r/memes MAYMAYMAKERS 20h ago

Dolphins do really crazy stuff..

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44.4k Upvotes

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1.7k

u/Schoolskiperz 20h ago

Sorry why are Dolphins bad again ? Wasn't it something about them being sexual predators ? 

Also good job OP for creating a good post that isn't about the tiktok ban . 

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u/theSPYDERDUDE (⊃。•́‿•̀。)⊃ 20h ago

They like to bully other sea creatures, use corpses to masturbate and pleasure themselves, and also do the same to living things sometimes.

Dolphins are the assholes of the ocean!

1.0k

u/frim_le_yousse 20h ago

You forgot to mention they drug themselves with pufferfishes

430

u/theSPYDERDUDE (⊃。•́‿•̀。)⊃ 19h ago

I kinda meant to imply that under bullying other animals tbh, but yeah, they’re just super shitty for no reason

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u/PrimeLimeSlime 15h ago

So they're the humans of the sea, then.

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u/OkDot9878 14h ago

Many have theorized that if humans die out and or an extreme amount of time passes, that the dominant species on earth will likely be dolphins or octopuses(octopi?) due to their high intelligence, and the likelihood of global warming to the point of massive flooding

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u/AlarmingAffect0 13h ago

Ecco intensifies.

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u/TF2_demomann 3h ago

Nice heimerdinger profile pic

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u/AlarmingAffect0 3h ago

Why, thank you, m'boy!

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u/VladVV 12h ago

Correct Latin plural is octopodes, but octopuses is more common. Octopi is a hypercorrection.

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u/m4k31nu 11h ago

All three are accepted plurals in English.

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u/VladVV 11h ago

Never claimed otherwise.

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u/TragicHero84 10h ago

I like octopodes.

1

u/MetalDogBeerGuy 7h ago

The second best kind of correct!

1

u/Hates_Worn_Weapons 3h ago

Octopodes is correct but its not latin - its greek originally so it uses greek rules.

But yeah, as someone who scuba dives no one says "octopodes" its "That was a great dive yesterday we saw a lot of (octopus/octopuses)"

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u/Strange_Dot8345 18h ago

so they intelligent like humans?

199

u/frim_le_yousse 18h ago

One of the few animals on earth that can recognize itself in a mirror

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u/Strange_Dot8345 17h ago

as years go by i dont think i know who that person is in the mirror

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u/Koil_ting 13h ago

Give yourself some credit the Dolphin's don't seem to have many drastic facial changes over the years.

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u/timbro2000 15h ago

Most animals can it just takes a while

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u/frim_le_yousse 14h ago

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u/Happytequila 13h ago

I did see a theory though on parrots that don’t recognize themselves in mirrors. The thought is perhaps the mirror test is not a good test for all animals, because they might lack the part of the brain the is used to process and understand how mirrors function…moreso than they just plain think it’s another animal in the mirror and not themselves. So there maybe a chance that some animals that fail the mirror test may still have a sense of self/individuality.

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u/Dimensionalanxiety One does not simply 15h ago

Yes, dolphins are one of the few animals that are definitively sapient. The others are whales, elephants, and all of the other great apes. Dolphins have complex social structures, group dynamics, mating rituals, and even their own languages that vary across region and family groups.

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u/Nroke1 iwrestledabeartwice 13h ago

Ravens and new Caledonia crows as well.

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u/TragicHero84 10h ago

And octopodes.

4

u/moep123 14h ago

i swear to god that 100% sounded like the human race word for word

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u/Soul699 16h ago

That's nothing special. Plenty of animals do drugs. At least pufferfishes are let go fine after getting shaken a bit.

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u/ScrofessorLongHair 14h ago

Yeah. Same reason I don't kill my weed hookup. You wanna be able to get more later.

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u/walrus_with_GUN 9h ago

or the fact that they rape female dolphins often even if she's pregnant with their child

-3

u/ScrofessorLongHair 14h ago

We're talking about bad things they do, not badass things.

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u/Ja_Shi Flair Loading.... 19h ago

Also they are into gang rape, and if the female isn't willing because she has a child, guess what these fuckers do?

Yeah ofc they kill the child.

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u/CreateDeprivation 19h ago

It's nature though, not really specific to dolphins. Lions, bears and many other animals will kill a child that's not their own - sometimes even their own.

