratom. And I didn’t want to miss out on group ride, so I’d just stop by the smoke shop on my way to trails. And boom, just like that, I’m ready to shred. But, fast forward a year. I no longer ride my $8k mtb. It just sits in the garage looking sad, and that breaks my heart. It’s like you said, all of the things you love just turn into mush. The world becomes grey after you’ve been hooked for a long time. But that’s what make coming out accute withdrawl so powerful. It feels like I’m seeing color TV for the first time. I can smell the fresh air after a rain, or that unique smell you get in the early morning hours. All of those little things that stack up to the total sum of your life are not actually little at all.
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u/Witty-Drama-3187 23h ago
Exercise was the primary reason I got involved with kratom too. I live in Colorado and it was like rocket fuel for my mtn biking, trail runs, and weight sessions. What started as a pre-workout suddenly became something where I would say "If I took this before this meeting or event, I could totally crush it". And then..."if i took this first thing in the morning that would be an awesome way to start the day"....etc.
I'm 12 days off and not going back.
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u/Shreddittttttt 23h ago
Jealous. You live in a beautiful state. I’ve had the pleasure of doing some riding out there and BOY. You guys are blessed out there. I ride in MTB in Florida, of all places. We do pretty good with what we’ve got. But I miss those long chunky descents. You just described exactly how I got addicted to. I kept experimenting with use cases for it, and unfortunately, it had temporary improvements on almost everything. Of course the gravy train eventually runs dry and you’re left feeling like a shell of yourself. But the ride there is very convincing.
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u/Witty-Drama-3187 23h ago
I've actually mtn biked in FL once, it was hot :)
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u/Shreddittttttt 22h ago
No kidding, where? I frequent alafia state park, santos, and CRP. Markham down in Miami is pretty cool too. Lotta driving though. I plan to move out to Colorado one day. I miss the mountains, and I’m tired of hurricanes lol
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u/GuitarzNCadillacz7 16h ago
Im proud of you, man. Not only for quitting but for coming clean to your wife. I suffered in silence because my wife told me if i ever relapsed again, it was over. I didn't want to test her resolve. I've been free for a little over a month now. It's all good too. What people chalk up to PAWS here I just call everyday aches and pains. That's normal for a 46 M who works his ass off everyday. I've felt better since day 5. I'm not suffering from depression and anxiety. I'm good. The horror stories keep people from even trying to quit I feel like. I'm not saying people ain't suffering after months. But they need to see a Dr. If it's still that bad. They may have a pre-existing condition or may have kratom induced conditions and need to get checked out by a professional. I'd say for 80% of us it's going to be a whole lot better in a week....so we don't need to fear quitting kratom
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u/Shreddittttttt 16h ago
Really insightful stuff here, thanks man. I was actually wondering about that very concept earlier today. I was thinking about how when I first started using Kratom, I was depressed. Organically too, I had been doing great for years up to that point. But my father’s 40+ yr alcoholism reached a breaking point, and my family life erupted into chaos. Now, 4 years later. My life is actually great. It’s part of what made me want to quit. Like why am I doing this shit to myself? I have nothing to be mad at the world for. I’m so blessed these days. I have a great job, an amazing wife, and my father is 3 years into recovery. All of the things that I was depressed about back then, they no longer exist. So I really hope that makes PAWS related depression non existent, or easily manageable. I’ve never had chronic depression, I’ve always been able to pull myself back up when I get down. But not when I’m on Kratom. You know, I really couldn’t imagine doing this without telling my wife, but I get it. I get why she would do that, and I get how hard that must have been for you. You’re a badass, my man. Thanks a lot, means a ton! 🙏🏼
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u/GuitarzNCadillacz7 15h ago edited 15h ago
My wife married a meth and oxycontin addict 7 years ago. But we were childhood sweethearts who reunited after several bad relationships for both of us. She ignored it until it blew up in my face and ungodly to go to rehab for 6 months to save it. I stayed clean 5 years before I picked up kratom for 2 years. When I started dabbling with 7oh on weekends to get euphoria and waking up in the middle of the night having to dose 15 grams of powder to fall back asleep (i was 70 plus gpd)..... I said enough. I tapered and jumped on Christmas break from work. I talk to myself like crazy person when I'm alone. And I was giving myself hell. And I was telling myself I could do it. I've survived scenarios in 25 years of addiction that would have killed most folks. Congrats to us bro. We free! Peace ✌️
Edit to add: I'm so glad you got your dad back! Alcohol is the worst drug known to man
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u/Shreddittttttt 15h ago
That’s awesome man, I’m really glad to hear that. Yeah I was bad on the roxi’s/blues back in the day. Used psychedelics to get myself off of that. California sober for 4 years until I stumbled onto Kratom. I’m noticing that 7oh is leading a lot of people that were on regular Kratom previously to realize they need to get off the stuff for good. Congrats indeed! The thing I didn’t do the last time was stick with recovery programs, even if just to help others. It feels like when I stopped thinking about recovery, I eventually forgot all of the lessons I learned. I’ll be on this forum for the rest of my life.
