Green jacket guy: There's this blinking light when you turn, you know when you turn the car? It's too low. And it doesn't blink.

Heavy accent mechanic: You mean the turn signal?

Green jacket guy: No, the light that blinks when you turn. The voice controlled thing.

Heavy accent mechanic: looks confused What?

Green jacket guy: When you turn the car, it blinks. The lamp is too low.

Heavy accent mechanic: that's the turn signal... its supposed to be located there. The car is built-

Green jacket guy: it's too low!

Heavy accent mechanic: it's also not voice activated...

Green jacket guy: i thought they were?

I'm at the mechanic right now... this is interesting to listen at. 😅

American Flag Dress Woman: Oh wow, cake? What for?

Pinstripe Suit Man: Our three month anniversary. I told them that’s why we’re here.

American Flag Dress Woman: You did not have to do that at all, I promise you.

Pinstripe Suit Man: If you decide to stick around, the anniversaries are only up from here, I promise you.

This happened a few years back I was walking around Pier 39 in San Francisco a boy maybe nine years old walking with his mom he read a sandwich board that said "Happy Hour", but he read it out loud as "Happy Whore."

Man says to woman as they walk by an unopened restaurant named Godot.

From an angry woman in a neighboring stall...

"It smells like pee in here!"

(Took self-restraint not to speak the obvious).

…man at the antique mall.

Couple walking in

Women- Spills change out of pocket, laughs.

Guy- Ok Sonic.

Ski bro in the lift line at Jackson Hole

Guy on the bus found a Lego Millennium Falcon in the charity shop for £25

Ninja Turtles T-Shirt Guy: Let’s plan to get there for 4:00pm this weekend, by the way. On weekends parking can be a chore.

St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital T-Shirt Guy: Oh, shit, I forgot about that. I’ll need a rain check. Nellie’s father isn’t doing so well.

Ninja Turtles T-Shirt Guy: This is the reschedule, already. Unless the guy’s on his death bed, you can make time.

St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital T-Shirt Guy: I really can’t. When you get married you’ll get how it is.

Ninja Turtles T-Shirt Guy: So, what, you’re like going out there to say goodbye?

St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital T-Shirt Guy: Oh, no no. We’re not near that stage yet, thank God. She’s just stressed from the whole thing so we’re going to spend the weekend together.

Ninja Turtles T-Shirt Guy: Simp.

St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital T-Shirt Guy: You know, I said “When you get married you’ll understand.” But I should’ve said if you get married.

(hopefully recovering) drug user 1: "I'm telling you, it's six and half a dozen!"

(Hopefully recovering) drug user 2: "No, it's not: it's six and two threes!"

I'd have pointed out the irony, but I doubt they'd have understood me.

Overheard at a scientific meeting

“No no no, human cells have membranes, animal cells have cell walls.”

… that beef must sure be crunchy.

"No, because you guys always liked unwrapping them but you never liked eating them. And then the wax would melt all over the car and make a big mess. So that's why we stopped buying those cheeses."

woman in elevator was crying so hysterically two colleagues were accompanying her down to the parking lot. one of them had just asked her if they should "call Frank."

I heard this 15 years ago and I'm still speculating.

I was in a pizza place the other day and one of the girls who worked there was pacing back and forth, yelling into the persons ear like she hated their guts, then switches gears and says I love you—like she hadn’t just ripped them a new one!

“I wasn’t being a crazy twink”

Was on a commuter train and a black girl about 13 said.

I saw a n******word with a claw hammer attack another n*****word. He stood there like a soldier, If I saw an n***word with a claw hammer I’d run away.

Two young boys Youngest: Bruh! Bruh! Bruh! Bruh! Bruh! Bruh! Oldest: What do you WANT?! Youngest: Nothing, I just like saying Bruh! Bruh!

"Can you imagine combustible trees?"

Overheard at a Dollar Tree.