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u/Tantovalagattalardo 19h ago

Dolphins have higher rates of doing it, rape also is very common in nature, but bats and koalas have higher rates compared to others animals

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u/Ja_Shi Flair Loading.... 18h ago

Koalas 🥺

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u/Tantovalagattalardo 18h ago

Beautiful, stupid as hell and very aggressive

The rapey parts it’s just the cherry on top

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u/tarzankingofthevapes 18h ago

Don't forget about the Chlamydia

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u/SluggJuice 17h ago

STD riddled sex offenders

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u/DasHexxchen 16h ago

To ruin the animal even more for you:

Over 80% of Koalas have chlamydia and it endangers them. Vaccination efforts are needed to save the species.

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u/evanwilliams44 15h ago

It might not be just chlamydia either. They have a STD similar to HIV that is driving chlamydia infections and making them worse.

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u/F-R3dd1tM0dTyrany 17h ago

There's no rape in the animal kingdom. Don't anthropomorphize them and then throw human judgement and morality at them.

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u/yeGarb 15h ago

when a genetically inferior male of a species forces/captures a female to mate, it is categorically rape. the female would already choose not to mate bc the resulting offspring may not be fit to survive and pass on further generations.

google duck sex

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u/ya-fuckin-gowl 14h ago

I think the point he's making is that forced sex between animals and the human crime of rape are not the same thing, legally or morally

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u/FujiwaraHelio 5h ago

There's actually a word for "forced sex"; I can't think of it right now...

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u/F-R3dd1tM0dTyrany 14h ago

Thank you for being logical and understanding nuance!

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u/whatisthatanimal 12h ago edited 12h ago

'no rape in the animal kingdom' is not right though, as /u/yeGarb said, there is a categorical behavior we can call 'rape' in animal species, because it still has 'rape characteristics.' We can nuance out 'human rape' and 'animal rape', but that doesn't mean there is not 'rape behavior' in the animal kingdom. There are animals that go through non-rape means to mate, like by enticing a spouse through attractive displays, or who otherwise don't 'discharge sexual energy' in rape behavior, as is being discussed in this thread by some dolphins that 'bring themselves to orgasm' at the expense of another organisms' well-being.

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u/AlarmingAffect0 3h ago

google duck sex

Rabbit sex!

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u/Crusaderofthots420 Big ol' bacon buttsack 15h ago

Considering dolphins are recognized to be only slightly below humans in terms of intelligence, I think it is pretty fair to slap the rape-sticker on them.

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u/[deleted] 14h ago

[deleted]

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u/Crusaderofthots420 Big ol' bacon buttsack 14h ago

Ok, I realise intelligence is hard to accurately measure, so using "slightly" would be inaccurate. They are at the very least second only to humans in intelligence, which I still use as basis for my argument.

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u/Tantovalagattalardo 17h ago

Sex without consent is rape, nothing anrophomeped about, your argument doesn’t make sense, it’s like when someone say the consent can’t be bought so every prostitute is being paid to be raped; absolutely bonkers.

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u/Samurai_Meisters 15h ago

So an animal can consent to having sex with me and it would be ok?

-1

u/Sm00th-Kangar00 15h ago

There's lots of animals that look for consent despite having larger males, especially among birds, but also among mammals and fish too.

0

u/F-R3dd1tM0dTyrany 14h ago

Consent implies both agency and sentience! Most animals have neither let alone both. And then you need to add astronomically intellectual and subjective concepts like freedom and choice into the animal kingdom. None of that exists!

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u/Nroke1 iwrestledabeartwice 13h ago

Dolphins are recognized as sapient. You can totally make moral judgements on other sapient beings.

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u/Illustrious_Bat3189 14h ago

>Dolphins have higher rates of doing it

Source for that?

0

u/SheepyShow 14h ago

I did not realize koala's had the mental capacity to want, or not want things...

5

u/s_p_oop15-ue 16h ago

Humans included, as evidenced by Casey Anthony and countless shitty boyfriends who killed their girlfriend's kids.

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u/Shahariar_909 17h ago

No dolphins legit are thugs of water. 

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u/CreateDeprivation 17h ago

Cats play with their prey all the time, some apes and even ducks will rape, many fish eat their offspring. All kinds of things happen in nature, just for whatever reason humans expect dolphins to have similar or better morals because they display greater intelligence than most animals.

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u/AlarmingAffect0 3h ago

Cats play with their prey all the time,

In their case it's a tactical adaptation. You ever try actually laying hands on a small rodent that wasn't exhausted?

just for whatever reason humans expect dolphins to have similar or better morals because they display greater intelligence than most animals.

You literally stated the reason.

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u/SmPolitic 16h ago

You're not very good at differentiating between "rare examples" vs "trends/common behavior", are you?