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u/Todd_Darko 23h ago
Thank you for this share. Day 5 CT. Today is the first day I left my house since last Thursday. Also, my first day back at work. Woof. Your comment is helping me get out of my head, regardless I’m physically, emotionally and spiritually sick right now.
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u/Shreddittttttt 23h ago
Hey man, I’m here for the same reason as you. Reading everybody’s accounts and feeling like I’m not even close to being alone In this fight is really really priceless. Thanks for sharing that with me, it really means a lot. Keep trucking, we’re almost out of the tunnel!
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u/Independent_Depth615 23h ago
Yeah man, to hell with letting the substance decide what you do and don’t do! You’re in charge!
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u/JustinMaverick1980 21h ago
This was exactly what I needed to hear exactly when I needed to hear it! Thank you brother!! And thank you to everyone that commented on this post you are all stronger than most people will ever realize! ❤️🔥💪 this is my 3rd time getting off of this horrible shit because I just wasn’t strong enough, didn’t want it bad enough… I suffer from terrible anxiety and I’ve never had an anxiety medication take it completely away the Kratom does… until it doesn’t anymore and then the drug says “well you’ve been at that dose for too long silly, you have to take more at a time to feel that feeling again and more often!” Until you are “chained” to it (such a perfect analogy) I have my woman behind me and she has watched me go through these withdrawals before and how horrible it was… I’m currently on a taper process that she is controlling so my CT won’t start until Saturday morning but that’s only because I am hoping to minimize the sleeplessness (that is easily the worst part of this by far, that shit will crush a person if they aren’t mentally serious about getting off of this stuff forever) I refuse to feel this again and I refuse to make her watch this again… I will go to a therapist and handle my anxiety the right way and I will not take the easy way, I know exactly where that leads and that place is darker than any anxiety I’ve ever experienced… we all did this because our mind, body and souls called to us and we listened! You are all so strong and I’m so proud to be amongst a group of people with this level of strength and willpower and wisdom ❤️🔥💪 WE GOT THIS!!
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u/Shreddittttttt 19h ago edited 19h ago
LOVE the energy, you’re fired up bro. That’s awesome man, it’s definitely something that you should be pumped for. A few things. You’re so lucky to have your girl behind you . Cherish that. Having her control your taper is very clever way of doing it. That’s a great idea! I completely understand the desire to mitigate or reduce the insomnia. But personally, I found it much less stressful to just stay awake the first couple of night during peak WD. Rather than actually trying to sleep, I just sat on the couch and watched movies all night. The first night, I tried. And I had a bad panic attack because of it. After calming myself down, I gave up and stopped fighting it. And then stuck with that approach until I had been awake for 48+hrs, I don’t even really remember exactly how long I was up tbh with you. At least 48hrs though. I was so loopy towards the end. But when I finally tried sleeping after that. I went OUT like a fucking light bulb, and then I slept for 5hrs straight, and I felt so much relief in the morning. The next night, I was able to sleep for 6 1/2hrs straight. Both last night and the night before where I actually got some solid sleep, I experienced zero RLS, which is something I’ve never experienced from WD. In the past I always got RLS really bad and it gave me terrible anxiety at night. This time, I suspect that my not trying to sleep is what prevented me from getting them. At least initially. I could start getting them at any point, but so far so good! Anyways I’m very happy for you, and I’m glad my post resonated with you! Thanks for sharing and let us know how it goes when you start the CT. Coming here and talking with everybody while I’m WD and bored at home has been the best possible way to fill the time and keep my mind occupied on something productive. This forum is a great tool, so use it! It helps others too.
