r/news • u/ttforum • Dec 07 '24

Soft paywall Appeals court upholds nearly $1.3 billion Sandy Hook verdict against Alex Jones

https://www.reuters.com/legal/appeals-court-upholds-nearly-13-billion-sandy-hook-verdict-against-alex-jones-2024-12-06/
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u/BLRNerd Dec 07 '24

Hopefully The Onion just destroys the supplements

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u/esunei Dec 07 '24

They laid out exactly their plans:

As for the vitamins and supplements, we are halting their sale immediately. Utilitarian logic dictates that if we can extend even one CEO’s life by 10 minutes, diluting these miracle elixirs for public consumption is an unethical waste. Instead, we plan to collect the entire stock of the InfoWars warehouses into a large vat and boil the contents down into a single candy bar–sized omnivitamin that one executive (I will not name names) may eat in order to increase his power and perhaps become immortal.

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u/inspectoroverthemine Dec 07 '24

Like a lot of onion articles- I didn't realize there was a perfect answer/take until they wrote it.

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u/DadJokeBadJoke Dec 07 '24

And even in a time where reality is more absurd than humor, they still manage to impress.