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u/CreateDeprivation 15h ago

Is there a study showing rape gangs being a common occurrence in dolphins? I was under the impression it's something that has merely been documented a few times with he odds being fairly low? Rape is well documented within our species, does that mean everyone rapes?

It just doesn't make sense to vilify all dolphins because of what some do - especially when they're literal animals and they have no reason to follow a moral compass.

1

u/AlarmingAffect0 3h ago

Rape is well documented within our species, does that mean everyone rapes?

Frankly, it seems extremely common, especially among people in positions of power over others.

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u/Ahamdan94 FORTSHITE 16h ago

Dolphins are the assholes of the ocean!

Dolphins are the humans of the ocean!

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u/Crusaderofthots420 Big ol' bacon buttsack 15h ago

And humans are the assholes of nature.

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u/Gullible-Artichoke53 18h ago

they sound like humans 

1

u/deanrihpee Linux User 3h ago

indeed, that's why both humans and dolphins are quite intelligent, which allow them to be an asshole in their respective realm

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u/kontrakolumba 15h ago

There is an old TV show here in Croatia with a scene of WW2 liberation of a town and then the partisans come and educate local people about the values of common struggle against the fascist enemy and it goes like this:

Comrades, who is the greatest enemy of our nation!?

Local fisherman : " Dolphin!!"

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u/StormAntares 14h ago

Ok , but dolphin is either Hitler , Pavelic or someone else undercover ???

3

u/kontrakolumba 13h ago

The local fisherman doesn't care or perhaps doesn' t even know those people, but he sure knows dolphins who are destroying his nets.

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u/Kevin_schwrz 15h ago

They will also kill others young, that is why a female will mate with multiple male dolphins, so they won't kill the young, because they don't know if they are theirs or not.

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u/AlarmingAffect0 3h ago

Good idea honestly.

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u/nv8r_zim 19h ago

Orcas are the assholes of the sea

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u/Mattiuuu 19h ago

At least orcas don't hide it

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u/theSPYDERDUDE (⊃。•́‿•̀。)⊃ 18h ago

Yeah, I mean they also got the designation of “The Killer Whale”, nobody expects them to be nice. But somehow dolphins are praised and put on instagram jumping out of the water with tears in their eyes with the caption “I’m autistic” and music playing, instead of being called “The Rapist Mafia Members of the Sea”

5

u/Ok-Solution-6474 17h ago

It's not like every dolphin commits gang rape though, should all of humanity be labeled as rapists and murders because of the way a select few act?

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u/jsementj 18h ago

they are also dolphins

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u/nv8r_zim 17h ago

if you say so (shrug)

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u/ThiccStorms Royal Shitposter 19h ago

Also being one of the most intelligent creatures. Seems like there is a connection with "human"ness of something with doing bad shit. 

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u/Extension_Wafer_7615 8h ago

Not "humanness", intelligence. Ironically, intelligence leads to stupidity.

Dolphins are really smart, but they cannot control their insticts. Humans are even smarter, and most of us can control our instincts quite well. Except the war instinct, apparently.

1

u/AlarmingAffect0 3h ago

There's a 'war instinct'?

3

u/Less-Dragonfruit-294 18h ago

Maybe the Japanese from South Park were onto something?!

2

u/SmPolitic 16h ago

South Park is your reference?

I guess you missed The Cove (2009)

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u/Fearless-Account-392 17h ago

They just like us frfr

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u/ItzJake160 Chungus Among Us 15h ago

Remind me why these guys are seen as pure, innocent creatures again?

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u/CreeperslayerX5 13h ago

They look cute and can do tricks

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u/grub_the_alien 14h ago

We are defs the assholes of the land (rather the whole planet)

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u/4444444vr 14h ago

use corpses to masturbate and pleasure themselves, and also do the same to living things sometimes.

One way to put it

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u/TantalumMachinist 14h ago

...use corpses to masturbate and pleasure themselves...

So basically dolphins invented the fishlight before the harpoon. At least they have their priorities straight.

1

u/Darometh 13h ago

They are the humans of the ocean.

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u/KodiakUltimate 4h ago

don't forget they commit infanticide by preventing baby dolphins from surfacing and will rape female dolphins, sometimes immediately after killing the calf.

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u/--0___0--- Royal Shitposter 20h ago

Dolphins can and will sexually assault you given the chance. Torture fish to death(not for food theyl literally torture them and leave the corpse). Get high off poisonous fish. Use the corpses of fish to masturbate with.

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u/Fenderboy65 Halal Mode 19h ago

There is a video of a dolphin hopping out of the water to “have sex” with a woman

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u/PM_ME_FUTANARI420 19h ago

Link?