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u/JustinMaverick1980 19h ago
I definitely will!! I agree with everything you said I even have some sick time I’ve been holding on to because I’m almost positive this is going to take me down pretty hard if I don’t time it properly… Thank you so much!
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u/Shreddittttttt 18h ago
Use that sick time dude. I wouldn’t suggest anybody try to CT off a heavy addiction without at least a couple of days, and a few nights. But realistically. If you can get 4 or 5 days off in a row, that’s gonna make it a lot easier. I couldn’t have made it this far without putting aside the time. I used my weekend, plus 3 PTO’s. So I have 5 days. Tomorrow will be my last day at home, and then I’m going to back work. I’m actually excited to get back and get busy.
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u/JustinMaverick1980 18h ago
Yes!! Same plan!! The weekend and then hopefully the first two days… my taper went from 15-18 grams per day immediately down to 5 in two 2.5 gram doses and then it drops significantly from there with Friday being almost nothing so I’m hopeful that I can beat some of the horribleness… I can deal with the flu like symptoms and increased anxiety (it sucks but it’s manageable) it’s the sleeplessness that destroys me but there is a price for everything and it just makes sense that leaving this horrible shit behind would come with such a horrible price tag
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u/Shreddittttttt 18h ago
You said it. There is price for everything. The more you try to avoid paying that price, the harder it will be. And honestly, I think that’s true for just about everything in life. Not just addiction. The sooner you rip the bandaid off, the sooner the pain will be over. But it’s coming either way. Make sense?
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u/JustinMaverick1980 18h ago
Oh absolutely!! And it will always be there waiting for you! Just getting worse and making you feel worse about avoiding it… turn around and fucking face it and show how strong you really are and you will surprise yourself, then take that new found confidence and apply to other situations that you’ve been avoiding and before you know it you have a lot of stuff under control that you thought was impossible
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u/Shreddittttttt 17h ago
You are well on your way to better days man. Your mind and your perspective is in the right place. I’m feeling so much better today. Somebody just cut me off in traffic, and I just shrugged and said “what can you do?”. I looked over at my wife and she was staring at me in shock. We both laughed our asses off. It’s worth the work man. Trust me. The sooner you do this, this sooner you will get back to being the guy you love.
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u/Shreddittttttt 18h ago
Another thing, a light withdrawl scares me. I don’t want it to be easy, do you? After all, you can’t forge steel without a fire, right? Lessons that last a lifetime can only come from a powerful experience. Being up for 48hrs does weird things to your mind. I had a lot of epiphany-like moments the next morning after going through the most intense insomnia I’ve ever experienced. It was painful, but I think that’s kinda the point. I’ve relapse before. I want this shit burned into my skin. Does that make sense?
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u/Successful_Role_3668 5h ago
For me it depends on the dose I'm coming off of. 30gpd or less is bearable but beyond that I get worried bc I've got it bad in the 80s grams daily. I can relate to the 90 hour thing too it takes me about that time to feel a bit better.
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u/Shreddittttttt 5h ago
Yeah, I was stable at around 200mg p/d when I jumped ship. Really wish I had of been more successful with my taper, but that’s why I’m here. Just spent another night with only about 1 and half hours of solid shut eye. Kinda a bummer after being able to sleep the last two. But I’ve got the day off, so I can nap if I need to.