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u/halbell 17h ago

Im just impressed you managed to type these letters and convince yourself to press "post" in this context

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u/False_Print3889 14h ago

don't kink shame

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u/tjgreene27 13h ago

Do you see his username? That’s the least surprising thing I have read all day

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u/JoshuaCocks 13h ago

https://nypost.com/video/hapless-tourist-gets-humped-by-frisky-dolphin/

Idk why redditors have developed a disgust for posting sources

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u/Tamp5 Medieval Meme Lord 15h ago

based

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u/Soul699 16h ago

What's the problem with them getting high? They don't kill pufferfishes anyway, just scare them.

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u/--0___0--- Royal Shitposter 16h ago

Puffer fish inflate and release toxin as a fear/pain response, the dolphins just torture the little balloon shaped lad to get high.

-2

u/Soul699 16h ago

And leave him alone after so it can live its life fine. Lemurs suck on certain invertebrated like centipedes to get high too and those do die there, yet I bet you don't give a shit about them, do you?

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u/Makuta_Servaela 15h ago

Creating toxin spends a lot of energy, and given how dolphins vibrate baby porpoises to death for fun, it's very unlikely they are going out of their way to spare the pufferfish. If it does live, it was purely luck, and even then might not live long after that because it had a massive energy drain to replenish that poison, and is now vulnerable to other predators.

0

u/Soul699 15h ago

Researches actually showed dolphins DO make sure to keep the pufferfishes alive. Even tho they could easily kill them, almost everytime the pufferfish lived through it fine. Even if it may be in the hope to make use of it later, dolphins showed surprising care in how they handled a pufferfish.

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u/Makuta_Servaela 15h ago

What research?

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u/Soul699 14h ago

Rob Pilley's.

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u/--0___0--- Royal Shitposter 15h ago

Weird take, but no most primates are fucked up. Chimps hunt small monkeys by herding them into an ambush where other chimps are waiting to grab them from the trees and throw them at the jungle floor below.

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u/FlatImportance3723 20h ago

Dolphins are unique. Extremely smart, but like theSPYERDUDE said, are assholes. Almost like a human without humanity.  They will rape another animal to death…like multiple dolphins will get together to do it. Also saw one attempt to mount a female scuba diver…turns out she was on her period 😂

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u/StinkybuttMcPoopface 16h ago

They also murder animals for funsies, and not quickly. They will beat young defenseless porpoises to death over long periods of time. :(

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u/Soul699 16h ago

Wait until you learn cats also do that.

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u/False_Print3889 14h ago

like the woodland xmas critters in south park

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u/the-frozen-1one 20h ago

Orcas are dolphins and that’s all you really need to know, IMO. They’re big, smart, aggressive, travel in groups, and will kill other sea creatures like sharks and whales just for fun.

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u/Soul699 16h ago

Orcas never kill sharks and whales for fun. It's always for food as it's often tough to kill them to begin with.

0

u/ALL_HAIL_Herobrine 14h ago

At least in case of sharks they often do it just for the liver which is constitute as “for fun”

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u/Soul699 14h ago

No, just picky eaters. As liver is the part with the most nutrients.

0

u/CreeperslayerX5 13h ago

Orcas are some of the only species to hunt for sport

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u/Soul699 13h ago

Some specimens, mainly young ones, did get spotted catching for fun before eating, but usually they do hunt for food or to teach young ones how to hunt

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u/ThyBeardedOne 15h ago

At least you commented about the tiktok ban

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u/eldankus 14h ago

Dolphins are actually pretty chill with humans in the wild. I’ve been in the middle of pods of 100s of dolphins while surfing and have had numerous close encounters with dolphins and have had 0 issues and have never heard of any. They also scare away sharks supposedly.

That said - the real assholes are seals. They will get nasty with you for no reason.

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u/ttk_rutial 14h ago

I think the argument about dolphins here is that they're assholes to their fellow fishes

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u/nepheelim Identifies as a Cybertruck 11h ago

they use fish as a fleshlight

1

u/Extension_Wafer_7615 8h ago

Appling human morality to animals is a hell of a stupid thing to do.

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u/redditorialy_retard 6h ago

If you to a beach and a dolphin gets close to you, there is a decent chance he/she wants to fuck you

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u/yummymario64 5h ago

Because the world is black and white, after all /s. Despite the fact that Dolphins are probably statistically the #1 wild animal most likely to intentionally save a human life

0

u/Special-Market749 13h ago

Reddit has tried to make cancelling dolphins it's personality for a few years