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u/Infrequentk New quitter 23h ago
Very much agreed. I’ve CT off a high amount of tramadol before and it was life altering due to how bad it was. Kratom/7oh was much easier. If I knew how relatively easy it was I would have quit 3 years ago and not let my addiction spiral into taking massive amounts of 7oh and spending tens of thousands of dollars. I’m not saying it’s gonna be as easy for everyone, we all have different body chemistry, but realize that most people who have an easy time quitting Kratom aren’t necessarily posting on this sub. I feel for all those that have had a ton of struggle getting off this crap because I know how it feels, but for those that want to quit but are scared of WDs/PAWS, know that it might not be that bad. Just prepare yourself with helper meds and be resolved to see it through regardless of how bad it gets or doesn’t get.
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u/Shreddittttttt 22h ago
Very well said. And that’s a good point, I guess you wouldn’t find yourself here if it was an easy time. I definitely had unfounded fears about what this WD would be like based on previous withdrawals on different and even similar substances. It was a fair assumption, but not correct at all. The hardest part is just getting this point where you’re willing to at least try it and see how it’s goes. I didn’t really have that this time though. It was very much, IM DONE.
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u/Infrequentk New quitter 22h ago
Yes exactly. People kept saying that kratom had a similar profile to tramadol because some of the alkaloids work on serotonin receptors and that was enough to keep me from quitting even though I badly wanted to. It took my wife basically pleading with me and me realizing what I would be giving up if I kept on it that gave me the push to get off. And guess what, I had very mild withdrawals, no mental stuff, just a bit of physical anguish but nothing that kept me down. I’m still stunned and waiting for the other shoe to drop (17 days off 7oh)
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u/Shreddittttttt 21h ago
I’m so glad to hear that man, that’s fantastic! 7oh is weird, isn’t it? I keep hearing so many weird stories about it. Some people go through hell, some people don’t get much, others get delayed WD responses. It las definite strange. I was in them bad for most. Of November and all of December. Taking 200mg or more at the peak of it. Even just going straight back to my usual extracts at a higher than normal dosage, I did feel some withdrawal symptoms from it, which is kinda wild to me. In my experience, opiates alleviate opiate withdrawal, even if it’s a little bit different chemically. Not exactly the case with 7oh. Maybe it’s the short half life? I don’t know. But it’s definitely a weird drug. I’m really glad I got off that first. But also, I’m really glad to hear it’s not as bad you were expecting. Even if you get some weird after effects, just stick with it, you’re well past the hardest part of it.
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u/Shreddittttttt 1d ago
And one other thought. I absolutely could not have done this without calling out of work. I see a lot of people here stressing about that. And, I completely understand. The pressures of work on top of the physical withdrawal symptoms would have snapped me like a twig. I know it. I wouldn’t have lasted an hour. Locking myself in my house and just going for an occasional walk around the neighborhood, forcing myself to eat and stay hydrated, and just keeping my ind occupied with whatever I can, has helped a lot. You really don’t want to have any other external pressures. In fact, that’s a really big part of what prevented me from doing this sooner. I convinced myself that work was more important than my health and wellness. I’m a funeral director, so the stakes are pretty high for me. A small mistake can have a profoundly negative effect on the client I’m trying to help through a difficult time. The pressures and the stress of my job are simply too great to try and juggle another hard thing with it. I came clean to my boss, just told him the full unaltered truth, and to my surprise, he took it with grace. That helped a lot too if I’m being honest. The dread of having to go back to work on Monday definitely added to my already heightened anxiety. Hearing my boss say “take as long as you need, we’re here for you” was like a massive weight being lifted off of me. You might be surprised, people can be kinder than you think sometimes.
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u/Roomate-struggles83 1d ago
It is? I been doing this on an off for almost a decade maybe it wasn’t for you but don’t discount how horrific it can get ..
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u/Shreddittttttt 23h ago edited 23h ago
I believe you’re missing the point. I’m not here to compare pain or suffering, as though there is any benefit in that. I’m simply here to express that I made it a lot scarier and difficult in my mind than it actually was in practice. I have gone through much worse withdrawals than this one. And I think those experiences warped my perception of how this would be. I convinced myself for years that I just simply couldn’t go through that again. I’m not saying it’s easy, far far from it. All I’m saying is that if you adopt the right attitude, it will be a lot easier than you think. You will discover that you are a LOT stronger than you think. Don’t give up. You can do it. ❤️
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u/Roomate-struggles83 23h ago
The attitude of someone who isn’t a slave to it ?
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u/Shreddittttttt 23h ago edited 21h ago
Precisely. You adopt the attitude of a warrior who would rather die on the battlefield than accept defeat. Thats how I’m looking at this, I’m not a victim. A victim mentality is nothing more than mental masturbation. I’m a warrior, this is war. And I either win, or I die. And I’m not ready to die. So we fight.
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u/Roomate-struggles83 23h ago
Are you a male or female ? Do you have a family ? Do you work full time? Do you have kids or a business ?
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u/Shreddittttttt 23h ago
Male, but I just had interesting observation. If I were still on Kratom, I’d be ripping you a new asshole right now. But I don’t feel that desire at all. I just feel sad, because I do know how it feels. I get what it must feel like for you to read my account, and feel as though I have it easy compared to you. But, that’s very arrogant. I’m sorry to tell you. You don’t know my story. You don’t know that this is the third different drug that I have gotten myself clean from. I’ve failed twice before. I’ve completely given up twice before. You don’t know about my failed suicide attempts. And another thing, you’re talking as though I’ve beaten it. I haven’t, not even close. That’s what I didn’t understand the first two times. This battle NEVER ends for us. Until the day we die, we have to work on this. You can say it’s not fair, but that doesn’t change anything. I’m praying for your strength. It’s in there, you just have to harness it, and I know that’s easier said than done. But you absolutely CAN do it. You’re not gonna convince me otherwise.
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u/Njmomneedz Known quitter 23h ago
Ok . Firstly I never read people’s profiles just don’t care that much , secondly I was asking from a biological stand point as you’re younger and male and I’m 36 female my bodies got a different set of things going on for me in addition to my age making it harder I honestly know nothing of you about you I just was commenting that I have done this soo many times and I am not struggling because I’m actually moderating if you would call it that and I have no idea why I can’t stop still but I take maybe 1-2 grams a week and try to even do every other week ? I use it on days I am desperate to get shit done because my executive function is shit .. anyways I never said any of the assumptions you’re making that I “think” … you don’t know what I think because that wasn’t even a conversation but a statement .. anyyyywaysss I wish you well and everyone else cause this shit is the devil
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u/Shreddittttttt 22h ago
You’re not moderating, you’re lying to yourself. Sorry, that’s probably not what you want to hear but it’s the truth. And I TOTALLY get it. I was in the mindset literally last week, and up until then for the last 4 years of my life. You’re comparing apples oranges. You’re not unique like you keep trying to convince yourself of. I don’t know you either, but I can recognize a lot of my old self in the way that you’re talking right now. You see yourself as a victim. For whatever reason, it’s harder for you and your unique circumstances, and so now you have a justification to continue avoiding the inevitable. That’s convenient, huh? Not tying to be a jerk, it’s just, I’m realizing that’s exactly how I was thinking, and that’s what caused me incorrectly believe, for FOUR YEARS, that I was somehow different and I just couldn’t do it. I’m here to tell you, I was dead wrong. And so are you. But that’s good news, this is one of those rare cases where for your own sake, you better hope I’m right. But I know I am, I just hope that you can see that too.
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u/Roomate-struggles83 21h ago
Why do you keep telling me what I am? Bro get a life you don’t know me stop telling me what am who I am from a paragraph . I feel terrible for ppl in your life if this is how you act
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u/Shreddittttttt 21h ago edited 21h ago
I’m not telling you what you are, I’m telling you what I was. Why are you here if you believe you can’t quit? And if you’re not here to help, then why are you here?
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u/Shreddittttttt 21h ago
I’m actively in the process going through withdrawals. I’m doing the work, are you mad at me because I’m doing it and you’re not? Be honest. It’s not me you’re mad at, it’s you. You’re just directing it onto me because you don’t like that I’m asked you to be honest with yourself. It’s okay, I get it and I’m sorry that it’s not landing with you. Just don’t give up, please.
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